For anyone who thinks I have it all together....

This is a post I have wanted to write for months....but for much of that time, I wouldn't have been able to collect the thoughts darting through my mind enough to communicate my point. Then fear kept me from writing it for awhile. However, I was reminded this week that the Word says we have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb AND the word of our testimony - I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I was either. Praise God! I was also encouraged to be transparent by two women of God - Lisa Terkeurst and my daughter CallieAnn - who shared their stories boldly, so I am sharing mine as well.

I don't share for sympathy or pity. I don't share to complain - although some of this will sound like toddler whininess I am sure! I share because twice in one week I had two different people say something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it! You are so put together!" Both times my immediate thought was, "If you only knew!" It wasn't that I was hiding things to put on a show. I wasn't sharing all that was going on because I was literally just trying to survive. I only share now because I truly desire to live a transparent life that glorifies my God. I share now because I have no doubt that I have friends who are walking the same path I was...and I want them to know they are NOT alone! I want them to know there is help. I want them to know they don't have to keep walking that path. For my fellow humans struggling with depression, you are not alone!

I woke up every morning with a heaviness and despair that would plague me util I went to bed that night. I would take about 30-45 minutes to talk myself out of bed - I still had to be mom and wife and adoption worker. I would go through the day trying my best to be everything everyone needed me to be. Then I would lay down to the only peace I had throughout the day - sleep.

I  am not sure when it started. I have battled this giant before in my life. I had pretty significant postpartum depression. I was actually in the process of weaning off the medicine when I found out I was pregnant with Journey. So for almost 4 years, I took medicine. When everything with Liberia happened, I battled depression again. It was different that time, though. I knew that was spiritual. I was able to battle back through spiritual warfare and get out of that pit that the enemy wanted to leave me in to kill my life's calling to be a voice and advocate for the orphaned. So I have personally know depression that is physical and depression that is spiritual.

One year ago, we heard God tell us to move. As we walked that out in obedience, we kept hearing that we were going to our Promised Land. How is depression part of my promised land? In short, it's not!

The actual move was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life...the loan for the people buying our house fell through, we were already packed with movers coming in less than a week! We helped them get another loan through a friend, but that set all the timelines off. So the first day of school, we moved into John's parents house for a week while the entire contents of our home was moved in to the garage of our new house. We would then embark on a three month complete gut of our new home that would include moving into the home, moving out to John's parents, moving back into the home, moving all 10 of us into the living room, moving back into John's parents, then moving into just the upstairs before finally being able to move everyone to their bedrooms and our living room furniture in! While doing this we had two kids start a new daycare, one kid start homeschooling, five kids start new schools, one of whom had such severe anxiety that I was making one to two trips a day to the school to help calm this one, one kid had an emergency appendectomy and one kid with a week long hospital stay that included another three weeks of maintenance care to ensure all meds were working and all was well. And that was just in the first 5 weeks of the remodel!

I knew I was stressed. I knew there were moments when it felt like I almost had to leave my body (not literally - but that's the only way I can explain with words the feeling I had of how much I had to disconnect on a daily bases emotionally to simply make it through the day without losing "it" - not really sure what "it" was, but I certainly feared losing it!) - so I felt like I had to leave my body to work in the circumstances I found myself in while also trying to meet the needs of all those dependent on me to be the emotional anchor as we made the move. I knew things were worse than I cared to admit when I started noticing that when my phone would ring with John's ringtone, my heart would start racing, and I would start to sweat. I was having panic attacks, but had no idea that's what they were. I just knew I had to hold "it" together - and part of that "it" was my family! But even though I knew things were tough and I wasn't handling it as well as I wanted to, I felt like much of it was circumstantial. I would tell myself, "I know it's bad, but when we get done moving, it will be ok." But then another crisis or stressor would enter my world. Again, I would say, "I know it's bad, but when we get through football, it will be better." And on and on....

I finally made the call to get on medication when twice I stressed out enough over circumstances that I had to call John to intervene. I knew I had made the right decision when one week after going on medication, for the first time in nearly 20 years of marriage, I had to tell John he couldn't travel for a work trip because I could not take care of things at home alone. I had reached the point where getting out of bed and doing my job was the most I had in me. One of the wake-up calls came when out of the blue, one of my younger kids asked, "Mom, do you like being a mother?!" I knew then something had to change...

