Ok, I should be in bed, but, well, that is how my day has gone!
For my blog readers who aren't my friends on Facebook, let me just apologize for my lack of updates! Life has been quite insane at the P-tree house! Yes, we met Princess M! I described it like living in a Hallmark movie...all the way down to John asking her what she wanted for Christmas and her response being, "I already got it" and me in my not so stellar moment asking, "What?!" and her shy reply, "A family!" I did hold it together and not burst into tears right there at Olive Garden! But there were so many moments like that! I will cherish those first moments with her forever!
We did get the foster placement approved, so last Tuesday, Princess M came to live with us forever! Praise God! The last week has been a dream come true! I hopefully will have time to share more in detail later, but let me just say,
WE
ARE
BLESSED!!!!
She is an amazing young lady! After all she has been through, well, she just amazes me! Yes, I know, for those of you who have been there done this, we are in the "honeymoon" phase! But you know what, I am going to enjoy every second of it! And I will tuck each of these amazing moments in the back of my mind so IF the challenges come, I will remember this and keep walking with her! I am not going to ruin the good time looking for the bad! It never came with Toben! He never had the "other shoe fall" so to speak, so I am not going to look for it with her either. We are realistic. We know what we can be facing, and IF it comes, we will face it! We have already had a couple of hiccups, but they went amazingly well and God provided wisdom and comfort for all of us! I will trust Him to do the same with any future hiccups!
Now, back to my Monday!
Addy's Hope is doing a tour of homes to raise money for foster families. We have an amazing friend named Leigh-Anne who sets up our publicity for the event. We were in one paper Sunday and another this morning. Now, the stage is set!
So my Monday really began at 12:00 am...I was still up! I was rocking a baby who didn't want to go to sleep and talking to a teen who wanted to share her heart! After I got the baby down, the teen and I snuggled under a blanket on the couch enjoying some one on one time! It was an amazing time, but that meant I didn't get to bed until after 1 am...have I mentioned I am pregnant? The nausea this pregnancy has been almost debilitating! A mother of 7 really does not have time for nausea...and lack of sleep tends to aggravate it! But I wouldn't have missed my time with Princess M for anything, so I prayed that God would replace my sleep and set my alarm for a mere 4 and a half hours later. Didn't have to do that because before mentioned baby was awake again before the alarm was allowed to wake me!
That was the start.
So of course, I'm running late and working on less than full brain power! Have to be at a birth mom visit by 10 with a full day scheduled after that. The agency phone rings. I answer it. First mistake of many today!
The voice on the other end introduces himself as a pastor of a local church and proceeds to tell me he wants to visit with me about a quote in the paper. The article is not up on line yet, but here is the quote: “We have too many churches in Midland-Odessa to have kids living in orphanages,” HollyAnn Petree said. “I don’t think people know there’s a need and that it’s as drastic as it is.” He proceeds to tell me that he doesn't appreciate me saying that churches need to do more because they are already being asked to pay for hotel rooms and electric bills and all this takes money and parishioners are not giving more. I'm still not totally understanding where he is going, so I just proceed with my jolly attitude and tell him that he is in luck because that is the purpose of the tour of homes is to help offset the initial cost for foster families so that money is not an obstacle! He said he understood that but that he is tired of churches being asked by the government and everyone else to do more. I shared our testimony how we continued our work in Liberia after adoptions shut down for 18 months only because God supplied. I told him I would be more than happy to come talk to his congregation if he liked. I would issue them the challenge if he felt he had already asked them to give more than he should. He still wasn't happy. I then told him I would encourage him to go visit our local emergency shelter where 20-25 children under the age of five call "home" and look in their eyes and then we could continue this conversation. I don't remember all his comebacks. I just remember telling him that he must not read the same gospel I do because James 1:27 clearly states that we are to care for the orphans and widows in their distress and as long as 60% of our kids are having to be sent out of region and we have children in an emergency shelter, the local Body of Christ is not doing enough! He then talked about how they just couldn't do anymore and I should not be making such statements. I then told him I couldn't believe that a pastor of all people was attacking me for restating a challenge to the Body of Christ that was clear in scripture. He took great offense that I thought it was an attack (not sure what else you call it when he won't listen to anything I have to say!) He then went on to say that it was just not possible for the church to meet all these needs. I once again told him we must be studying different Bibles because mine says ALL things are possible for God....at that he said, I've had enough, good-bye and HUNG UP ON ME! My immediate reaction was anger, but very shortly it turned to heartbreak! Heartbreak that a man who calls himself a Christian and is LEADING a group of Christians would have such unBiblical character and thinking! I could go on and on about that...but I must get to the rest of my day!
