Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Transparency

I have promised transparency on here, so here it goes!

Here is where I am at with God...these were the last words in my journal tonight:

Are you really good, and if the answer is yes, how do I know that?

Where were you in ________(a situation I have dealt with for many years that is too private to share)?

Do you really care about me as an individual? Or am I just a part of a grand scheme and you can and will easily dispose of me and could care less about my feelings as long as your plan is accomplished.

That's it...where I am! Not too Christian sounding and very selfish sounding, but where I am at none-the-less. Please spare me all the churchy answers in your comments...I know them all! I have shared them with many people over the years....I am just at a point of wrestling with God...and this is where I am!
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7 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:52:00 AM CST
Anonymous said...

This is much easier to do in a conversation but here are my thoughts.

Not only do I contend that God is good, I contend there is not even a concept of “good” without God.

To say that something is good, we assume there is a way to differentiate between good and evil. If we are going to differentiate between good and evil, we must assume that there is some moral law to make that distinction. But if there is a moral law, there must be a moral law giver. And if there is a moral law giver, there is God.

Good exists – your questions assumes that. But if God is not good, and goodness exists, then goodness must be some abstract concept that God must appeal to or conform to. If that is true, he is not God for he is not sovereign. Of course, there cannot be any abstract goodness – what would that look like anyway? Some bubbling goo of good somewhere? No, goodness flows from his very nature and is inseparable from his very being.

Moreover, God's moral nature is not arbitrary, but is expressed in relation to us in the form of divine commands which constitute our moral duties or obligations. In the Christian faith, our moral duty can be summed up in the two great commandments: (1) you shall love the Lord your God with all your strength and with all your soul and with all your heart and with all your mind; (2) you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On this foundation we can affirm the objective goodness and rightness of love, generosity, self-sacrifice, and equality, and condemn the objectively evil and wrong selfishness, hatred, abuse, discrimination, and oppression.

Finally, God will hold all persons morally accountable for their actions. Evil and wrong will be punished; righteousness will be vindicated. Good ultimately triumphs over evil, and we shall finally see that we do live in a moral universe after all. Despite the inequities of this life, in the end the scales of God's justice will be balanced. He wouldn’t be God otherwise.

God has blessed you. Abundantly. He has secured your salvation; send his Son to die for you; wrote you name in the Lamb’s Book of life, prepared a place for you to live with him forever and given you the gift of eternal life.

Questioning whether God is good is symptomatic of something larger – not believing scripture for scripture makes abundantly clear that He is good. The real question is, therefore, do you believe?

Whether that is a churchy answer, I do not know. But it is the truth – objective truth - whether you believe or not.

John

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:54:00 AM CST
Liberia Adoption said...

I'm sorry HollyAnn. I've felt like this before. All that seemed to help me was perseverance. Maybe this is part of what the Bible means when it talks about he who overcomes or finish the race.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 3:02:00 PM CST
Instantly Mama said...

Have you read The Shack? The book deals with this question and really helped me a lot. The book is not churchy at all - the main character is very mad at God and not afraid to say so.

Praying for you. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 5:45:00 PM CST
Karen said...

Hey my friend...you too? I have been struggling so much these past couple of weeks. Not so much as to if God is good, but does God change His mind? Does He loose battles? and yes...does He care about me?

But all I can say is that my human mind is not comprehending what is going on around us. What I thought God said, still holds true even though I thought it meant something else. I am so disappointed by the outcome of some situations these past couple of weeks. But all I know is I have to hold on to what I do know...He loves me. It doesn't say in the Bible He loves everyone BUT Karen...He loves me. And even though our situations going on around us doesn't make sense, I am praying for wisdom, understanding and even sight to see why we must endure these struggles.

I remember stating long ago, to be careful what you pray for (when I was praying for patience). Same goes for praying for more faith and trust.

And funny thing that Rachel said...someone recommended to me just yesterday to read that book for the same reason!

I'm here for you, if you ever need to just talk!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 6:09:00 PM CST
The Russell Family said...

I praise God for your transparency. These feelings are not uncommon for Christians. Most of us can identify whole-heartedly. Sadly, these feelings are kind of like a paper cut...you forget how badly it hurts until you are the one caught off guard by the pain. I've been thinking recently about why "x", "y", and "z" had to happen and how much better (seemingly) life would be if those things hadn't happened. Maybe it's just b/c I'm in a good place for the time being, but I've concluded that whatever it had to take to get me to this place...I'd do it over again in a NY minute. My relationship w/Jesus is not as thriving as I'd like, but I'm grateful that He adores me no matter how messy my life gets. I'm TRYING to enjoy my life more and more minute-by-minute realizing that I'm the only wife my hubby will have and the only mommy my son will have, so despite how ill-equipped I OFTEN feel, I HAVE to give it my all. And if I don't, I'll try again tomorrow. Hang in there girl. One foot in front of the other. You've been used by God to do AMAZING things! I'm encouraged by your life, your ministry, your openness. Rachel is right. The Shack is a good read and speaks very poignantly about this topic. The book isn't a magic pill or formula, just an insightful way to look at things.
Lots of love to you, Candace

Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 10:43:00 AM CST
Chantelle said...

I relate and I SO appreciate your HONESTY and real-ness.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 1:28:00 PM CST

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