For those who know me, they know this we the bottom of defeat for me. I am a strong woman - remember, everyone looks at me and says, "How do you do all that?" But the tower had crumbed. I was worn out. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. And also spiritually. My blood pressure which as been low all my life shot up to near stroke levels. Something in my body was definitely not ok.

I know there is stigma about medicine for depression at times, but I am here to tell you, when your body chemistry is off because of constant stress or other factors, medicine may just be needed! I love what Kris Vallatton says all the time about spiritual warfare and depression. He talks of the time that he had a breakdown and how he had to take medicine for a time to get his mind to where it needed to be to even be able to fight what needed to be fought on the spiritual side. That was exactly where I was!

I have been on medicine for almost 2 months now. It has helped me drastically - but as we all know there is no pill to fix everything! God is teaching me a new and deeper dependence on Him as I walk out of this valley of death. I have learned attributes of God's character in this pit that I would not have learned on a mountain top! Do I think God made me depressed?! Absolutely not! My God is a faithful, loving, gracious Father who wants me whole - mind, body and soul! But He did allow it - and He will use it for His glory and to shape and mold me into more of His reflection. He has taught me to fight on a new level on the spiritual battlefield. I still have days when the anxiety overtakes me. But I am able to fight back. The enemy wants to steal my joy - to steal the plans God has for me. My job is to stay plugged into the Source of Joy, Life, and Love so that I can fight back on the days the medicine isn't enough to overcome the circumstances that push in and threaten to take me under. Those are the days I have to fight even harder to keep my eyes on Jesus so I don't sink! Those are the days I have to remind myself many times a day - sometimes many times an hour- that my God is bigger than ANY problem I face! And I have good news for you too! He is bigger than any problem YOU face also! Greater is He that is in me (and you if you have accepted Him as your Lord) than he that is in the world! I've read the end of the book - We Win! Someone needs to hear that! You are not alone! And you WILL overcome if you will connect with the One whose blood shed for our sins overcame the power of darkness in this world, and will share your testimony! Reach out to someone close to you! Don't let satan shame you with what he gave you! Find a friend to confide in - and allow them to walk with you - right. out. of. the. valley!

You are not alone.....

Our Ava...we have another diagnosis

It’s been over a month now, but still, it seems surreal. It still has not quite sunk in.

We completed a neuropsychological evaluation with Ava. We were hoping to gain more information on how to best help her be the best she can be. Much of what we learned we already knew. Some of what we learned was new information. And some of what we learned we knew, but we had been trying not to know.

The official diagnosis we have currently is Borderline Intellectual Functioning, but only because our Neuropsychologist is a “purist” – her words, not mine – and felt there were some scores in the functioning range that kept her form giving the Intellectually Disabled Diagnosis. She did note in her report as well as in our consult that she expects Ava’s scores to dip in the next few years as she gets older which means the ultimate diagnosis it Intellectually Disabled.

Borderline Intellectual Functioning

Intellectually Disabled

It really didn’t matter; the news was the same. We heard from someone’s mouth for the first time that they did not expect that Ava will ever be able to live on her own without support. And we were warned with what we have already known – we will have to protect Ava fiercely from those who might want to take advantage of her. We sat and talked about things that no mother of a 10 year old should ever have to think much less devise a plan.

I can’t say that we were totally blind sided. We knew it was a possibility. But hearing it. Seeing it in black and white. It took away our last bit of hope. Don’t get me wrong, with Jesus we always have Hope! It wasn’t that Hope that we lost. It was the hope that the things we saw were just delays. It was the hope that we would go in and they would tell us “It’s all going to be ok.” It was the hope that they would say, “She may have some delays, but she will function on an independent level at some point.” Those were the hopes that were gone.

I wanted to write about it then…when it happened. But I knew I would short circuit my computer with the tears that refused to be contained. I would hold it together until the last child was dropped off for school. Then the damn would break and the tears would flow. I would cry until I didn’t think I could cry anymore….then it would start again. I would text John because I couldn’t call. He would never have been able to understand what I was trying to blubber. I would pull myself together before everyone came home…then start it all over the next day. That went on for about a week.

I struggled with struggling. I mean, anyone who knows Ava loves her! We couldn’t ask for a more wonderful daughter…how could I be so sad? There were some days that it was just a totally selfish grief that overwhelmed me. The thought that I will never be an empty nester. I mean we already knew we would be ancient by the time we got the kids raised, but there was that hope of 10 good years after that to travel, do missions, REST! But the new news meant I will never be able to go on a vacation without making sure someone is watching our Ava. I told you it was selfish….but it’s real.

