Wanting God more!

I have found myself trying so hard to stay neutral in this adoption. Trying not to even think about a time line of when he will come home. But how do you know you are gaining a son and not think about when he will be here? I have thought so much about Christmas coming. It is now less than 3 months away. I had secretly kind of hoped he would be here by then, but trying to tell myself I would be ok if he wasn't. I thought I was doing a good job of being "ok" until I got some old clothes out and came across a pair of Christmas PJ's that I think would fit Obie if he is here. The thought of him not being here to wear them brought on the tears and that pit in my stomach. I have now spent two Christmases of my life with a child half way around the world, and I never want to do that again! I want him HERE for that magical time! It just won't be the same with out him here.

So that sends up red flags to me that I am losing sight of what I promised myself I would not do in this adoption journey. With Eden, when it was all said and done, I realized that somewhere along the journey I had taken my eyes of the Author and Perfector of my faith and set my eyes on a goal.....getting Eden to my house! When that didn't happen, I was devestated and ready to walk away from God all together. Then a wise woman (Debbie Dietrich for those of you who know her) reminded me that if I started this journey to glorify God, than He had accomplished and completed the task...He was still there and still would use it for His glory. I had to really look at my intentions and decide if I was truly willing to lay down all my desires and let go of Eden for God's glory? As I start this journey with Obadiah, I don't ever want to get to the point that I want him home more than I want God to be glorified or just more than I want a relationship with God. You see what happened over the course of two years of all kinds of few ups and many downs with Eden's adoption was that God changed my insides! He made me look more like him! He transformed me! So knowing that, I would go through it all again in a heart beat! I got to know my Heavenly Daddy on a more intimate level! So I want to always keep my eyes fixed on God and want Him over an outcome...like Obadiah coming home for Christmas...or at all! But my flesh is strong, and I often listen to the lies that the enemy whispers about the circumstances.

Balance seems to be THE word in my life right now! I must find the balance between getting my heart so set on Obadiah coming home that I lose sight of God's work AND allowing myself to love this little boy with all my heart knowing full well he could never be in my home....but for now, God says I am to call him son! So until I can hold him in my arms, I will hold him in my heart and keep him before the Father who is The Provider and the best parent any of us can ever have!

God, keep my baby safe until You bring him to me!

Announcement!

Ok, well, it has been over three months since my last post, so maybe no one is looking anymore! Can't say that I would blame them! Things have been crazy! We sold our house and moved in that time (the move from 'you know where'), we had 25+ children come into the orphanage and placed them all with families, we had 3 families travel and 7 kids come home, Noah started kindergarden, Ava started walking.......tired yet? :) So that is some of the reason I have not posted.

I have been trying to find time to post for a couple of weeks now as we have some big news! God is calling us to step on the roller coaster of adoption again! I will share more later in future blogs as I promise to be better about posting. I want to use this to journal the experience for later! I have learned that I can type faster than I can write, and I cherish what I wrote from Eden's adoption journey as it transformed me! So you will have to bear with me as I bare all! (I probably used the wrong forms of the words there....sorry all you English type people. my math brain doesn't do words very well some times!)

Ok, I enough rambling. Let me introduce to you the newest Petree.........Obadiah! Isn't he precious! They say his birthday is Jan. 2004 which makes him 3.5, but we are thinking he may be younger. We will just have to see when we get him home and get him to a doctor! I love his name, but as is Petree tradition, John and I don't agree! He doesn't like it. I want to call him Obi (or Obie however we would need to spell it to get a long E sound at the end!) So if you like that, e-mail John and tell him! :) Here he is!

I've been Tagged!

My friend Crystal "tagged" me. I guess there is a game of Tag going through Blogger and once tagged by someone you must share seven little known facts about yourself. I know all of you are laughing because I am such an open book! You can't imagine that there would be seven thing you don't know about me.....so let me see if I can come up with something new!

