Project Firm Foundation

Dear Friends and Family:

You are receiving this message because I want to allow you the opportunity to be part of what God is doing in our ministry at Addy’s Hope Adoption Agency!  There are many exciting things on the horizon for Addy’s Hope as God confirms again and again.  Two of the biggest are becoming a contracted agency with the Texas Department of Children and Family Services in order to place children waiting in the Texas foster system into loving, Christian adoptive homes; and the start of Midland/Odessa’s only teen maternity home.

There are several ways you can be part of what is happening at Addy’s Hope.  The first is to visit our website at www.addyshope.org and sign up for our newsletter.  We promise we will not fill your inbox! In fact, we have made a promise as a board that we will only send out a quarterly newsletter in order to keep you updated on the developments of these and all other happenings with Addy’s Hope. 

Second, and most importantly, we need your prayer support.  John and I have been doing ministry long enough to know the importance of prayer covering, especially during times of new developments for projects and programs that will change lives like those we are currently beginning.  We covet your prayers for the financial blessings we need to operate, the volunteers we need to carry out many of these tasks, and the children and families that God brings to us to connect.  We also covet your prayers for our family as we always see the intensity of the spiritual warfare increase during times of growth for the agency.

Third, if you know of families considering adopting or mothers in crisis considering adoption as a loving option, please send them our information! 

Finally, we are in need of your financial donations to move forward in all God has called us to do.  Years ago as God prepared me for the direction He was taking Addy’s Hope, He planted me in Isaiah 54 with this scripture: “Stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; Lengthen your cords and strengthen your pegs. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations and will resettle the desolate cities.”  As I have personally prayed over the maternity home and the waiting child program, God has taken me back to this scripture many times in the recent months.  In order for us to stretch out we must lengthen our cords and strengthen our pegs as Isaiah says.  We must have a firm foundation on which to build these programs.  As we have discussed this as a board, all members have agreed that our debt from maintaining the Liberian orphanage during the adoption moratorium must be paid off.  Our current debt is $9,963.  We are asking anyone who feels led to donate whatever amount they can to eliminate this remaining debt and allow us to move forward with a firm foundation in all God is asking us to do.  Would you be a part of Project Firm Foundation?  Will you be a brick in our foundation that will forever change the lives of children and young pregnant teens?  No amount is too small!  We can pay this off one dollar at a time if we need to.  We are believing God for the entire amount to be donated in the next 6 weeks.  You can donate by sending your donation to Addy’s Hope, P.O. Box 9161, Midland, TX 79708 or online through PayPal at www.addyshope.org – just look for the donate button at the bottom of the page.  All donations are tax deductible as we are a 501c3 organization, and you have my personal promise that every dollar donated and designated for Project Firm Foundation will go directly to this debt.

If you are committing to us in prayer, would you e-mail me and let me know that as well?  I know it sounds cliché, but at times of greatest conflict in our ministry, I truly feel the prayers of those warriors going to battle for us on their knees.  It is during these times that prayer truly is what sustains me.

Thank you for taking the time to read about this exciting time at Addy’s Hope!  If you have friends or family that you feel would be interested in what we are doing in our ministry, would you please pass this along to them?  We would love to add them to our e-mail list for our newsletter.

 

 

Being obedient to The Call,

HollyAnn Petree

432.897.1503

www.addyshope.com

T-minus 7 weeks and hurting....

So I haven't posted a lot on the journey to being a grand mother.  There are many reasons for that, but the main one being I have respected Paizley's privacy as she has walked out this season.  I will continue to do that so there will be few details in this post.  I hesitated writing this as without the details (or even with the details for some) this post has the potential to bring harsh judgement and accusation.  But God brought to mind my fellow pre-mature grandparents to be and reminded me that this is one of those hard topics that just isn't talked about often enough.  So I am putting it out there in the hopes of others once again finding encouragement just to know they are not alone!

This journey is hard!  Yesterday Paizley had her second sonogram.  Baby is still a girl.  They did the 3D or whatever that is called where you can almost "see" her...like for real!  It is creepy and amazing all in one!  As the face came into view, the tears started to fall.  I couldn't help it.  They weren't tears of joy, but tears of heart ache!  I was looking into a precious face that I just might have to hold and kiss what appears to be a very chubby cheek then let go.  Because we haven't shared details with hardly anyone but those in our intimate circle, few know the events of the past seven months.  But the events have been such that even at this late date, we do not know for sure what will happen with our baby girl.

All options are still out there.  It is our most sincere prayer and heart's desire for this baby girl to be raised in the arms of her mother with the loving doting of two grandparents who weren't quite ready to embrace the title, but are more than ready to love a life and speak into that life all she needs to be all God has planned for her! But the truth is, John and I can't make the decisions that will ensure that scenario.  We can support, pray, plead and plan for that, but ultimately the journey this path takes is not in our hands.

Early in the pregnancy, my heart for this baby girl was tender.  But over the months with each incident, a brick was placed in a wall of protection.  I find it hard these days to even picture her or what life with her in our home will look like.  Some of that is fear of what that reality is because I can't imagine adding a baby to what our day to day looks like right now, but a big part of it is that I don't really know that day to day life with her will exist.  I don't know what decisions Paizley will make in the next 7 weeks.  I don't know for sure what decisions John and I will make in response to those decisions made by Paizley.  The thought of loving her and then having to let her go literally, physically, takes my breath away!

I have learned a new level of trust in God over the past few weeks.  I pray almost daily for answers in this situation, for specific directions.  And there is silence.  The only answer I get is, "Day by day, Daughter, day by day."  Those who know me know I am a planner!  Not just for the physical aspects of events, but for the emotional as well!  I want to know which basket to put my emotions in.  But God wants me to put my emotions, plans, hopes, dreams, hurts, etc, etc, in HIM!  I am learning to do that!  I am learning to go about the day to day without knowing what tomorrow will bring.