I have settled in my innermost being that God is good. We have been through enough in our family that battle is won and settled. So I didn’t get angry at God. But I did wrestle some more with the fact that her disorder is in her DNA! It IS how she was knit together in my womb by God almighty! It means that how she is now is her fearfully and wonderfully made. It means that how she is now includes ALL she needs for the plans and purposes God has for her. So can I even pray for healing? Should I pray for healing? Does she need healing? I haven’t settled those yet.

I have two friends who have always inspired me on their special needs parenting journeys. I had no idea God had been preparing me for the journey myself…still sounds weird…special needs parent. One of these friends shared a post a couple weeks ago that summed up all I had been feeling perfectly! She called it “special needs parent grief”. She is WAY further down this path than me, and her daughter has challenges that require much more of her as a mom than my daughter ever will me – so to compare would be insane. But she spoke of how it hits you when you least expect it. We were in the van and everyone was talking about what they wanted to be. I hear Ava’s sweet voice blurt out, “I am going to be a doctor!” Before I even know it the tears are spilling over onto my cheeks, and I have to feign something in my eye to not upset the kids who notice the water works.

Then the Sunday after we got the news, I was bawling my way through worship. I look over where the kids stand, and I see this…

Ava fully engaged in worship! Eyes closed, hands open ready to receive, fully basking in the Glory of her Heavenly Father. And in that moment the first sense of peace I had since the news. I have no idea what Ava’s future holds, but as we have always said, I know Who holds her future! I have no idea what it means for me as a mother, but I know the One who promises to provide me with ALL I need to do ALL He has given me…and He gave me Ava!

Then at a night of worship we had, our youth pastor gave an amazing Word that he received for Ava. He shared how he saw her dancing in a field of flowers GRACEFULLY! That means the jerky motions are gone. The instability is gone. The dystonia is gone! Pastor Ben said he believes we will see her dance that way in the physical, that it was not just a spiritual grace!

So God continues to be faithful. He continues to provide encouragement and give us His Hope for our Ava….His Ava!

Now I have to have that conversation with myself several times a day some days….and some days I just get stuck in the sadness of it all. We are still working through it all. But one thing that has never changed….I am blessed to be that little girls mom! I am ready for many more adventures with Ava!

Are we protecting ourselves out of obedience?

CallieAnn, my 17 year old daughter, and I were driving to the Celebration of Life service for the mother of one of CallieAnn's friends. This isn't just "some" friend, but one of her closest friends. She is one of the ones that spent enough time at our house that I consider her an honorary daughter and not just a friend of CallieAnn's. CallieAnn was making fun of me as I bawled as I drove because she had just played the new Ed Sheeran song Supermarket Flowers. If you haven't hear it, go listen! But grab the kleenex first!

It got quiet as we both reflect on where we were headed. Than CallieAnn said, "You know, we sure have had a lot of tragedy in our family!" I kind of glanced at her and said, "No, we really haven't had much tragedy at all." I mean we haven't loss many people. John's and my grandparents are really the only deaths we have faced, and they died when most of our children were not yet born and those who had been were young. But as CallieAnn clarified what she meant, I realized it wasn't tragedy that she was talking about, but trauma. We haven't had a lot of tragedy, but we have had more than our fair share of trauma...chaos.

And her next question was, "Why?" And immediately I knew the answer was obedience.

We talked for a few minutes about how we have chosen a life of obedience that has meant life was not comfortable. It really made me think about how we truly have said yes to God in so many ways that meant some sort of trauma entered out home. It has changed my children. It has exposed them to things that I know many work to shelter their children from. I have struggled from time to time knowing that our choices have brought heartache and trauma to our children that they would have avoided had we just chosen the safe path versus the obedient path.

I see so many articles on social media by well-meaning Christians warning about the "dangers" of this and the "dangers" of that. But every time I read one of those I have to ask myself, are we as Christians, charged with protecting our families? Are we supposed to view our life experiences through a lense of protection? I really don't see that to be the example we were left with in how Christ walked out His life.

He walked with the ones no one else would walk with! His followers were imprisoned for the obedience they chose. CallieAnn's question just made me ponder if in America we have chosen to value comfort over obedience. When I meet Jesus face to face, I want to be hear that I said yes when He asked not that I chose the safe path...even if it means life is not comfortable.

