When it comes to attacks and hardships, any of us experienceing conflict because of our beliefs or taking a stand...we are in good company! Listen to this!
"I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?" ~2 Corinthians 11:23b-29
And then my favorite part. Paul is sharing about the thorn in his flesh that keeps him humble. I never really realized that is the context with which he then states: "8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Hallelujah! As Beth Moore's daughter, Melissa, said in one of Beth's recent podcasts, "Bring it on! Bring it on!" The fire will bring refining! Through the insults, hardtimes and difficulties, Christ's power will dwell in me!
Oh how I love my God, my Heavenly Daddy who takes me straight to a scripture like this at 4 in the morning after the week I have had full of so many conflicts! His word is alive and active! He loves me so much that He brought me right to the scripture that He knew would remind me why the fires come....He is completing my perfection until the day of Christ's coming! Is it hard? YES! Do I whine a lot? YES! But do I love that my God is working on me? YES!!!!!
Refine me Lord! The fire is hot, and I am excited! For when I walk out on the other side, I will look more like You than I do today and that is what will bring You glory...my whole purpose for being on this earth! Praise You!
And now, I am going to try and get some sleep! Good night! ;0)
Friday, October 30, 2009
The ironies....
It is 3:08 am...been awake since 2:25...there are a couple of ironies here.
1) I deleted a comment on my post yesterday because the commenter said of my recent post on attacks that self-reflection might be needed in order to discover why I was being attacked. I looked to see who the person was (as the heart behind a comment such as that is pretty important), but the person does not have a public profile. I may very well know the person, but when making such a bold statement to someone who is being transparent, I believe the least you should be willing to share is your identity. I am assuming this person probably didn't mean the comment in quite the negative light that I took it, but after the day I had, deleting it felt good...so I did it! My blog, my prerogative, right? :) The irony is, if this person truly knew me, they would know that self-reflection is my middle name! I almost always (almost is the key word) look at myself first in a situation to see what I need to fix...almost to a fault! That doesn't mean I always fix it, sometimes I have to self reflect many times, but self reflection is a constant thing for me...hence the irony that I am awake at 3 o'clock...guess what I am doing...you got it! Self-reflecting on the day yesterday! :)
2) When overwhelmed with all that needs to be accomplished, I often make the statement, I'll squeeze that in between 2 and 5 in the morning...well, guess what..that's exactly what is occurring tonight!
I'm thinking a nap will be in order tomorrow! :)
1) I deleted a comment on my post yesterday because the commenter said of my recent post on attacks that self-reflection might be needed in order to discover why I was being attacked. I looked to see who the person was (as the heart behind a comment such as that is pretty important), but the person does not have a public profile. I may very well know the person, but when making such a bold statement to someone who is being transparent, I believe the least you should be willing to share is your identity. I am assuming this person probably didn't mean the comment in quite the negative light that I took it, but after the day I had, deleting it felt good...so I did it! My blog, my prerogative, right? :) The irony is, if this person truly knew me, they would know that self-reflection is my middle name! I almost always (almost is the key word) look at myself first in a situation to see what I need to fix...almost to a fault! That doesn't mean I always fix it, sometimes I have to self reflect many times, but self reflection is a constant thing for me...hence the irony that I am awake at 3 o'clock...guess what I am doing...you got it! Self-reflecting on the day yesterday! :)
2) When overwhelmed with all that needs to be accomplished, I often make the statement, I'll squeeze that in between 2 and 5 in the morning...well, guess what..that's exactly what is occurring tonight!
I'm thinking a nap will be in order tomorrow! :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Battles and Perspectives
Today is a rough day! This is Toben and Ava's last day at their current Mother's Day out program. They have many friends there and Toben has amazing teachers! Ms. Becca even cried when we told her we were leaving..touched my heart more than she can ever know! As an inter-racial family we get many responses and to have another person love my African son in that manner just makes my heart sing...and then break since I am moving him.
I have agonized and agonized over this decision. About the time I would think I am over reacting and I need to just let it drop, God puts a lesson in my inbox or in another lesson I am listening to about fighting. The post from the Proverbs 31 devotion is one example. Another is a Beth Moore Podcast that I listened to on a recent trip. She stressed over and over that at this time in Western Christianity, we need fighters! Her words were, "We are in desperate need of warriors, not whiners!" Then she repeated over and over, "We have to STEP UP! STEP UP!" A wrong was done at their Mother's Day out program. Two specific children with special needs were discriminated against, one was my daughter. The only choice given to me was to move my child (which I was informed would result in a speedy replacement for their program) or leave my job every time Ava needed her diaper changed. Could I do that? Yes, I could, but should I? I don't think so. Should I remove just Ava and let Toben stay? Why would I leave him in a program that seems to have no concern for children with needs or really in the development of a child. I was very sarcastically asked when the issue was being discussed with the director if I had found any program in Midland that would take a three year old who was not potty trained. In fact, I did! Four out of the five I spoke to did not require her to be potty trained (even without a medical condition) and one of them that did said they would make an allowance for her since she has a medical condition keeping her from being on target currently. And the more research I did, the more I found that no child development professional says that children who are not potty trained by 3 are behind! Most state that children will usually be trained between the ages of 2 and 4.
So am I doing the right thing? I wish I could say without a doubt that I am. I can't. But I do know that God needs more people to step up for what is right! So many of the things that I have had to step in and fight for would not have even occurred if the people before me had fought or even just informed others instead of laying down and taking the easy, less conflict path. Just a few of these are the halt on adoptions in Liberia and the agency we used to adopt Eden and Addy that resulted in a denied visa. Because of these experiences, God has placed with in me a willingness to fight a battle even when I may not see the positive outcome of the results, but those who come after me will. That is why I am doing what I am doing at the school.
The other thing I consider on this tough day is perspective. I was reminded that even my adoptive parents don't understand why I want to fight the Liberian government for the rights of the Liberian children and the oppressed people of Liberia. It's not that they don't know the problems. It is that they see a different perspective than I can see. Because of confidentiality among other things, they cannot know all that I know about the officials that I have been called by God to expose. They see their adoptions. The same is true with me and God.