But there are the moments like yesterday sitting in the sonogram room after having a very candid discussion with Paizley in the waiting room that the reality of our situation hits like a ton of bricks and the pain comes!  This has been a journey of more heart ache yet with the potential for the most hope of anything I have ever walked.  Yet as I look at all the possible outcomes, there is not a single one that is "easy".  They all come with a cost that is almost more than I think I can pay...until I remember the cross.  I might can look at the people in the situation and think I can't do this, but the people are not who called me to this, it was Jesus!  God was the one who asked us to bring a 15 year old girl without a family into our home and make her our daughter.  We said yes.  So to turn back now would be to spit in the face of the One who was mocked, beaten, whipped and nailed to a cross for me.  Regardless of whatever pain and discomfort this journey brings, it is nothing compared to what My Savior already did for me.  And for those who have adopted, you know, she is no longer some teen that needs a family, she is my daughter.  PERIOD.  So walking away from her is never an option!

And that is why we press on!  That is why I do trust Him with the next few months.  He is worthy of my trust and He is worthy of my pain!  This journey is for Him!  And it's why I can look friends who are thinking about adopting teens from the system in the face and say, "It has been the hardest year of my life, but I would do it again!"

If we come to mind, pray for us.  Pray for Paizley.  God has a hope and a plan for her and this baby that far exceeds everything she ever hoped or dreamed.  Pray she embraces that!  Pray for John and I as we walk out these next few weeks. Pray for equal parts love and truth.  Pray for wisdom beyond our years to guide, direct and decide what is best for everyone involved.  And pray for our other 6 children.  The last months have taken its toll on them too....and the only thing harder than being refined by God is watching your children being refined by God!

And for all my fellow adoptive moms turned grandma sooner than we would have liked, you are not alone!  If you ever need an ear that truly gets it, call or e-mail!  I would love to visit.  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

If I look away for a second...

If I look away for only a second, I sink!  Every day has to start with coffee and Jesus!  Ok, the coffee is optional, but the Jesus is NOT!  It only takes one day, just one day and I have a chink in my armor that leaves a place for the enemy to sneak in and  the war is on!

How do I know? Because this week has been that war!  It took one day of not putting my focus on God from the very start of my day for all the doubts in the world to come into my mind!  All the promises I have been standing on for the entire 2012 year began to crumble.  My weight, some significant relationships, our finances, my health, the agency....it all started looking impossible again!  And that's when I knew I had looked away!

So many people say, "I don't know how you do it!"  My usual response is, "not well most days!"  And that is the truth!  I am not the wife, mother, daughter, friend or ministry director I wish I was just about every day.  However, the only way I even do the meager job I manage to do is because of Jesus. Period!  And here's the thing, every one of the people who say "I don't know how you do it!" could do it too....with Jesus!

Today I spent a lot of time just asking God to forgive me for losing focus and believing the lies of the enemy.  It never fails when I have my moments of weakness, there is a well meaning friend or family member who actually puts voice to all my fears about the days ahead and what they will mean in reality.  But here's the deal, if you would have told me 11 years ago when I brought Noah home that I would some day have 7 kids with a grand baby just a year younger than my own baby living with me while I continued to raise her mother and run an adoption agency and open a maternity home, I would have just rolled over and died! I had panic attacks about taking Callie and Noah into town (we lived about 45 minutes from where we did all of our shopping) by myself for the first time!

God has reminded me this morning that He gives grace for today.  That's all!  I honestly don't know what the next few weeks will hold.  But I know who holds my next few weeks!  And as He has so graciously reminded again and again, He has promised to supply me with all I need according to His great riches in glory!  (Phil 4:19) and that isn't just finances..its love, patience, mercy, time, energy....whatever I need to do whatever He has called me to do!  As long as I keep my eyes on Him, I will not just survive this season, I will sore above it and hopefully show His glory as we fly!

Celebrating...

Six years ago today, God gave me a gift!  He gave me a precious bundle of joy that assured me life would go on after the devastation of losing Addy and then Eden.  I discovered I was pregnant just two months after returning from Sierra Leone with out Eden.  The pregnancy was a welcome shock.  I told John I was pregnant with Ava by settling a fight...we had been discussing who would return to Sierra Leone to pick up Eden when the visa was approved.  I woke up in the middle of the night and took a pregnancy test without John even knowing I suspected I might be pregnant.  When that second line appeared, I went into our bedroom, flipped on the light and told a very groggy husband that he won the fight!  He would be going to Sierra Leone to get Eden because I was pregnant!  Took him a few minutes for that to sink in!

It would be a long few months in so many ways, but the life growing inside of me kept me grounded.  I knew I had to hold my emotions and not let stress get the best of me because it was not good for the life growing inside of me.  And somehow in those moments of crisis for my faith in those months, the kicks and moves of this precious life would convince me that God was real when everything with in me wanted to turn and run the other way from Him.

Ava truly was a gift that promised life would go on after heartbreak like I had never known it!  And she has been a source of joy ever since!

She has taught me so much!  She is my ONE compliant child!  She loves life and doesn't let much bother her.  She is as determined as anyone I have ever met.  Ava has a neurological condition that makes all movements difficult.  But few know it!  I find myself reaching out to catch her when we hit uneven ground or grab her hand when we are stepping off a curb in anticipation of her faltering and possibly falling.  Or like the other day at the park, Noah and Toben climbed on top of the dinosaur to ride it.  I reached down to lift her up knowing the struggle it would be for her to get up there to which she gently pushed my hand away and in a most polite way said, "I will do it myself."

She love bows and bugs!  She wears high heals and plays soccer with her brothers!  She is an amazing little girl and I thank God today for allowing me to be her mother!  I am the luckiest mommy in this world!

Happy birthday, Ava Claire!  I love you with all my being, and I can't wait to see what God does with you!  He has mighty plans for you, you little spit fire!

Maternity Home Update

Psalm 103:6 The Lord performs righteous deeds and judgments for all who are oppressed.

This is the scripture God gave me for the maternity home. This whole idea has come to pass NOW because I realize the oppression of young women who are pregnant. They need life giving options! The Lord has assured me that He is going before us preparing the hearts of those who will give in so many ways to see this faith become sight!

So we are moving forward! The Addy's Hope board of directors has given the go ahead to move forward with exploratory actions. There is a small group gathering at my house for lunch today to pray and discuss the next steps.

