Whewh! Have just a few minutes to write some reflections here. Baby Girl is asleep in the swing for a minute and other two at home have breakfast and are busy at play for the time being!
Two weeks ago today our lives were changed forever! Whether we have Baby Girl forever or not, she will leave her footprint on our family!
The two weeks leading up to her being placed in our home are a blur. But as I have looked back on it, I have seen some major God moments that I totally underestimated at the time. One such moment was the Thursday morning before we went to court on Friday. During the whole process, I was so intent on making sure I didn't get in God's way. I didn't want to have any agenda in the situation. I wanted only to follow God and be His hands and feet. If that was to serve "Sally", then that is what I wanted to do. If that was to be momma to Baby Girl even for a brief time, then that is what I wanted to do.
In that, I had prayed differently than ever before. I just prayed for God to move and show me what to do. I cried out time and again to make it clear so that I would not get ahead, behind to the right or to the left of Him. It was probably one of the best places I have ever been with God...fully trusting, wholy leaning on and totally in love with! I just wanted to please Him and do His will - period!
Thursday morning when I was getting ready, God impressed on me that I should specifically pray that Baby Girl be placed in our home. It stopped me in my tracks. I began arguing with God (why do I do that?!). I began going down the list of why I hadn't already done that: what if she was with a wonderful foster family who was hoping to keep her and their hearts were ripped our if she were moved to us; what if that was not what our role was in this and I asked, it didn't happen, and I had to wrestle with unanswered prayer again; what if she did come to live with us and then goes back with Sally. God's answer? "I know, Trust Me! Obey Me!"
I didn't know why God was asking me to pray that Baby Girl would be placed with us, but I knew that not praying it right then would be outside of obedience, so I asked. The verse God has me in for 2010 is John 15, and I believe that God was reminding me of what He wants to teach me this year about His character and prayer! I was abiding in Him like I never have. Because of that, He was telling me exactly what to pray and that is when John 15:7 comes to life: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you." I didn't really know if I "wished" for Baby Girl to be with us. But I did know that God was stirring in my heart to ask for it! He knew better than me how much I truly did long for her to be here.
Has the past two weeks been tough? Yes! Our lives were turned upside down in an instant as we have struggled to find a "new normal" as a house of seven with a new baby. We all know that a new baby puts a magnifine glass on any struggles in a marriage or the running of a home. So yes, it has been tough! But even in some of those moments that are tough, I stop to change a diaper. She looks at me and smiles her beautiful smile and all the "tough" melts away! She is so worth it! Even if it is only for a year! What greater joy is there than to pour my heart and soul into a little life for the time I have her! What greater gift to give her than to sing the love of Jesus over her as she goes to sleep each night and speak His blessings over her life as it gets its start! Will my heart be ripped out if she has to leave, probably. But for now, she is here. For now, she stops crying when I hold her. For now, she is my baby girl. For now, I will lay down my life for her and love her as if it will be forever!