In this little situation with my children and their school, I just see how it effects my kids. The easier road would be to leave them there. But what I don't see is the bigger picture that God sees. There may be a real reason He needs me to remove my children as a statement that intolerance of children with minor needs should not be tolerated, or a director not communicating expectations to parents is not a good way to run a program. I don't know. But I know that God has impressed on me that laying down and letting this incident go without notice is not ok.
So with a heavy heart that the actions of adults have caused my children heartache, I will pick them up today and take them to their new school on Tuesday.
Oh, AND this afternoon we meet with one of Callie's teachers who continues to refuse to follow policies set by the school or provide Callie with all the materials she needs to complete requirements.
Add on top of that my conviction (only mine...I don't judge those without the conviction and wish those without it wouldn't judge me...) to not participate in Halloween in any way on a day when the little kids are having costume parades, and I am beat up before my day even begins today. Well, that is not accurate! I have just had to use my armor a lot already this morning and have a few arrows stuck in my shield of faith and belt of truth where I fended off the attacks from the enemy saying that I should compromise just this once..its not a big deal to put them in some dress-up clothes...well, that would be true except God says NO! Weary of fighting? Me too!
But if I don't fight for my children, who will? As I put on my face book status when all this was coming to a head...this reminds me of the 143 million children who don't have parents fighting for them! And my heart breaks again!
I have agonized and agonized over this decision. About the time I would think I am over reacting and I need to just let it drop, God puts a lesson in my inbox or in another lesson I am listening to about fighting. The post from the Proverbs 31 devotion is one example. Another is a Beth Moore Podcast that I listened to on a recent trip. She stressed over and over that at this time in Western Christianity, we need fighters! Her words were, "We are in desperate need of warriors, not whiners!" Then she repeated over and over, "We have to STEP UP! STEP UP!" A wrong was done at their Mother's Day out program. Two specific children with special needs were discriminated against, one was my daughter. The only choice given to me was to move my child (which I was informed would result in a speedy replacement for their program) or leave my job every time Ava needed her diaper changed. Could I do that? Yes, I could, but should I? I don't think so. Should I remove just Ava and let Toben stay? Why would I leave him in a program that seems to have no concern for children with needs or really in the development of a child. I was very sarcastically asked when the issue was being discussed with the director if I had found any program in Midland that would take a three year old who was not potty trained. In fact, I did! Four out of the five I spoke to did not require her to be potty trained (even without a medical condition) and one of them that did said they would make an allowance for her since she has a medical condition keeping her from being on target currently. And the more research I did, the more I found that no child development professional says that children who are not potty trained by 3 are behind! Most state that children will usually be trained between the ages of 2 and 4.
So am I doing the right thing? I wish I could say without a doubt that I am. I can't. But I do know that God needs more people to step up for what is right! So many of the things that I have had to step in and fight for would not have even occurred if the people before me had fought or even just informed others instead of laying down and taking the easy, less conflict path. Just a few of these are the halt on adoptions in Liberia and the agency we used to adopt Eden and Addy that resulted in a denied visa. Because of these experiences, God has placed with in me a willingness to fight a battle even when I may not see the positive outcome of the results, but those who come after me will. That is why I am doing what I am doing at the school.
The other thing I consider on this tough day is perspective. I was reminded that even my adoptive parents don't understand why I want to fight the Liberian government for the rights of the Liberian children and the oppressed people of Liberia. It's not that they don't know the problems. It is that they see a different perspective than I can see. Because of confidentiality among other things, they cannot know all that I know about the officials that I have been called by God to expose. They see their adoptions. The same is true with me and God.
In this little situation with my children and their school, I just see how it effects my kids. The easier road would be to leave them there. But what I don't see is the bigger picture that God sees. There may be a real reason He needs me to remove my children as a statement that intolerance of children with minor needs should not be tolerated, or a director not communicating expectations to parents is not a good way to run a program. I don't know. But I know that God has impressed on me that laying down and letting this incident go without notice is not ok.
So with a heavy heart that the actions of adults have caused my children heartache, I will pick them up today and take them to their new school on Tuesday.
Oh, AND this afternoon we meet with one of Callie's teachers who continues to refuse to follow policies set by the school or provide Callie with all the materials she needs to complete requirements.
Add on top of that my conviction (only mine...I don't judge those without the conviction and wish those without it wouldn't judge me...) to not participate in Halloween in any way on a day when the little kids are having costume parades, and I am beat up before my day even begins today. Well, that is not accurate! I have just had to use my armor a lot already this morning and have a few arrows stuck in my shield of faith and belt of truth where I fended off the attacks from the enemy saying that I should compromise just this once..its not a big deal to put them in some dress-up clothes...well, that would be true except God says NO! Weary of fighting? Me too!
But if I don't fight for my children, who will? As I put on my face book status when all this was coming to a head...this reminds me of the 143 million children who don't have parents fighting for them! And my heart breaks again!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Fighting for what is right...
I receive the daily devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministry...they are wonderful! I would encourage you to subscribe! Today, the title was, "Raising Children with Moral Courage". I have been accused more than once of being too bold or too outspoken. I'm sure you find that astonishing! ha! But the older I get and the more I work in different circles, the more I am amazed at the lack of backbone I see in people. Few are willing to stick out their necks for what is right, especially if it means that they may receive ridicule for their stand.
