This Far

There seems to be a theme in my life, well I guess it should always be a them, so maybe a better thing to say is that God seems to be trying to teach me a truth about life in Him! I have said before that I know if I can do life on my own, I will. I hate that about my flesh, but I have seen me do it too many times to not recognize it.

People have asked so many times (and I have blogged about it previously) how I do what I do. It is ONLY through the power of Christ and the DAILY leaning on Him that I can parent six children, be wife to John and attempt to run a ministry. Anytime I get to a place that I feel like, "I can do this!", God says, "I know YOU can, so let's take another step of faith. I need you to TRUST ME, not do anything in your own strength!" John and I are at one of those places right now. I am not ready to make public the decision we are wrestling with, but let me just say that to me, it looks impossible! I have no idea how we would ever accomplish it without scarificing too much! I am usually the one initiating the crazy ideas and telling everyone, "WE CAN DO THIS!" This time, I am the one digging my heels in and saying, "No way!" I even uttered the words to John, "Even if God says we are to do ______, I think I will have to tell Him no." Dangerous place to be! Not one of my prouder moments! But I am scared! But God does not give us a Spirit of fear! So fear is not from Him. So when fear rears its head, I have to take it captive and make it obedient to God's word!

So what's the theme? It's what I am studying in my current Bible Study, Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed. It is that God wants me to go so far that I have to say, I am only here because of God! I could never have gotten "here" without Him. And more importantly, other people will see the situation and say the same thing!

I go to church yesterday pretty well resolved that I am telling God, No! on this one. In case you have never tried to tell God No!, let me just tell you, He doesn't take NO! for an answer! During worship we sung one of my favorite songs, I don't know the title, but it starts out Jesus, the Most Beautiful Names of All Names...and then it goes to "Be Exalted". I am raising my hands and singing with my whole heart, "Be Exalted!" and the Holy Spirit says, "Do you mean it?!" Of course I do! I have no greater desire than to see God be exalted in my life and the life of my family! That is truly my motivation for why I do what I do! And immediately, the Spirit rebuked me and reminded me of my answer the night before. So I sat down and got out a piece of paper and wrote down, "God cannot be exalted unless we say yes to the things He asks us to do that takes us beyond ourselves. Anything I can do in my own strength is not exalting God but possibly myself." Then I wrote out how that applied directly to the situation that John and I have been praying about.

Well, little did I know that this was just the beginning! I knew the title of the sermon, but it went in a direction that I had not seen from the title! It was on redemption....but it was on how we, the Body of Christ are in the redemption business because God is in the redemption business. Pastor Daniel brought one of the best, and possibly THE best message I have heard as it applies to the Body of Christ and our responsibilities as such. One of the points was that redemption is costly. It cost God His Son! So why am I not willing to pay whatever price I need to redeem the situations or people around me? That is, after all, how the world will see Jesus in the Body!

John was out of town, so I was there with all the kids. I didn't have any responsibilities second service, so I found a place to sit and wrote out some thoughts on what we have been praying about. I said, YES! I am still battling fear. I have NO IDEA how this will work, but I know it will take God! There are still some things that need to happen in order for this thing to be a reality, but I know I will not stop the ball from rolling myself. If God doesn't want this thing to come to fruition, He will have to be the one to stop if. I am moving forward.

Even knowing that and having the revelation yesterday, I find myself this morning asking God for direction. I am sure He is slapping his head and saying, "Did I not give it to you yesterday?" Like I say to my kids so many times, "Were you not listening?!"

How many times does God give us answers, but because they are hard or maybe not what we want, we just keep asking for an answer? "That couldn't be you!" What do you REALLY want me to do here? Are we really willing to do what He says? That is the bottom line! Are we willing to pay the cost to see Him exalted and redeem those around us for the Kingdom? I want to be one who say, YES! to all of those!