Ever been the example in a sermon?

Up until this morning, I could say no to that question! Right after I sat down in my seat this morning at church, one of the few people we know well enough that she knows our name, came over and said, "You know you are in the sermon today, right?" What? I had to have her repeat what she said, and replied, "NO!". Then I asked John if we should leave?!

After an awesome worship time, the sermon began. I prayed that God would allow me to focus and not be thinking ahead to how it applied to me or how I would come up! God answered my prayer!

The name of the sermon was "Redemption Road". Titus 2:11-14 was the text. Listen to this: "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem [emphasis mine] us".

Here we go! I took last week off from the agency. I haven't had more than a day off since our first kids came home April 2007. I am always checking e-mail, making phone calls or doing paper work. There is always more to do than can get done, and working from home, there seem to be no boundaries for work or home! I thought after a week off, I would be raring to go! Ready to conquer it all. But instead, I have found myself dreading Monday. I love what God has allowed me to do. I love being part of connecting adoptive families with children, and I love being able to walk with adoptive families through the journey of adoption. Really, that is one of my favorite parts of what I do (most of the time anyway!). But lately, I have just been discouraged. I seem to hit brick wall after brick wall. I know God will be victorious, I just don't know what that will mean. I am positive God has assured me these children are coming home. And when I start fearing adoptions in Liberia will stop, He reminds me that we looked at land, bought land, got a deed, broke ground, and completed a foundation in one weeks time on a 100 bed orphanage! In case you aren't aware, that is a miraculous for any kind of work in Africa! He reminds me that He wouldn't have done that if he was planning to shut our doors in Liberia. And adoptions is how we will fund the operations of that orphanage and school.

But I have talked to government officials until I am blue in the face. In January we were delayed for half a week and spent thousands of dollars to change our flights because our visas were held because we were doing our adoptions via private adoptions. Now, the same man that held our visas for this is on a committee that is encouraging it! What?! In less than a year what made you hold up 9 children and right a totally false article about me is now your preference? And add to that, what they are "encouraging" is the farthest thing from the protection of Liberian children you can get!

Ok, I digress! My point is, I am tired of marching around the wall! I swore God said "SHOUT!" and the wall would come down. But then He told me to stop the shouting....at least one way I thought we would shout to fight this. And yes, we seem to have removed a brick from the wall and some things shook loose, but I am not naive enough to think this will mean adoptions will be moving again.

Our personal finances haven't improved any. With that fact, and the battle of the government, I would be telling a lie if I didn't say I have thought of quitting again. Not because God said to, but because I wanted to! Because I saw a now hiring sign for a local convenience store and realized I could make $8,000 more a year being the manager there than I do now (and that isn't saying a whole lot!). If I went back to teaching for just one year, I would more than double my salary, and we could pay off debt!

I was still doing my quite times. I was still seeking God every morning, but even in that, the world was seeping in! The ways of the world...the ones that say my success is measured by what kind of clothes I and my children wear, how clean my house is, how big my house is, what kind of car I drive, how many social events I have (this would be a good time to mention that we did not go to even ONE holiday party.....we have no friends!) began dictating how I saw myself and how I wanted my future to be shaped. I looked at those around me...friends who are divorced because being in a marriage that had problems similar to mine was just too much, a family member who lives with her fiance and is now planning her honeymoon to Paris and will pay more per day to board their two dogs with a tv than it would cost to feed one of our orphans for a whole month! These are all Christian people....not people who are supposedly of the world! I look at them and wonder why does it work for them? Why can I not take that path?

But you see, there is a big problem with that for people like me. People who call themselves "Christian" and mean it! Saying I follow Christ means that I have given myself to him.....all of myself! There is nothing left that is mine! I have no rights, no plans, no future except that which He has for me! I am his bond servant. Why? Because God sent His son to die for me! He
redeemed me!

And that is why I can't quit. That is why I have to press on! You see, He redeemed me. Therefore, my life can't be measured by the world's standards, but by His! I must deny ungodliness, worldly desires. I must live sensibly, righteously and godly in this present age! (Titus 2) Did you get that? This present age. We are not to accept Jesus then wait to get to heaven to live with Him! We are to do it now! And that means evaluating my life to make sure it aligns with God's ways and not the worlds!

And as our Pastor reminded us this morning, that will cost us everything! It will cost us our money, our time, our emotions, and for some even our earthly lives.....but really they are not ours anyway! They are HIS!

He used John and my work in Liberia as an example of someone who didn't rationalize our way out of God's calling. He said we could just take care of our family and do it well, but instead, we understand that we are redeemed and in return continue to follow God in faith and obedience so that He can work through us to redeem the people of Liberia, one child at a time!

I sat with tears streaming down my face as he spoke! He may see that in us, but I know that I walked into church that morning wanting to do nothing more than run! But God used my own work to remind me why I am doing it! He redeemed me! I have no other choice! I owe Him EVERYTHING! If He wants me to teach and earn more, that is where He would have put me. But he didn't! He put me right here...in a ministry that struggles from month to month just to meet the needs of the people we serve, yet God is always faithful!

There is a reason the walls have not fallen down yet. Do I understand that? No! Does it make me weary? Yes! But in my weakness, He is strong! So I will go to work in the morning, I will fight that battle until all the children God calls us to help are home! I will continue to fight for victory over personal battles that I want to run from! I have to! I owe it to my Savior!