The devotion said it this way and points to our children:
Although Jesus calls us to a life of forgiveness and compassion, even He didn't tolerate those who dishonored God's holy temple. With righteous indignation, Jesus turned over tables, and drove out money changers and those who were selling doves within the walls of the temple, accusing them of turning His father's house into "a den of robbers" (Mark 11:17). The Bible records many stories of men and women with moral courage. These individuals knew what was right, and were willing to take a stand in spite of their own fear. They weren't perfect, but the heroes of our faith saw injustice as more than a personal offense, they saw it as an offense against God.As it becomes easier to settle into a life of ambiguity, our children are finding it harder to summon moral outrage. Today a challenge is set before us as parents to raise, and to be, men and women who will stand for what is right. We live in a world that needs the touch of God through the hand of His people. We can't be bystanders and make a difference.As parents we can instill moral courage into our children by stepping out in faith to help someone else, in spite of inherent risks. You see, we can't learn moral courage from a book. We can only learn it by being brave once. Then doing it again.
Let's be brave today! Look for ways today that Christ is asking you to take a stand for the less fortunate or the bullied...as I saw the news story this morning of the 15 year old who was set on fire by his classmates, I realize that the world our children are growing up in is nothing like the world I grew up in, and they are going to need so much more courage than even we do to take a stand! So let's now wait another day to model this courage before our children!
The devotion said it this way and points to our children:
Although Jesus calls us to a life of forgiveness and compassion, even He didn't tolerate those who dishonored God's holy temple. With righteous indignation, Jesus turned over tables, and drove out money changers and those who were selling doves within the walls of the temple, accusing them of turning His father's house into "a den of robbers" (Mark 11:17). The Bible records many stories of men and women with moral courage. These individuals knew what was right, and were willing to take a stand in spite of their own fear. They weren't perfect, but the heroes of our faith saw injustice as more than a personal offense, they saw it as an offense against God.As it becomes easier to settle into a life of ambiguity, our children are finding it harder to summon moral outrage. Today a challenge is set before us as parents to raise, and to be, men and women who will stand for what is right. We live in a world that needs the touch of God through the hand of His people. We can't be bystanders and make a difference.As parents we can instill moral courage into our children by stepping out in faith to help someone else, in spite of inherent risks. You see, we can't learn moral courage from a book. We can only learn it by being brave once. Then doing it again.
Let's be brave today! Look for ways today that Christ is asking you to take a stand for the less fortunate or the bullied...as I saw the news story this morning of the 15 year old who was set on fire by his classmates, I realize that the world our children are growing up in is nothing like the world I grew up in, and they are going to need so much more courage than even we do to take a stand! So let's now wait another day to model this courage before our children!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Friends....
We are reading through Proverbs as a church. Part of the reading today was Proverbs 27:9, "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a mans' counsel is sweet to his friend." I am a margin writer! I have writing all in my Bible! In fact I bought a wide margin Bible to make sure I would have room for all my thoughts! It is just how I process....but sometimes those notes bring pain. Like this morning. Beside this verse about sweet counsel of a friend, I have written, "Makes me think of _____." That blank is filled with the name of a friend who was my mentor and spiritual mentor for four years. Her friendship and advice in my life was vital to the growth I received during that time. She kept my feet to the fire and wouldn't let me stray from the narrow path. I have many times credited her with saving my marriage because no excuse was good enough to quit working on my marriage! And I will forever be grateful for the role she played in that part of my life.
But one day this friend betrayed my confidence in a BIG way. I was shocked. There are people you think will never hurt you in that way. She was one of those people. Her reason for betraying it was to "protect" a pastor...nothing like being thrown under the bus to protect the one who is supposed to be "shepherding" ie: protecting you!
But the betrayal of trust isn't even the deepest wound. As a person who used to have NO mercy or grace for things like this, I extended incredible grace and mercy to this friend. I couldn't trust her anymore with my deepest darkest secrets as I had in the past, but I told her that one mistake didn't erase the years of knowing that she is a Godly woman with incredible wisdom! I wanted to maintain a friendship with her....it would look different, but she had meant so much to me for so long, I was not willing to walk away from it all together.
She obviously felt differently as I have only received a couple of e-mails from her since that time and the last one I sent to her went unanswered.
As we have moved to a new church and are healing from the wounds of the past, I am finding it harder than I thought. I have always been one to seek out relationships and build friendships. But after going through what we did at our old church coupled with coming out of a very dark time in my life, I am finding it hard to take the steps necessary for friendships. I dread being somewhere that I know will require talking to people..sharing my story. As I told one friend, after 35 years, my story is really long! I don't want to have to explain to any more people why I am where I am! I don't want to have to fill them in on the events of the past several years that have brought growth and left scars. Because what if I do share all that, and then they share with someone else. ...or worse, I share all that and then they walk away!
If you keep reading in Proverbs 27, verse 17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another." And that is why I know no matter how much it hurts, no matter how uncomfortable or how much resistance I feel, I must build relationships!
We were not made to walk this Christian journey alone! That is why God calls us to fellowship! We need those around us who can be Jesus with skin on! We need people to carry us when we can't take another step. That is probably the part that scares me the most! I have just come out of a time where I couldn't hardly carry myself much less anyone else! The thought of failing anyone else the way I have failed many friends through this time hurts my heart. But the enemy would like nothing more than to keep me in isolation....to believe those thoughts of, "It's better just to be alone...then no one expects anything of you and you don't have to share your story with anyone." If I am alone, just like a deer falling to the back of the group, I am easier to attack and take down.
So with that knowledge, I press forward! God has put some amazing people in John and my life. People who just seem like friends from the start..natural relationships that don't really have to be "worked at". They haven't all gone beyond surface yet, but they will. God has placed us in an amazing Body of His that shares our heart for people and wants to further God's kingdom. It is not perfect since it is made up of people like me. But it is perfect for us and I look forward to new friends who can walk this journey with me and I with them!
But one day this friend betrayed my confidence in a BIG way. I was shocked. There are people you think will never hurt you in that way. She was one of those people. Her reason for betraying it was to "protect" a pastor...nothing like being thrown under the bus to protect the one who is supposed to be "shepherding" ie: protecting you!
But the betrayal of trust isn't even the deepest wound. As a person who used to have NO mercy or grace for things like this, I extended incredible grace and mercy to this friend. I couldn't trust her anymore with my deepest darkest secrets as I had in the past, but I told her that one mistake didn't erase the years of knowing that she is a Godly woman with incredible wisdom! I wanted to maintain a friendship with her....it would look different, but she had meant so much to me for so long, I was not willing to walk away from it all together.