God's Timing: A Lesson from a Tree

This is my favorite tree on our property. I was walking past it a couple weeks ago and saw that it had budded out. My immediate reaction was, "Oh no!!! It has budded too soon! We will have another freeze, and it will lose all these buds!" I would be extremely sad if this tree wasn't able to leaf out. As I stood contemplating the fate of my tree for this season, God whispered, "Timing is important! If you bloom too soon, the frost will get your buds." I think I laughed out loud! God knows how much I struggle with His timing, and like the good Father He is, He was taking advantage of this teachable moment.

We are on the verge of one of the largest growths in the agency we have had since we created it 12 years ago. How many times over the 12 years have I wondered if anything would really come of the agency? How many times did I wish it was "bigger" because I felt like what I was doing was insignificant or worthless? All of those moments came flashing back as times I thought I was ready to bust out my blooms, but God knew if I were to do that, a freeze was waiting to take it all away!

I smiled, thankful for the gentle reminder of the lesson of waiting on God's timing that I had learned from those experiences. I started to walk off. Silly me! I have walked with God long enough to know, if He started this conversation, there was problem more than just a fun reminiscing of lessons learned. There was a Truth for today.

Just a few days earlier, a friend had shared a prophecy warning of holding an umbrella over dry, cracked ground that was thirsty for the rain God was sending. The message was to allow the rain that God was sending to saturate the dry ground. I had been tossing that around praying through what it meant. As I started to walk off from the tree, God brought some clarity. He reminded me that blooming before I was ready was not the only timing issue I had to trust Him with. As I glanced over to Jim, our horse standing just a few feet behind the tree that had become my object lesson for the day, that small voice whispered again. "Not only do you not need to bloom too soon, but you also don't need to pull back on the reigns when I send the vision into full motion!" Ouch! I would have been just find to look back on those memories of wanting more but learning to trust Him to bring it in His timing. But no, God had to go and remind me that I was afraid of the things He had shown me needed to be happening because I just did not see how it would work.

We are in one of the craziest seasons of our lives! We are still trying to crawl out from under the crazy moving/remodel experience of this summer. We still don't have all the remodel completed (lack a few things in the kitchen and an entire bathroom), we still have boxes to unpack, systems to get into place, and some painting to do. The agency has become busier than it has ever been all while our children's needs are at a place where they need us advocating, and loving, and connecting and providing for them more than we ever have. John's job is also going through some transition that is pulling him in different directions and brings more stress and demands. Then my parents had a serious car accident last week, and I saw my daughter and oldest grandson for the first time in three years, and met my youngest grandson for the first time ever! It seriously could not be a busier, more demanding, emotionally exhausting season of life. So I find myself pulling back on the reigns of the things God is saying to let run, NOW! I find myself throwing up an umbrella afraid of the rain that is falling.

The buds have grown out more now. I can see them from my windows. We haven't had a hard freeze since they started coming out, but I suspect we will. I do not really know what it will do to the tree for this season. But every time I catch a glimpse of a bud, I smile because I hear that small voice saying, "Do you see how big that tree is?! What is happening in this season will be another ring. Another year of growth. Another layer of strong bark turned to an inner ring. Don't stop by just looking at the buds...look at what I have done over years and years. Trust me with your season! It's just one piece of the puzzle I am working in your life to build and mold and shape you into who I have called you to be! Listen. Trust. Obey. Then leave the rest up to me!"

Foster Care Redesign: A Call To Action

Yesterday I posted my testimony that was given to the Senate Health and Human Services Committee regarding Senate Bill 11. Senators Schwertner, Uresti and Nelson are the authors of the bill. I have spoke to staffers in all of these Senators' offices. But we need MORE voices! The only voices being heard right now with regard to Foster Care Redesign and further privatization are the ones who profit from it or who need to "save face" because they helped design it! There are amazing Senators on the HHSC who truly have a heart to do what is best for children. They need to hear us! We are the only ones who can speak up for the kids! 