I proceed to take Baby Girl to her visit with Princess M going with me as the plan was to register her for school this afternoon so she would be ready to start fresh tomorrow morning. The school she will go to wears uniforms, so we left today to finish getting what she needed for her uniform and school.
Then went to my parents for a short break before heading back to pick up Baby Girl. Was told when I picked her up that she had been put on one of the children's size picnic tables, left unattended and fell off head first. That would explain the bright red whelp on her forehead! I'll save my remarks about that for another day!
Went back to mom and dads to inhale a bite of lunch before heading off to my first "real" dr appointment of this pregnancy. They said it would take awhile, but I didn't know it would take ALL afternoon! I really didn't wait a long time for any part of it, they just put me through the ringer! I got there at 1:00 and left at 3:45. In that time frame, I had to decide what hospital to have the baby at, whether I would do a repeat c-section or try vaginal (although after two c-sections, they really don't give you much of an option - again a topic for another post!), what to do about some medication I am taking, and all without my husband! That alone nearly put me in tears...have I mentioned that it still has not sunk in that I am having a baby?! Really! I'm too busy to have a baby!
So if all that wasn't heavy enough, every other comment was about my "advanced maternal age"! By the time I left, I was thinking I needed to be rolled out in a wheelchair! It's nuts! I'm only four years older than that last time I gave birth, but you would think I am knocking on deaths door by the way they talk about you when you are 36 (but they go by 37 because that is how old I'll be when the baby arrives) and having a baby! I don't usually feel old, but today, well, call me Granny, I guess!
In the course of my appointment I find out that they are doing a glucose test (I am only 9 weeks, but due to my age and all :) they do one now AND later!). So I immediately know that I am not going to make it back to the house by 3 for the visit from our Buckner worker. I also worry if I will make it to the TV interview I am supposed to do at 4....did I mention I didn't know about the TV interview when I got ready this morning?????? Nough said!!! Just one more way God has reminded me that It. Is. Not. About. Me.
I would love to call these people to let them know, but Ava has played her counting game on my phone and it has died!
I realize that they are going to do a sono, so I go to the waiting room and get Princess M who I left in the waiting room happy as a lark with her new phone texting away! But thought she would want to see the baby...which she did. So she came back and I used her phone to call John to tell him to call all the other people.
Then we went into the sono room. As I told Princess M, if you didn't feel like family before, you should now! Nothing like bonding over a gyno exam! Geeze!!! Anyway, we finally got to the sono, and I was amazed! My last sono was only a little over two weeks ago. We saw two circles with a little flitter in one. When the image popped up this time, there was a baby waiving at me and kicking his two little legs as fast as he could! I gasped out loud! Needless to say, that was the highlight of my day! I couldn't believe it! There is a baby inside of me! I know that sounds crazy, but really, I don't sit and dwell on it like I did with the other two pregnancies! I don't have time! So to see that life, kicking and waving, well, there are no words!
I would love to share the picture of "Our Little It" as Princess M now lovingly refers to the baby, but as has been par for my day, the disc is presently no where to be found. Upon its recovery, I will share with you!
We finally leave the doctors appointment. I speed to my parents to pick up the babies and Ava who have caused all kinds of havoc for my parents whose house is on the tour this weekend. I'm apologizing and feel horrible that they had the kids for so long! We load up and head to McDonald's because Princess M is having a french fry craving...amazing how everyone but me is having cravings around here! SO we sit in the mall parking lot eating our french fries waiting for John to come switch cars and take these four children home to meet the other three who are pretty well angry that they had to walk home because I was thirty minutes away when they got out of school (we only live a few blocks from the school and Callie has a cell phone!). Oh, let me explain, we are sitting in the mall parking lot because the tv station that I am about to do the interview with is in the mall! Yes, I said "in the mall"! Only in West Texas does that happen!
