When God said to move from our 7th house in just 8 years of marriage, I wasn't exactly respectful in my reply...in fact, I think it went something like "are you kidding me?!" But He said to move for a swimming pool and a 5th bedroom. We only had three children at the time! And we were in a nice, comfortable, three bedroom, two bath home. But God said move, so we started looking!
Today as I enjoyed one of our numerous family times in the pool, connecting and playing with 5 of our 7 children, I was reminded of how God sees the future that we have not a clue is around the corner! God knew when he told us to move that the next 5 years would bring 4 more children. He knew that 5th bedroom would go from a luxury to a necessity. He knew the bedrooms that I thought were quite the waist of space because they are HUGE compared to most bedrooms these days along with their double walk in closets in each room were going to be a huge blessing to our now equally as HUGE family! He knew that the pool would provide one of the few activities that all our children with their 16 year age difference would enjoy....and it's free!
As I reflect on that, it makes some of the things God is telling me today to do that seem quite unnecessary, a little more exciting! I could never have dreamed what the pool and 5th bedroom would mean! Makes me want to jump into obedience in the areas God is asking me to walk right now with great anticipation of what is just around the corner that I can't see yet....but He knows! It's a great reminder that God always knows what's best and will guide me in the paths that will bring me to more than I could ever hope or imagine if I will simply focus on Him and walk in obedience!
And now to consume some pizza with my amazing kiddos and fabulous husband while we end our Sunday family day with a movie! Ever so thankful for the family God has built...truly a family built on faith!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Raising World Changers: The Reality
There was a quote going around a few years ago that I can't find now, but it was about raising world changers. There have been a couple of events the past week that have reminded me that raising world changers isn't just some catchy phrase, it is a reality. And often that reality isn't what I had pictured as being a "good mom"!
I put my 13 year old daughter on a plane this week to head half way across the country to my brother and sister-in-law for a couple of weeks. She was traveling alone. This trip would require her to change not only planes, but terminals in a large airport. Our little local airport only has 4 gates...and that's what she is accustomed to. Not to mention the fact that we rarely ever fly anywhere! She was equipped with her boarding passes, her map of the airport she would be landing at and her cell phone. The plan was for me to get a pass to go through security with her here and wait for her plane with her. When we get to the ticket counter, I realize I left my driver's license in the car in the envelope with the money I had just gotten from the bank. My heart sank! A voice started in, "What kind of mom are you? You can't even make sure you have what you need to help your daughter!" This is a voice I hear often! I silenced it long enough to finish checking Callie in and get her ready to go. I told Callie I would text her dad who was driving around waiting for me to be done since we knew they wouldn't let both of us back and ask him to come by with my license so I could go back with her. She said, "no, I can do it." Then the voice starts in again. We get to the security line and I go over everything with Callie again - this is where your gate is, this is the time you need to be at your gate, this is your seat number, take off your shoes, put them in the tub with your liquids and purse, etc, etc. Then I watch as my amazing daughter bravely walks through security....alone. On the other side, she has struck up a conversation with an older lady and they are both smiling from ear to ear. She goes blurry as my eyes well up with tears and my heart swells with pride! Even in her own nervousness she has found the ability to connect to someone from a totally different generation and bring joy. I holler one last "Good-bye!" and "I love you!" As she walks out of view, I hear another voice say, "When raising world changers, you can't always hold their hands. Sometimes you just have to talk them through and pray as they try out their wings! And good moms know when to hold hands and when to watch them fly!"
And my Heavenly Father knew I needed to hear that in that moment! So many times through this journey of fostering and adoption, the enemy has tormented me with thoughts of failing my children. I have shared before that there is no way to parent 7 children the way I parented 2. I can't be the "everywhere, doing everything mom" that I wanted to be when I pictured myself as a mom. I struggle with that more at some times than others. Probably the hardest time was when we adopted from the foster system. I was in a Bible study at the time where the talk often turned to protecting our children. I believe in protecting my children. What the other moms said made sense. Many put their children in private schools or home schooled them to protect them from what they would be exposed to in school. We talked about shows that we would or would not allow our children to watch. It all sounded great. There was only one problem...while these moms were protecting their children from the influences of the world, I had just invited the "world" into my home through a child who had never been protected. She in-turn, at no fault of her own, would expose my children to the very things my friends were diligently working to protect their children from. I would go home and cry after many of these discussions...tormented by what I had done, but knowing full well God had called us to do this. I just couldn't reconcile the "good mom" role with what God was asking me to do.
The problem was that my "good mom" role was based on an Americanized view of parenting that says children should never hurt and should never be exposed to anything that might hurt them or even cause discomfort. Don't confuse what I am saying with putting your child in harms way physically or staying in an abusive relationship because it is building character. That is not what I am saying at all! But what God showed me as I watched my daughter walk by herself toward the gate to board a plane is that all she has gone through and all she is doing now is to prepare and equip her for the path God has for her! She is a world changer! And world changers put themselves at risk! World changers know how to be hurt and forgive! World changers have to know how to handle disappointment! World changers have to know how to look a big task in the face and do it anyway! World changers have to face fears head on and walk through them!