She obviously felt differently as I have only received a couple of e-mails from her since that time and the last one I sent to her went unanswered.
As we have moved to a new church and are healing from the wounds of the past, I am finding it harder than I thought. I have always been one to seek out relationships and build friendships. But after going through what we did at our old church coupled with coming out of a very dark time in my life, I am finding it hard to take the steps necessary for friendships. I dread being somewhere that I know will require talking to people..sharing my story. As I told one friend, after 35 years, my story is really long! I don't want to have to explain to any more people why I am where I am! I don't want to have to fill them in on the events of the past several years that have brought growth and left scars. Because what if I do share all that, and then they share with someone else. ...or worse, I share all that and then they walk away!
If you keep reading in Proverbs 27, verse 17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another." And that is why I know no matter how much it hurts, no matter how uncomfortable or how much resistance I feel, I must build relationships!
We were not made to walk this Christian journey alone! That is why God calls us to fellowship! We need those around us who can be Jesus with skin on! We need people to carry us when we can't take another step. That is probably the part that scares me the most! I have just come out of a time where I couldn't hardly carry myself much less anyone else! The thought of failing anyone else the way I have failed many friends through this time hurts my heart. But the enemy would like nothing more than to keep me in isolation....to believe those thoughts of, "It's better just to be alone...then no one expects anything of you and you don't have to share your story with anyone." If I am alone, just like a deer falling to the back of the group, I am easier to attack and take down.
So with that knowledge, I press forward! God has put some amazing people in John and my life. People who just seem like friends from the start..natural relationships that don't really have to be "worked at". They haven't all gone beyond surface yet, but they will. God has placed us in an amazing Body of His that shares our heart for people and wants to further God's kingdom. It is not perfect since it is made up of people like me. But it is perfect for us and I look forward to new friends who can walk this journey with me and I with them!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A Vessel for the Smith
I think I found the scripture that sums up my really long post about being undone and redone:
Proverbs 25:14 ~ "Take away the dross from the sliver, and there comes out a vessel for the smith."
God, thank you for removing the built up dross from my heart and soul! Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how many times you have to tell me or teach me! Thank you for promising to complete the work you stated in me until the day Jesus returns! Thank you that you will continue to remove even more dross from my gunked up heart and soul in the days and years to come...even during the times I plead with you to stop...because You know what is best for me and only You know what the future holds! I thank you for this process Lord because my one desire in this life is to be a vessel for you, the Smith! Form me and make me into what you need me to be for Your work! ~Amen
Proverbs 25:14 ~ "Take away the dross from the sliver, and there comes out a vessel for the smith."
God, thank you for removing the built up dross from my heart and soul! Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how many times you have to tell me or teach me! Thank you for promising to complete the work you stated in me until the day Jesus returns! Thank you that you will continue to remove even more dross from my gunked up heart and soul in the days and years to come...even during the times I plead with you to stop...because You know what is best for me and only You know what the future holds! I thank you for this process Lord because my one desire in this life is to be a vessel for you, the Smith! Form me and make me into what you need me to be for Your work! ~Amen
Prejudice Mandated
In Esther by Beth Moore, she states, "The palace inflicted a prejudice on the population that most didn't originally - or perhaps ever - share. The enemies of the Jews in Esther were a small group in leadership."
And so it is in Liberia with adoption! God have your way with the officials of Liberia that are blocking what the public desires and deceiving many in high places of leadership in Liberia to inflict their prejudices on an entire nation!
And so it is in Liberia with adoption! God have your way with the officials of Liberia that are blocking what the public desires and deceiving many in high places of leadership in Liberia to inflict their prejudices on an entire nation!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Introducing.....
Bo! 
This is the newest member of the P-tree family! Several weeks ago, I was having major nesting and nurturing issues. The nesting thing is actually great! Gets closets cleaned out and me organized! That is always a good thing. However, that nurture thing...well, it can get me in trouble!
Callie had been looking at puppies on the internet for weeks. We had been to the pound several times, but didn't really find what we were looking for. But one weekend when Callie and Noah had a sleep over, John, me and the little ones went to the pound just to see what was there with out really emotionally attached children with us.
When we walked in the door, there was this cutest black ball of fur! He was headed out with another family, but they said they didn't neceserily want him, but didn't want him to be put down. So we agreed to take him! So he is our wonderful pound puppy! Everyone we have talked to thinks he is 1/2 Shit-Zu and 1/2 poodle. He is so much fun! He was about 10 weeks old when we got him. He has been the best puppy! He loves to cuddle and snuggle. He would rather be with me than the other animals (something that is not true of my other high dollar pooch!).
He has been so much fun...and like all our pets, he has been great with our kids! He is even catching on to potty training pretty well.
John named him. He wanted to make sure it went with "Bella", the name of our other dog. He wanted to name him Bob, but that is his dad's name, and I knew that I would be the one blamed for that! Hee!Hee! So I refused. So Bo it is! And it just fits!!!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Undone and Redone
This post has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks, maybe even months. Frankly, I haven't had the time to sit down and process it enough to write it. But since I am at home with a sick little boy and missing church, I figured this was a good time to sit and process and write!
I have been undone by God many times since I came to know Him as my Savior 25 years ago. Wow, that just made me feel old! There are times when He was stretching me so far I just knew I would pop! But right before that moment where I could take no more, something would give.
I have been in one of those times for almost three years! Every time I think the "give" is coming, something else pops up and stretches me even further. Frankly, I am tired. I am weary, but giving up isn't an option...so I have spent a lot of time pondering and contemplating!
But this being undone is different! It is stretching, it is growing, it is learning more about who God is and who I am in Him, but it is also creating a brand new me! More than just my mind is being transformed by the renewing of His Word.
