Siiiiiiiigh......

More puke! Now John has it! I am sick of stomach viruses! Go away!

Let me just say that I know how selfish this sounds/is, but I say this is a transparent look at my life...so you get the good, the bad and the very ugly! I am so bummed that he is sick tonight! See I got an e-mail in my inbox today. Ever since I started pricing fences to get the pool fence, I have stopped looking at domestic situations and concentrated on the foster care issue.

Well, the e-mail I got was for an African American baby girl due in July here in Texas. It is a little higher than what I had wanted to do even in a domestic adoption, but I just keep thinking that no matter the cost, a child is worth it! I don't hesitate to pay that much for a car that will run out and eventually break down. The car will be ashes when the fire hits it, but the life of this child will be eternal! Read post below for simple explanation of that analogy!

John hates these e-mails! It really stretches him to think about having another child. There are days it does me too, but I love babies and children! John doesn't have that burning desire like me, so I appreciate that he is willing to pray and consider that perhaps God is calling us to this even thought he, John, would not choose this for us. However, talking about it is hard. For one thing, finding time when we can both sit down and talk with out interruption when we still have brain cells left (which we usually neither one do by bed time!) is so difficult. Well, tonight, the big kids are with John's parents. The little ones go to bed at 8, so we were planning to sit and talk about it tonight to see if we feel called in anyway to pursue this situation.

There is one part about this situation that keeps going through my mind....the mother went to abort her, but she was too far along! Ouch! I hear my government teacher from high school saying, "These pro-life people better be ready to put their money where their mouth is and raise these babies that aren't aborted." I'm ready! I will put my money where my mouth is! Bring her to me! I would take in an unlimited number of children to save them from being murdered before they are born! But that doesn't mean this baby is mine, either.

So I sit...wondering....dreaming...trying not to think of the possibilities....trying not to fall in love with her already....trying to be truly open to God's will...and at the same time wondering where in the world we would get that kind of money to pursue the adoption! But then I know story after story of how God provided, so I would pursue her in a heart beat in faith that God will take care of the rest...I just have to know this is His will! I want it to be His will so badly that I don't know that I can be fully objective....that is why I really do rely on John to say yes or no! I just need him to not be puking so we can talk about it!