So let's recap the day: get up late, don't wash my hair, do a "day 2 do", put on as little make up as possible to get out the door as fast as possible and haven't been home since. And now, right after a gyno appointment, I am interviewed for tv! Vanity has never been a huge issue for me, but today was even a little much for me! None the less, I did the interview and I pray that people will hear the message and buy tickets so that we can get more and more foster homes for these kids! And if the "Church" is doing too much Mr. Terry at Memorial Christian Church, then I guess the WORLD will have to take up the slack?! Give me a break!!!!
So that was my day! Oh, I did forget to mention that at the end of the doctor visit, they gave me the bill for our part of the baby! That caused a mild - ok, I'm fibbing, a major panic attack about the financial part of another baby!
So right now, at 1 am on this last day of November, I listen to one of my seven snoring like a freight train, another one cooing in her sleep, and know the others are resting peacefully. Across the house, my poor husband who I know is probably just as overwhelmed with it all as I am sleeps. I sit here. I know that each of these lives is a blessing. I know without a doubt that God has called us to each and everything that we are doing, but I feel totally and completely overwhelmed! Overwhelmed that He would trust me with this much. Overwhelmed with the battles that I know we will fight each and every day for the children under our roof and those God is calling us to be the voice for who don't have a roof! I feel totally and completely unqualified and honestly a complete failure at the majority of what He has called me to do.
But those are all feelings! I will go to sleep now. I will rest and pray that God replaces the sleep I have once again lost as I needed time to just process it all. I will wake up again in the morning and start my day by digging into the Word for the Truth! I will not walk based on feelings! I will walk by faith and not by sight! I will trust the One who already gave His Son for me! I will not look a Savior in the face who after being beaten and spit upon and called names that crushed him STILL went to the cross for me and say, "I've had enough. I quit." I will not do it! Mr. Pastor, I challenge you to the same! Whatever your church is doing, I challenge you to do more! I may have 7 children under my roof, but as long as there is a child who did not get tucked into bed tonight by her mommy or daddy, I. AM. NOT. DOING. ENOUGH! As long as there is a widow who is cold tonight because she has no heat, I. AM. NOT. DOING. ENOUGH! It was a command, not a suggestion! And God says that I can do greater things than even John the Baptist who was the greatest at that time! I may feel overwhelmed, but the truth: I have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb! Bring it on Tuesday! I'm ready for ya!!!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Meeting Princess M!
Today is the day! I can't believe it! In just a few short hours I will get to give that sweet girl a big bear hug!
John keeps asking me if I am nervous. Not. At. All! How awesome is that? What a faithful God we serve! You know from my original posts that this whole journey was me sitting back on my hind legs like a mule trying to be led! But when I finally started walking with God, He replaced every fear and doubt I had with excitement and love! Only He can do that!
God has also planted little ideas in my head as the weeks have passed. Can you believe it has only been weeks since we started this?! Another God thing! We bought Princess M a necklace that is a heart and says, "I Chose You". It was important to me that I leave something tangible with her when we left her after the visit to remind her that she is coming to our family and that we are thinking about her constantly as we wait for her to come permanently! God also reminded me of a book I have. Actually this is why I started calling her Princess M on the public forums where I can't use her real name. I bought a book a couple of years ago called "His Princess: Love Letters from Your King". It is a book of scripture based "letters" that God might write to us as His precious daughters. I want her to read how precious she is! I want her to be able to hear that until I am with her again to tell her! She is a Christian! How cool is that? She already has a passion for God and His ways. But from what we have been told it is a very legalistic "God will get you" view of God. This is our first step in teaching her of her loving Heavenly Father that is NOTHING like her earthly fathers who have rejected her.
The final thing we have done is what I am most excited about! Totally a God planted idea as I would never have come up with this on my own! We bought a suitcase. She will use the suitcase to come visit us next week for Thanksgiving, then to move her stuff here permanently when we get the ok! THEN....we are going to have a demolishing party and destroy that sucker!!! She will not have a need for a suitcase anymore because there will be no more moving from this family! I can't wait for that party!!!!
We will meet her about 4:00 today. Less than 12 hours! We have amazing friends and family who are keeping our children while we go on this journey today. When you can farm out 6 kids, you know you have amazing support in your life and people who are walking with you!!! THANK YOU!!!!