I can just feel God totally undoing me and then redoing me again. It is like he is taking me apart piece, by piece and putting me back together the way He needs me to be in order to operate the way He needs me to in His kingdom. The down side of this painful process is that I know no matter how much He does to me right now, I will still need to grow and stretch as I will never reach full maturity this side of heaven. But the really big up side of this is that I am learning to be who He called me to be and learning to do what He has called me to do with joy!
I am not there yet! But it is like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is not an on-coming train this time!
I have struggled as you know if you have read my blog for long with what God has called me to do over the last 8 years and the outcomes that have come from my obedience. I have subscribed to what I call the "American" Christianity where I think if I obey, then somehow God owes me a good outcome, or at least one that rewards me just a bit for my obedience. The problem with that thinking is that it is totally unscriptural. I could go on and on about that, but I will leave it at show me more than a handful of Bible stories that have a happy ending this side of heaven? The words used in Hebrews 11 when referring to the hall of fame for faith walkers are: mockings, scourging, chains, imprisonment, stoned, sawn in two, tempted, put to death with the sword, destitute, afflicted, ill-treated, did not receive what was promised. Does that sound like happy endings? Does that sound like something you would sign up for? Not me! But the last verse in Hebrews 11 says, "because God has provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect." Ah, there is the key!
I have talked before about head knowledge versus heart knowledge. Well, this truth in Hebrews 11:40 is starting to become heart knowledge! I have walked this out in my own life now. I have not been stoned or sawn in two, but frankly after some of the hell Christians have put me through over the past 8 years, and specifically the last year, being stoned to death sounds like a vacation! But through these experiences, I have learned "God has provided something better for us"!
There are several MAJOR walks I have taken with Jesus that were in direct obedience to Him and only caused me and those I love pain and suffering. Some are too private to discuss on this public forum, but some I have talked openly about. Two of those are adopting Eden and Addy and obeying God to open and operate Addy's Hope.
The pain caused by these walks have lead me at times to want to turn my back on God. You have been a part of a few of those times through my honest and transparent posts. I couldn't understand how a loving, righteous and caring God could allow some of the circumstances that I found myself in after walking in obedience. But just like the Hebrews 11 passage eludes, circumstances do not dictate our reality!
So over the past few weeks, I have heard what I believe is the answer God has been forming in me through all these tough times. I have been looking for a miracle in all these areas! Faith has never been hard for me...Addy died: that hurt, but I knew God would use it some way for good; Eden's adoption failed: after I came back from walking away from God, I knew there were vital lessons learned about God in that journey and the work he was doing in me was way more important than the outcome of the adoption (still working through that one totally even 4 years later); adoptive parents ridiculing because I take a stand for ethics and legal activity: God taught me that I am to please Him not man; and the list goes on. Faith to take the journey was never a problem, but accepting the outcome, whatever it is, has been! In each of these, I just wanted God to "poof" something and make my little world happy again. But I am learning that while God can work that way, He usually works a work in His people instead.
What have I heard God say in the past few weeks? It is this: You are looking for a miracle that makes your work/life easier or lighter. But what I want for you is to provide the miracle of equipping you to do the work I have called you to and fulfill the purposes that I placed you here for this time and in this place. And to do it no mighter how heavy the load with JOY!
Let that soak in! I've been trying to let that soak in for about three weeks now! I had told John that I thought God was telling me that, and then the very first video session of the Beth Moore study, "Esther", that I am doing had her quoting the exact same thing! Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence in God's kingdom! He was using Ms. Moore to re-enforce what He is trying desperately to get through my thick skull!
You might not think believing God will equip me is such a big deal! But if you could get inside my head and see the thoughts that cross my monitor in there and are played on the radio of my inner mind (I know that thought just caused many of you to shudder!), you would know the magnitude and the truly miraculous work it will take for God to do just that! For me to walk forward in JOY in what He has called me to will take God convincing me I can do it and it will be fun while I do! You see the thoughts and sounds I hear in my head say, "it is too much!", "others aren't called to do this much, so you need to give something up", "you will never accomplish all that is on your plate", "you are being a horrible mother because of the time the agency takes from you", "you are all those things people who don't know you say you are and those nice things people who know you say are just because they only know part of you. If they knew all of you, they wouldn't say those things!" And the list goes on and on.
The miracle God is doing in me is to silence those voices! It is to get up and act on my reality instead of sitting and pondering my circumstances! Circumstances say it is too hard and I will never get it done....and so do some people in my life. But reality is I am a daughter of a King! I am a Princess with all the kingdoms assets and talents at my disposal! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! (Phil 4:13) He provides in abundance all we need to do His work! (2 Cor 9:8)
Now isn't that exciting? You know what makes me most excited about that? It's not just true for me! It is true for each and every one of you who have committed your life to Christ and made Him Lord! What if we all quit listening to the voices in our heads that are not aligned with scripture? What an impact we would have on this world for Christ!
So next time that thought passes by the monitor of your mind, do a search! Does it align with scripture? If it does, hit the save button before you lose it! If it doesn't delete it and empty it from your recycle bin so that it doesn't take root and cause you to believe a lie!
Thanks for walking this journey with me! I think it is about to get really exciting! Stay tuned...and share the ways God has undone and redone you! It will be an encouragement to us all to hear your testimonies!
I have been undone by God many times since I came to know Him as my Savior 25 years ago. Wow, that just made me feel old! There are times when He was stretching me so far I just knew I would pop! But right before that moment where I could take no more, something would give.
I have been in one of those times for almost three years! Every time I think the "give" is coming, something else pops up and stretches me even further. Frankly, I am tired. I am weary, but giving up isn't an option...so I have spent a lot of time pondering and contemplating!
But this being undone is different! It is stretching, it is growing, it is learning more about who God is and who I am in Him, but it is also creating a brand new me! More than just my mind is being transformed by the renewing of His Word.