1. I played the flute in junior high and high school and played at weddings, funerals and church all through college. I haven't picked up the flute in probably four years! I don't know if I could still play or not now!
2. I have been to Hawaii twice. My family always took a large trip in the summer. I have been to just about all 50 states and we DROVE everywhere we went well I guess not 'everywhere' since we flew to Hawaii :) )! We had a pop up tent that we pulled behind us and nicknamed "Tag a long" My mom even painted that name onthe back of the trailer right above the set of long horns that were mounted to it! Hmmmmmm, what were they thinking?! We even drove to New York pulling that trailer!
3. I LOVE to cook! I am sure most of you don' t know that because I gripe so much about cooking, but I really do enjoy it! I just don't have the time to enjoy it these days! Plus cooking the way I like to cook (fun recipes) is kind of expensive. I have wanted to start a cooking group where several of us get together and bring ingredients for a couple of recipes and we all put them together and then freeze them. Any takers?
4. I have dreamed of being a motivational speaker! I LOVE to encourage people, and I am one of those weird people who actually like talking in front of crowds. I have to have a worthwhile topic when I speak, but get me on God or adoption, and I can talk to however many people will listen!
5. I have always wanted to own a gift store. It is a frivilous dream, but when I am old and too worn out to travel to Africa, I would love to open a gift store that I can keep stocked with gifts to brighten people's lives!
6. I was engaged to a man named Brian before I met John. I panicked when I was about to graduate college and was not married. I just wanted to be a wife and mother....didn't really want the degree and just knew if I left college with out a husband I would NEVER have one! I met him at a Chrsitian singles night. I actually walked up to him and gave him my phone number! Mistake number one! I am always jumping ahead and trying to take things into my own hands! Anyway, he was a wonderful guy, but we were not meant to be together! I saw him six or seven months after we broke up and he was with his VERY pregant wife. :) And let me add that I am soooo grateful that didn't work out or I would have missed my life with John! :)
7. Hmmmm.....what else do you guys maybe not know about me.......this is pitiful! I need to quick blabbing and keep more to myself! Ok, this isn't really a big deal, but maybe you don't know it...I have a 'dream album'. I am sure you all know I LOVE to scrapbook, but I started this dream album shortly after I started scrapbooking. It is pretty powerful to actually put your dreams in print! It made a couple of them come true just to have them written down (after I put it in my dream album to have a place to scrapbook, JOhn cleaned out the laundry room in our house then and set up a scarpbooking area. Every since then we have looked for a scrapbooking area in every house we have bought!). When they are fulfilled, I put pictures of the fulfilled dream in there.

Ok, that was tough! Now EMILY it is your turn! TAG, you are it!

Anticipation!

For the first time in many years (I would venture to say since Eden's adoption came to an end), I have such great aniticipation over what God is going to do that I have butterflies in my stomach! What an awesome feeling! Many of you know that we have had our house up for sale for weeks now! Very frustrating! We have lost two houses that we thought might be ours and are pretty tired of keeping the house spotless so that it can show in a moments notice! However, over the last two days as I have spoken to God and asked Him to move in this situation, He has given me a great sense of anticipation. I have NO idea how this will turn out....it may be that we are right here with a VERY tight budget so that we can pay down our debt, or it may be that we are reducing our house to sale quickly in order to get into the house we feel God has for us. But whatever it is, I am anticipating God to be ALL OVER IT! And I am excited! This must mean I have some trust back for God! And I am just about as excited about that as anything!

I will keep you posted as to what happens with everything! We are looking at a new house at 11:30 today and are really excited about its possibilities. It is bigger and much cheaper than the others we have looked at!

Also, check back with me later today or tomorrow because my good friend Crystal has tagged me! Evidently there is a game of "blog tag" going on in blogger land and I am it! So I will be writing some little known facts about myself and then "tagging" one of you! So check back!

Have a terrific Tuesday! I plan on it! :)

Week of Milestons!

Wow! Didn't realize it had been over two months since I had posted! So if any of you are still checking this, I will be amazed!

This weekend was crazy! But God used it to reconnect me with my children. It was amazing!

