Character

This is one of those mornings where God has caused me to really look deep. To wrestle with what I know to be true and what I believe God has called me to or asked me to do.

I have said many times that the problem with Romans 5:3-5 (we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope) is that you have to want character! I want the hope at the end, but that character part in the middle just sometimes seems way overrated for what I have to "persevere" to get to it. You see, out world doesn't value character! They value results and possessions! Do most business men make decisions based on character or on the bottom dollar? Do most adoption agencies make decision based on character or on getting child home with a 'the ends justifies the means' mentality? Even me, as a Christian, when God calls me to an assignment, do I focus on the character it is bringing or the final goal? Well, I have to say the final goal! I want that "aha" moment that will bring the warm fuzzies of knowing God fulfilled his promise! The satisfaction of knowing I fulfilled God's call in that assignment!

I know that the journey is more important than the outcome. You have heard me talk about head knowledge versus heart knowledge before. But I would have to say that truth is still head knowledge. I haven't fully embraced it! Because I still find myself focused on the end and not the character being built or the journey to get there. I want the straight line from God's call to the fulfilment. But God's way is the winding path that takes me from glory to glory as He builds my character all along the path!

How does that apply right now? Well, you all know that God has laid a baby on my heart! I want to adopt right now a little baby African American girl more than anything. I know that is a desire from God, He has made clear that is a direction He has given me. I know that with out a doubt. However, the part that I think I have been ignoring is the winding path to get to that little girl! He called me to it, so let's find her, adopt her and get to the end! But God is saying, "I am calling you to bring child number 5 home. So let's start that path. I need you to move closer to me. I need you to be more organized and more responsible with your finances. This character will be necessary for you to be the mother of five children, the wife to your husband and the director of an adoption agency in a way that will bring me glory. I demand excellence. With out these character traits, bringing another child in will be just more chaos, and I am not a God of chaos and do not want you representing me to the world as you walk in faith as chaos." OUCH! But oh so true! I hear the direction and I want to jump to the end! I have always had that issue! But I see now where God has me on a journey! He has planted a seek and is asking me to surrender in every are to Him so that He can grow character in me as He brings about the fulfillment of what He has planted in me.

Man, that is so easy to write! So easy to "understand" but oh so difficult to put into practice. But as of this morning, no more whining! I have already noticed that God is giving me motivation to do things towards organization that have stalled me in times past. And even as I type this, He has reminded me that currently I need more room on my lap....I have two "babies" that might possibly need a little more "character" themselves before I add number five. As I was typing this paragraph with Ava on my lap, Toben walks up and pats my leg. Ava moves over to one leg and Toben climbs up on the now empty one. Just a little reminder from God that while I wait, He has already blessed me with a full lap and two little ones to type around and peak in between their heads at the computer screen!

I have to give my sweet husband credit where credit is due! I took my lesson this morning to him and he graciously walked me through it allowing God to use him to show me these points! Thank you John, and thank you God, for John!