I said from the beginning that I wanted to take this journey well...to not focus on the outcome but on the daily walk. I can say that some days, I have done a really good job at that. The last week has not been one of those days.
Our house is showing almost daily. That sounds like a great thing...and ultimately it is. But when you consider there are 10 people living in our home with 4 of them being small humans, keeping a house show ready is exhausting! I found myself crying out to God to please just tell me when the house would sell! His response was epic! He was gentle. I could picture Him sitting on His throne in all his glory, shaking his head with a huge smile and a belly laugh while he said, "HollyAnn! I am not a crystal ball!" Ouch! But he didn't stop there! He went on to remind me that he is not a crystal ball because he is relational! He knows if he would just say on June 12, a couple will look at your house and offer you $xxxxx for it, that I would say thank you and then go about my days in my self-reliant and human nature way! I would check that off as "done!" and truck along. But that is not what God wants. He wants me trusting Him. He wants me resting in His promise. He wants me using those promises and those times with Him to war against the doubt and lies and hopelessness that the enemy uses to rob my joy in the journey. I know this journey is training ground!
So I have had the "I am not a crystal ball" rolling around in my head for a few days. But every day that goes without an offer is an arrow the enemy throws at my weak places. I had to take an unexpected trip back to West Texas this weekend. Everything about the trip was a disaster. I was standing on faith for another area, and again, it didn't work as I had thought or prayed it would. Discouraged didn't even begin to describe my state of being. I was desperately trying to hold to Truths....desperately trying to not waiver or be double minded. And yet, I could feel the water from the waves of the storm I was riding starting to come into the boat....
On the plane ride home, I put on my headphones, cranked up the worship music and cried out to God! I love flying! While I know it is super silly and theologically unsound, I just feel closer to God in a plane! I love looking down on the earth below and imagining what God sees yet He singles me out of ALL of that and speaks so clearly and personally. It really makes a gal feel special! Yesterday was no different. As I looked down on all the landscape and thought about our house as well as the situation I had just left, God pointed out this section of trees. It looks like a path had been cut through the trees. God began to speak about the path and our journey of faith. You see if I was at that first bend in the path, I would not be able to see the end because of the curves and turns in the path as well as the trees blocking my view. Even if I had been told that end is there and it is 2.7 miles from you, I would not know where exactly the end was because of the turns and twists in the path. I would need the clear path to direct me. God reminded me that He is the cleared path! Just like I can look down and see the entire path from the plane, He can see my journey just the same! But a person standing at the first curve of the path would not be able to see what I see and might doubt whether the path really had an end or not. He reminded me that my time with him each morning would be what would show me where to step...and as I took that step, a new section of the cleared path would be visible just as it would be for a person walking this path I was looking at. But they would have to trust that by following the cleared sections, they would get where they wanted to go. And I would have to do the same with God!Then He had one more nugget of truth for me in the path. Don't stop! If a person were to get frustrated at the first or second or third turn because they couldn't see the end yet, and they sat down in their frustration, they would never reach the end! God knew in my heart I was sitting down on our journey. I was weary and tired and just wanted to be at the end. So I sat down. He gave me that gentle nudge to get back on my feet and keep walking because the end is there...just as clearly as I could see the end of the path I was looking at!
So I came home ready to keep the faith! I want to hold His hand and walk this journey trusting, listening and developing even more intimacy with the One who knows the end at the beginning as we journey through the turns! I want to come out on the other side of this closer to Him than when I started. So I am walking on, and He is teaching me much about myself as we walk!
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