This is a complex issue that I am going to attempt to make into bullet points that are easy for you to communicate to your Senator and Representative. If you do not know who your Senator or Representative is, go here to find out! In addition to your Senator or Representative, please contact those Senators who are on the HHSC! They are: 
Senator Charles Schwetner (Committee Chair) (512) 463-0105
Senator Carlos Uresti (Committee Vice Chair) (512) 463-0119 
Senator Dawn Buckingham (512) 463-0124
Senator Konni Burton (Senator for the current Redesign Area) (512) 463-0110 
Senator Lois Kolkhorst  (512) 463-0118 (If Senator Kolkhorst is your Senator, you should be very proud! She has a true heart for children and appears in the hearings to be seeking real solutions for positive outcomes for all children!)
Senator Borris Miles (512) 463-0113
Senator Charles Perry (512) 463-0128 (Senator Perry also shows a genuine concern for the outcomes for all children! You have a great child advocate in your Senator if Perry represents you!)
Senator Van Taylor (512) 463-0108
Senator Kirk Watson (512) 463-0114 (Senator Watson is new to this committee, but he was very involved in the hearing and seeking an understanding of the real issues and the best solutions for children! His office also expressed a desire to see a pilot of the current system fully funded! Please call his office if you support funding CPS fully so that workers can do their job and let him know he has your support!)

When you call say:

"This is ___state you name___ my zip code is ____7XXXX___. I am calling to voice my concern over the privatization of DFPS rolls in Senate Bill 11 as well as the continued roll out of Foster Care Redesign. My concerns are:

• The private sector has already proven it does not have the capacity to serve the needs of Texas children in care.  
• Redesign limits the number of adoptive homes available to children who are legally free for adoption
• Redesign outcomes being reported do not accurately represent actual outcomes for some populations of children. 
• Families willing to adopt older children and large sibling groups are being denied placement
• Redesign is said to be the best model for children yet the roll out has missed deadline after deadline delaying the process of reform. A fact that does not address the immediate dire situation of our children in care as articulated by Judge Jack in the federal ruling. 
• Redesign is said to be the best model for children yet CPS workers in more than one region have been told speaking out against it will result in a loss of their jobs, and redesign contracts include a silencing clause.Why can those who know what is happening to children in redesign not speak out about it if it is good for children?
• Redesign creates a competition within areas of the state that results in poor outcomes for children in other areas of the state. Do we want a system that is best for some Texas children or all Texas children? 
• There needs to be an independent audit that ensures redesign is creating the actual outcomes that are best for all Texas children and families. 
•  Senate Bill 11 suggests several pilot programs for privatization of multiple CPS rolls. This would result in many DFPS employees losing their jobs.
• There should be a pilot program to fully fund a region from investigations through post placement to examine outcomes if the legacy system is given the needed resources to function with recommended case loads, maintain workforce, etc. Could it be that our current system will provide the desired outcomes for all Texas children if it is funded the way redesign is being funded? 

I have the same information below with some bullet points that expand on the concerns. If your Senator or Representative would like more details or needs more explanation to fully understand the issues with redesign and Senate Bill 11, I am happy to visit with them and provide more details, copy of emails, contracts, etc to back my concerns. They can reach me by calling Addy's Hope 432.897.1503.

• The private sector has already proven it does not have the capacity to serve the needs of Texas children in care.  
• The first redesign area failed completely when Providence withdrew their contract and left the children under their management in limbo as they moved back to CPS management.
• The current redesign area has been funded with $6 million dollars of private money. Money that cannot be guaranteed for all areas of Texas.  
• Redesign limits the number of adoptive homes available to children who are legally free for adoption
• For Example:  Agency B in Houston has 350 licensed adoptive homes. Agency B does not desire to contract with the SSCC in Catchment Area 3B because it is not lucrative for them to do so. Now children in 3B no longer have access to the 350 homes licensed by Agency B. This drastically reduces the odds of waiting children finding a forever home and increases the odds that they will age out of foster care.
• Redesign outcomes being reported do not necessarily accurately represent actual outcomes. 
• It is reported that adoption numbers are up in 3B. However, adoption agencies, CPS employees and CASA all report a decrease in matched adoptions as well as an increase in time it takes for the process to be completed when compared to the legacy system. When asked specifically about the number of matched adoptions being completed, we have been told those numbers do not exist.
• The numbers being reported for adoptions reflect the numbers of all adoptions including kinship as well as foster homes adopting children who become legally free. They do not accurately reflect the outcome for our older, harder to place children who are not being matched for adoption.
• Families willing to adopt older children and large sibling groups are being denied placements
• placement of a sibling group of 4 was denied placement under Providence in 2014
• placement of a 16 year old was attempted to be blocked until adoptive parents advocated on her behalf for placement
• both scenarios were due to a contract issue and could have moved forward under the legacy system without issue
• families licensed for adoption with agencies under redesign are waiting 12+ months to be matched. With many of them becoming frustrated with the system and stopping the process. Comparatively, families licensed to adopt in the legacy system are waiting 3-6 months to be matched.
• Redesign is said to be the best model for children yet the roll out has missed deadline after deadline delaying the process of reform. A fact that does not address the immediate dire situation of our children in care as articulated by Judge Jack in the federal ruling. 
• Redesign is said to be the best model for children yet CPS workers in more than one region have been told speaking out against it will result in a loss of their jobs, and a contract from the current redesign SSCC for an adoption agency contained a silencing clause. Why can those who know what is happening to children in redesign not speak out about it if it is good for children?
• Redesign creates a competition within areas of the state that results in poor outcomes for children around the redesign area. Do we want a system that is best for some Texas children or all Texas children? 
• a town hall meeting in 3b revealed the testimony of a foster mom who has an empty bed, but the CPS office 20 miles from her has a child sleeping on the floor. Because she was in 3b, and the child was not, the child had to remain on the floor and her bed remained empty. 
• There needs to be an independent audit that ensures redesign is creating the actual outcomes that are best for all Texas children and families. 
•  Senate Bill 11 suggests several pilot programs for privatization of multiple CPS rolls. This would result in many DFPS employees losing their jobs.
• There should be a pilot program to fully fund a region from investigations through post placement to see if with the needed resources the legacy system will provide the desired outcomes for all children and maintain the CPS workforce we need to secure to ensure the safety and well-being of Texas Children. 

