We are 4 days away from leaving the house we've called home for 6 years! The past two weeks have been rough! The reality of leaving friends that have been family for the past years. John and I do not have a lot of "social" friends as we have led kind of a secluded life the past few years with all the kids coming home, but we have tons of friends who we "do life" with! Friends who will help us out in a pinch, be a shoulder to cry on when we are hurting, put us back in line when we fall out! Each day brings a new good-bye. That has been extremely difficult.
Then there's the whole house situation. Our buyers did not get a buyer for their house, so as of yesterday, our house is back on market as active and no longer under contract. We have prayed, asked friends to pray - we even went to the open house at our buyer's house and prayer walked the place asking God to provide a buyer and releasing His favor of the house and the entire situation. Still no buyer.
I don't understand it. I have been frustrated about it, angry with God about it, discouraged at times about it. However, there is still that faith inside of me that believes in the end it will all work for our good. I find the scriptures God has given me for the journey popping up in my mind at the times when all hope seems lost, and the flicker returns. It has been hard. I have had my moments of wishing we had never started the journey and were back the comfortable flow of life before this faith walk began. But then I read my journal and remember the promises of God. I remember why He said we started the journey in the first place. And the flicker grows a little.
Yesterday should have been a pretty rough day, and honestly, I was dreading it. The days before I had to really struggle to not let my thoughts and my emotions get the best of me. But yesterday despite the news that there was no buyer and the contract would end, I had a feeling of excitement inside. I wasn't discouraged, a little frustrated, definitely wondering why God couldn't have let that work, but not down. I found myself saying things like, "Let's see what God will do now! It's an opportunity for Him to work an even bigger miracle!" I remembered the versus that started this journey..faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see! Once again, the circumstances look pretty bleak! However, my faith says God is still on His throne and God's word promises in Hebrews 11:6 that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. We've done the, "what if" game! "What if we hadn't taken that contract? What if we hadn't decided to lease the other house?" But then we remember that we haven't taken a single step in this journey without waiting on a clear and direct answer from Him. So that means, there will be reward! His Word promises it! So I am standing on those truths, excitedly expectant for what will happen!
In the mean time, we are trying to move out the boxes to get the house ready for that first showing! Packing like crazy people while trying to tie up lose ends like doctor's appointments, etc. We have leased the house we are moving to, but it will not be ready until the 29th! So the oldest four and I are going to leave Monday and stay in a hotel so they can start school on the first day. Not how I had things planned, and definitely not how I wanted things to go, but trusting that God is good and He has a plan that is for my good! Even in the chaos there are provisions...like John has enough hotel points to pay for our hotel for all three nights. My parents are traveling up with us to help us move in and are bringing the two dogs with them. Is it how I would do it all? No! I would have the movie moment where we all stand in the front yard, shut the front door for the last time and drive off into our future. But since God holds my future, I'm ok doing it His way without the movie ending because His Word promises His way is more than I could have ever hoped or imagined and I am counting on that!
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