Friday night we had Callie's dance recital! She was beautiful! I was putting her make up on and we were laughing and having so much fun, and I saw the daughter I have prayed for. The one who I can spend time with and enjoy. Callie can be a difficult child...demands tons of attention and is very dramatic. But that night, she was just fun! In my mind, I was picturing me putting her make up on for prom! I know that will be here before I know it, and it made me sad. But it also reminded me that I have very little precious time left to mold her before she has wings and takes flight! How I need to be pouring into her life. How much she needs to know the Word of God NOW! Her is a picture of my little princess!

Then Saturday we took family pictures with John's family. We got some really good pictures and everyone did it without yelling at anyone! Much better than our last family portrait. Reminded me of how much we had all changed in the last two years. I can see a little more Jesus in just about all of us! That was exciting!

Then Saturday night we had a reception for Ava's baby dedication. Another reminder of what an awesome responsibility we have to teach our children the truths of God. Jill Sparks spoke and said, "you can only bring your children as close to God as you are." Wow! That hit home! I want to be best friends with Jesus so Callie, Noah , and Ava can be best friends with Hin too! What a challenge.

Sunday was Mother's Day. Probably my best Mother's Day ever. We made a commitment to raise Ava in the fear and admonition of the Lord (my other two were dedicated on Father's Day, so this was a nice switch!). It was also a reminder of the commitment we made to do the same with Callie and Noah! We had lunch at our house with both sides of the family. John planned, shopped and cooked lunch! It was wonderful! He did great! What a wonderful husband!!!

That afternoon we had Ava's one year birthday celebration. She is such a ham! I can't believe it has been a year already. Makes me sad! She went from baby to little girl over night! She has started standing on her own, and she loves it! She really put on a show for us. We gave her a cake of her own and put up a sheet to take pictures. I will post some. She went right after it and ended up with icing ALL over her! What fun we had!

It was a weekend that God used to just remind me of the important things in life! My family is the MOST important thing in this world to me. Yes, the agency is important, and the orphans need someone to fight for them. However, I am the only mother Callie, Noah and Ava have! I am the only one who can love them the way a mother is supposed to. And I am the only one who can be John's crowning glory! I don't take those two roles nearly serious enough! I pray that God has engraved these lessons on my heart. That when the tough times come (and I know they will), that I will remember the importance of these two roles and love my family through the rough spots!

Thank you God for reminding me of my most important calling in this life!

PS - In case you didn't notice, I don't know how to rotate pics in this program, so either lay down and look at them, or turn your computer on its side! :)

On cruise control

Ever just feel like you are coasting through life? I don't think I have ever felt like that to the extent that I do right now. I'm not necesarily sad, definitly not overjoyed, just here! I know that this is not the abundant life God speaks of in His word, yet I can't seem to get out of this funk! Our Pastor talked a couple of weeks ago about a winter time.....a dry spiritual time....where you might not hear from God, but growth is occuring. Well, the not hearing from God part fits (yet there are a few times I have felt him giving me some nudges in directions), but not sure the growth part does.....hopefully I am growing where I can't see it, but man this feels weird!

I hope it passes soon!

Dreams that make you go hmmmmmmm......

Well, I had a weird dream last night..but it was one of those that was so real that it makes you wonder if there was something to it!

I dreamed that I was pregnant and having some difficulties, so I went to the doctor. It was way too early to deliver so John stayed home and mom and dad went with me to the doctor. They were doing a sonogram, and the tech asked if I wanted to know what the baby was.....I could see the screne, and it was so real! I could even tell what the baby was....it was a boy!!! Which is really odd since I have never had a sonogram with boy parts! :) Then it took a weird turn and I am in the hospital room with the little boy in an incubator beside me calling John to tell him he has a son. He wasn't very thrilled that he missed it all! :(

It was just so real, that it made me want that little boy! Made me wonder if God will bless me with another pregnancy that will result in a little brother for Noah! He wants that so badly! Yet, I know we will adopt again also. A pregnancy will have to be a God thing because John is really done with bio children, I think! We shall see!!!

