Ilma Cloe Siddall September 22, 1918~March 7, 2007

Grandmother and my Callie


On Friday night at 10:15, I had the privilege of holding my Grandmother's hand as she left this life. Grandmother and I did not always have the best relationship. I can remember when I was young times that she told me how fat I was and how pretty my cousin was. But yet, as years went on, we had an understanding between us. I am not sure when the change occurred. I spent many weekends with Grandmother and Granddaddy in Eunice, NM. I was the only grandchild who really would spend weekends with them, but I loved it! I even went with them on many of their job trips as Granddaddy was a pipe inspector for Shell Pipeline. We picked up shells on the beach on one of their jobs. Grandmother has a shell collection that is unbelievable! We would read, bake or just spend time looking through books together.

One of my favorite stories of Grandmother was our trip from Albuquerque when she was taking me home. Grandmother didn't know how to pump gas! I couldn't believe it! We were about to run out of gas, and she said she couldn't get any gas because she couldn't find a full-service station. I died laughing and told her to pull over and I would teach her how to pump gas. I was 8!




Grandmother was also the one who told me Santa Clause wasn't real. That wasn't one of her best moments in my life! But I look back now and know it was all in love.

I was always the one called in when Grandmother wouldn't behave herself when she was sick. Four years ago, she suffered a serious heart attack and needed surgery. She did not understand the severity of what was happening to her, and would not sign the papers to give consent to the surgery despite my uncle and Daddy telling her she needed to. I just got right in front of her nose, bent down and told her she didn't have an option. She would die with out the surgery and we needed her to sign the papers so that she would have a fighting chance. She just looked at me and said, "Well, I guess I don't have a choice, give me the papers." That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done as none of us expected her to survive the surgery, but Granddaddy wanted her to have the surgery. With out it, she had a less than 75% chance of survival. So when all the family went to dinner to talk about what we needed to do, I finally stopped everyone and said, "Granddaddy, what do you want." He said he wanted her to have the surgery so that she could come home. we all knew then she had to have the surgery for his peace of mind. That was four years ago! Many times during her recovery, she wouldn't eat. So they would call me in to go feed her. For whatever reason, Grandmother would not argue with me or be ugly to me like she was to other family. I could say things to her in love that no one else could get away with!

Then when she fell and broke her hip several months ago, she would not go to therapy. So once again, I was called in. It only took me staying with her for one day. She didn't want to go to therapy and I told her she didn't have a choice. God was not done with her, and as long as she was able, she was going to fight back. So she got up went and went to therapy that day, and every day after....she even got well enough to go back home.

Then she got pneumonia and that was the beginning of the end. Yet, she still fought back as much as she could. It has only been the last couple of months that she has been bed ridden. Granddaddy and I had talked on Tuesday that he just couldn't bear the thought of her not knowing him when he went to see her. On Wednesday, he went to see her and said he could not understand what she was saying and she didn't know him. So I went to check on her Thursday. She met Toben for the first time, but really didn't know how he was. She never did remember who I was that day either. You think you are prepared for those things, but I don't think you can truly be prepared for that.

Mom and Dad were out of town taking care of my sister-in-law who had just had surgery to remove her ovaries because she had a pre-cancerous tumor. They are the primary care givers to Grandmother and Granddaddy. SO after phone calls back and forth, I told them I didn't want Granddaddy going to see her by himself on Friday and that I wanted to take him out there. After I picked up the kids from school, we went out to get him and see her.

The Hospice nurse met us out there and explained that she had taken a turn for the worse and she did not expect her to make it through the weekend. She told Granddaddy that Grandmother could hear him and he needed to say everything that he wanted her to know. We all left the room to give them time alone. Callie broke down as Grandmother didn't look much like herself. This was Callie's first experience with death of a family member.

Callie and I went in after Granddaddy. I am pretty sure there was a tear running down her check when I went back in. Callie and I prayed over her and I told her I would be back in a little while. We took Granddaddy to eat and then my uncle met us at Granddaddy's apartment. A Hospice nurse was scheduled to come out at 11 and stay the night with Grandmother as we didn't want her to be alone when she died. It hit me then that she was alone right then, so I said I would go out and stay with her until the nurse got there. John had met us for dinner so he took the kids on home.

When I got back out to Grandmother, I sat on the side of her bed and sang some of the old hymns I remember. I talked to her about the times we had shared. Then I told her it was ok to rest now. She had fought hard and we were all proud of her. I told her she could go be with her mother.

Her mother, Callie (my daugther's name sake) died in child birth when Grandmother was 12. Grandmother talked about her all the time with nothing but love and longing in her eyes! I asked her if I could lay down next to her and go with her! I laughed that she was going to the better place, and I was a little jealous that she was about to meet our Creator!

Then I sat in a chair beside her bed and drifted off to sleep. I know God had to wake me up or I would have slept right through it all. I woke up and just sensed that I needed to go sit by her. So I did. She was breathing the same. But in the next couple of minutes, she started breathing my more shallow. So I called my Dad just to tell him. While we were talking, I was stroking her arm and hair. I watched her chest rise and fall, and the pulse in her neck. Gradually, her chest stopped moving and only her neck would move oh so slightly as she took her last breaths. I was talking to Dad and told him to hold on. I kissed her forehead and she took her last breath. Just like that. Not gasps, no jerking, just a peaceful good bye. I told dad I thought she had quit breathing and wanted to go get a nurse. I called him back in a couple of minutes to tell him she was gone. You think you are prepared, but saying good bye is always hard!

I had never experienced watching someone pass from this life to the next. What a privilege! As I waited for Hospice to get there to take over the arrangements from that point, I just thought about what had just happened. So many emotions! I thougth of my Granddaddy who just lost his partner of 63 years. I thought of Toben who will never know his Grandmother. But mostly, I thought of Jesus. My Grandmother loved Jesus...she knew Him! I could rejoice in her passing because she knew Him. But I immediately thought of people who don't know Him. Why do I not make sure every person I come into contact with knows Jesus? Once that last breath is breathed, it is too late! Why do I not shout it from the roof that they need to know Jesus....then I went from they need to know Jesus for that last breath to there is an urgency that they meet Him because He wants to give them peace in this life here on earth! He needs them to know Him now so that they can live for Him and point others to Him. Oh how important it is that my life point to Jesus!

We will pay honor to my beautiful Grandmother Thursday morning and lay her to rest on Friday. Pray for my Granddaddy! He misses her greatly! I tell him the story above many times! He wants to hear her last moments over and over. I tell him and we cry together! He is precious....and so was she!




The thing I will miss most about Grandmother is the way she would light up when my kids would walk in the room. She loved babies, so Ava was the light of her life the past two years! And Callie and she always had a special bond because of the love they shared for shells and Callie being named after her mother. Grandmother's favorite game with Noah was to tease him that she would hug him! He knew there was no way she could catch him, but he would laugh anyway!