THANK YOU for speaking up and being a voice for children! Please share with anyone who you know who has a concern for the current issues facing our children in state care!

Foster Care Redesign Is Not Working In Texas

I have had several people asking me about my testimony last week at the Senate Health and Human Services Committee. I ended up discarding my planned testimony to address the misinformation that had already been spoken in the hearing. I simply spoke to the Committee about my experience and the reality of the system for children. However, the Committee did receive this written testimony.

The hearing was actually over Senate Bill 11 which has Foster Care Redesign moving forward across the state, but even more alarming is that it wants to privatize even more rolls of CPS! If you know someone who works for CPS, you need to make sure they are aware of this Bill.  It would do away with their job with DFPS. This Bill is very alarming! I will be posting bullet points tomorrow that I would ask everyone to call their Senator and Representative to voice the concerns and challenge the misinformation being given.

This is what I presented to the Committee:

To:                   House Health and Human Services Committee Members

Background/Perspective:

I am a former foster parent, mother to 9 children (6 of whom are adopted), and executive director of an adopt only child placing agency. I have managed a contract with DFPS for adoption services for the past three and a half years. I attempted to secure a contract with Providence, and currently have a contract with OCOK. I have been a part of the adoption community for the past 15 years. I have a passion to empty the Texas foster system of children who are legally free for adoption, but remain in foster homes because of a lack of adoptive homes. I have a passion for recruiting, training, and supporting adoptive homes to ensure successful, life-long outcomes for our children who cannot return to their biological families.

Problems with Senate Bill 11

First, let me thank the committee for seeing the current state of our child welfare system and desiring a change. I commend you for that. However, upon reading the majority of Senate Bill 11, I am left with a sense of dread as it is clear that the issues with our system have been misdiagnosed. The issues that plague our current system and result in poor outcomes for children cannot be fixed with the continued roll out of Foster Care Redesign or the privatization of more case management services.

My concerns over privatization of any aspect of case management for our children as well as the continued roll out of redesign across the state come not from theory or unsubstantiated fear. My concerns come from my actual experience with redesign and the current philosophy that the competition of the free market will ensure better outcomes for children.

My first experience with redesign was in 2014 when Providence, the SSCC in the catchment area for regions 2 and 9 refused to discuss a contract with me as an adoption only provider. During my first phone call to Providence I was told “We would never stand in the way of children finding a home.” That changed over the course of my 6 week battle for a sibling group of 4 to be placed in one of my licensed adoptive homes. I had a contract with DFPS. I met all of their requirements. My licensed home was located in the same catchment area, but because the SSCC would lose money by placing the children in my licensed home the placement was denied. That is a decision that was driven completely by profit margin. The outcome for those four children was a sentence to languish in foster care for three more years. One child remains in CPS custody still today. The siblings who would have remained a unit, are no longer able to live in the same home. Did redesign fix the system for those children?

