Together For Adoption....Eden

I have now had two days of intense information and emotional overload! I'm pooped! But I am determined to get our domestic program off the ground so we can empty the foster system in Texas, and then the whole country of children waiting for permanent adoptive homes! So I am downstairs at my hotel, drinking coffee and writing policies. But in the interest of getting home tomorrow safely, without falling asleep at the wheel, I am wrapping it up and will head to bed.

Today was emotional on several levels. One really good thing was it is the first time I haven't come to one of these and felt like I need to do more! I am in a good place there. I feel like I am totally pouring myself out for orphan care. I am an adoptive mom, a foster mom, an agency director and I am working with my church to launch an orphan care and/or adoption ministry. I have some really good ideas to take back and start working with CPS and the judge to build relationships and make a difference in my community.

But there were two really big holes in my heart today.

First, as I walked around the exhibitors, my heart broke. There were sweet African faces everywhere! But as I looked at the information, I realized there was not a single organization supporting Liberia! In a group of amazing Christians working on the global orphan crisis, Liberia wasn't represented. Why? Because they won't let people help! At least not in large quantities. They will only let the people help who will play by their corrupt rules and their unhealthy games. Saddened me greatly as Liberia used to be the hot spot for Christian activity and aid in Africa. As I walked around there were many, many ministries and organizations helping the same African countries: Uganda, Ethiopia and Rwanda. You have to ask why? Well, because those countries are open to help and willing to work with organizations to receive that help! Liberia's loss....God bring down the leaders who have turned away the help! The people of Liberia want the help! Bring it back to them when these leaders have been humbled.

The other hole came out of nowhere! It was a shock to me. They showed an adoption video of the worship pastor. He adopted from Haiti and got his precious son the day of the earthquake when families had to sit and wait all night in the Haitian airport for ICE to clear them and give them their children to bring home. As he talked about that wait, my last moments with Eden flashed in my mind. While I think of her often (her pictures are all over our house), I don't think of that part often. Pain from a deep down place surfaced yet again. I don't guess I will ever completely heal from that. Much like a parent who has lost a child to death who has lived with them. And right after Eden, comes Addy! My two girls, my twinkling twins who I will never see together this side of heaven! My sweet girl who had to be ripped off my neck, the last image I have of her as she screamed and reached back for me as I ran to the helicopter. But even as the tears flowed, I rejoiced! Why? Because for the first time since I came home without my precious Eden, I could feel the pain but not be angry with God! Praise Him! I'm too tired to think of what all the really means right now, but I continued to worship and rejoice in the fact that I am at peace with God taking me through something so painful and am thankful for the growth it brought me in my calling but even more thankful for the growth it brought me in my spiritual life. I am thankful that I can rest in and rejoice in a sovereign God who took me on a journey that has led me to where I am now...and on top of it all, the mother of 6 kids!

As I stood with my hands raised singing my praises to my Abba, I realized for the first time, maybe ever, I trust! I trust my God with my life and even more importantly, with my heart! Hallelujah!