Well behaved women rarely make history

"Well behaved women rarely make history" is a quote by Laural Thatcher Ulrich (I've also seen it attributed to Marylin Monroe) that Callie saw one time and brought to my attention. It was when I was fighting the battle in Liberia to have adoptions opened back up. She said, "Mom, this is you!" She even made it my screen saver on my phone at one time. I wasn't sure how to take that, but I've come to enjoy at as one of the biggest compliments she could give me.

It is no hidden secret that I have a strong personality. And I am well aware that in my earlier years that personality was wild, abrasive and unmerciful. I've heard many sermons over the years about the balance of grace and truth, and I most certainly needed more of the grace! But as I have fought hard battles over the years: adoptions in Liberia, fighting to bring Eden home, fighting the enemy's grip on my family at different times, I have learned to fight as God's daughter. I have come to understand that my strong personality is a gift. It was given to me for the purposes God has for me while here on this earth and He intends for me to use it for good. That means I have to stay in the Word and go to Him in prayer whenever the blood in me starts boiling over a matter. I have learned to fight no battle until God says I can. The battles are His. I don't move until He tells me He needs me to be hand and feet and to go forward.

Which brings me to my current battle. It is over bows and earrings. Yes, that's right. Bows. And. Earrings. Crazy? Yes! But as I have played a meeting I had yesterday over this issue back in my head time and time again, I think I see the battle I'm fighting....and it has nothing to do with bows and earrings!

Our local school district started a new way of serving the children identified as gifted and talented this year. I hate those terms. As a parent of an identified gifted and talented child and a special education child, let me just make it clear that all of my children are gifted and talented and need special education! So please understand I am only using the labels as the education system has them in place. There is definitely some arrogance at times in this circle of gifted and talented in education, but we have always been quick to remind Callie she has been gifted as God needs her to be for His work. And so has every other child placed on this planet! No need to get a big head! Since 2nd grade, Callie has attended a two day a week program where she was bussed to a different school and attended classes with children from other schools in the district. The classes were designed to challenge and stretch these children in ways they wouldn't be in their home school classroom. Last year, the district announced that they would be changing the system and the children would be attending this school every day. They would no longer be divided between two schools. Callie is in 6th grade which in our system is the last year of elementary school. We deliberated long and hard, prayed, talked to Callie countless hours before making the decision for Callie to attend this school. Then they announced that they were wearing uniforms and we revisited it all over again. Callie, as a very fashion conscious 11 year old, was very concerned about wearing uniforms. We assured her she would survive and encouraged her to make her decision on whether or not to attend Carver on something a little more substantial than the clothes she would have to wear. But we ultimately left the decision up to her. She chose to go.

As we went shopping for clothes for the coming school year, Callie was pretty bummed that all could buy were blue, gold and white polos and khaki pants. So in her creativity and out of the box thinking (remember, the thing they are supposed to be promoting at this school), she decided that she could express her fashion style in her bows and jewelry. Nothing outlandish, just a little zebra with the gold or lime green with the white. We pulled out the standard attire policy and combed through it to make sure she wasn't violating any rules before she spent her money. It really became quite interesting to watch how she spent her money and the ways she came up with to express her own individuality.

Fast forward to the second week of school. There was a meeting with some teachers and the students about the uniforms. The students were told that they could not wear bows or jewelry that were not in standard attire colors. Callie was ready to quit the school. I explained to her we were not going to quit the school after we had made a decision and commitment to our year there, but that we could discuss this issue with the principal. I made a phone call and was quite shocked at the response I received. After having the phone slammed in my ear, I had plans to call the administrative offices. I was explaining to Callie about my phone conversation and she asked me to wait to call. She wanted to try to fight this battle herself. She asked if she could create a petition to get signatures. Wow! I'm not sure exactly where she learned about a petition, but I was ready to support her. She wrote the petition herself. I helped edit a few grammar mistakes, but she wrote it. She asked me to wait to do anything else until she could present the petition to the principal, and I proudly agreed.

One of the teachers got wind of the petition and told Callie she wanted to take it to the principal. A week later, the teacher told her she couldn't do the petition without the approval of the principal. We looked up the policy, and that is not what it states at all, but the principal assured me the school district attorney says a petition has to be approved. I told her I totally disagreed with that, but it wasn't a big deal for Callie to bring the petition to her. Callie didn't want to do it alone as she was scared of retaliation by this principal. When the principal talked to me about the petition, she also asked to meet with me again. I told her I had no problem meeting with her, but that if it was going to be a conversation that was anything like our previous phone call, I was not interested in waisting my time. She assured me it would not be. Three weeks later, we finally met (long story in and of itself!).