God has made it clear that this house will literally be built on the prayers of His people. Psalm 103:20 says that the angels are mighty and will perform God's Word as it is spoken. God has given me a picture of the angels in the heavenlies literally lined up waiting for the prayers to reach them...as soon as the request is made, they are sent out to fulfill the request! We need prayer warriors! I have done ministry long enough to know the enemy will come against this because it will redeem lives and bring them back to Christ! Pray that the plans of the enemy will be cut off before ever coming to pass and the plans of the Lord will be fulfilled. Pray that the people with the talents, funds and skills needed to build the house will cross our paths. Specifically right now pray for the owner of the land. We will be asking if the owner will be willing to donate all or a portion of the selling price of the land since we are a 501c3. Please pray with us, then sit back and watch as God brings it to pass! May He receive all glory and honor as this, HIS house, is built!

Here we go.....

The Visionary:UPDATE

I had several responses on my Facebook page to my post on the maternity home. I did go back to the home and took my friend to show her. When I did, I called the Realtor who has it listed. The price is $250,000. But everyone I have talked to thinks we can get it for less! So we have a tangible goal now. The first step is to raise enough to buy the property. So if you are praying with us, that is the prayer request right now.

Second, I had a friend text me that afternoon who said she had read the post and she and her husband were IN! More "doers" that God has sent my way! He even works in construction and has all the knowledge we need to actually build something! Oh how I LOVE the BODY of Christ!

AND.....I saw October Baby this evening! If you have not seen this movie, GO! It just reconfirmed for me why this project is VITAL! I won't spoil the movie in case you haven't gone, but the need for abortions to stop is evident in the facts of what can happen presented in the movie. Horrifying!

Please keep praying! I am believing God for the funds to purchase the land in the next 6 months. There will be a vital meeting Tuesday night, so you can pray for that.....and hopefully fund raising planning will begin soon after that!

Here we go!

It's Prom Night

This has been one of those tough days for me. It's prom night.

A year ago, that would have excited me....even 7 months ago, that would have brought giddy anticipation.

When we were contemplating adopting a teenager, it was the football games, the tack meets, the dance teams, the youth group functions, etc that we dreamed about. We got excited about getting to be a part of those events with our new daughter!

And one of the nights I dreamed about most was prom. Who would ask her? Of course someone will because my daughter is beautiful and has an amazingly fun personality! I knew once she got into the high school building, someone would want her to be their prom date. Where would we go to shop for a dress? What kind of dress would she want? There would most definitely be disagreements about dresses due to my standard for modesty, but we would find one that made her look like the princess she is, and our eyes would meet in the mirror and we would both know that was "the" dress!

Those were the dreams I had. Those were the dreams I have had to let die. Those are the dreams I have had to keep from dwelling on as the pictures go up on Facebook of my friends' children in their prom attire with their prom dates. She and I talked earlier today about Prom....she might get to go some day, I know that. But today, she isn't. And next year, even if she gets asked, she'll have to get a babysitter to go.

I keep thinking this journey of mothering a pregnant teen daughter will get easier. It hasn't. Nothing about it has gotten easier. It stinks. If I am not consoling her about the life that she has had to leave behind, I am trying to pull myself up out of the pain of what the past held and the fear of what the future holds. I truck along ok most days, but then nights like this hit where the reality of what has been lost for my daughter, and the dreams I had for her are driven like a stake through my mommy heart.

We love the baby...she and I both do. This isn't about that baby...it's about my baby! The baby I had dreams for....my baby whose having a baby.

The Visionary

Hello, my name is HollyAnn, I am a visionary.

Sometimes I really feel like I need to go to visionaries anonymous meetings! This is one of those times!

Life is full right now. Like full to overflowing type of full. But this "thing" keeps coming up. I lay it to rest, and then a conversation like today happens and that still small voice in my head says, "the need is here, let's get started!"

The thing about being a visionary is you have to have administrators and "doers" surrounding you to get anywhere! I can dream it, I can do whatever you tell me, but to eat an elephant one bit at a time is impossible for me. I choke every time!

About two weeks ago there was a mom who left her baby at a local daycare. Obviously I don't know all the details. There are arguments on both sides of this case. Yes, a mom abandoned her baby. I know many would see that as a loveless act no matter the circumstances, but I have worked with way too many wounded young ladies and personally met three of my four adopted children's birth mothers and all of them loved their children in the only way they knew how. And I believe this is true of this mom as well. I mean just look at where she left him...at a place that takes care of children!

But because that place is not a legally designated "safe place", she will face criminal charges of abandonment. I understand the need for this too, I really do. We can't have people just leaving their children anywhere at anytime with no accountability. But I also imagine this mom didn't know about the "safe places". If she did I can't help but think she would have left him there. All I could think when I heard the story was, "If only we could have gotten to her! If only she knew she could have done this process, had a choice in the family if she wanted and still remain just as anonymous and inconspicuous as if she just dropped him off!" Then there is the friend of mine going through a very tough time with a grand baby who needs to be in a loving adoptive home. Again, I just wish I could share the options with this young mom who loves her baby so much she has let her go...just not in a safe place. Then there are the multitude of stories I have been told when people learn I have pregnant teenage daughter. More than 7 out of 10 of the stories are ones of these young girls facing the scariest event in their lives only to then be told by parents their only options are to move out or get an abortion! I was talking to a friend yesterday who was sharing another story just like that with me. And God said, "Now!" And of course I start my arguments with Him:

1. we don't have the millions of dollars this would probably take to build - "All the gold is mine and all the silver is mine" Haggai 2 Hmmmmmm... Ok well
2. I can't take on even ONE MORE thing! - "You can do all things through me when I call you according to My purpose!" Phillipians 4:13
3. then why have I spent the last week feeling like I was losing my mind
   and couldn't possibly even raise 7 kids much less continue an adoption agency and now this?! - "the enemy has a plan contrary to Mine (2 Corinthians 2:11) and for a little while you were more aware of his plans than Mine, listening to his voice above Mine."
4. but I can't do this alone! - "I know, I am raising up fellow workers with you. The friend you met at the lunch two weeks ago with a passion for birth mothers was not an accident. Your new friend two blocks away who shares your heart for teens in trouble has a part."

And so the arguing went until I finally realized (slow learner, I know!) that the clay arguing with the potter is completely futile! So I called that one friend and asked her to go with me today to a place....a place that I pass frequently and every time, that small voice says, "that's it!" This is the place!