Balance

Balance seems to be the word for me these days in every area of my life! Balance between being mom and running an agency, balance between faith and stupidity, balance between disciplining my children and tearing them down, balance between speaking truth into people's lives and putting my nose where it doesn't belong, balance between being an alien in this world but still being salt and light....

I long to live a life glorifying to God, well, at least most days! Yet lately I have really struggled with this world not being my home. I am so uncomfortable here, and I really don't like to be uncomfortable. I find myself flip flopping between being so excited about what God is doing that nothing else matters and resenting the fact that I can't pursue the things of this world (ie: more money, nicer clothes, etc). I think I am in an identity crisis! It sounds so simple to be able to say, my identity is in Christ. Period! The things of this earth have nothing for me! And it truly is that simple.....so why the struggle?

So I continue to look for balance....and right now that means going to bed so I can start again in the morning!

What are your giants?

I am just about to finish reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin McMannus. It most definitely heralds as the most thought provoking book I have read in some time!

McMannus writes, "If you're going to seize divine moments, you must be willing to face your giants. Remember the Philistines were the people of giants. That was the family of Goliath and his brothers." The Philistines possessed the land that God has promised to the Israelites and had called them to take possession of. However, the giants stood in the way. The Israelites had to face their giants to take possession of the land God had promised...the land flowing with milk and honey.

This got me to thinking...what are my giants? Well, at this point in my life, I have many! Probably the biggest is the fear of failure (failure to be a Godly wife, failure to be the mom I need to be, failure to hear God). Then there are the giants associated with the adoption agency. What if an adoption fails? What if I look bad for a decision I make or because of something that is out of my control? What if a child dies? It would be much easier to just be a stay at home mom who just goes about her daily chores of cleaning and caring for my family! But that is not the promised land God has for me. My promised land is filled with these giants, and if I want to claim it, I must face them head on!

Then there are the personal giants of finances (my addiction to house decorations, clothes for my kids, wanting more period!), food (my using food as a comfort instead of turning to The Comforter keeps me from losing the weight that effects my physical ability to complete tasks God calls me to because of out right fatigue).

I am ready to claim my promised land! I am ready to face the giants! I am sure not every battle will end in success. I know there will be times that I fall short and go back to the wilderness because the giants look bigger than ever. But later in the book McMannus talks about the journey..the journey to where God is calling and the journey to the divine moment. The journey that will bring me face to face with the giants! I have to admit that last night I had an all out fit with God. I confessed that I want His best for my life! I desire the intimate walk with Him, but I don't want the battles that will come on the journey to that best and intimacy. And as my Heavenly Daddy always does, He reminded me ever so gently through the words of McMannus, "Do you want the outcome without the journey? Because if that's the case, I don't know how to tell you to get there."

I am ready for the journey...battles and all! I will face the giants and God will provide me the five little stones and the slingshot to whack those giants right between the eyes and watch them fall to the ground. Then I will walk right over them onto my promised land and claim it for the glory of God! Bring on the giants!

Let's bring Liberia to Texas!

Which one of these children is yours?

Ok, if you didn't get to watch Oprah today, then ask me for the tape! It is my life story told by another woman! Crazy to hear your own thoughts coming from a woman that you have never met and know that God has placed the same burden in her heart as he has mine!

Sooooo got me to thinking....what kind of impact would a church the size of Stonegate have on a country like Liberia if God called each family to bring home just one of His children from there.....well, last year (2006) there were 353 immigrant visas issued to children being adopted from Liberia in the US. Stonegate has way more than 1000 families. We could easily triple, if not quadruple that number! We could literally turn a country around! What if all those children returned to Liberia when they are adults with the training and skills they learn here? They could farm the land, set up road systems, drill water wells, open medical clinics, plant churches.....the list is endless. There could be a true revolution in Liberia! Watch out families of Stonegate....I have a specific prayer now!