When I walked into the conference room of what I though was going to be a meeting with me and her, there were two other women in the room. It quickly became apparent that the conversation wasn't going to be much different than the phone conversation. In fact, it was worse. At one point during the meeting, the principal left to get a copy of the standard attire policy. At that time, the teacher who was in the room said, "I want to talk to you as a mother. I have four grown children and you don't need to fight this battle. You need to teach your daughter that no means no. You've asked. She has said no. And that needs to be the end of it." Of course this was right after the principal told me I couldn't contact any other parents who shared my concerns with the lack of communication over the particulars for the dress code. I am reading "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere, and let me just say, when the woman sitting beside me told me I didn't need to be fighting this for my daughter and needed to teach her that no means no, the lioness arose! I politely explained to her that I was not a mother who wanted her children to bow down to unjust or irrational authority. I explained that I was very proud of Callie for taking this cause on and fighting in the proper manner to have her voice and the voice of those around her who were too scared to speak for themselves heard. I further explained that I thought it was absolutely ludicrous that she was telling me I needed to teach my daughter that she can never question a decision that she feels is unjust or unfair. I told her that is probably what is wrong with our country right now is such a complacent attitude. I told her that I am teaching her that a no that is unfair or unjust is not a no until you get to the top. I further explained to her that when Callie wanted to present the petition to the superintendent when he visited their school a few weeks ago, I would not allow her to do that. I explained that you could not jump to the top with your concerns but that you needed to go through the proper channels. We had also told Callie and she has gladly followed the interpretation of the code as it stands now. We will not allow her to be rebellious or disrespectful of the principal as an authority...but to tell her we won't question through the proper channels? Really?! No daughter or son of mine will be taught to lay down and play dead!

Having said that, let me also say that I have wanted to lay this thing down many times over the past two months. Are bows really worth my time? No. But God keeps saying, you can't stop. I've been asking why, and I think that teacher who was trying to get me to stop gave me my answer. I'm raising an Esther! I don't know what God has planned for Callie, but whatever it is, I believe with all my heart it will be fighting for those without a voice in some way. I see Him doing way too many things in her life to not believe that. So God tells me to press on because she is watching. These stakes are low. Not getting to wear a bow that is lime green is not the end of the world. But what she will be fighting for later just might be for those on whose behalf she fights.

My meeting yesterday and the response of that teacher was just a reminder that bucking the system doesn't make you popular. Refusing to stay in the status quo can bring criticism. But even as I read the current chapter of Lioness Awakening, God reminded me why it is vital for His people to take up battles from time to time. Lisa Bevere actually uses the quote I started this post with in the chapter I am reading. She says about it: "In light of this charge, God does not need a band of domesticated daughters who spend their days baking and behaving well. Nothing wrong with baking, but if that is all we do, God won't use us to change history. I know this quote may challenge some of you. It challenged me when I first read it. This is not an admonition to be naughty but to realize that change often comes with the challenge of the status quo." Amen!!!

Lisa goes on to give examples like Rosa Parks. If she had not challenged the "no" of sitting in the white section of the bus, America as we know it today might look different. There is a whole list of women in the Bible who challenged the status quo. One of my favorites is Esther. If she had not taken a risk and gone to the king with her request to save her people...even without being summoned first, the Jews would have perished.

As I drove home from the meeting yesterday I kept asking God why. While I have a strong personality, and injustice makes my blood boil, I don't enjoy battles and I would rather walk away than fight. But God immediately brought to mind the puzzle that He so often uses with me. He shows me a great big puzzle with one missing piece. I am the missing piece. God uses that to remind me that when He asks me to do something, like fight for what appears to be a worthless cause like hair bows, there is a bigger picture I can't see. I have no idea what that bigger picture is, I only see my little piece. If it is just Callie learning to stand up for injustice while the stakes are low or if there is a larger reason, I must do my part or the bigger picture isn't complete. The more I interact in this situation, the more concerns I have. But I know if God has told me to continue the battle, I want to obey. I want my daughter to know its ok to stand up even when people are screaming at you to lay down. I want Callie to know there are battles worth being unpopular to fight. I want her to see Esther as her hero not as a problem causer.

As Lisa says, "when you are awakened, you can't help but respond." May I nor any of my children ever sleep through God's alarm awakening them to a change that needs to be made!

As far as the hair bow controversy, Callie has submitted her petition for approval. It has not been returned as of yet, but should be Monday and she still wants to present it and take it as far as we need to for her side to be heard. I could not be more proud of her! And I can't wait to see where God uses her...bows today, lives tomorrow...and I think I might just keep in touch with that teacher from the meeting yesterday so when Callie is changing the world I can remind her that in her opinion, I should have taught me daughter that no is no.