I don't know the exact date, but I know we were still living in Garden City and had no plans of opening a domestic adoption program with Addy's Hope. I was driving down the main street to our downtown area and passed a condemned looking apartment complex that was vacant and God said, "That's it! That is where you will build your maternity home for girls who need options!" I remember it so clearly because it was totally out of the blue! I had never even thought of opening a maternity home, I certainly was't looking for a place to build one! And if I was, I wouldn't have picked that place! As I drove around the building, I saw there was actually a for sale sign with a phone number. An excitement rose in me! I knew it was God telling me this would be the site for my maternity home. At the time, I had one friend here who was just as crazy as me! So I called her and said, you are not going to believe what I have been thinkig now! We called the owner, and she gave us permission to walk through this apartment complex - there was no need for her to be there because we could just walk in the open doors or climb through one of the broken out windows - it was in that kind of shape! We were not positive we would make it out alive since each step on the second story brought creaks and groans that made us wonder if we would fall through at any moment. And then as we entered the second part of the building, we realized the building was most certainly not vacant! We just prayed the "tenants" would not return while we were there! All the time laughing because we knew our husbands would kill us if they knew what we were doing and yet knowing at the same time that God was in this somehow! We left with plans to call a contractor, which I did. To say he wasn't impressed with the building was an understatement! To say he looked at me like I had lost my mind to even be dreaming of something like I was would be a very accurate statement. This contractor was also a leader in my church at that time, so his less than enthusiastic take on the situation was quite a rainstorm on my parade.

But at the same time, I knew that I knew God had told me this location at least was where I would build. So while I was frustrated and not sure what to do next, I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed! I walked about that building....in the rain....claiming it as mine to save the lives of babies and mothers!

And that was over SIX years ago! But guess what, the building never sold and is still for sale! As God has pressed into me that the time is now over the past couple of weeks, I finally went back to the scene.....I have driven by many times and taken it as an opportunity to pray and ask for God to give us that place for His purposes....but I always knew it was for a future time....this time He told me to park. So I did!

I feel like I haven't left park since! I have tried to shake it. I have tried to reason it away....and reasoning it away is EASY because NOTHING about even thinking this is a possibility makes sense except....God said go!

So this is the first step of my obedience. I am going public with my insanity! If this strikes a cord with you at all, will you pray? I know there are multiple people in our booming town that could write a check right now to pay for that lot and all we would need to get an amazing home for pregnant teens up and running, and that would be AMAZING. But as I shared my vision with one of my friends who had just shared her story of being forced to abort her twin babies because her parents gave her a choice of abortion or leaving their family and moving to the streets, she shared that a house can also be built on the love of $20 and $5 gifts from many people who believe in life giving options for those in crisis pregnancy! Pray with me that by whatever means God has, the funds will come. Funds for the land, funds for the building, funds for the staff needed to fulfill this vision...and pray for the girls who are out there right now that do not have options...pray God will make a way where there is no way! In a town that has lead the nation numerous times in teen pregnancies, we need places for girls to go who stay with boyfriends who beat them because it is better than the streets or who find themselves on an operating table numb with disbelief as a life is stolen from their body because they see no other option when their support system tells them they have none.

I have no idea where this is going, but I want to be obedient to my part...would you pray and ask God if you have a part if this strikes a place in your heart?

Here we go!

God is good yesterday, today and tomorrow!

Ok, Michelle, here is the post for another time I mentioned in Abundantly More that you asked for! :)

I am not really sure when the beliefs started or if they have always been there. I know my legalistic background and black and white nature definitely fed the beliefs. I can look back on two major faith walks...the first two really big things I heard God say "do this", and I obeyed. Neither one of them had "happily ever after" endings! Not sure if that is when it started or they just solidified beliefs that were already there. I know the day Eden's tiny arms and body that was burning up with fever were ripped from my neck...the day I looked into her eyes and said, "I will be back in three days to get you"...believing it with everything I had in me...that day and the days that followed that have turned into years that I was not able to keep that promise was the beginning of a belief that kept me from believing God is good to me.

It wasn't that I didn't believe God is good. I did. You can't stand on the Bible as true and not believe on some level that He is good. You can't continue to follow Him and not believe on some leve He is good. And that is where it stopped for me. I would read the scriptures that talked about the righteous being rewarded or those who believed in Him not being disappointed, and I would literally write in my margins biting comments like "really?" or "doesn't seem like that to me". Showing you my really mature side here! Let me add that I could believe those versus for you! I could believe them for anyone but me.

I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of being "overlooked" by God on that first trip to Liberia when two precious families were able to bring home their newly adopted children. I know that all the work I had done on Eden's adoption, the hours of research, talking on the phone to the Embassy, etc, etc had prepared me for the work I had done that had united these two families with their children. But throughout that entire trip, there was an ache in my heart! There was a bitterness toward God. Why couldn't I have learned all this AND Eden come home in the end? Why did I not get to bring my brown baby girl home while these families got to benefit from my pain? To make matters worse, I had left my 11 month old baby at home (which was soooooo hard!) to make the trip to make sure all was well for these families! In those few days I truly came to believe that it was my lot in life to suffer so others could be blessed. There was another walk of obedience I was on that is too personal to share here, but it also reinforced this lie the enemy was using to demolish my trust and faith in God. It was a slow decay, but I know these events were setting the stage for the enemy to try to steal, kill and destroy my faith and trust in God.

I knew for the past 7 years this was happening on some level, but it was like I didn't know how to stop the decay! I continued to walk with God and follow His voice...and there were many more "disappointments" with few victories in those walks. Hebrews 11 became my life anthem as I asked God over and over WHY?! Why did these men and women "not receive what was promised?" (Hebrews 11:39) Why did some receive back their dead while others were stoned, sawn in two, put to death, destitute, etc, etc? I just resolved myself to be in that last category and decided I probably needed to just learn how to live in that place. But then I would read things like Mark 11 where if I believe I can cast a mountain into a sea, and if I ask believing I have received it and it will be given to me. Why was that not true of my prayers? Where was that truth in my life?

I am really not sure when it all turned around. I know I still struggle...which is the real reason for this post today! I know when we found our current church, a whole new level of belief opened because I understood more about the Holy Spirit and who He is in our lives. I understood more about power and how previously I wasn't operating with all the power available to me. I don't fully understand how all that plays into my past 7 years...or my past 27 as a Christian for that matter. But this I know, God wants us to always be learning more about Him and believing Him for Who He is and what He says!