I have had so many thoughts as I have played out that first meeting. Meeting a 15 year old child is definitely different than meeting your newborn or 3 year old child! I want to be cool and hip! :) I don't want her to immediately think, "Holy, Cow! What am I getting into?!" They have told me she is into fashion....great! What do I wear?! Especially since the pregnancy hips have set in and my pants are already not fitting!
How do we introduce ourselves? Seems a little awkward to say, "Hello! I am your mother and this is your daddy!" I think we will just introduce ourselves as John and HollyAnn and tell her she can call us John and HollyAnn, Mom and Dad, Mother and Daddy, whatever she feels comfortable calling us....but assure her I will be calling her daughter!
What will we do for the time we have her? Watch a movie??? Well, that doesn't allow time to get to know each other. We have to go shopping at least a little for something for her to wear for our family picture next weekend. Maybe some games....we will have the hotel room for tonight and tomorrow morning. Lubbock has nice parks, so if the weather is nice, we could go to the park. We will just have to play it by ear..all I know is I want to soak in everything about her in the time I am with her! I am already mourning the 15 years I haven't had her! But through all the conversations I have had with the people in her life right now, the hand of God in her life, preparing her to be a part of our specific family, is so evident! And for that I am eternally grateful!
Please pray for her as she prepares to meet us. Pray that she can do her best to let us in after all she has been through. Pray for us that we have the right words and actions that speak love and security to her! Also, please pray that the placement director approves her placement with us as a foster to adopt placement. This has changed after she expressed a desire last week to stay with us after Thanksgiving and not go back. There have been some other developments with her foster home, and everyone feels that would be best. She was originally going to be placed with us as an adoptive placement, but that means all the adoption paperwork has to be completed...which hasn't even been started, I don't think! This way, she will be with us while the paperwork is being done. A MUCH better plan in this momma's eyes! If not, we know God is in control and she will be here when He is ready for her to be! Total peace! Amazing peace! I've never had this sort of peace with any of our other adoptions. Maybe I've actually matured a bit over these years! (she says with a wink!) One thing I do know is that God is teaching me to trust again! I can't say I am totally there, but I am well on my way!
I'll let you know how it goes! Before I leave, let me just say, if you have ever considered adopting through the state, don't consider it anymore, DO IT! There are a few kids short of 6,000 in Texas who are ready for adoption right now! That is just Texas! That does not include the other 49 states! These kids need us....these kids need God! Come on Body of Christ! We must take action! As someone who struggled through saying yes, I can assure you, He will calm all your fears and replace them with joy unspeakable....IF you will let Him!
Here we go! Let the journey begin.....
John keeps asking me if I am nervous. Not. At. All! How awesome is that? What a faithful God we serve! You know from my original posts that this whole journey was me sitting back on my hind legs like a mule trying to be led! But when I finally started walking with God, He replaced every fear and doubt I had with excitement and love! Only He can do that!
God has also planted little ideas in my head as the weeks have passed. Can you believe it has only been weeks since we started this?! Another God thing! We bought Princess M a necklace that is a heart and says, "I Chose You". It was important to me that I leave something tangible with her when we left her after the visit to remind her that she is coming to our family and that we are thinking about her constantly as we wait for her to come permanently! God also reminded me of a book I have. Actually this is why I started calling her Princess M on the public forums where I can't use her real name. I bought a book a couple of years ago called "His Princess: Love Letters from Your King". It is a book of scripture based "letters" that God might write to us as His precious daughters. I want her to read how precious she is! I want her to be able to hear that until I am with her again to tell her! She is a Christian! How cool is that? She already has a passion for God and His ways. But from what we have been told it is a very legalistic "God will get you" view of God. This is our first step in teaching her of her loving Heavenly Father that is NOTHING like her earthly fathers who have rejected her.
The final thing we have done is what I am most excited about! Totally a God planted idea as I would never have come up with this on my own! We bought a suitcase. She will use the suitcase to come visit us next week for Thanksgiving, then to move her stuff here permanently when we get the ok! THEN....we are going to have a demolishing party and destroy that sucker!!! She will not have a need for a suitcase anymore because there will be no more moving from this family! I can't wait for that party!!!!