God, open the eyes of the families of Stonegate to the needs of the children of Liberia. For those families that you are calling to bring one of these children home, may they step out in faith. May they know the joy and hope of your calling to adopt and may they walk in it. Put those of us who have a heart for adoption in the path of those who need to hear our stories to spark that fire in them. When the fire is sparked show us how to fan it into a flame. I pray that the children of Liberia will be brought to Midland, Texas to be trained as your warriors to return one day to Liberia and other parts of Africa to set that continent free from the evil oppression it is under! Thank you for allowing me to be just a spec in your plan!

They are all going to HOLLYWOOD!

Well, we survived our American Idol party! The kids had a blast! I can't believe Callie is 7 years old! She had more boys than girls at her party! I am NOT ready for this! We had some real stars, and the kids had a blast! Here are some pics of our evening with the stars!

Sleepover Swap!

Well, I have officially cut my first apron strings with my daughter! (My oldest daugther that is!) She had her first sleepover last night. Her friend Addy came and spent the night...well evening! About 11:30, she said she missed her mom. We had planned for just such an event, so I called her mom and told her I was bringing her home.

When we got there, she asked if Callie could stay with her. So, with very little thought, I agreed. Callie was in her pj's with no shoes or a coat in 32 degree weather! So I went to the car and gave her a piggy back ride to the door. She was so excited! I got back in my car and had a panick attack! What had I just done?! With very little thought, I had just left my most prized possesion in the custody of someone who is not family (wonderful people, but still not related)! Snip, snip! There went that string! I know it is time, but man, its' hard.

I hear God saying, now is as good a time as any to learn to trust Me with her! Yes, God! And she is having a marvelous time I am sure!

Loving God more

Ok, you know when you read a familiar scripture, but a whole new meaning pops off the page...that is what happened to me this week. I have been contemplating it ever since!

Matthew 10:37 and 38 say that I must love God more than my father, mother and children or I am not worthy of being His. Them there are pretty strong words! But as I read that this week, I thought about Eden! I get this scripture now! It has gone from head knowledge to life application!

When I came home with out Eden, I had to reconcile that Eden coming to live with us right now just isn't God's plan. So the bottom line was, did I love Eden more than God? Did I truly want to please God, or did I only want to please Him as long as the outcome was positive? If I love God more than Eden, then her not coming home is just part of His bigger picture. The anger, frustration, and inability to trust God kind of fade away. The hurt of losing a daugther is still there, and my heart still aches for her, but God understands that...in fact, He knows it personally. His Son hung on a tree for me!

I thought more about this scripture and went back to when we adopted Noah. Up to that point, I had never done anything that truly went against my parents wishes and advice. I still, even as an adult, longed for their approval. But I remember standing in the kitchen crying with John, not understanding why my parents didn't see the reason why we were pursuing an adoption of this little baby that needed family and I said, to John, "if it comes down to my mother or God, Mom doesn't have a chance." That is what Matthew is talking about here. It's not that I disrespect my parents or that I want to go against them, but ultimatly I love God more and it is His approval I must seek not any man....including my parents!

It gave me a new challenge to love God more! More than my children, more than my parents, more than my children to come! When I get ansy about wanting more children, I need to remember this scripture. I love God more and must wait patiently for His perfect timing! Right now I have lost as many children as I have in my home, and He may call me to let go of more....but ultimately the question is, who do I love the most? I hope I always answer, GOD!

Is fear paralyzing me from what God has for me?

I want to a small groups conference in Chicago at Willowcreek back in October. There were several w0nderful speakers, but one in particular hit home with me. His name is Erwin McManus and he is the pastor of a congregation in CA called Mosaic (cool name for a church, huh?) Well, he is now my new favorite author! I bought his book Chasing Daylight while we were at the conference, and it has blown me away! I love his take on things. So the quotes in this post are from this book...I HIGHLY encourage you to pick up a copy and read it! Especially if you feel fear is keeping you from God's best!

The whole book is based on what McManus calls the Jonathan factor. He basis it on the story of Jonathan when he takes his armor-bearer and just the two of them go up against the Philistines by themselves because he takes a risk and believes God's promise to give them the land.

