Pure joy.....getting there Part Two

"In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~Romans 8:28

"The will of God does not entertain defeat. God doesn't waste any experience in our lives....Every defeat contains a treasure." ~Mary Southerland

When I read Romans 8:28 now, I realize that my definition of "good" has changed! Used to, "good" meant it worked out MY way.

After returning from Sierra Leone while struggling through my desire to just walk away from God and all He wanted from me, there was one person whom I had been corresponding with and had told me to call her to talk about what I was facing right then. I of course put off the phone call because I really didn't want to hear what she had to say. But then, after knowing I couldn't be that "beautiful woman" with out God, I decided to call her and just see what she said. This of course was also a part of my legalism. If I *did* all the right things, then I would have griping rights for being miserable. When I called her, she told me two stories. One of them I can't remember, but I do remember thinking in my head, "ya, ya, I know that! Doesn't really help me because I really don't care!" But the other one made me stop and think! She told a story of how a friend of hers felt called to go to Russia to be missionaries. This friend and her husband believed with all that was with in them that God was calling them to Russia. They were in their retirement years, so money was not readily available. They spent over a year trying to drum up support so that they could follow God's call. After a year of support letters, speaking engagements and much prayer, they still didn't have enough to go. This friend went into a depression over not being able to go to Russia. She just knew God had called them to Russia and didn't understand why He hadn't followed through with *His* plan. My friend said she asked her friend what her goal was in going to Russia. Her friend answered that she wanted to follow God, to bring Him glory, to make much of Him. Debbie asked her, then why are you so down about this situation? Did you follow God? Did you do all you could do to walk the path you heard him call you down? To which the friend answered "yes". Then Debbie asked her, then where was your hope? Where was your trust? Basically, what is your problem? Then she said something that transformed me: If you wanted to glorify God, then you did that. He is still here. He has not gone anywhere or changed just because you didn't go to Russia. He was glorified in your obedience. He is much more concerned about what is happening on the inside of you than in working out all circumstances to your liking.

That was profound for me. It made me stop in my tracks of legalistic thinking! If my goal was to glorify God in Eden's adoption, then why was I so disappointed? At some point in the journey, my goal had gone from glorifying God to just wanting Eden home. God's "good" in this journey was to transform me from the inside out. While Eden or Addy neither one came home, I was a new person! I had learned about perseverance, I had learned about the sustaining grace of God, and I had learned the US immigration law as it applied to adoption that allowed me to work in Liberia and bring home 19 children so far. Working "it" out for good according to God's purpose was to make me a new person, a person more open to hearing his voice, a person who desired His will over my own, a person who understood that He cares so much about who I am on the inside that He would take me and all those around me on a nearly two year journey that would end in what the world would call disappointment. But as my definition of good was tranformed, I knew that God truly had worked it all for good according to His purpose because He made me new!