Providence withdrew their contract in the midst of my conversations with the HHSC as well as Kaysie Reinhardt the DFPS Foster Care Redesign Director. As I continued to work in Region 9, my agencies home region, to place waiting children in licensed adoptive homes through my DFPS contract, I would have to wait 6 months for a case file for a little girl and her brother so that one of my families could move forward with adopting them. When I inquired time and again why we were having to wait, it was stated that the overwhelming task of transferring cases back to CPS from Providence had left the department paralyzed. What we would learn later is that every Sunday of that 6 months, that little girl went up to the alter at her church and prayed for an adoptive family. She had an amazing foster family who did a wonderful job of beginning her healing process and preparing her for a forever family. However, week after week, the little girl expressed her feelings of rejection that no one wanted her as their forever daughter. The heart ache of trauma of this little girl was extended by 6 months because of the failed privatized system of foster care redesign. I am happy to report that once redesign was out of the way, the little girl’s prayers were answered. She and her brother are thriving in their adoptive home and have far exceeded anyone’s expectations of progress in the time they have been in their adoptive home. Redesign did not fix the system for these children. And the case turn over when Providence withdrew leaves the question, what will we do with massive case turnovers when a SSCC does not renew their contract if we continue the move to privatization. There is not a good answer. It is an inevitable occurrence that will once again leave Texas children vulnerable and unaccounted for.  We are simply exchanging the cancer that currently plagues our system for another.

This was not an isolated occurrence with Providence. In the January of 2016 I was contacted by CPS and asked if I had an adoptive home for the twin sister of a 16 year old I had placed a few months prior. The sister was now ready to be adopted, and her amazing CPS worker was attempting to find a home geographically close to her twin sister to facilitate regular contact between the twins. Again foster care redesign threatened to stop the placement of a 16 year old girl simply because of financial reasons. I have black and white emails where the SSCC worker was willing to let her remain in an RTC instead of working to place her in an adoptive home that was ready to take placement – and could have moved forward without any hesitancy in the legacy system. Thankfully the potential adoptive parents along with the adoptive parents of the twin sister already placed advocated for their daughters. With the help of Representative Brooks Landgraff and Matt Krause, we were able to secure a contract with OCOK in order to place this young lady in a home where she is currently thriving – maintaining regular contact with her twin sister. For this young lady, redesign was a huge step backwards. She has a bright future despite redesign.

I hear many sing the praises of foster care redesign. There are many goals of redesign that I support 100%. However, as a person working on the ground, I do not see those goals being obtained for the children of Texas. I hear reports that are given by the people with a vested interest – either an interest in financial gain or an interest in saving face that redesign is worth the tax payer dollars it has used. This leads me to one of the biggest concerns of child advocates with privatization. How do we ensure quality outcomes when profit margin is the driving force? I am perplexed when I speak to those at DFPS as well as some who serve on the PPP for redesign. They all state there are amazing outcomes from redesign. It leaves me wondering where is the disconnect between the theory of what should be happening in this privatized system and the reality of what is actually happening for our children in care. For example, everyone I speak to about my concerns with adoptions under redesign refers to the increased number of adoptions occurring in catchment area 3b.  Yet, I have a conversation with the CASA office in Johnson County telling me that they have not had any of their children placed in adoptive homes in months and are wondering why that would be. I personally have experienced an increased delay in the process of selecting children for adoptive homes under redesign. If I am working with a CPS worker directly in the selection process, it takes a matter of weeks. Twice I have had to enlist the assistance of Governor Abbott’s office to simply get a phone call or email returned to by OCOK letting me know if children are still available for adoption or if my family was selected. Yet the numbers say adoptions are increasing. When I asked Ms. Reinhardt to see the numbers for actual adoptive placements of children who are legally free for adoption and placed into matched adoptive homes, I was told that data was unavailable. The adoption numbers being reported include those where children were adopted by their foster family as well as kinship placements. These are amazing and highly desired outcomes for those children. However, the reporting of those numbers as “adoptive homes” gives an inaccurate representation of the outcomes for our harder to place children who are remaining in foster homes when they should be in permanent, adoptive homes. 