Last year was one of the toughest of my life. I blogged about some but not all the struggles. I have questioned my obedience to God more in the last year than in my entire life! Not out of a "are you real God?" questioning, but out of a "I know you had to overestimate what I can handle" type of questioning. I have said before that when I think I have found the end of myself, God takes me one level lower....that has been true on just about a daily basis the last year.

As I began to pray toward the end of 2011 about the coming new year, God gave me Deuteronomy 6 as a scripture for 2012. It talks about remembering God as you walk into the promised land. God had given me scriptures on the promised land before, so I immediately began questioning what He meant! I didn't feel like the other promised land scriptures came to pass, so I was a little reluctant to go there. I knew I couldn't handle anymore "disappointment". I even talked myself out of what God was telling me the scriptures meant. I have two journal entries that totally contradict each other. When I wrestled with that, God showed me that it was just the enemy trying to once again steal kill and destroy my faith and belief that God is good.

God, through the scriptures, told me that 2012 would be the year I would see victory in many areas that I had prayed for breakthrough! There are about four areas that I believe we will see victory in before 2012 ends. One of them is our finances! This is already a lengthy post, so I will save some of those thoughts! But the bottom line is I didn't believe God was good in our finances. I would see other families who only had 2 or 3 children and what they could do with their resources, and I would get angry about the life God had called me to. Shallow? YES! Immature? YES! But that was still where I was many days. It rarely started so shallow...it was usually after a particularly rough day with one or more of the kids or just a day of being overwhelmed with the demands of mothering 7 children and running a ministry that these thoughts would creep in! But God kept bringing me back to the promises for this year.

I have shared some of the gifts from God this year...like the penthouse..then John went on a business trip this past week and had to "suffer" through driving his dream car as his rent car: a Dodge Challenger. Just sweet little gifts like that. But this past week, I was becoming increasingly discouraged with our finances. We really need a 12 passenger van. NEED! Not want, NEED! If we are going to take a vacation this summer, we have to have a bigger car. Nine people in a nine passenger suburban was just not going to be possible for a road trip! We have been looking for one, but hadn't really found the one we thought we should buy, or it was gone by the time we got to it. Then this week, there were medical bills that came in...two kids are about to have medical procedures in the next two weeks, plus the bills for Callie's last hip surgery are coming in. The money I had cushioned for a van payment was dwindling, bit by bit. I still felt like we could handle it and then John told me the tuition for Callie's school that we will be sending her to next hear. The number I had in my head to prepare for was about half what the tuition really is! All the air left my balloon. I was deflated. I was doubting God again. I was wondering where the promised land was there. We have prayed and prayed over Callie's school and knew without a doubt that is where she is to go. We have prayed about a van....have put it off for over a year from when we really wanted to buy one...and felt we had the "go" light from God. Now it seemed impossible for both to be true!

And I began throwing my ever so immature fit with God! Where are You? You have given me promise after promise in Your Word (for this season , God has me literally praying about 10 scriptures every morning as my Bible study....so every morning I am believing for these things as I pray His Words back to Him out loud) yet the reality still remains! At some point faith has to become sight.

This was kind of how that conversation went that morning:

God: "Buy the van."

Me: "We can't buy a van! We have tuition each month which takes all the money I had found in the budget for a van payment! There is no way we can do both."

God: "Buy the van."

Me:"Maybe you didn't hear me, we can't do both!"

God:"You are not paying tuition right now. Buy the van."

Me:"No, but we will be paying tuition in about three months and there is no significant income change in the near future"

God:"Buy the van. Three months is tomorrow...it has enough trouble of its own."

Me:"But I don't see anyway it will work!"

God:"Hebrews 11:1 'Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you DO NOT SEE!' if you could see a way for it to work, it would not be faith. Buy the van."

I shared this with one friend that day. I had't even had time to share it with John. That conversation happened Thursday morning. Yesterday John sat down to do our taxes. Yes, we are one of "them"! We usually are turning them in April 15 at midnight, so

we are actually early this year! I was having a meeting and John came in and said he needed me to look at something asap. He has checked a box on our tax software and we were now showing a significant tax refund...like winning the lottery (at least in my mind!) type of tax refund. We both agreed something had to be wrong, so John started making phone calls and looking into it. But sure enough, it was right! We were unaware that the adoption tax benefit that was in effect for special needs adoptions in 2010 had been extended to 2011. Since the adoptions of our girls were finalized in 2011, we qualified for them! I just cried! I asked for forgiveness for doubting! I praised my Father who wants and gives abundantly more than I could hope or imagine! It was so much more than a number on a screen! It was a promised fulfilled! It was a stone of remembrance to trust and have faith in my Heavenly Father who wants me to believe and trust Him enough to walk into my Promised land no matter what "giants" may seem to stand in my way!

The amount was enough that we can pay off our final credit card (something we had been trying to do for two and a half years!) AND pay cash for a van!!!!! AND probably go to Disney next year with money we can save between now and then since we will not have to make a van or credit card payment!!!!!

This takes me back to my post title: God is good yesterday, today and tomorrow! God is good, my friends! But He is not just good today because He has provided for me financially! He was good "yesterday" when I doubted Him. He was good "yesterday" when Eden didn't come home. I never want to put God is "good" as a response to something good happening to me because that leaves the assumption he is "bad" when something bad happens or I am disappointed. The truth God is teaching me is that He is good all the time! And my willingness to trust and believe that regardless of my circumstances is when the blessings come!

Am I excited about the money, absolutely! But I am way more excited about a God who loves me enough to meet my needs and to "prove" Himself to me when I seek Him.... even though He proved Himself enough that I should NEVER doubt by going to the Cross for me! I am celebrating that I have a God who loves me and cares for my needs and meets me right where I am! He will do the same for you!

There is so much more to tell about this journey I am on...but if you have made it this far in this post, you have read a novel! And my kids are asking for breakfast...so my post for another time will have to be completed another time...... :)

Identity

The problem with putting my identity in anything or anywhere but Christ is the internal struggle when that identity is changed by the direction God has you go!

I enrolled Madison and Journey, my two babies, in a 3 day a week Mother's Day Out program for next year. I struggle with that because it puts them in Mother's Day Out more days a week than they are home (weekdays that is!). I'm sure to most you are asking, "What's the big deal?!" But I have been a stay at home mom advocate my entire life! My mom was a stay at home mom, and she was AMAZING! I just always assumed I would do the same. John swears I told him on the first date that I was going to be a stay at home mom, if that wasn't ok, we could end things now!