We will meet her about 4:00 today. Less than 12 hours! We have amazing friends and family who are keeping our children while we go on this journey today. When you can farm out 6 kids, you know you have amazing support in your life and people who are walking with you!!! THANK YOU!!!!
I have had so many thoughts as I have played out that first meeting. Meeting a 15 year old child is definitely different than meeting your newborn or 3 year old child! I want to be cool and hip! :) I don't want her to immediately think, "Holy, Cow! What am I getting into?!" They have told me she is into fashion....great! What do I wear?! Especially since the pregnancy hips have set in and my pants are already not fitting!
How do we introduce ourselves? Seems a little awkward to say, "Hello! I am your mother and this is your daddy!" I think we will just introduce ourselves as John and HollyAnn and tell her she can call us John and HollyAnn, Mom and Dad, Mother and Daddy, whatever she feels comfortable calling us....but assure her I will be calling her daughter!
What will we do for the time we have her? Watch a movie??? Well, that doesn't allow time to get to know each other. We have to go shopping at least a little for something for her to wear for our family picture next weekend. Maybe some games....we will have the hotel room for tonight and tomorrow morning. Lubbock has nice parks, so if the weather is nice, we could go to the park. We will just have to play it by ear..all I know is I want to soak in everything about her in the time I am with her! I am already mourning the 15 years I haven't had her! But through all the conversations I have had with the people in her life right now, the hand of God in her life, preparing her to be a part of our specific family, is so evident! And for that I am eternally grateful!
Please pray for her as she prepares to meet us. Pray that she can do her best to let us in after all she has been through. Pray for us that we have the right words and actions that speak love and security to her! Also, please pray that the placement director approves her placement with us as a foster to adopt placement. This has changed after she expressed a desire last week to stay with us after Thanksgiving and not go back. There have been some other developments with her foster home, and everyone feels that would be best. She was originally going to be placed with us as an adoptive placement, but that means all the adoption paperwork has to be completed...which hasn't even been started, I don't think! This way, she will be with us while the paperwork is being done. A MUCH better plan in this momma's eyes! If not, we know God is in control and she will be here when He is ready for her to be! Total peace! Amazing peace! I've never had this sort of peace with any of our other adoptions. Maybe I've actually matured a bit over these years! (she says with a wink!) One thing I do know is that God is teaching me to trust again! I can't say I am totally there, but I am well on my way!
I'll let you know how it goes! Before I leave, let me just say, if you have ever considered adopting through the state, don't consider it anymore, DO IT! There are a few kids short of 6,000 in Texas who are ready for adoption right now! That is just Texas! That does not include the other 49 states! These kids need us....these kids need God! Come on Body of Christ! We must take action! As someone who struggled through saying yes, I can assure you, He will calm all your fears and replace them with joy unspeakable....IF you will let Him!
Here we go! Let the journey begin.....
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Princess M
Just an update on the adoption process of Princess M, the 15 year old we are adopting from the Texas CPS system. I have no talked to her social worker several times, her CASA worker as well as her counselor. Each time I talk to another person in her life, God brings more peace and more excitement! We are so excited about November 19 when we will get to meet her for the first time! All my anxiety is gone, and I just can't wait to give her a great big bear hug!
We have already gotten to know her through these ladies just a bit! Like one shared that she was nervous when she first heard we had picked a meeting date because she was so afraid that after we met her, we would not want her. If that doesn't break your heart, you don't have one! We have sent pictures of us so that she can get an idea of who we are...it's really hard to pick 6 or 8 pictures that show all family members and give a representation of who you are! I am sure I way over analyzed it (I have a habit of doing that, you know), but I sent a good variety that showed us, our home and hopefully a little of our quirky personality!
God has already started giving me tangible things to prepare for her. I bought a necklace that says, "I Chose You" stamped over and over on a heart with a disk with her name on it attached to the necklace. I wanted to give her something to leave with her and be a constant reminder that we are praying for her and waiting anxiously for her to come live with us permanently! God also said to go buy a suitcase. We will give it to her when we meet so she can pack her things in it to come visit us the week of Thanksgiving, then again when she moves for good! After she moves for good, we will have a suitcase demolition since she will no longer need a suitcase to move her belongings! Just a symbol that she is here to stay, no matter what! We believe in that fully! We know we are in uncharted watter for us and that there will be some really big waves at times, but we believe with all we are that when God places a child in our family, they are here to stay. PERIOD. Disruption is like Divorce...NOT. AN. OPTION. I want her to know that in every way possible so that she can just enjoy having a family!
