One year ago today John and I boarded a plane for Liberia. We were going to pick up our son. That is what John and HollyAnn, the parents were doing. HollyAnn, the director of an agency, was also meeting three other families to bring their children home. Little did we know what we were entering!
One year later, I wish I could walk away from it all. I wish I could have rejoiced in getting Toben home and gone on to live our lives. I wish I could send a check on gotcha day to some organization that is working in Liberia, reflect on the miracles we saw to bring Toben home, stay in touch with a few adoptive parents, and live our lives...
But I am reminded daily that the above wishes are not possible. One year later, I am still fighting a government to be able to help its own people. I am being told by their own government officials to fight with all I have and "hit them where it hurts" because that is the only way they will listen. Oh God, what have you called me to....
Then I pick up books like Shela Walsh's Life is Tough But God is Faithful. And these are the lessons God is teaching me:
"There is something built into every human being that says, "I have rights!" When we read in Romans 12:1 that all Christians are "living sacrifices," it sounds so noble. We hold on to that wonderful thought without ever wondering what the implications might be. When Paul used the words living sacrifices, he meant something much different from the old system.
In the Old Testament, a lamb was not consulted as to how it felt about being offered as a sacrifice. It was simply slaughtered and laid on the altar to be consumed by the fire. But in the New Testament - the New Covenant - we are living sacrifices. the trouble is, a living sacrifice can crawl off the altar when it gets too hot. God could have preprogrammed us as robots who serve Him without choice, but instead He has given us the ability to choose.
The more I walk with the Lord, the more I understand that every day of my life, for the rest of my walk on this earth, I can choose t stay on the altar or to crawl away. When the heat is turned up, I can crawl off and say, "Well, this is not what I signed up for. I thought that this would make me feel good. I thought that all my prayers would be answered, but it seems as if God has turned a deaf ear to my cry."
One year later, I wish I could walk away from it all. I wish I could have rejoiced in getting Toben home and gone on to live our lives. I wish I could send a check on gotcha day to some organization that is working in Liberia, reflect on the miracles we saw to bring Toben home, stay in touch with a few adoptive parents, and live our lives...
But I am reminded daily that the above wishes are not possible. One year later, I am still fighting a government to be able to help its own people. I am being told by their own government officials to fight with all I have and "hit them where it hurts" because that is the only way they will listen. Oh God, what have you called me to....
Then I pick up books like Shela Walsh's Life is Tough But God is Faithful. And these are the lessons God is teaching me:
"There is something built into every human being that says, "I have rights!" When we read in Romans 12:1 that all Christians are "living sacrifices," it sounds so noble. We hold on to that wonderful thought without ever wondering what the implications might be. When Paul used the words living sacrifices, he meant something much different from the old system.
In the Old Testament, a lamb was not consulted as to how it felt about being offered as a sacrifice. It was simply slaughtered and laid on the altar to be consumed by the fire. But in the New Testament - the New Covenant - we are living sacrifices. the trouble is, a living sacrifice can crawl off the altar when it gets too hot. God could have preprogrammed us as robots who serve Him without choice, but instead He has given us the ability to choose.
The more I walk with the Lord, the more I understand that every day of my life, for the rest of my walk on this earth, I can choose t stay on the altar or to crawl away. When the heat is turned up, I can crawl off and say, "Well, this is not what I signed up for. I thought that this would make me feel good. I thought that all my prayers would be answered, but it seems as if God has turned a deaf ear to my cry."
"Turning Point: When the heat of problems and pain burns into our very souls, we can crawl away and hide when it gets too hot, or we can choose to be living sacrifices who stay on the altar for His sake."
I can choose to believe what it seems, or believe the truth that God never leaves us or forsakes us...I can choose to walk away from the call, climb off the alter, or I can remain even though the heat is hot. The world says I can come off the alter, live a "good" life, and I will still go to heaven. That is true. I have accepted Christ as my Savior..I am sealed with the Holy Spirit..nothing can take that away....I will go to heaven. But is heaven the goal? Or is glorifying God the goal? You know, in all honesty, there have been many days this past two weeks that I can say heaven would be just fine with me! I know I am sealed! Now lets have fun!!!! But I also know that the second I walk in disobedience, there will be a God given sorrow that will put a wedge in my relationship with Him. The first time I went through a major crisis of belief after I came home from Sierra Leone without Eden, I knew that this closeness with God, this intimate relationship with Him, is what I want most out of life. So I look at that spiritual marker, that "stone of remembrance" and know I have to press on! Walking away, crawling off the altar is not a choice. I just ask that God will give me the sanity to make it through this crisis of belief and the wisdom to know what steps to take.
And I pray that next year, at least in this battle, it will be behind us, and we will be rejoicing in what God is doing in Liberia!
I can choose to believe what it seems, or believe the truth that God never leaves us or forsakes us...I can choose to walk away from the call, climb off the alter, or I can remain even though the heat is hot. The world says I can come off the alter, live a "good" life, and I will still go to heaven. That is true. I have accepted Christ as my Savior..I am sealed with the Holy Spirit..nothing can take that away....I will go to heaven. But is heaven the goal? Or is glorifying God the goal? You know, in all honesty, there have been many days this past two weeks that I can say heaven would be just fine with me! I know I am sealed! Now lets have fun!!!! But I also know that the second I walk in disobedience, there will be a God given sorrow that will put a wedge in my relationship with Him. The first time I went through a major crisis of belief after I came home from Sierra Leone without Eden, I knew that this closeness with God, this intimate relationship with Him, is what I want most out of life. So I look at that spiritual marker, that "stone of remembrance" and know I have to press on! Walking away, crawling off the altar is not a choice. I just ask that God will give me the sanity to make it through this crisis of belief and the wisdom to know what steps to take.
And I pray that next year, at least in this battle, it will be behind us, and we will be rejoicing in what God is doing in Liberia!
No comments:
Post a Comment