But then God called us to open Addy's Hope 6 years ago. I remember when John first said he felt like God was calling us to step out and do this thing...my initial response was, "Great! In 18 years when all my babies have been raised, I think that is a fabulous idea!!" But John was confident God meant now so we started.

Addy's Hope has had its seasons where it was more than a full time job, but since it was international adoptions at that time, I was still able to manage it all from home or taking my babies to the office when we had one. But that is changing. God is opening more and more doors and the time needed to do this job well demands a change in my identity and shift in my thinking - going from a stay at home mom to a working mom.

I am blessed that even in having to look at a way to have more dedicated, baby free time to work, I still have flexibility and am not having to put Journey or Madison in 5 day a week daycare. I recognize that, and I am so thankful.

But as the reality of signing them up for the three day a week program for next year hit home, I realized even after all God has done in me the past few months to years, my identity still gets wrapped up in the wrong places. My identity should be in Christ and Christ alone. He is the only constant in this world! If my identity were in Him, it wouldn't matter what He called me to, I would be ready with a YES! Ready to walk in obedience! Just one more way God is calling me to trust and believe Him these days! Trust that He will take care of my babies while they are away from me, trust that He does have a plan that is better than what I can see or imagine - especially when it doesn't look like what I thought plans would look like right now, trust that He will provide the money necessary for the childcare, and believe that He has only my children my best interest in mind ALWAYS!

This is big for me - especially when it comes to letting go of my babies! But one thing I have learned over the last year in particular is that I want to walk in obedience! I want to walk hidden in the secret place of God - and you can't do that when you are walking in disobedience!

Love Notes from God for my Girls

For my daily quiet times, God has me in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. If you have not read this or seen it, GET IT! It is amazing! It speaks to me in my hard season every morning. It is truly like a breath of fresh air.

There is no secret this is a hard season for me, but not just for me, for everyone in my home. The other day as I was thanking God for giving me this devotion that literally breaths fresh breath into me so I can go another day, He reminded me that my girls need this too! This world bombards them with SO many lies so many times a day! They both have the ability to hear God, they come up with some extremely profound ideas from time to time. We require everyone to have at least 15 minutes with God every morning, so I know they are in the Word at least once a day. But I have so enjoyed the "personal" messages in Jesus Calling. They are all based on scripture, but they are written in first person...as if Jesus is literally sending a personal letter to me that morning!

So God asked me to be still now and then during my time and listen for a Word for my girls and be obedient to write that note to them for Him. He wants them to know that He is personal. He needs them to hear His truths in a way that will drown out the lies of this world so their foundation is strong enough to handle whatever comes at them in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

This is our first morning of love notes from God! I don't know how often He will give me a Word for them, but I am committed to asking for one, listening for an answer and writing it out so they will find it on their mirror when they get up in the morning! Excited to see their reaction!

This World

As I start day 2 in the penthouse having my coffee with God once again on the lanai overlooking Avenue of the Stars in Beverly Hills, I am overcome with the truth that this world has NOTHING to offer me! I am in the height of what the world would say is paradise. I am surrounded by money and fame! My morning walk took me by the Fox recording lot. I could see through the gates to the back lot of the recording studio where many of there movies are filmed. From where I sit, I can see the streets we drove down last time we were here on a tour that showed us the homes of the stars. I can see just a few blocks away the Beverly Hills Hilton where only a few weeks ago Whitney Houston lost her life. These surroundings no longer leave me star struck as they did in my years as a youth. Instead they lead me to thanksgiving and praise. I am so thankful that God has taken me down journeys in this life that have opened my eyes to the reality that this world has NOTHING, not one thing, to offer me! Sure there are things that I need to do God's work like a house, this computer for example, etc. But I don't desire wealth for wealth's sake any longer. If I desire more, it is simply in order to be able to more effectively serve in the ministries God has called John and I to serve. Yes, I still long for a larger kitchen because it would make raising my family that is about to include another baby easier. But I don't long for a new kitchen just to have a fancy kitchen like I used to.

I think of Whitney Houston. She had all this world would count as success - hit songs, hit movies, fame on many continents, fortunes to do whatever she wanted, but it wasn't enough. Whitney grew up in the church with roots in the faith. Yet at some point the lure of what this world had to offer over took what she knew of the Gospel. I am not judging her salvation...eternal salvation is not even what I am talking about. I am talking about what do I..what do you...pursue here on earth? Are we truly pursuing the things of God or do we go to church on Sunday and count that as our cost for the gospel while still pursuing the career, the bigger house, the nicer car, etc Monday through Saturday?

Several years ago I had a family member who would say, "I've worked too hard to struggle." I think this sums up how most Americans see our lives...even Christ following Americans. Have we really "worked too hard to struggle"? What do you think Christ would say to that comment in the shadow of the cross? Might His response to us be the same? I've worked too hard for you to struggle...accept my gifts of peace and freedom and riches that are yours for the taken when you FIRST seek Me and My kingdom!

Just some food for thought.....

Abundantly More

What is this you ask? Well, it is the a Penthouse suite at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Beverly Hills. Why is it on my blog you ask? Because it is my home for the next few days and nights! How did that happen you ask? Well, according to Ephesians 3:20 God is able and will do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. John travels enough that he earns points so every now and then I can fly with him. He has a conference for one of the units he oversees in LA this week, so I came with him. I had set this time aside to start writing a book that God has asked me to write. I've started two other books God asked me to write, but I wasn't obedient to finish them, and now the words don't come easily. So I am determined to obey this time and see this one to completion! So I set this time of uninterrupted, quiet time aside for that. I was so looking forward to a hotel room with a desk or just a chair for me to sit and be alone with God to write. But when we checked in late last night, they had sold out and did not have our room available even though we had a reservation, so they asked if the Penthouse suite would be ok? After much thought....NOT!....we said sure!

And this was our view last night overlooking Avenue of the Stars in Beverly Hills!