I can just feel God totally undoing me and then redoing me again. It is like he is taking me apart piece, by piece and putting me back together the way He needs me to be in order to operate the way He needs me to in His kingdom. The down side of this painful process is that I know no matter how much He does to me right now, I will still need to grow and stretch as I will never reach full maturity this side of heaven. But the really big up side of this is that I am learning to be who He called me to be and learning to do what He has called me to do with joy!
I am not there yet! But it is like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is not an on-coming train this time!
I have struggled as you know if you have read my blog for long with what God has called me to do over the last 8 years and the outcomes that have come from my obedience. I have subscribed to what I call the "American" Christianity where I think if I obey, then somehow God owes me a good outcome, or at least one that rewards me just a bit for my obedience. The problem with that thinking is that it is totally unscriptural. I could go on and on about that, but I will leave it at show me more than a handful of Bible stories that have a happy ending this side of heaven? The words used in Hebrews 11 when referring to the hall of fame for faith walkers are: mockings, scourging, chains, imprisonment, stoned, sawn in two, tempted, put to death with the sword, destitute, afflicted, ill-treated, did not receive what was promised. Does that sound like happy endings? Does that sound like something you would sign up for? Not me! But the last verse in Hebrews 11 says, "because God has provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect." Ah, there is the key!
I have talked before about head knowledge versus heart knowledge. Well, this truth in Hebrews 11:40 is starting to become heart knowledge! I have walked this out in my own life now. I have not been stoned or sawn in two, but frankly after some of the hell Christians have put me through over the past 8 years, and specifically the last year, being stoned to death sounds like a vacation! But through these experiences, I have learned "God has provided something better for us"!
There are several MAJOR walks I have taken with Jesus that were in direct obedience to Him and only caused me and those I love pain and suffering. Some are too private to discuss on this public forum, but some I have talked openly about. Two of those are adopting Eden and Addy and obeying God to open and operate Addy's Hope.
The pain caused by these walks have lead me at times to want to turn my back on God. You have been a part of a few of those times through my honest and transparent posts. I couldn't understand how a loving, righteous and caring God could allow some of the circumstances that I found myself in after walking in obedience. But just like the Hebrews 11 passage eludes, circumstances do not dictate our reality!
So over the past few weeks, I have heard what I believe is the answer God has been forming in me through all these tough times. I have been looking for a miracle in all these areas! Faith has never been hard for me...Addy died: that hurt, but I knew God would use it some way for good; Eden's adoption failed: after I came back from walking away from God, I knew there were vital lessons learned about God in that journey and the work he was doing in me was way more important than the outcome of the adoption (still working through that one totally even 4 years later); adoptive parents ridiculing because I take a stand for ethics and legal activity: God taught me that I am to please Him not man; and the list goes on. Faith to take the journey was never a problem, but accepting the outcome, whatever it is, has been! In each of these, I just wanted God to "poof" something and make my little world happy again. But I am learning that while God can work that way, He usually works a work in His people instead.
What have I heard God say in the past few weeks? It is this: You are looking for a miracle that makes your work/life easier or lighter. But what I want for you is to provide the miracle of equipping you to do the work I have called you to and fulfill the purposes that I placed you here for this time and in this place. And to do it no mighter how heavy the load with JOY!
Let that soak in! I've been trying to let that soak in for about three weeks now! I had told John that I thought God was telling me that, and then the very first video session of the Beth Moore study, "Esther", that I am doing had her quoting the exact same thing! Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence in God's kingdom! He was using Ms. Moore to re-enforce what He is trying desperately to get through my thick skull!
You might not think believing God will equip me is such a big deal! But if you could get inside my head and see the thoughts that cross my monitor in there and are played on the radio of my inner mind (I know that thought just caused many of you to shudder!), you would know the magnitude and the truly miraculous work it will take for God to do just that! For me to walk forward in JOY in what He has called me to will take God convincing me I can do it and it will be fun while I do! You see the thoughts and sounds I hear in my head say, "it is too much!", "others aren't called to do this much, so you need to give something up", "you will never accomplish all that is on your plate", "you are being a horrible mother because of the time the agency takes from you", "you are all those things people who don't know you say you are and those nice things people who know you say are just because they only know part of you. If they knew all of you, they wouldn't say those things!" And the list goes on and on.
The miracle God is doing in me is to silence those voices! It is to get up and act on my reality instead of sitting and pondering my circumstances! Circumstances say it is too hard and I will never get it done....and so do some people in my life. But reality is I am a daughter of a King! I am a Princess with all the kingdoms assets and talents at my disposal! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! (Phil 4:13) He provides in abundance all we need to do His work! (2 Cor 9:8)
Now isn't that exciting? You know what makes me most excited about that? It's not just true for me! It is true for each and every one of you who have committed your life to Christ and made Him Lord! What if we all quit listening to the voices in our heads that are not aligned with scripture? What an impact we would have on this world for Christ!
So next time that thought passes by the monitor of your mind, do a search! Does it align with scripture? If it does, hit the save button before you lose it! If it doesn't delete it and empty it from your recycle bin so that it doesn't take root and cause you to believe a lie!
Thanks for walking this journey with me! I think it is about to get really exciting! Stay tuned...and share the ways God has undone and redone you! It will be an encouragement to us all to hear your testimonies!
Friday, October 9, 2009
DId you hear the shouts??!!!
It is sent! The application and policies and procedures have been sent! I am pretty sure no matter where you live you could have heard the shouts when I clicked the "send" button! I found the paper where I attended my original informational meeting with Texas licensing for child placing agencies. It was October 2004! So four years later, a dream is coming true!
When we started Addy's Hope, Texas would not license internationally only agencies. We started talking to licensing again in 2007, but again they were not sure what to do with international only. Now, we are finally there! In 90 days either our doors will shut or a dream will come true! And considering the battles that have hit us over the past two weeks, I believe God is doing something big and a dream and fulfillment of God's plan for me will be fulfilled! I cannot even tell you the feelings running through me right now!
