We are people too!

WARNING: If you are an adoptive parent, you may not want to read any further. If you do read further, please take what I say as tongue-in-cheek...well, most of it! ;) It is very sarcastic, so anyone who doesn't get my sarcasm, probably shouldn't read this either! ;) If you just flat don't like sarcasm, you are weird! Ok, sorry! That was uncalled for...what do you expect at 1:45 am when I can't sleep?! You guys are getting to see a rare side of me! Now you can all feel very sorry for John! :)

Dear adoption people,

I am writing to let you know that we adoption professionals are people too. I understand that many adoption "professionals" seem to have steel hearts. That is because they have dealt with so much heart ache they have to put on the strong face to deal with even more. While this is maybe not the most effective way to handle communications with adoptive parents, at times it becomes necessary in order to deal with all the raw emotions adoptive parents are spewing at the adoption professional. I use the term "professional" loosely here as I am well aware that there are MANY (unfortunately) people working in adoptions who are anything but professional. I have worked with some of those both as an adoptive parent as an adoption professional. It isn't fun to work with those people regardless of your position! When you care about the children, any unprofessional adoption worker drives you mad!

But we are people too...we hurt when adoptions shut down, we cry when children die, we are devastated when a parent changes his/her mind about placing a child, we struggle when adoptive parents with children home struggle with their children...I assure you we are not in this for our health! In fact, most of us have health problems brought on by stress. But we do love the children, and we do want to walk with families through one of the most heart-wrenching journeys I have ever taken and I think that is true for many adoptive families.

I digress....Please understand as you call your adoption worker that they have probably talked to 10 other adoptive parents before you who think that their case should take priority over yours. It is humanly impossible to make each case the top priority. Those of us in this for the children do our best to put the most pressing needs to move the most cases forward at the top of the priority list. Those of us who are in this because God has called us to it, spend the first moments of our day asking God to order our steps as at the end of each day the "to do" list has gotten longer and not shorter. If your task didn't make God's list, we apologize and will gladly give you His "number" for you to take it up with Him.

For those of you fortunate enough to have adoption workers who really care for the children, please understand that they are just as emotionally invested in this....probably even more so...than you are! You feel the tug on your heart and the raw emotions of the one, two, or three children you are waiting to bring home. They feel that same thing multiplied times however many children and adoptive families are in their care. When you call to tell them everything they are doing wrong, please remember all the things they have done and all the battles they have fought for you and your child. It is never wrong to question an adoption professional if you believe something fishy is going on, but when they have continually fought for you, kept you informed, etc, give them the benefit of the doubt as you question...it will go a long way! Remember that we are people too..while questioning them is not wrong, think how you feel when you are questioned despite the fact that you have given something all of your heart and most of your time. Your adoption professional is probably going to be a little defensive...this is a natural human reaction to being told you are sorry at your job. And remember that they are entitled to a private life just like you! They will have days when the burden seems too much to bear. If they communicate that to you, don't panic, reassure them as I am sure they have you many times. Don't read their blogs if you don't want to know their feelings...you post your frustrations and anger with them on your blog, they have a right to vent on their blog also! If they call you by name, sue them (well - considering what the Bible says about suing our brothers and sisters, maybe that isn't great advice...but you get my drift!), but if they are doing a general vent, don't hold it against them or don't read their blog if it bothers you!

Most importantly, please understand that no matter how well your adoption professional communicates with you, it is impossible for them to give you every little detail of every little thing! Therefore, remember that when they ask you not to do something specific, or when they tell you that something you want to do is a bad idea (especially if it might interfere with the adoption process or cause an international incident) it is wise to listen to them....they know more about the adoption process than you do. That is why they are where they are! Know that they have an understanding of the system that more than likely you don't. Heed their advice...at least give it a good long thought before you toss it to the wind and do what you want to do anyway.

If you are one of those adoption people who are fortunate enough to have a real caring adoption worker, e-mail them today and tell them how much you appreciate the way they handle themselves in this crazy adoption world! I am betting they haven't heard that from an adoptive parent in a long time...if ever! (If you are one of my adoptive parents and were brave enough to read this, I am not fishing for compliments here! :) If you know my heart for adoption, I can almost guarantee I already know that you appreciate Addy's Hope because you have already told me by the way you handle yourself in this long journey through Liberian adoptions that started at 5 months and are now up to...well, it's too depressing to write the number!)

Lastly, for those of you who think what I am saying is all just stupid and I am a whiner....open your own adoption agency! If you can process adoptions and serve adoptive families and children in need without any of these issues, then we desperately need you in the adoption community!

With warmest regards,
A Weary Adoption Worker Who Feels Much Better After Venting to the World
:)

P.S. I am weary, yes, but stay tuned tomorrow to hear an amazing story of how God graciously and lovingly refueled and confirmed my call today! Ministry is just tough and messy! But it doesn't give me a right to quit when God has called me to this work!