Back in the car, headed home, I get a text..."I am at my gate!" I respond, "Sorry again that I didn't have my license to go back with you." And the confirmation of what God had already spoken, "It's ok. Doing it by myself gave me the confidence I needed." And with that I knew my World Changer had SOARED on this test flight! And I also knew God wasn't just equipping her...he was equipping me....you see I have five more World Changers coming up right behind her!
I put my 13 year old daughter on a plane this week to head half way across the country to my brother and sister-in-law for a couple of weeks. She was traveling alone. This trip would require her to change not only planes, but terminals in a large airport. Our little local airport only has 4 gates...and that's what she is accustomed to. Not to mention the fact that we rarely ever fly anywhere! She was equipped with her boarding passes, her map of the airport she would be landing at and her cell phone. The plan was for me to get a pass to go through security with her here and wait for her plane with her. When we get to the ticket counter, I realize I left my driver's license in the car in the envelope with the money I had just gotten from the bank. My heart sank! A voice started in, "What kind of mom are you? You can't even make sure you have what you need to help your daughter!" This is a voice I hear often! I silenced it long enough to finish checking Callie in and get her ready to go. I told Callie I would text her dad who was driving around waiting for me to be done since we knew they wouldn't let both of us back and ask him to come by with my license so I could go back with her. She said, "no, I can do it." Then the voice starts in again. We get to the security line and I go over everything with Callie again - this is where your gate is, this is the time you need to be at your gate, this is your seat number, take off your shoes, put them in the tub with your liquids and purse, etc, etc. Then I watch as my amazing daughter bravely walks through security....alone. On the other side, she has struck up a conversation with an older lady and they are both smiling from ear to ear. She goes blurry as my eyes well up with tears and my heart swells with pride! Even in her own nervousness she has found the ability to connect to someone from a totally different generation and bring joy. I holler one last "Good-bye!" and "I love you!" As she walks out of view, I hear another voice say, "When raising world changers, you can't always hold their hands. Sometimes you just have to talk them through and pray as they try out their wings! And good moms know when to hold hands and when to watch them fly!"
And my Heavenly Father knew I needed to hear that in that moment! So many times through this journey of fostering and adoption, the enemy has tormented me with thoughts of failing my children. I have shared before that there is no way to parent 7 children the way I parented 2. I can't be the "everywhere, doing everything mom" that I wanted to be when I pictured myself as a mom. I struggle with that more at some times than others. Probably the hardest time was when we adopted from the foster system. I was in a Bible study at the time where the talk often turned to protecting our children. I believe in protecting my children. What the other moms said made sense. Many put their children in private schools or home schooled them to protect them from what they would be exposed to in school. We talked about shows that we would or would not allow our children to watch. It all sounded great. There was only one problem...while these moms were protecting their children from the influences of the world, I had just invited the "world" into my home through a child who had never been protected. She in-turn, at no fault of her own, would expose my children to the very things my friends were diligently working to protect their children from. I would go home and cry after many of these discussions...tormented by what I had done, but knowing full well God had called us to do this. I just couldn't reconcile the "good mom" role with what God was asking me to do.
The problem was that my "good mom" role was based on an Americanized view of parenting that says children should never hurt and should never be exposed to anything that might hurt them or even cause discomfort. Don't confuse what I am saying with putting your child in harms way physically or staying in an abusive relationship because it is building character. That is not what I am saying at all! But what God showed me as I watched my daughter walk by herself toward the gate to board a plane is that all she has gone through and all she is doing now is to prepare and equip her for the path God has for her! She is a world changer! And world changers put themselves at risk! World changers know how to be hurt and forgive! World changers have to know how to handle disappointment! World changers have to know how to look a big task in the face and do it anyway! World changers have to face fears head on and walk through them!
Back in the car, headed home, I get a text..."I am at my gate!" I respond, "Sorry again that I didn't have my license to go back with you." And the confirmation of what God had already spoken, "It's ok. Doing it by myself gave me the confidence I needed." And with that I knew my World Changer had SOARED on this test flight! And I also knew God wasn't just equipping her...he was equipping me....you see I have five more World Changers coming up right behind her!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Abraham: Faith Walking
"By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8
I wish I knew a little more about this obedience. How did Abraham decide to go North or South? Did God verbally speak with each step? Was Abraham just led by peace as he walked? Did Abraham start out on Monday thinking that by Tuesday God would have revealed a bit more about the journey? When God didn't show him the way immediately, did Abraham sit down and cry out of the frustration of having a fully surrendered heart willing to follow God no matter what, but not exactly sure what God wanted? Did Abraham ever take a wrong step believing it was where God said walk only to discover that wasn't it? Was he ever disappointed along the journey?
