The Journey

Well, this Journey seems to have taken the fast track!

My parents' church has a wonderful homeless ministry. One of the young ladies coming to this ministry had a baby in December. Mom has told me about her several times. Well, last week Mom told me CPS had taken her baby. My heart broke! I am not bashing our CPS here, but we all know the system has some issues. There are WONDERFUL foster homes...many of my foster home friends read this blog...I am so thankful for Christians who are stepping up and saying we will do this because these children need good, loving Christian homes to love them even for the short time they are with us. But we also know there are not so good homes out there. And unfortunately at this time, I think the bad ones outnumber the good ones. Anytime I hear of a child entering CPS, I wonder, "Is this precious one in one of those good home, or are they being more damaged where they are now than where they came from?"

God put a burden in my heart...not for just the baby, but for the mother. So I called the lady at Mom and Dad's church who has been working with the mom. As we talked, I was amazed at how similar her story is to Noah's birth mom! I felt immediately connected to her! I told Sandra that I would be happy to talk to the birth mom (I'll just call her Sally to protect her identity) if she wanted me to. I explained that we were in the process of being licensed foster parents and would be willing to care for the baby to make sure she was in a safe, loving, Christian home. Sally is no where near talking adoption. She wants nothing to do with adoption. I assured Sandra that we were open to caring for Sally's baby as long as we needed to....even after she left CPS care if that is what Sally needed without pushing for adoption. I pray that if Sally doesn't change her lifestyle she will eventually trust us or some family enough to place the baby in that home permanently in adoption, but pushing for that is not going to make Sally consider it! Sally has 4 other children who do not live with her, but I believe there is always hope for change. Maybe this baby is the one that will give her the motivation she needs to turn things around.

I don't think I am any different than the many other people who have tried to help Sally. But I knew that God was writing John and I into this story for some reason. God seems to ALWAYS take us through personally what he is taking the agency through. With us in the process of developing a domestic program with the intention of working with CPS to get kids into permanent homes, I figure this is just our personal journey to give us the insight of what parents go through. This way we can serve them in a more personally way having been down the path ourselves. It is also giving me a good taste of what working with birth mothers will mean. I LOVE it! Even though I received 20 texts yesterday :), I LOVE it! I love speaking life into a life that seems hopeless! I love looking at a girl who thinks she has nothing to offer and telling her that she is making her own choices and the outcome of those choices are pretty clear cut. Sally has a victim mentality, but that can be overcome too! It will just take a lot of encouragement and truth...and her choosing to overcome it. But what a blessing to be part of the process!

So let me back up! I talked to Sandra on Tuesday. Sandra said that Sally would probably be coming to the service they hold for that ministry on Thursday night. I gave Sandra my cell number and told her to have Sally call me, or if she wanted me to, I could come to the church that night and talk to her face to face.

John and I talked. We felt God was definitely saying to walk forward and trust Him with whatever happened or didn't happen. So for the first time one of these types of things comes into our lives with a child, I didn't get derailed and consumed! A sure sign of growth! I went about the little things in life that needed to be done instead of focusing on the "BIG" thing that might not even happened! It was a productive week! :)

My wonderful parents had already planned to come over Thursday night to watch my three youngest while I went to Zumba and took Callie to her praise team rehearsal at church. I have been amazed at all the "little" details God has worked out already in this process!! Truly amazing! I don't want to miss a single one as each of them is a little whisper of God saying, "I am totally into details! See that! See this! I care!" And that spills over into ALL areas of my life! So I was headed to Zumba as I was not counting on a phone call at all...just open! I had just gotten out of the car when the phone call came. So I told Callie I had to leave and why. After the screaming an dancing :), she jumped back into the car. I promptly told her she was not invited, I had to talk to the mom alone, and she had a rehearsal to go to. Now let me share another detail...on the way to the church, the parent of Callie's friend who does the praise team with her had called and offered to bring Callie home! All details were taken care of for me to go minister to this young lady as long as I needed to! Thank you, Jesus!

I went and met with Sally. She immediately put a piece of paper in front of me. I asked what it was and it was the form from CPS for her to write down potential placement/support people. So I filled it in and we spent the next 45 minutes talking about what she needed to do in order to get baby girl back! The first thing is a job! So we talked about how to do that, etc. There were lots of excuses and some untruths I found out the next day, but that is all this poor girl knows. As I learned with Noah's birth mom, only by the grace of God did I know grow up just like them without the advantages I had in a wonderful, middle class, Christian home with loving parents! I could just have easily grown up with a druggie mom and abusive dad and lived from apartment to apartment and even in a car sometimes. There is no room for judgement! Only love and truth. I prayed on the way to the church that God would give me HIS eyes to see her and His words to say to her.

By the time I left, she had given me her social worker's phone number and asked me to call her. I did Friday morning. And another miracle, SHE ANSWERED! These poor people are so overworked, they rarely have time to answer a call! But she did! She wasn't sure what to do with me I am sure...calling on behalf of the mom, but supportive of the system...I'm sure that was a first for her! :) I explained our situation and being verified, etc. We hung up...oh, did I mention John is in Austin this whole week when all this is going on?! God's timing is so hilarious sometimes! Within 15 minutes, the social worker called me back and asked for our information to run the background checks and told us to be at court Tuesday at 2:30. She is going to recommend us as the placement for the baby. Not sure that has soaked in even now! And it is totally up to the judge, so there is no guarantee that we will get her. But that will be her recommendation!

In the course of my conversations with Sally and the social worker, we finally set up a visit with Sally and baby girl for Monday that I have to take Sally to because she doesn't have transportation.

I love that I get to minister to the mom! I'm nervous about what that will mean if we do get the baby and how that will all play out. I have done several "what if's" and God quickly reminded me He is big enough to handle ALL of those! I am praying for a heart for Sally even after baby girl is in my home! I am praying for a heart that can love a baby like my own that I know may not stay. I'm nervous about child number 5! But I was nervous about child number 3 and 4 also, and now I can't imagine life without them! I have come to LOVE having a large family! I love what it does to my kids....they don't always get my undivided attention, I am having to tell them no to some wants, but that is real life! And I see it transforming them into at least somewhat less selfish people!

We are not setting up the baby bed. We are not buying pink (VERY hard!). But we are preparing the kids and our hearts to love a 2 month old bi-racial precious baby should God chose to put her in our home on Tuesday.

Pray for us if we come to mind, would ya? Pray for "Sally" and baby girl! Pray that God's will be done in all of us! I can't even pray that God would place baby girl in our home because I don't know for sure that is what our role is in this story! I love that I am in that place! In the past, I would be so consumed with the thought of getting to have another baby that it would cloud the rest of my thinking, but I can honestly say that I have NO AGENDA here but GOD'S! And that my friends is a heart transformed! I love my God!!!!