The "Daily" of Discipleship

I have a blog post started about stepping into your calling and saying “yes” when God calls you up to bat…or something like that.  I am sure it’s a really good post, a really good concept.  But I haven’t had time to finish it because my “yes” has pretty well kept me working day and night for the past few weeks.

Which brings me to this….I won’t be finishing that post today either.  I am going to be really honest right here.  I wish I could turn back.  I wish I could go back to my American dream life and not know what I know about the injustices to children and the need for more to speak up.  I wish I could turn a deaf ear and a blind eye as so many do and go about my life in order to make it more comfortable for me and my children.  I wish if I was going to have to work at something that took my time away from my children, it paid better than a minimum wage job…or even minimum wage would be an improvement.

On a day that I had more people fighting with me than I have since my days of fighting for children in Liberia, I should be encouraged and on fire.  In a week when I have now heard two amazing teachings on attitude of thankfulness and a perspective of half-full, I should be seeing my life through the blessings it holds.  But can none of that is happening tonight as I crawl in my bed.

 

Why? Well, there are many reasons, I am sure…none of which really matter right now.  So what now? Do I really quit?  Do I really give up?  Do I stop just before the victory? Can I really do this another day?

The answer is Yes, I can.  And the answer is, Yes, I will.  God promises His mercies are new every morning.  In a season when my “yes” has taken me to a whole new level of faith, trust and obedience, I am using all the mercies available to me every day just to make it from the time I wake up to the time I am able to finally close my eyes at night.  Luke 9:23 has come to mind many times in this new journey I find myself on: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”  Being a disciple of Jesus doesn’t mean being comfortable.  It means denying myself! It means taking up my cross... DAILY!

I did that today.  Did I do it with joy?  No, I can’t say that I did.  But that DAILY means that I had a choice this morning, and I chose to take up my cross….make the phone calls, inform others about the need to speak up….and when I wake up in the morning I will have the same choice.

So tonight as I go to bed, I can’t say that I am thrilled with the cross I am carrying.  But if even Jesus could ask for the cup to be taken from Him, I think God understands my lack of enthusiasm at times for the cross He has asked me to carry right now.  But just like Jesus, and most importantly BECAUSE of Jesus, I have to say “but none the less, not my will but Yours be done!” 

**And as is par for the mood of the post, this is being uploaded the morning after because our internet is down...again...and the hot spot wouldn't turn on last night! :)