I don't know all those details. I wish I did as it would make a journey I am on right now a little easier, perhaps. What I do know is that Abraham went when he didn't know his destination. I don' t know how he knew where to head without knowing a destination, but God must have given him just enough information for the steps he needed to take right then. He must have because what I do know is that Abraham got there! Despite the fact that he didn't know where he was headed, he got there! And not only did he get there, but he is forever written in the history of God's story as a great man of faith that we are to imitate in our quest to be like Christ.
And if Abraham, who didn't have the Holy Spirit, the ever present Presence of God with him that I have, can walk in obedience on a journey without knowing the destination and arrive where God intended, so can I!
I wish I knew a little more about this obedience. How did Abraham decide to go North or South? Did God verbally speak with each step? Was Abraham just led by peace as he walked? Did Abraham start out on Monday thinking that by Tuesday God would have revealed a bit more about the journey? When God didn't show him the way immediately, did Abraham sit down and cry out of the frustration of having a fully surrendered heart willing to follow God no matter what, but not exactly sure what God wanted? Did Abraham ever take a wrong step believing it was where God said walk only to discover that wasn't it? Was he ever disappointed along the journey?
I don't know all those details. I wish I did as it would make a journey I am on right now a little easier, perhaps. What I do know is that Abraham went when he didn't know his destination. I don' t know how he knew where to head without knowing a destination, but God must have given him just enough information for the steps he needed to take right then. He must have because what I do know is that Abraham got there! Despite the fact that he didn't know where he was headed, he got there! And not only did he get there, but he is forever written in the history of God's story as a great man of faith that we are to imitate in our quest to be like Christ.
And if Abraham, who didn't have the Holy Spirit, the ever present Presence of God with him that I have, can walk in obedience on a journey without knowing the destination and arrive where God intended, so can I!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
The Reality
Warning: this is one of my "real" posts. I would appreciate readers just reading and not feeling the need for a sermon or reminding me of all the "right" things to think or do right now. I know them...I'll get there. But this is just the reality of where we are.
I am a Mimi again! Demetri Julian was born Tuesday morning at 1:39. I was blessed to be there. He is precious! But the reality is, I don't know if I will get to be a part of his life.
My first grandbaby is almost 11 months old. We were the only place she could be left because of some things going on, so we kept her while mom was in the hospital. I was so excited about that...and then reality hit.
This is a baby girl who has no idea who we are. She is very dependent on her mom. She has no schedule to try to at least keep that the same for her.
In my mind, it was going to be two days of getting to be Mimi the way I would want to with any of my grandbabies. But did you know you can't be Mimi when all they do is scream when they are awake? Did you know consoling a child that you can't console because they have no idea who you are is not what being Mimi is all about? But it is my reality. And the other kids who have wanted so badly to see her, especially Toben and Ava, wanted to hold her. But all they got were screams in return. Yesterday when I left to take her to the hospital to meet her new brother, Ava and Toben ran into the room screaming, "Wait! I want to say good bye!" and "We might not see her again!" That is their reality.
Today we say good bye. We don't know if it will be for a few days, a few weeks, or again for a few months. Once again, I find myself in a place of not really having a file to put the emotions this life experience brings. Definitely sadness and frustration. But even as I woke this morning, the Lord knew what I needed. My first thoughts were, "do not grow weary in doing good" and "suffering brings perseverance; perseverance character, and character hope."
The reality stinks! But somewhere under the layers of pain, hope still flickers!
I am a Mimi again! Demetri Julian was born Tuesday morning at 1:39. I was blessed to be there. He is precious! But the reality is, I don't know if I will get to be a part of his life.
My first grandbaby is almost 11 months old. We were the only place she could be left because of some things going on, so we kept her while mom was in the hospital. I was so excited about that...and then reality hit.
This is a baby girl who has no idea who we are. She is very dependent on her mom. She has no schedule to try to at least keep that the same for her.
In my mind, it was going to be two days of getting to be Mimi the way I would want to with any of my grandbabies. But did you know you can't be Mimi when all they do is scream when they are awake? Did you know consoling a child that you can't console because they have no idea who you are is not what being Mimi is all about? But it is my reality. And the other kids who have wanted so badly to see her, especially Toben and Ava, wanted to hold her. But all they got were screams in return. Yesterday when I left to take her to the hospital to meet her new brother, Ava and Toben ran into the room screaming, "Wait! I want to say good bye!" and "We might not see her again!" That is their reality.
Today we say good bye. We don't know if it will be for a few days, a few weeks, or again for a few months. Once again, I find myself in a place of not really having a file to put the emotions this life experience brings. Definitely sadness and frustration. But even as I woke this morning, the Lord knew what I needed. My first thoughts were, "do not grow weary in doing good" and "suffering brings perseverance; perseverance character, and character hope."
The reality stinks! But somewhere under the layers of pain, hope still flickers!
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