McManus says, "To the best of my understanding, faith is trusting God enough to obey what He has said, and hope is having the confidence that God will do everthying He has promised. One pushes you; the other pulls you. They lead you into the wonder of experiencing divine moments. But without question, in between faith and hope, there is risk."

I LOVE that! See, I grew up in a home where you don't take risks...period! If you don't know the outcome will be good, then you don't do it. Now, I grew up in a Christian home with wonderful parents. But they are very legalistic! They do not have a concept of blind faith. This thought process has definitly impacted my adulthood. I am just now understanding what it means to walk by faith and not by sight, and frankly, it scares the holy cow out of me!

But as I hear God calling me to things like processing adoptions out of Liberia, there are HUGE risks! I believe so many times we as Christians want the big miracles and the power of God in our lives, but we are not willing to take the risks to get there! God is teaching me to take the risks! We want to stay in our comfortable lives and just exist with God showing up now and then to work a miracle and fix an uncomfortable situation. We are not willing to hand our lives to Him and say, whatever, wherever, whenever! We are not willing to start the journey without knowing the ending! That is not how God operates....frankly that is not faith!

McManus talks more about that: "Life is full of high boards [he is refering to an experience when he was a child of being scared to jump off the hight diving board], the place we stand where we realize that the altitude is higher than we expected. The place where there is no neutral - we either go forward or go backward. Many times this becomes the dividing line, the line that separates those who see their divine opportunity and those who seize their divine opportunity." I see that as where I am in my life! God is calling me to obedience in many areas. He is asking me to walk on the water. I can sit in the boat and lead a more comfortable life, or I can get up at 5 in the morning to make sure I have plenty of time to spend with Him and exercise before my family wakes up, I can close the agency, or I can receive calls at 4 in the morning or on Christmas Eve to talk about papers that need to be processed for children in need of a family. I can say I am finished and quit, or I can continue to move forward even when papers come back with wrong names, or I hit wall after wall when trying to get answers from government agencies in order to do things correctly. (You have to love it when the government doesn't have answers to their own policies and regulations!) I may not always have the answers, but neither did Jonathan, "what we find in Jonathan's plan is not a shrewdly laid-out war plan. He was a servant who was convinced that God was more than ready to act."

I have referenced many times that I feel this is the year that I will leave the wilderness (a wilderness that I have been in because God has been growing me, but also because I was unwilling to walk in obedience in some areas). So I loved when McManus said, "Their journey stretched to forty years as a result of the wrong choices they made while they wandered in the wilderness. God's calling and promise to them were clear, yet their response shaped how the journey played out." As I think about the promise land that lays before me and as I have already faced many chalenges in the short 2007 that we have already had, I can relate with the following excert: "If the opponents were taller, stronger, more powerful and more numerous than [the Isrealites] were, that was God's problem. They had a calling to go and a promise to receive. The land was theirs if they would only take it. God would give them victory in the battle, but He would not fight their battle for them." Wow! So many times I am afraid of how I will look if I fail....but I am learning to say to God, this is your call, I walked in obedience, so this is your problem! And you know what, He usually provides the answer just after that! All He is wanting is for me to get over myself and rely solely on HIM!

McManus talks about the concept that you go unless God says stop...you don't wait for the perfect plan, you just keep advancing until He stops you...."There are certain things that you do not need permission to do. You've already been commissioned to do them. There are certain things that you do not need a calling to do. You've already been commanded to do them."

There are so many more things I would love to share with you, but this is turned into a novel already! So let me leave you with these questions that chalenged me:

"Is it possible that you have been fleecing your divine moments rather than seizing them? That you've said to God, 'I'm not doing anything, risking anything or going anywhere until You give me a sign?' Have you chosen to live in safety, comfort, and convenience, justifying this lifestyle because God hasn't called you to a different life?" For me it is has God not called me, or have I just not been listening?

"for a follower of Christ, what it means to live on the edge is to stand at the epicenter of where the kingdom of God confronts the kingdom of darkness".....I love that! I want to live on the edge! I want to walk in the calling God has placed on my life and complete the good works He has prepared in advance for me to do! I want to step out of my comfort zone, and I will advance until GOD says stop!