The more I have heard about her, the more I rest in the fact that God hand-selected her for our family. Like I tell all my kids, I don't know why they weren't all born from my womb! I don't understand why God chooses adoption to place some kid in families and some he chooses birth. I know it has a whole lot to do with the fact that we live in a fallen world and nothing is as God intended when He created it! I also know that God's ways are not my ways and there is really no reason to try to figure out the "why"!
The 19th is coming fast! It will be here before we know it! But even so, it can't get here fast enough! I am ready to meat my daughter!!!
We have already gotten to know her through these ladies just a bit! Like one shared that she was nervous when she first heard we had picked a meeting date because she was so afraid that after we met her, we would not want her. If that doesn't break your heart, you don't have one! We have sent pictures of us so that she can get an idea of who we are...it's really hard to pick 6 or 8 pictures that show all family members and give a representation of who you are! I am sure I way over analyzed it (I have a habit of doing that, you know), but I sent a good variety that showed us, our home and hopefully a little of our quirky personality!
God has already started giving me tangible things to prepare for her. I bought a necklace that says, "I Chose You" stamped over and over on a heart with a disk with her name on it attached to the necklace. I wanted to give her something to leave with her and be a constant reminder that we are praying for her and waiting anxiously for her to come live with us permanently! God also said to go buy a suitcase. We will give it to her when we meet so she can pack her things in it to come visit us the week of Thanksgiving, then again when she moves for good! After she moves for good, we will have a suitcase demolition since she will no longer need a suitcase to move her belongings! Just a symbol that she is here to stay, no matter what! We believe in that fully! We know we are in uncharted watter for us and that there will be some really big waves at times, but we believe with all we are that when God places a child in our family, they are here to stay. PERIOD. Disruption is like Divorce...NOT. AN. OPTION. I want her to know that in every way possible so that she can just enjoy having a family!
The more I have heard about her, the more I rest in the fact that God hand-selected her for our family. Like I tell all my kids, I don't know why they weren't all born from my womb! I don't understand why God chooses adoption to place some kid in families and some he chooses birth. I know it has a whole lot to do with the fact that we live in a fallen world and nothing is as God intended when He created it! I also know that God's ways are not my ways and there is really no reason to try to figure out the "why"!
The 19th is coming fast! It will be here before we know it! But even so, it can't get here fast enough! I am ready to meat my daughter!!!
Pregnancy Update
I just can't find time to sit down and blog lately! Frustrates me as I would love to take all of you on the amazing journey we are on right now as we learn to trust God on a whole new level! I was thinking about our Christmas letters, and I will be introducing FOUR children to our friends and family this year!!! That is crazy! I can't believe that we have been blessed by four children since December of last year! No wonder I don't have time to blog! :)
We went for the sonogram last Wednesday. We could see the gestation sack which measured 6.5 weeks, but there was no heart beat yet. That is perfectly normal, but raised some fear and concern for me as we lost our first baby to a miscarriage, and that is how that pregnancy started - no heart beat. However, John has great peace about this baby, so I just chilled and have been pretty good to "not go there". We will go back tomorrow for another sono gram and will see that heart beat nice and strong! Oh, and there was only ONE gestational sack! So no twins...at least not from two eggs!
We went for the sonogram last Wednesday. We could see the gestation sack which measured 6.5 weeks, but there was no heart beat yet. That is perfectly normal, but raised some fear and concern for me as we lost our first baby to a miscarriage, and that is how that pregnancy started - no heart beat. However, John has great peace about this baby, so I just chilled and have been pretty good to "not go there". We will go back tomorrow for another sono gram and will see that heart beat nice and strong! Oh, and there was only ONE gestational sack! So no twins...at least not from two eggs!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Letters to my Baby
Dear Baby P,
In just a few hours, I will get my first glimpse of you. You will be just a beating heart in a sea of black. How fitting.