I had my coffee with God on that lanai this morning, and He and I had some great laughs and conversations about this whole Penthouse thing! But as I texted my mentor to share with her where I was having my quiet time, Ephesians 3:20 is what she sent back to me and I just felt the love of God wash over me! He has told me time and again that 2012 will be the year I understand His goodness and His love for me. The root behind that is a post for another time. But this morning as I sit in my Penthouse, I am reminded that God has more than I could ever hope or dream for me in EVERY are of my life! I never even dreamed to desire a penthouse for my days of writing, but God did..and not only did her dream it, He gifted it to me! So instead of a chair or desk to write at, I can go to the couch, the executive desk, the chair in the bedroom, or either of the two lanais! And this morning I am excited...not about a penthouse, but about the "penthouses" he has for the areas of my thirsty soul! He has ABUNDANTLY more than I could ever even dream of asking Him for waiting for me....and I don't want to miss it! All I have to do is press into Him and stay in His presence following His voice!

So thankful for that reminder today!

Laying Down!

So my last post (well last one before the PINK news!) was about picking my life up. I made a conscious decision to lay it back down. This morning both of my devotions were on joy in the midst of trial. I am rejoicing as I read them because yesterday, I experienced that in a way I may never have, because I chose to lay my life down at the feet of my Savior!

Yesterday I dealt with some of the most difficult issues I have ever faced in my life while running a home with 7 children solo and meeting deadlines to get three home studies completed, two of which are on time lines that could mean life or death for the children. I don't say all that to toot my horn, believe me! If anything I have learned over the course of the last 10 years it is that I. AM. NOTHING. without Christ! The days I don't lay it down and let Him drive this car are they days I crash and burn.

But yesterday, I made a conscious decision to lay my life down several times during the day. Going back to scripture when I needed to in order to refocus, in order to not become overwhelmed by the circumstance and situations around me. And you know what? IT. WORKED.

I could read those devotions this morning praising God for the tough things in my life right now. I understand what James means when he writes, "consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort of fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." James 1:2-3 AMP I used to read that and wonder what in the world that guy was smoking when he wrote that...and whatever it was, I wanted some!

Well, I've found what he was "smoking"! It was JESUS! And I got me some...and on the days I focus on that, I am able to walk in that same joy and peace...precious peace..regardless of what is swirling around me!

Oswald Chambers says it this way, "Paul says this is the reason we are more than conquerors in all these things, super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us...tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous impotent to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Our Utmost for His Highest for March 7. And Sarah Young puts it beautifully in Jesus Calling on her entry for March 7 ~ "Let me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence...So, consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone."

God, thank you for my trials! Thank you that they push me further into You and into the depths of who You are! Thank you for walking with me through them. Thank you Holy Spirit for whispering in my ear the words to say, the truths of situations that counteract what the enemy would have me believe. Thank you, oh thank you God, for your peace that passes all understanding so that while the waves are swirling around me, I can stand on top of the water, eyes focused on you and be calm and peaceful. Thank you for allowing me to walk this path. Forgive me for the times I don't see You in it or ask that this cup be taken from me. I ask for you to remind me today when I need to refocus so that what is around the bend ahead of me that only You can see doesn't take me off guard. Thank you for loving me enough to be an ever present God...not just a God of eternity, but a God right now! I love you and am honored to be your daughter! In Jesus name, AMEN!

Pink or Blue update!

Looks like there's going to be more bows and frills around our house! 90% sure Paizley's baby is a girl...so we are having a grand-daughter! Everyone knows how much I love bows, so this will be fun!

Seeing the sonogram and knowing the sex has made it all the more real. It was a hard day for me that day. I love the baby, but I still morn the life I had pictured for my daughter. Having to take on all the roles and responsibilities of being a mom at 16 is NOT what I had planned in my mommy heart for her.

I have said since the beginning of fostering and now through adopting a wounded teenage and walking with her through this pregnancy that I have had feelings that don't go into a neat little file box. Maybe I even said that in my last post. Sonogram day was a day when it felt like the emotional filing box had been thrown in the air and landed in a pile of mess on the floor.

But God once again picked me up and set my feet under me and we are walking again! Some days we walk with quite a limp, but we are walking and we will one day be out of this valley and be high on the mountain top looking back at this time knowing God walked with us when we could walk and carried us when we couldn't! And I'm convinced its the journey He is the most concerned with anyway!

Picking It Back Up

Yesterday was not one of my better days. We have had a lot of sickness around our house, me included, and you know how everything looks worse when you are sick! I was talking to some friends earlier this weekend and telling them how my life right now truly requires me to sit at the feet of Jesus to gain perspective and strength or I become overwhelmed. And some days I have to do that two and three times a day just to keep going. Not a bad place to be...unless you go a couple of days without sitting at His feet!

Yesterday was the culmination of several days of not sitting at His feet to hear His voice and gain His perspective of all the plates I must keep spinning right now. Before I went to bed last night, I knew God wanted me alone with Him. Those times are always so sweet and refreshing, and last night was no different. Even in His discipline and correction, I feel His love for me.

He took me to John 10 last night. I love it when He takes me to a familiar passage and then shows me something I have never seen or speaks to me in a fresh way! Verses 17 and 18 say, "For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father." As I read that, God brought back to mind some words that I had spoken to John yesterday afternoon in a fit of frustration, and God whispered, "You picked it up again". Ouch! He was right! I had spoken words that meant I had the right and the authority to be comfortable in life. I didn't want the challenges anymore. I just wanted to be able to breath for a second.

I thought about Jesus' words in the Garden of Gethsemane before his crucifixion. I don't pretend to be anywhere near the place Jesus was, but I did realize He knows where I am. He once asked that the cup He was being asked to drink from be removed. And that is where I was yesterday. I wanted a lot of what was on my plate to be removed. I was overwhelmed. I had cried out just as Jesus did....except I hadn't followed it with "but never the less, not my will, but YOURS be done!"

After reading John 10, I made a conscious decision to lay my life back down. I recommitted all I am doing to God and agreed with Him that I would walk whatever path He has for me trusting Him to supply all my needs....not just monetary but emotional and spiritual and physical as well.

How about you? Have you picked it back up again? If Jesus could lay His life down and go to the cross for us, is there really anything we can look Him square in the face and say we will not do? If there is even one thing you would do that with, then you have taken your life back up....and you need to lay it down again! God is a gentleman. He will not force us to lay down our life. "No one has taken it from me, but I lay it down on My own initiative." God is asking us to lay down our lives. And He asks because He has a plan that is bigger and better than anything we could ever hope or imagine for ourselves and our families! Last night, God asked me if I would lay it down again...of my own initiative because He has a hope and a future for me that is GOOD! I want ALL God has for me, don't you? Let's lay it all back down! Will you join me?

