Yesterday was quite the day. Spent all morning at the police station. When a situation is so bad that John considers getting politically involved to change the process, you KNOW it's serious! I want to change all injustice, so not such a big deal when I want to do that! Well, after dealing with the Midland Police Department for the last year, John wants to get politically active! You really can't make this stuff up - the stories we have about what the police have done and said! It's crazy!
I was able to see and talk to Paizley for the first time since she left. I assured her nothing she has done or can do will ever change the fact that she is my daughter. I was able to look her in the eyes and tell her that I still have hope! I was able to speak the truth of God for what could be one last time - even reminding her of the Words God has given her through other people as late as last Wednesday warning her about such a time as this. I was able to kiss Peighton. I cried. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest or just explode all together as I watched my girls walk away. I cried out to God many times...right there in the detective's conference room..and out loud! I am not playing around with spiritual battles! I will take all that is mine through the authority I have in Christ. I will leave nothing on the battle field for lack of walking in authority. We had the favor of God in many instances. We walked into a very hostile environment and walked out with the detective sympathizing with us and even telling Paizley no one will ever care for her or love her like we do - adopted or not.
But probably the brightest moment of today actually happened Sunday, I just didn't understand the significance until yesterday. Sunday during church, one of our pastors stood up and talked about gifts and how we are called by God to use our gifts for His kingdom and purposes. I kind of dismissed it because I totally get that and believe I am in a place where I am truly doing that in work and am getting involved in church. But at some point during the talk, as clear as if God was sitting beside me, the Holy Spirit spoke. "The enemy will use what is happening to steal what you are doing with adoption and children in state custody. He will not prevail because I have uniquely designed and gifted you for exactly this work. Your experiences and knowledge in the things of this work are invaluable to what I want to do." When I heard it, I kind of was startled. When we have struggled with Paizley at times in the past, I have cried out to God asking how I could ever ask other families to adopt children from the foster system knowing what might be about to happen to their family. I have questioned if I really believe in what I am doing with the state adoption program. But the training I took in San Antonio - sitting with other professionals in this area - really solidified for me that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing. Because of my experience both professionally and personally, I can train and equip families for this process like few others who are doing it professionally can. And also, I have an amazing daughter who I still believe will go mighty things for the kingdom some day because of waiting child adoption from the state! So the thought that I would let even Paizley running away keep me from pursuing this work came as a shock to me. But I took what God said and started analyzing how I felt asking God to reveal any hidden regrets or fears or doubt I had that would cause him to encourage me in that way.
Sitting in the detective's office yesterday, we learned some things about the process because of Paizley's misrepresentation of us and the events that surrounded her leaving. The initial news of some of what will take place as the process plays out were potentially devastating and could have had me worrying about even being able to keep the agency open at all! The detective stepped out for a minute and John and I talked some about what had been said so far. I broke down. Fear started to creep up. Then God brought the words He had whispered into my ear on Sunday back to my remembrance, and I literally laughed out loud! My God, my Faithful Father had already spoken peace and encouragement and victory over a situation that He knew was about to happen and had the potential to shake me up. But because my hope is in Him, because He is my firm foundation, because He is my Deliverer and my Defender, I was not moved! Fear left. Worry stopped. Doubt fled. Peace flooded me.
See that is the faithful God I serve! My amazing spiritual mentor, Becky, often reminds us of a quote that one of her past pastors said, "You prepare for battle in times of peace so that in times of war you are prepared." God has been teaching me, equipping me, loving me, drawing me closer to Him over the past two 15 years, but in God boot camp for the past two. I am in His Word and alone with Him almost daily without fail. I have to be. He is literally my very breath most days.
But let me tell you, being equipped, gaining knowledge, just storing up arsenal of a spiritual fight is not my motivation for getting in the Word and spending time with God. He is my motivation! The more I learn about Him, the more time I spend with Him. It's just like friends we have in the natural. When you meet someone, you might not make time to go have coffee or lunch. But as you get to know someone and learn that when you are around them you feel alive and free for some reason. When you leave them you feel refreshed, encouraged. We all have friends like that, and when they call and say, "we need to do coffee", we find a time! It's the same with God. The more I get to know Him, the more I make time for Him because I want to know Him more! I want to know more about who He is, about how He operates, about what He wants for me.
We live in a society and a culture that can be scary. I know more than I ever wanted to know about a lot of our society and the true condition of what my children are growing up in over the past year. I realize now that I lived in a glass bubble concerning the world that we truly live in. Part of that is where we live. And part of it was just the mere fact that I don't have opportunity to get outside our little world much into the culture that exists outside my home and our church. But I have been thrown full force into it this year and much of it has even touched my very home through some decisions of my daughter. It's has never been normal at our house for police to show up on your door step at 10 at night! At times I have despaired over the condition of the world and wondered what my children will face. But the closer I have drawn to God, the more excited I get. You see the darker the world is, the brighter the light of Christ will shine! If you have a flashlight on in the middle of the day, it doesn't really do much. But you turn that same flashlight on at midnight, and you completely change your environment! It's midnight people! Our lights should be changing our environment!!!! What a blessed time we live in! What a time for God's people to offer hope to a country that needs it! Yes, my kids will have battles I never did, but God is also equipping them for the time they live in! My daughter sees angels - has seen them many times. She has spiritual awareness that I long for and has had since she could speak...and probably before, she just couldn't tell us! I can't wait to see the impact for the kingdom my children have on this dark world! I don't fear for them, I am excited for them! Side note - because of the world I know they will grow up in, I know I have a bigger responsibility than probably any generation before me to equip them with the Word and knowledge and wisdom of God's ways in order for them to fulfill their kingdom purpose - and if you are a Christian, you do to!
God took me to Haggai 2 about four months ago (you don't get to Haggai on accident!). It says this, "In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land.I will shake all nations." As Becky says, we are living in a time when everything that can be shaken is being and will be shaken so that those things which can't be shaken - the things of God - will remain! Praise God!
I have never been more excited to know my God and be a Christ follower! I know Him in a way I never have and I am madly in love! Yes, I am in what has probably been the most devastating circumstances of my life - I am walking out something that I could never fathom - and frankly even in the middle of it can't quite get my head around it if I try to really think about it. But here is the absolute truth, because I serve an all-powerful, totally sovereign, absolutely loving and so faithful Father, I will not be moved. I will rise above my circumstances. I will sore on wings like an eagle. I will walk and not grow weary. I will remain hidden in His secret place, protected, loved, peaceful. I will remain stable and fixed with my eyes set on Him watching, waiting, listening for His voice telling me, "This is the way, walk in it!"
Oh!!! If I could just come through this screen and sit with any of you reading this and beg you to know Him! Don't just know of Him, KNOW Him! Don't just go to church on Sunday and call yourself a Christian. Yes, if you have given your life to Christ, you are a Christian....but that is not the end...it is just the beginning!
He has great and wonderful things for you.....they are hidden in Him! And as you peel back layer, by layer of His wonderful character, you will stand amazed! And when life wants to beat you up, you will stand strong saying, bringing it on! I know the truth! We win in the end! Thank you, God!
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