I did not plan you. Daddy did not plan you. But God planned you! Your days have already been ordained by God (Psalm 139:16). God sees you right now. He doesn't need the sonogram machine that I need to see you! He is knitting you together in my womb, forming you in the secret place - you are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are a gift from God! You are a reward! (Psalm 127:3)
As I sat and thought this evening about seeing your beating heart, I couldn't help but think of the significance of your heart. I will not be able to see your arms, your face - which when you are born is how I and those around us will recognize you - we will not be able to tell if you are a little boy or little girl. But we will see your heart. That, my Precious One is how God will always see you! The Lord will not look at your face even when it can be seen, he will always look at your heart (1 Sam 16:7). It's fitting that God would allow us to see the heart before we can see anything else of you! For from your heart flows the springs of life! My prayer already is that you will watch over your heart diligently (Psalm 4:23)! And until you are old enough to do that, I will watch over it for you...starting today! That little beat that I will see will remind me that I have a job to do as your mommy and it started the minute I knew you were growing in me.
The beat that I will see is where God will put the things He has for you so that you will chase after them (Ex 35:34). That beat represents the place where you will search for God and will find Him (Deut 5:29). It is where God will write the things He has for you each day as you commune with Him (Deut 6:5). It is from the heart that you will believe in Him and thus accept Him as your Lord (Romans 10:10). This little beat that I will see represents the treasure box where you, like Mary, will keep the things God reveals to you as you walk with him day by day (Luke 2:51). It is from this beating place that you will do the will of God (Eph 6:6).
God has a plan for you. It was because He needs you at this precise moment on the Kingdom calendar that you are being formed. It is why you being woven together even though Daddy and I had not even a thought of you. The plans and purposes God has for you have already been set my Precious Child. My prayer is that you will always be a man or woman after God's own heart. My prayer is that just as you will appear this afternoon - as a beating heart in a sea of darkness - you will appear always! A heart beating for God among the darkness of this world. When people look at you, they will see the light of Jesus shining through and know that they too need Him as their Savior!
Can't wait to meet you, Baby P! Until then, may God continue to form you and knit you together for His good purpose and will!
With all my love,
Mommy
In just a few hours, I will get my first glimpse of you. You will be just a beating heart in a sea of black. How fitting.
I did not plan you. Daddy did not plan you. But God planned you! Your days have already been ordained by God (Psalm 139:16). God sees you right now. He doesn't need the sonogram machine that I need to see you! He is knitting you together in my womb, forming you in the secret place - you are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are a gift from God! You are a reward! (Psalm 127:3)
As I sat and thought this evening about seeing your beating heart, I couldn't help but think of the significance of your heart. I will not be able to see your arms, your face - which when you are born is how I and those around us will recognize you - we will not be able to tell if you are a little boy or little girl. But we will see your heart. That, my Precious One is how God will always see you! The Lord will not look at your face even when it can be seen, he will always look at your heart (1 Sam 16:7). It's fitting that God would allow us to see the heart before we can see anything else of you! For from your heart flows the springs of life! My prayer already is that you will watch over your heart diligently (Psalm 4:23)! And until you are old enough to do that, I will watch over it for you...starting today! That little beat that I will see will remind me that I have a job to do as your mommy and it started the minute I knew you were growing in me.
The beat that I will see is where God will put the things He has for you so that you will chase after them (Ex 35:34). That beat represents the place where you will search for God and will find Him (Deut 5:29). It is where God will write the things He has for you each day as you commune with Him (Deut 6:5). It is from the heart that you will believe in Him and thus accept Him as your Lord (Romans 10:10). This little beat that I will see represents the treasure box where you, like Mary, will keep the things God reveals to you as you walk with him day by day (Luke 2:51). It is from this beating place that you will do the will of God (Eph 6:6).
God has a plan for you. It was because He needs you at this precise moment on the Kingdom calendar that you are being formed. It is why you being woven together even though Daddy and I had not even a thought of you. The plans and purposes God has for you have already been set my Precious Child. My prayer is that you will always be a man or woman after God's own heart. My prayer is that just as you will appear this afternoon - as a beating heart in a sea of darkness - you will appear always! A heart beating for God among the darkness of this world. When people look at you, they will see the light of Jesus shining through and know that they too need Him as their Savior!
Can't wait to meet you, Baby P! Until then, may God continue to form you and knit you together for His good purpose and will!
With all my love,
Mommy
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