The Journey: Just Kidding!

When people talk about foster to adopt, this is why they say, "No Way!" This is what I was afraid of. Baby Girl is not in my home yet, but I already love her! I have tried to prepare myself ever since we decided to walk in obedience to become certified foster parents for loving and letting go. I just don't know how to do it without losing a piece of my heart!

Court was cancelled yesterday because of the snow. It is rescheduled for Friday at 2:30. Last time I talked to the CPS investigator, she told me that she would be recommending us as the placement for Baby Girl. Then yesterday Sally's mom calls me and is upset because the investigator is now telling her that because of our connection with Sally we may not be the best placement for Baby Girl. Um, I thought that was the whole point of placing a baby in a relative or fictive kin placement! The system was placing the baby in a place where they could stay connected to their biological family. But now, the investigator is saying that since we didn't know the family for a long period of time, they can't say to place the baby with us. I talked to her today. Very hard person...although I am sure you have to be on some level to do her job. So on one hand she is telling me Baby Girl shouldn't be placed with us because we have too many connections to Sally and on the other hand, we can't be the placement because we don't have enough history with Sally. Are you confused? Me too!! Not sure what happened between Friday when she tells me she will recommend us as the placement for Baby Girl (I told her that day that we had just met Amanda even though I had known about her for some time) and now when she doesn't seem to think it is a good idea anymore. Makes me go, "hmmmm?"

I have to go look at all the laws and regulations, but that just doesn't sound right to me. In a system where a foster parent can't even cut a child's hair without biological parent ok, they can't place the baby with a clean choice of the family's for placement?! Seriously?!

Please pray for us! Pray for Baby Girl! Pray that I have the heart to accept whatever God's will is for this baby and family. Pray that God will protect Baby Girl in all this! Pray that the supervisor that the investigator is talking with will tell her that a placement recommended by the family that checks out needs to be recommended to the judge so that we will be determined as the placement by the judge. John and I will be at court on Friday no matter what. We will fight for Baby Girl with her biological family until they give up or tell us they no longer want us in the picture. I'm just scared of the system. I don't want this baby to be moved numerous times, but I don't think growing up with parents who are in their later 40's to early 50's is a good idea for a 7 week old baby, either. The current foster parents are that age.

I just keep reminding myself of the Truth: God has a plan for Baby Girl, a plan for her future, for a hope for her. He has a plan for me, my family and her biological family too. He loves Baby Girl more than I or anyone else ever could as He created her, He knit her together in Sally's womb. God has ordained her days and my days before even one came to be. If Friday is ordained as the day she comes to live with us, then it will be so. If not, then it will not. For the first time today, I felt led to pray that Baby Girl comes to live with us. Up to now, I had just prayed for God's perfect will. Today, I felt the Holy Spirit impressed upon me to ask for her to be in my home. I know prayer paves the way for heaven's will to be done here on earth. If Baby Girl doesn't come to us on Friday, it won't be because I didn't ask! And if she doesn't, well, God will pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together again.