I would encourage those on the HHSC committee to talk to the people on the ground. Ask foster families and CPS workers if they see an improvement in our system under redesign. I have yet to speak to any CPS case manager or foster family who feels redesign is a good model. At a town hall meeting in catchment area 3b, foster family after foster family expressed concerns over lack of support and poor outcomes for children. One foster family stated that they had a bed available in their home that was 20 miles from a CPS office where an infant was having to stay at the office due to no “available” bed. This foster mother was a 3b home and was therefore not allowed to take placement of this baby sleeping in a CPS office. So while redesign may show that fewer children are sleeping in offices, what do the numbers of the regions around redesign say? Is anyone looking at the entire picture to see what creating a competitive market for children’s cases does overall to Texas children? I have a string of emails I will be happy to share that show a region 3b family reaching out to a CPS worker in another region about adopting a Texas child because she has had no movement on her case in months. The CPS worker has a child she would like to consider placing in their home after visiting with the family. However, the placement is not allowed to occur because the family is told that her agency will not release her home study for a placement of any child outside of 3b. This young man’s only other family being considered was in New York. I believe this is an unintended outcome of implementation of redesign. But is anyone looking at these unintended outcomes? Or are we just looking at the numbers in the catchment area and ignoring the negative outcomes for all other Texas children?

Based on my experience, I would have to say the latter. CPS workers have been told they cannot speak out against redesign, or they will lose their jobs. My initial contract with OCOK had a silencing clause in it. Had I signed the contract as it was originally sent to me, I would not be able to sit before you today exercising my right to speak up for children without the threat of legal action against me. This begs the question, if redesign is all the numbers say it is, why do we have to silence the people who know the actual outcomes for children?

I understand the concept of free-market supply and demand. In a consumer driven market, consumer choice drives the demand for quality. I am told that is what will maintain the quality of care for children under privatized systems like redesign. Yet, I know providers who are being paid less under their contracts with OCOK than they were under contracts with DFPS. When asked why that is, service providers are told that OCOK must recoup some of it’s cost somewhere. How is paying a middle man, in this case an SSCC, making the best use of the funds available to in fact provide quality service to our children? That fact alone defies the entire philosophy of creating a privatized system that will ensure quality care of our Texas children.  We already have a vast shortage of agencies willing to license families for adoption only due to the drastic profit loss when an agency moves a child from a foster placement to an adoptive placement. That shows that outcomes for children will in fact be affected by a system based on monetary incentives. How will we ensure biological families are protected, and every child who could be returned home will be when an organization would profit from the child remaining in care? You cannot afford to give large enough incentives to reunify a child compared to what an organization would earn for keeping the child in care.

We need not look to Florida or any other state to see if privatization of DFPS case management works. The private sector in Texas, of which my organization is part, has proven is does not have the capacity to manage the vast needs of our children in care. This is why Providence failed and why we have seen no other redesign roll outs despite deadlines that have come and gone for the next SSCC to take over.

Suggested Solution:

I believe if someone brings a complaint to the table, they should have a proposed solution as well. The sections of Senate Bill 11 suggesting we continue the roll out of foster care redesign as it is as well as begin to create privatization of other case management currently under the supervision of DFPS are simply exchanging one crisis for another.

I work with amazing people with DFPS who have a heart for children. They have a desire to do their job well so children have positive outcomes. However, they simply cannot do their jobs because of caseloads and supervisor turnover. We need to funnel all of our available funds into strengthening salary scales, and hiring more workers to make caseloads manageable. We need to have accountability on the local level and empower our regional offices to engage the community and take ownership of their outcomes for children. Harris County is giving us an amazing example of how this can work. Let us learn from their success and stop redesign roll out. We cannot simply exchange one cancer for another. We need real, proven, successful outcomes for our children. We must look at the facts of redesign as they apply to all Texas children and understand it has not truly created the outcomes it was in theory able to create. We cannot allow competition for outcomes and profits in one area of Texas by an individual organization keep children from another area of Texas from receiving quality care of permanence. We must not be divided in our efforts to help children, but come together united for all Texas children.

The question I leave with you is: if you want to continue the roll out of privatization of any case management of children where demand drives quality, what is the price tag for ensuring our children have the safety and future they deserve? I am quite certain it is a price you cannot afford. 

***After hearing some amazing people who have a heart of the children of Texas speak against Senate Bill 11 and all it's challenges, it became clear that there should be a pilot program that would fully fund one region of CPS from investigations all the way through post adopt programs. Lets fund the current CPS program with the money they are using to fund redesign and see if by chance what we have now will actually work when it is fully funded! Our children do not have time for us to get this wrong....and Foster Care Redesign is too costly and has already failed in one of two attempts! Our children cannot survive under those odds!