Faith....

This Bible study I am doing by Jennifer Kennedy Dean called Living a Praying Life is pretty well undoing me! I think in a good way, but some days I wonder! Those of you who know me know that I have really struggled with God since the failed adoption of Eden. About the time I think I have it together, God peals back another layer...this morning was one of those times.

This week in the study has been on faith. She talks about how we have physical senses that tell us what is around us in this world and "prove" our beliefs here. We have all heard the analogy of the chair and faith. When you sit in a chair you have faith that it will hold you. She took it a step further. She said your belief that the chair can hold you can be challenged by an adversary until you sit in the chair and know for yourself it will hold you! So true! If I am just "believing" something then someone can change my mind....if I have experienced it for myself, they are not going to convince me otherwise. So back to faith. She says that we have spiritual senses that we must exercise to put belief and action to our faith. I see her point and got excited at first...then it hit me that the time I most exercised my faith and walked the closest with God....going against all worldly wisdom and looking far past earthly circumstances.......the unseen thing I was certain on because of faith and belief, didn't happen. In fact, it caused great heartache, financial difficulty and marriage issues. Knowing that, I am supposed to want to go back to that place? I know the godly and spiritual answer is yes! But I have a lot of flesh in me that is screaming, NO! Why isolate yourself in that way again and feel the criticizm of those around you (even some of my closest Christian friends) to walk by faith in that way? I know the answer is because God is asking me to and that should be enough! Oh how I wish I were mature enough to accept that and just go on! God increase my faith! Help my unbelief! Open my spiritual eyes so I can see and my spiritual ears so I can hear and will believe so that no one can change my mind!