Memories....

One of my favorite pictures of Eden..one of the few smiles I got from her!

My friend Crystal told me about a blog. http://thebeautifulfeet.blogspot.com/ I knew I shouldn' t have looked, but it is too late now! This is a story of a family who is adopting form Sierra Leone. The mother with the 6 children are living at Family Kingdom in Freetown, Sierra Leone. As I read her posts, I was transported to June 2005 and my time in Freetown! We would go to Family Kingdom to get a coca-cola light (aka: Diet Coke!) As I think back on it, it really seems like a dream! Did I really go there? Did all that really happen? I e-maled Juli (the author of the blog) and I will be anxious to see if I hear back from her.

I have to admit that reading her blog made me wonder yet again if we did enough! Should I go live there for 6 months? I could do it! She makes it sound so wonderful! She is there with 6 kids, and she makes it sound so easy! I could do it with 4 kids, right? Good thing my mom isn't invited to read this because she would have just dropped dead of a heart attack just reading that last statement!

I miss Eden so much. I thought time would make it easier, but honestly I miss her more now than I did when I first came home. The feel of her wiry hair under my chin as she sat on my lap...the look of her dark hand laying on my white arm....her contagious laugh when I would tickler her...that one time that she called me mommy.....how proud I was the first time she handed the gum wrapper ( she LOVED gum) to me instead of throwing it down on the floor! The time I took her into the bathroom at the hotel and turned the water on for her to wash her hands, not thinking that she had never seen running water! She was fascinated and stood there just turning the water off and on!

God, protect her! Hide her from the evil that surrounds her in her homeland. Strengthen her grandmother and provide for their needs. My heart breaks for her, but I know you hold her in your hand and you have covered her with your feathers! Thank you for that comfort!

The last picture of us taken right before I left for the helicopter. She was sick this day and spent the whole time in my lap!

The first time mother and daughter met!

Parting the waters......

As I was spending time with God this morning, I was reading in Joshua. I truly believe that 2007 will be the year that I cross over, out of the wilderness and into the promised land in many areas of my life. But I also know that 'crossing over' will not come with out battles, perseverance, and sacrifice on my part. I was struck by something I read about the Isrealites this morning. I had never picked up on the fact that when the priests walked into the Jordan, they stayed on the dry land while the rest of the Isrealites walked through. The dry land (the place to cross the raging waters) was in the prescence of God almighty! This just reminded me in a very real and visual way that I must be in God's prescence in order to overcome the battles in my life! I have a name that is all powerful that I simply have to call on and He will come to my aid and rescue! Yet, so many times I just jump into the raging water on my own strength instead of calling on Him, and waiting for the waters to part! So today, I am going to approach each battle that comes my way by stopping, calling on His name, and watching the waters part!

God, thank you for your word that encourages and refreshes! It truly is water to my soul!

You got to love babies!

Well, it is 4:30 AM, and I am up with Ava! She is wide awake and has been for about an hour. Ugh! I am so tired! Wish I could explain that to her, but at 7 (almost 8) months, she just doesn't get it!

I didn't get to bed until after midnight. John and I were up discussing our families future and what God has for us. Does it amaze anyone else that God put two people who couldn't be more polar opposites together then expects them to live as partners in harmony? John is perfectly content with the three children we have, and I have the desire for many more! How do you reconcile that?

After a day of seeing God answer prayers in regard to the agency, I ended the day completely defeated. How does that happen? Can there ever be a day where the enemy just leaves us alone? As I sat last night begging God to just let me lead a "normal" life, a life where all I have to be concerned with are my husband, my children, and my home, he reminded me of the awesome analogy demonstrated during our church service Sunday. It was an awesome analogy of what God and Christ did for us on the cross. By the end of the service, I was sobbing over the sacrifice Jesus made...a sacrifice made whether we choose to accept or decline His free gift of salvation that He offers! He left the perfect heavens to come to earth, go to the cross, beaten, mocked, humiliated, and I have the audacity to ask Him for a more comfortable life?

