Confessions of a Large Family Mom

I hear all the time, "how do you do it?" Well, frankly, this week, I haven't! I haven't done "it" at all! I've managed to keep the house picked up and that's about it! I haven' t done all that needs to be done for my job...just bare minimums, I haven't discipled my children at all, and frankly, I haven't even really been all that nice. I'm tired and grumpy! Kind of already knew that, but was confirmed when Isabella told me early this week that she went to the counselor at school and asked her if it was normal for pregnant women to be grumpy and mean. Not exactly one of my prouder moments!

So I have tried to do some major self-reflection to see what is going on! I feel the depression creeping back and I am determined to not fall into that pit again!

Anyone who has been a Christian long knows that Bible study and prayer are key when you are trying to battle through anything! But I haven't been very good at that lately. Not because of time....yes, time is a valuable commodity around here, but you make time for what you think is important! I make the time when I'm not in my funk, so time can't be an excuse! The bottom line is, I don't want to. I'm throwing a tantrum for God...real mature, huh?!

Two reasons for not wanting to get in the Word. One, I'm afraid of what He will tell me. I'm not ready to be stretched anymore right now. And there is one particular direction I'm pretty sure God is telling me to go that I flat don't want to. The other is, I don't feel like I have the power or energy to change anything else right now. Of course no of those are true, but in the funk I'm in, they feel true. And being in the funk I'm in, the "feelings" control me instead of truth! Bad place to be!

Maybe there is a third reason....I'm tired of battle! Part of me thinks if I quit chasing after God so hard, maybe the enemy will leave me alone for awhile. Truth? He probably will....but then God will be after me, and rightly so! So all that brings me to where I am this morning...what am I going to do between This Rock and this hard place?

Well, I'm going to fight my way back to standing on The Rock and get out of the hard place! I have had two words spoken over me and God has shown scripture that shows exactly what He wants for me right now and it is victory! I have joined the Beth Moore Scripture Memory challenge for this year thanks to the challenge of a friend of mine. So I am memorizing two scriptures a month. This month, I am memorizing some from Joel 2 which was the Word spoken over me for this year. Verse 25 says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you." John and I have been married for 13 years. I would say the majority of that 13 years has been stolen by locust of one kind or another in one of us. Time and again, God has shown us that 2011 is the year to reclaim those years and see the fruit! That makes the enemy nervous and angry, and he is in full force.

I KNOW the truth! That is what frustrates me so badly! I KNOW that the enemy has no power over me that I don't hand to him! I KNOW that I am an over comer by the words of my testimony and the blood of the Lamb! But knowing it and walking in it seem to be two totally different things! So today has been a reflection of how to get that knowledge to my feet in order to walk!

I have a lot I need to get in order, but I see that the enemy uses our family size many times to drain me! And that is what God has been revealing today and even the weeks before today when I have found myself exhausted and snapping by 5:00 every day.

John and I love Parenting with Love and Logic. There are some areas of it that we have to tweek, especially parenting children from hard places, but the concepts are fabulous! I have noticed over the past few weeks, that we have slipped back into very bad old habits! Our kids have to be told EVERYTHING to do...including brush their hair in the case of the boys! We have been threatening to shave their heads (or at least cut it very short) if they don't start taking care of it. But have we followed through? NO! Instead, every morning, I find myself saying, "Have you brushed your hair?" numerous times and then waiting in the car while one of them runs back into the bathroom to brush his hair! Even the older girls have to be told EVERYTHING they are supposed to do. We have chore charts. No one looks at them! They just wait for John or I to tell them what to do! Well, by the end of the day when I have told 6 people plus myself what to do for every little step of their day, I am worn out! That's nuts!

I have said on her before that I am not an organized person. It really does not come naturally to me. I have begged with God recently to make me more organized and asked him why in the world He didn't give me more organization genes since He knew He was going to give me all these children. But the fact of the matter is, even the systems we have in place, we are not using! We are letting our children run our home and then we are all snappy and grippy!

So today, after school and homework, when John gets home, we are having a family Come to Jesus Meeting! It will start with John and I confessing the areas we have not been good parents. I think it is important to model proper failure (if there is such a thing) for your children! It is important for them to understand that even when you are not being successful you can stop, repent, and turn it around! And then we are laying down some hard and fast ground rules for chores and responsibilities around here. Mom and dad are done being drill sergeants! Its time for the responsibility for themselves to go back on the children where it belongs! And if they refuse to take the responsibility, well, then their life will become a little more miserable as they suffer natural consequences of not being able to handle responsibility. I'm doing being miserable because they can't handle responsibility!

Wish me luck...or better yet, say a prayer for us! And I will let you know how it goes! I'm off to write down some of the issues and brain storm from natural consequences!