What do you want from me, God?

I know scripture says that I have the mind of Christ, but many times I think my brain is short circuting if that is the case! This morning is one of those times that I want to get on my roof and shout at the heavans, "What do you want from me, God?!"

I got an e-mail last week from Sheku, the contact that informs us about Eden and has sent pictures from time to time. I just kind of read it and pretended like I hadn't. I tend to deal with stuff right now by ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist! But with my friend waiting on her investigation outcome in SL and all our adoptive families waiting to hear about court decrees, my mind goes frequently to my little girl in SL. My heart almost can't handle thinking of her. I wonder if God is preparing a way for her to come home to us after all these years....but then I wonder if I can really handle child number 5 being a 6 year old from another culture who doesn't speak my language! Can my current children handle that disruption also? I know if God says "do it", those other questions don't matter, He will supply all our needs! But is he saying "do it" or is this one of those doors that just because it is open doesn't mean we need to go through it?

It has always been very important to us that she attend school as we know that is the key to a better life for her and her future family! So we asked him to send us her tuition bill so that we can send money for he tuition to make sure she remains in school. Past that, I don't know what our role is in her life except to cover her and prayer and be open at any time for God to say, "I promised you she would come home, and NOW is the time!" But if I am honest, I have to say that I didn't sign up for a SIX year old little girl! I would have to say I don't "want" that for my life right now, but I have to be open! And I know if that is what God wants, he will change my heart, and it will be my desire too. Until that time, we wait, pray and seek wisdom to know what to do, and look at pictures of my holding a little girl that still holds a special place in my heart whether she ever has a bed under my roof or not!