Pink or Blue?

Today is the day! We will find out if we are having a granddaughter or grandson! Well, if the little peanut cooperates, that is!

I haven't blogged much. Not because I don't have a million blog posts in my head, but because I can't seem to find the time to sit down and get them out. I am amazed by these moms of large families that blog regularly! They are obviously way better at time management and organization than I!

Today is a big day...and I have many emotions. When we started fostering, I would share with others, especially other foster moms, that I have all these new emotions and there are no files in my emotion filing cabinet to put them all nice and neatly. That is exactly how I feel this morning.

First, let me assure you since we first started this journey of grandparent-to-be, my heart has transformed for my daughter and this baby. The journey started with a lot of anger and bitterness, but one cannot stay in that place long and continue the work God has for you! I love my daughter with all my heart! We are daily trying to prepare for the baby and all that means logistically and emotionally! And I love that baby with all my heart. When I think about the baby, I get the same swell of love, protection and awe I did with my own children in the womb or waiting for me to come pick them up!

But the emotions don't stop there. Right after that is a swell of.....well, I'm not even sure of a word to describe it. There is fear which I have to continually take to the feet of Jesus and leave there. There is sadness, a heavy mourning over what could have been that I have to take to the feet of Jesus and leave there. Thinking about day to day life once the baby is here and all the new demands and potential for explosions that will come with this baby brigs a dread that I have to take to the feet of Jesus and leave there. And every once in a while in some specific situations, the anger creeps back up, and I have to take that to the feet of Jesus, repent, and leave it there!

As the day expired yesterday, I could feel the weight of today pressing down more and more. I realized while I love this baby, I still dream of what could have been and seeing a sonogram and knowing the sex is another dose of reality of how our lives are changed forever by this life. When that precious one is here and we are loving on him or her and looking into the precious eyes God made, I know all the negative stuff will pass away. But in the reality of just having to plan and prepare, I find myself not wanting to fully grasp the reality. After today, my grand baby will not be "it", as we lovingly refer to the baby around here, but will have even more of an identity. I will have to let my heart go just a little more....and there is a lot of fear in that for this situation which I do not necessarily expect anyone who has not walked this path to understand.

Wrestling through the past 4 months, I have daily had to curl up in the lap of my Savior, my Protector, my Counselor, my Friend. When I have to make all those trips to the feet of Jesus with those emotions, I don't have to go far! Simply turn to my right where he is holding my right hand (Psalm 73:23) and lay it all down! Then He tucks me under His arm and hides me in His shadow where for the moment.....I find rest!

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the LORD:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Psalm 91

Pray for our family today if God brings us to mind! There will be a lot of emotions for us all today. There has already been some explosions even about the appointment itself. I think those are resolved, and we have a plan for today. And today is all we are going to think about.....except, I do need a name! So if you have any suggestions for what my little peanut should call me....nothing with GRAND! I'm WAY to young for that! Let me hear them!

Trusting Obedience

Sunday during church, our pastor took us to Hebrews 5:7-8. I have started using my app on my phone for my Bible during church. It was set to The Message version. So when I looked up this scripture, this is what it said, " Though he was God's Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do." Wow! God's own son had to suffer (this was talking about when He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane for any other way to save us than for Him to go to the cross) in order to learn fully, trusting obedience! And then it goes on to say, we learn the same way! It was one of those times that you know God has just spoken directly to your heart over a struggle you have had for a LONG time! It is the answer to the past seven years! It is the answer to Eden not coming home, it is the answer to Liberia, it is the answer to a pregnant teen daughter. Through all these "sufferings" I have learned to trust God more (it may have taken me a few years to get there at times) and I have learned obedience...and when you put trusting obedience together, it means I have learned to obey when the picture doesn't look all warm and cozy as a result of that obedience.

Then this morning as I continue to meditate on this and what it means for my life, God encouraged me again with verse 9 in the NASB, "and having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation." Because Jesus obeyed and went to the cross, he was made perfect - equipped - to be the eternal salvation God needed Him to be - that I needed Him to be! God reminded me that if I don't mature and grow, I will not be equipped for the work He has for me...and that will affect not only me but all those around me now and all those in my future that God intends for me to impact with my gifts and abilities...and the same is true for you!

I haven't blogged a lot about the Paizley's pregnancy because for one, I don't have much time to blog these days, but for another, my thoughts usually aren't bog worthy! I'm still sorting through all the emotions and flesh. But I have my God moments where I handle it in a mature way. And those moments are becoming more frequent...Praise God! Paizley and I had one of those moments this past week. We were both crying over what the pregnancy means for her...mourning the things that she has lost because of it. But even in our weeping and mourning, God gave me a realization and I shared it with Paizley. God spoke to John just a few days after we found out she was pregnant and told him that this baby would save her life. At the time my thought was, "it may save hers, but its gonna kill me!" Nice, warm cozy thought for a mom, huh?! Paizley was in a place before the pregnancy where she really wasn't open to a lot of things we were telling her. Much like many teens, but with her past, it magnified a lot of the "normal" teen struggles. The pregnancy has saved her life in a very real way. It has made her more open to the things we were trying to tell her about life. So as hard as this pregnancy is, I am thankful. And these scriptures sums up why I am thankful! I am thankful because I would rather be holding my pregnant teen daughter wondering how we will make it through this than waking up every morning not knowing where my daughter is and wondering if she is safe or lonely or hungry.

For me, this is trusting obedience, the kind that will equip me for the things God has ahead for me. It was trusting obedience that let me say yes to adopting a teen to begin with. And it is TRUSTING obedience that says we heard God correctly when we said yes to that adoption even thought the road is hard and not what we expected!

It is trusting obedience for Paizley that will get her through this tough time as well. It is teaching her to rely on God in ways she never had to before.

And it is trusting obedience that allows me to now thank God for this pregnancy (1 Thessalonians 5:18 - give thanks in all circumstances). If this is what it takes to mature Paizley in Christ...and me too!...then I will give thanks and I will continue to trust that God is using this to grow and equip us for the days to come...because one thing I know from the days past, I want to be equipped for what is to come!