Well, I have a fussy little girl at my feet, so maybe that means she will go back to sleep now so I can sleep a few minutes before the rest of the family needs to get up!

Good bye 2006!

It's officially 2007! Happy New Year everyone!

Goals for the new year:

• wake up at 5 am in order to have my quite time and exercise done before the family wakes up!
• become better stewards of our finances! The credit cards are put away and we are on a cash only basis! Total reliance on God to provide! I have a feeling there maybe some days of beans and cornbread in our future when I am not disciplined in the beginning of the month....
• eat healthy! With this will come the weight loss I need to have the energy to carry out all God needs me to in a day to be faithful to His calling.
• get organized! My friend Melonie is helping me out with this! Thanks Melonie!!
• spend time everyday with my children in The Word
• have a devoted time to work the adoption agency from home so that I am ready when God moves in order for more children to come home through Addy's Hope and so that we can be a sorce of funds for the children remaining in Liberia to have a better life! My friends Debora and Krista are helping me out here! Thanks gals! Also Emily and Crystal! They are my fellow volunteers in this endeavor, encouraging me when things seem to fall apart! Also Karen! She inspires me every time I talk to her!
• spend more one on one time with each of my children
• spend more time with John (without children!)

There are so many more! Those are just a few of the high points...I am sure I will add more. I am excited about how my life will change when I put these things into practice. I always ask God for a verse for the year...last year it was Be still and know that I am God. Which would prove to be vital when I went through the post pardom depression and literally had to pray with each step my feet took in order to walk! This year, I am still listening, but one that I know I will hold onto for 2007 is Ex 16:28, "How long do you refuse to keep My commandments and My instructions?" I feel God has given me so many insights into how to improve our family and walk in obedience, yet I refuse to just do it! So 2007 is the year to just do it!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Only an hour and 15 minutes left in 2006, and I have to say that I am VERY excited to leave this year behind! I have great anticipation about 2007! I believe this will be the year that the Petrees will leave the wilderness and walk into the promised land. But God has reminded me that this will not come with out trials and battles....and I think they hit this past week!

I am very excited about our work in Liberia and what God will do there, but I seemed to hit wall after wall this week. God is reminding me to look to Him and wait on Him and He will provide the strength I need to persevere. I wrote myself a letter from God on Dec 18. I know, its weird, but I just felt God speaking to me so clearly through some scriptures I read and I knew that They were words for hard times ahead and encouragement to keep on keeping on. So I wrote the letter, printed it, and hung it above my computer. I have already had to read it to remind myself to keep on keeping on!

2006 brought the coping of leaving Eden behing in Sierra Leone. Dealing with God on why this had to happen! Learning to trust God again after feeling like He let me down. (I know that can't happen because the Word says He never fails us!) But I just didn't "feel" like that was true.

But 2006 also brought the birth of a new life into our family. Little Miss Ava is God's love letter to me that life will go on and He does still hear my prayers! She is a daily reminder that God has a perfect plan...He knew about her when all with Eden was falling apart. How I wish I could see the big picture He sees...but then I guess it wouldn't be faith would it?

They did an amazing analogy in church this morning that had me sobbing by the time it was over! I forget just how much Jesus suffered in order to offer me a free gift of salvation...and not just for eternal life after I die, but for an abundant life here on earth! All I know about 2007 is that I want to look back a year from now and know that I have done a better job of living worthy of the call! I want to know I have been a good steward of my time, talents and finances. And most of all I want to know that I have lived every day in a way that points others to Christ.

I want to be less focused on me and more focused on Him!And I look forward to seeing where God takes each one of you also! Happy New Year everyone! May God bless you in 2007!

I am so challenged!

Ok, I started this, then didn't do anything with it. Now I don't even know what my user name or password are anymore! I really need to write these things down.

I'm going to publish this to see what user name it uses. I thought my user name was heart for children, but now it is saying it does not have a user name as that...technology! My brain just can't grasp it! :)