Along with that letter from my October 2004 meetings, I found the plane reservations for the trip to Austin where the meeting was. It reminded me of what God has done! Let me just share with you the testimony of what God can do!
You see, I went from teacher to stay at home mom, and now I had to attend a professional meeting! I was scared to death! I had absolutely no confidence in myself to even go to the meeting and represent Addy's Hope well. Now comes the funny part! I made the plane reservation on line for my trip. I was so proud of myself! I had signed up for the meeting, and I was on my way! I got in bed relishing in all that I had accomplished. As I was talking to John I said something like, "I arrive in Houston at 9:00..." As soon as it was out of my mouth I realized what I had done! That ticket I was so proud of myself for booking was to Houston, and the meeting was in Austin! So any self confidence I might have had down in my little toe, ran plum out right then! I was able to get the ticket switched and was on my way to Austin.
I still struggle with believing I can do this...so writing 80 pages of policies and procedures totally on my own truly is a miracle!! I am so excited! Not just because I have finished the policies and procedures, but if God can take me where he has over the past 5 years, what will the next five bring?
As I have battled over the past two years with my calling in adoption and specifically the fierce battle in Liberia, I have so many times asked why God hasn't done something. Why did He not move the hearts of men to open adoptions yet? Why did He not silence all the people who have struck me with their words? Why would he not wait to call me to this until after all my children are grown or at least all in school? Over the past 6 weeks, I have heard God tell me over and over again, "The miracle I want to perform is to equip you to do all that I have called you to." That may not sound like much of a miracle, but if you knew how ill equipped I feel to do any of what God has called me to, you would understand! All I have begged for is for God to let me out...to let me take an easier road. When I was on my face at the end of myself, I know He said, "Now, let me carry you! Let me show you just what I can do through you since I have you out of the way!" Ever since that day, He has amazed me! Things that I told John over and over that he would have to do because I couldn't (like write policies) I have now accomplished; and I know it is only because God has equipped me in His own miraculous way! And even better than that is all that I have done since allowing Him to work in me and no longer asking to be let out or begging for a miracle to make it easier, I have done with JOY! I LOVED writing the policies! The time crunches were a little difficult at times, but the actual act of writing them was enjoyable to me!
So I believe I have witnessed a miracle in completing the policies and procedures. To God be the glory!!! Can't wait to see what He does next!
When we started Addy's Hope, Texas would not license internationally only agencies. We started talking to licensing again in 2007, but again they were not sure what to do with international only. Now, we are finally there! In 90 days either our doors will shut or a dream will come true! And considering the battles that have hit us over the past two weeks, I believe God is doing something big and a dream and fulfillment of God's plan for me will be fulfilled! I cannot even tell you the feelings running through me right now!
Along with that letter from my October 2004 meetings, I found the plane reservations for the trip to Austin where the meeting was. It reminded me of what God has done! Let me just share with you the testimony of what God can do!
You see, I went from teacher to stay at home mom, and now I had to attend a professional meeting! I was scared to death! I had absolutely no confidence in myself to even go to the meeting and represent Addy's Hope well. Now comes the funny part! I made the plane reservation on line for my trip. I was so proud of myself! I had signed up for the meeting, and I was on my way! I got in bed relishing in all that I had accomplished. As I was talking to John I said something like, "I arrive in Houston at 9:00..." As soon as it was out of my mouth I realized what I had done! That ticket I was so proud of myself for booking was to Houston, and the meeting was in Austin! So any self confidence I might have had down in my little toe, ran plum out right then! I was able to get the ticket switched and was on my way to Austin.
I still struggle with believing I can do this...so writing 80 pages of policies and procedures totally on my own truly is a miracle!! I am so excited! Not just because I have finished the policies and procedures, but if God can take me where he has over the past 5 years, what will the next five bring?
As I have battled over the past two years with my calling in adoption and specifically the fierce battle in Liberia, I have so many times asked why God hasn't done something. Why did He not move the hearts of men to open adoptions yet? Why did He not silence all the people who have struck me with their words? Why would he not wait to call me to this until after all my children are grown or at least all in school? Over the past 6 weeks, I have heard God tell me over and over again, "The miracle I want to perform is to equip you to do all that I have called you to." That may not sound like much of a miracle, but if you knew how ill equipped I feel to do any of what God has called me to, you would understand! All I have begged for is for God to let me out...to let me take an easier road. When I was on my face at the end of myself, I know He said, "Now, let me carry you! Let me show you just what I can do through you since I have you out of the way!" Ever since that day, He has amazed me! Things that I told John over and over that he would have to do because I couldn't (like write policies) I have now accomplished; and I know it is only because God has equipped me in His own miraculous way! And even better than that is all that I have done since allowing Him to work in me and no longer asking to be let out or begging for a miracle to make it easier, I have done with JOY! I LOVED writing the policies! The time crunches were a little difficult at times, but the actual act of writing them was enjoyable to me!
So I believe I have witnessed a miracle in completing the policies and procedures. To God be the glory!!! Can't wait to see what He does next!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Quotes that Speak
I am reading several books right now, and I love quotes that stand out. So I will share some with you guys!
