saying goodbye..

Today I said goodbye to my home.  It wasn't a house.  It was a home!  We have lived there 6 years as of last month.  Prior to that, John and I had lived in 8 houses in 9 years of marriage!  Don't ask...and it was not my idea! But yesterday I said goodbye to this place

When we moved in, we had three children: Callie 6, Noah 5 and Ava 1.  While living here, we would bring home five children and then two grand children!  The amount of life we did in this house could never have been dreamed when we walked through that front door 6 years ago!

I have spent many hours sitting at this spot, looking out these windows, studying God's Word and then praying it back to Him.  I have pleaded for children to come home, pleaded for children to stay home, pleaded for the safe arrival of my unborn child and pleaded for the return of my wayward child while looking out these windows.  I have watched the hand prints move up as little ones have become young people only to have the little hands replaced by those coming behind them. I paced back and forth in front of these windows asking God why children were stuck in Liberia and then listening for the directions of my part in the fight to free them.

This table in this room has been the place of too many celebrations to count~ birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, the list goes on!  It was at this table that Paizley left the foster system forever as we signed her adoptive placement papers on Christmas Eve.  This table was where I worked our budget over and over to find the formula that would provide within the blessings God had provided us.  It's where the Addy's Hope board met many times to plan and dream and pull off all that they have accomplished over the past 6 years! One of my most favorite memories in this room is right after Toben came home we had a joint birthday for him and Callie.  We were saying the prayer before we ate, and I looked down to see Toben's and Ava's tiny fingers intertwined during the prayer.  My dream had come true!  There before me were the white and black fingers of my children, together!

As I opened these blinds one last time, I was taken back to the early days when we moved in.  I was fighting the grips of postpartum depression.  I would hold my baby girl in her beautiful nursery with the words "A baby is God's promise that life will go on" written above the windows as I opened each blind.  As the light of the day flooded the room, I would say, "Hello world!  Today the light of Jesus will flood this darkness in me just like the light of these windows flood this room!"  Years later, these walls would welcome our dear Madison.  Though we thought it might just be temporary, now she is forever ours!  

And the kitchen!  It was proof of God's love! Now I leave it.  If I am honest, I will tell you I struggle with that.  I am not sure of that piece of the puzzle yet.  But I choose to believe He wouldn't remove the token of His love for me without providing something amazing in it's place!  But really, isn't it beautiful!  Truly a dream come true...a provision for then and for now as it will allow us to make more than before on the sale of our house.  A work of heart for John.  The hours, sweat, and even probably some tears that went into making it what it is now are forever written on my heart.

And the pool!  The hours of time spent bonding as a family in this place made a pool a must in our new house!  The laughs and incredible moments we have spent as a family here are too numerous to even count!  It's what we all love!  It's what a large family ranging in age from 18-0 can afford to do and all enjoy.  The times John and I sat on the porch and struggled through the reality of some of the seasons in this home.  The late night swims to just relax after kids went to bed.....yes, we've lived a lot of life in this place!

This story is still being written.  We don't have a buyer for our house.  We are moving forward in faith trusting God to provide!  We had to split our family to move.  As I am typing I am sitting in a hotel room while the other four are at school for their first day (I think dropping four kids off at a new school is worse than the first day of kinder!), John is home - see, I typed it without even thinking, he is home- watching the movers load all our possessions into a truck.  He has the four babies with him.  Yes, he is an amazing man! Four babies three and under!  We will not be reunited until Thursday when once again my entire family....minus one of course, another story still being written... will be under one roof, a new roof.  And we will begin a new chapter.  A new chapter that promises to restore what has been taken in some areas of these past years. A chapter that has all of us excited about what is next.  Hopefully not 5 more children, your're welcome John, but full of God's blessings to provide, train and grow the children we have.  We are so thankful!  Thankful for what we have to leave behind and thankful for the hope we have for what we are leaving to!