The Reality

Warning: this is one of my "real" posts.  I would appreciate readers just reading and not feeling the need for a sermon or reminding me of all the "right" things to think or do right now.  I know them...I'll get there.  But this is just the reality of where we are.

I am a Mimi again!  Demetri Julian was born Tuesday morning at 1:39.  I was blessed to be there.  He is precious! But the reality is, I don't know if I will get to be a part of his life.

My first grandbaby is almost 11 months old.  We were the only place she could be left because of some things going on, so we kept her while mom was in the hospital.  I was so excited about that...and then reality hit.

This is a baby girl who has no idea who we are.  She is very dependent on her mom.  She has no schedule to try to at least keep that the same for her.

In my mind, it was going to be two days of getting to be Mimi the way I would want to with any of my grandbabies.  But did you know you can't be Mimi when all they do is scream when they are awake?  Did you know consoling a child that you can't console because they have no idea who you are is not what being Mimi is all about?  But it is my reality. And the other kids who have wanted so badly to see her, especially Toben and Ava, wanted to hold her.  But all they got were screams in return.  Yesterday when I left to take her to the hospital to meet her new brother, Ava and Toben ran into the room screaming, "Wait! I want to say good bye!" and "We might not see her again!" That is their reality.

Today we say good bye.  We don't know if it will be for a few days, a few weeks, or again for a few months.  Once again, I find myself in a place of not really having a file to put the emotions this life experience brings.  Definitely sadness and frustration.  But even as I woke this morning, the Lord knew what I needed.  My first thoughts were, "do not grow weary in doing good" and "suffering brings perseverance; perseverance character, and character hope."

The reality stinks! But somewhere under the layers of pain, hope still flickers!