"I'm not sure we're ever in a more uncomfortable predicament than when we discern evil in someone who other people esteem. At no time should we be more prayerful or careful to search our own sin-driven souls." ~Beth Moore in Esther
"Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 16
"The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But He loves one who pursues righteousness." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 15
"The enemy goes after the defenseless when the strong are weak." ~ Beth Moore in Esther video session two
"He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 10
"You will never be more prone to attack than when God pulls you out of where you are and puts you on a wilderness road to where you are going, but you are not there yet." ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"Life in the Spirit is like riding a bicycle - balance is everything. One can fall off on either side...If we ran out of gas on the way to a conference, "the devil didn't want us to get there." I've since come to realize that if you don't pay attention to the fuel gauge, you're not under attack, you're underinteligent." ~ Guy Chevereau in Spiritual Warfare: Sideways
"You will be victorious when you are fighting an enemy of God!" ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"When we're afraid, we don't just forfeit our peace and well-being; we ultimately give the devil the attention he seeks. Our 'afraidness' is the corrupt, distorted worship he craves." ~Guy Chevereau in Spiritual Warfare: Sideways
"There is nothing meaner than a coward - they won't fight face to face." ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"Holiness is not the luxury of the few. It is a simple duty for you and for me. If there are poor in the world it is because you and I don't give enough." ~Mother Teresa
"Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and ill keep your foot from being caught." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 3
"Humans can gossip like frogs eat flies." ~ Beth Moore in Esther
"Satan has a theory that he's banked his entire accuser's career on: Even the strong grow weak. True enough, but this, Beloved One, is also true: Even the weak grow strong if they set their minds to it." ~ Beth Moore in Esther
"I'm not sure we're ever in a more uncomfortable predicament than when we discern evil in someone who other people esteem. At no time should we be more prayerful or careful to search our own sin-driven souls." ~Beth Moore in Esther
"Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 16
"The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But He loves one who pursues righteousness." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 15
"The enemy goes after the defenseless when the strong are weak." ~ Beth Moore in Esther video session two
"He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 10
"You will never be more prone to attack than when God pulls you out of where you are and puts you on a wilderness road to where you are going, but you are not there yet." ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"Life in the Spirit is like riding a bicycle - balance is everything. One can fall off on either side...If we ran out of gas on the way to a conference, "the devil didn't want us to get there." I've since come to realize that if you don't pay attention to the fuel gauge, you're not under attack, you're underinteligent." ~ Guy Chevereau in Spiritual Warfare: Sideways
"You will be victorious when you are fighting an enemy of God!" ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"When we're afraid, we don't just forfeit our peace and well-being; we ultimately give the devil the attention he seeks. Our 'afraidness' is the corrupt, distorted worship he craves." ~Guy Chevereau in Spiritual Warfare: Sideways
"There is nothing meaner than a coward - they won't fight face to face." ~ Beth Moore Esther video session two
"Holiness is not the luxury of the few. It is a simple duty for you and for me. If there are poor in the world it is because you and I don't give enough." ~Mother Teresa
"Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and ill keep your foot from being caught." ~ Solomon in Proverbs 3
"Humans can gossip like frogs eat flies." ~ Beth Moore in Esther
"Satan has a theory that he's banked his entire accuser's career on: Even the strong grow weak. True enough, but this, Beloved One, is also true: Even the weak grow strong if they set their minds to it." ~ Beth Moore in Esther
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
PRAISE GOD!!!!
I want to thank every one for their prayers! Received the news today that Ava's MRI results were normal! Praise God! We are waiting to hear what the next step is! We think this is the end of tests, and she will be diagnosed as having mild muscular dystrophy...but shhhhh!!! Don't tell Ava! Those of you who know me, know how much I HATE labels! She will be whoever God made her to be...we don't need any labels to add or distract from that! Nothing we can do as far as treatment for the illness goes, so we just go on as if no one ever told us! :)
With that, I will try (blogger and I don't do videos very well!) to leave you with a video of our little ballerina! (I'm not such a great videographer, so it will turn upright here in just a minute!)
With that, I will try (blogger and I don't do videos very well!) to leave you with a video of our little ballerina! (I'm not such a great videographer, so it will turn upright here in just a minute!)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm a slow learner....
Ever have one of those times that you have a general feeling that God is calling you to do something. It's something that you wouldn't mind doing, but the timing stinks! In fact, the timing is so bad that you really have to doubt if it is God. I mean really, now? He couldn't be telling me now! That would put me in WAY over my head, God!
I am having one of those times! Every day this "thing" pops up in one way or another! Last night it was in a book that I was reading about Mother Teresa. Today, it was in a conversation with one of the other vendors in the craft show I was in.
But the timing can't be worse. If John and I talked to any of our friends about this, I am sure they would agree. But yet, every time we run, or think there is no way this is the path for us, "it" comes back! If I think about Bible stories, I have no way to weasel out of this "thing" with any of the issues in our lives right now. I have a feeling this is going to come down to an Abraham/Isaac experience: Am I going to lay my life in the alter like Abraham did Isaac and obey God trusting Him in faith to work it all out, or am I going to run the other direction and believe what the world, and even a lot of Christians would say: God wouldn't ask you to do that right now with all you have going on.
Time will tell! God knows my heart's desire is to obey Him and glorify Him in my life. So John and I will keep praying and seeking wisdom for this area! Stay tuned...... :)
I am having one of those times! Every day this "thing" pops up in one way or another! Last night it was in a book that I was reading about Mother Teresa. Today, it was in a conversation with one of the other vendors in the craft show I was in.
But the timing can't be worse. If John and I talked to any of our friends about this, I am sure they would agree. But yet, every time we run, or think there is no way this is the path for us, "it" comes back! If I think about Bible stories, I have no way to weasel out of this "thing" with any of the issues in our lives right now. I have a feeling this is going to come down to an Abraham/Isaac experience: Am I going to lay my life in the alter like Abraham did Isaac and obey God trusting Him in faith to work it all out, or am I going to run the other direction and believe what the world, and even a lot of Christians would say: God wouldn't ask you to do that right now with all you have going on.
Time will tell! God knows my heart's desire is to obey Him and glorify Him in my life. So John and I will keep praying and seeking wisdom for this area! Stay tuned...... :)
Heck of a week!
So after Ava's MRI on Monday, we went to Crane to be with family because John's Aunt Linda passed away. While we were there, Noah tripped over Toben and broke his right arm...two bones, totally bowed....went to the Crane ER..made John promise me to NEVER take me there if I am really sick!Friday we put our second child under anesthesia in one week...doc was able to set it without cutting it open. Thank You, Jesus! So now we are in a cast and have to go have it checked next week.
In case you are counting that is three broken arms in the P-tree family in about 8 months..Ava, Callie and now Noah. I'm pretty well done with broken arms! The orthopedic doctor should NOT be programmed into your phone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
