knowing = loving = believe & trust = obedience = abundant life

knowing = loving = believe & trust = obedience = abundant life

I love that equation! I can't say that I have always loved that equation, but the closer I get to the end of it, the more I love it!

Let me explain!

I am still in the Experiencing God study. As you can tell from my last post, this has been a bit of a dry season...as bit of rebellion maybe, or maybe not so sever as rebellion as much as doubting God. Not fully trusting in Who He is or what He knows!

This may turn into a multi part post as so many things are swimming in my head and blogging just helps me sort it all out...so thanks for enduring my rants! :)

I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 10 years old. So I have known of Him for 25 years (i just had a birthday.....35! Can't believe it!). But my history, the way I was introduced to Jesus is very legalistic. You accept Christ, you better walk the straight line or He will zap you! That was pretty much my theology! Kept me out of a lot of trouble because on some level I truly believed a lightning bolt would come down from heaven and zap me!

As I went to college, I began seeking Him more. I knew I was missing something, but didn't go to any Bible studies or churches that really helped me understand what I was missing. I didn't fully understand the purpose/power of the Holy Spirit to guide and teach me, so I was searching but not really finding the answers. Enter my precious John!

John and his family were as far charismatic as my family was traditional. Made for some interesting first conversations! More on that maybe later! But this is when I understood that what I was missing from God was relationship! God didn't just want my obedience, He first wanted my heart...He wanted me to KNOW him!

So I began to study. God would move us to a church that at least allowed me to clap in response to my worship with Him. And frankly, that is about all I could handle then. I walked out of the first church service John took me to at his church! He was playing the piano, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, I will be in the parking lot when you are done! I would have left, but he had the car keys, and I had left my car at his house. He had said if I couldn't go to his church we were not going to date....I thought we were through because I was NOT going to that church! That is a post for another time too!

I digress! Then God would move us to a little farming town in the middle of the Texas panhandle. He would place us in the middle of legalism in a small, country, ALL Baptist church (had an interim pastor do an acrostic of "Baptist" one time and follow it by telling our youth that God did not want them to marry anyone who was not Baptist! Yes, I set them straight! Just told them that no where in my Bible did it say that! I was often seen as a rebel there...hmmmm...some things never change!) God would remove really all teaching from me. He would place John and I as the lei (SP?) youth leaders of that church. This is where God became my best friend. Our marriage stunk, our church was just about everything I was trying to run from, I was learning just how many "issues" I had from the way I was raised (I had a wonderful family! But I am learning that all people will have issues as they are raised by human parents who have their own issues...I am already saving for my children's therapy needs!!! ha!). The only place I had to turn was God! He took me away from everything. Why? So that I would get to know Him! Right before we left Odessa, I did a Beth Moore Bible study. I fell in love with her love for God. I saw something I wanted! Her style of Bible study fit me. So I called some bigger churches in surrounding towns and found some Beth Moore studies and started leading Bible studies for women at our church. I really stink at that! It is not my gifting! However, I needed them, so I led them so we would have them! God became real to me! He is who I ran to when I was hurt, He was who I ran to when I was lonely, He was who I ran to when I was excited. I KNEW Him! On a fairly surface level, but I knew Him! I began to understand, to know His voice! I used to tell my youth there this analogy: when John first started calling me, he would have to say, "Hi! This is John!" But after several months of dating, and then being married, he no longer had to say that when he called me. I recognized his voice. God is the same way! He has always spoken, but I didn't recognize His voice! Now, I do....at least most times...that is still one of my biggest struggles!

As I got to know Him, I fell deeply in love with Him! That brought the desire to obey...no longer because lighting was going to fall from heaven, but now because I loved Him! Just like a child wanting to please a parent, I wanted to please my heavenly Father! I wanted to hear, "Well done!" But I hit a wall. My first huge faith step after this new revelation was adopting Noah. That went great! No negatives! All positives! All the outcomes were more than I could ever hope or imagine! So I believed God more and trusted Him more! This made me want to obey more.

By January 2003, I had hit a wall. I was so dry. I needed more than what that little farming town had to offer! My marriage was still draining me, now I had two kids that I was trying to raise and felt like a total failure, I felt more like an alien than I had ever felt. My prayer became, "God take me from this place, or take me from this earth!" God answered that prayer and moved us back to West Texas.

I will have to continue later as I have to get to work...and there is a small voice coming from a room saying, "Mooooommmmmaaaa!" :) I love that!