The simple truths

Well, you guys may get a lot out of me this morning! My alarm clock this morning was a 4:15 phone call from Liberia, and I can't go back to sleep after those, so I have lots of time this morning! :)

John has been doing the Experiencing God Bible Study. I have wanted to do it with him, but refuse to pay the price...so I am going to be bargain shopping on ebay and amazon for it! I have tried to do it in his book to save money, but I am a serious note taker, marker upper person. So I really can't use his book! I need the freedom to mark what I want to really absorb it! Just the way I am made.

However, I have started it with his book so I won't be too far behind him. I didn't even get all the way through day 1 before I had to stop and absorb. The first scripture was 1 Cor 2:14, "The man with out the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of Godk for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned." Such a simple truth that I have read many times, but today it had new meaning! I LOVE it when He does that!!!

The word that stuck out to me was "foolishness". It stuck out because I know I am a woman with the Spirit, but how many times are "the things that come from the Spirit of God" still foolishness to me? How many times does God look at me and say, "do _______", and I go, "Huh?!" I don't understand, or I think it is ridiculous because I can't see the bigger picture. I think I am getting better, but I still have a long way to go!

For example, our personal budget that you guys heard me vent about yesterday morning. God may be looking at that and saying, I want to show myself in your peronal finances, will you let me?! While I am sitting here saying, we serve you, I could make more money teaching than what I do now, but I am serving you in my job (not that teachers don't serve....they do!!!! I was one of them too at aone time!) and keeping my commitment to my children to be their full time mother while working (lots of I and My in there, huh?!). I hear a sense of entitlement in those comments, don't you? I think I need to do some spiritual discerning over money! That is an area where I am not there yet!

But then in other areas, I am! For example, John and I have been praying about adopting again. There have been several scenarios that have presented themselves. One in particular, I thought was for sure the way we should go, and that door was shut. One is still open. The initial scenario was pretty good. Healthy birth mom, just one state over, have a friend in that state that I could stay with when the baby was born, baby due in Dec (which aligns with my due date estimate based on my impressiong to pray back in April that kind of started this whole topic anyway), might be born on my birthday, etc, etc. Well, we decided to be presented to another situation where the baby was already born instead of this one. We were not chosen for that situation. I have had a keen sense that this might be the one we needed to pursue all along, but John felt led to the other one. So I trusted his leading (am still trusting that!) and we presented to that one. After that door closed, I shared my feelings with him, admitting that I probably should have shared earlier, but am still trying to figure out this submission vs being led role that I have talked about (click on submission under my topics and you will see my posts on that!).

Over the weekend the situation got even better! The birth mom supposedly moved to Texas! Woohoo!!! No interstate compact!

Well, yesterday, we found out that she in fact did not move to Texas as the agency thought. In fact, she is in jail! They also told us that she is addicted to crack and had not disclosed that to the agency, but her brother told them when they talked to him to try to find her in Texas.

So here is how it went in the Petree house on that one! John is thinking run like crazy! The mother is in jail, there is now drugs involved (we were blessed with Noah, but we know that is not always the case!), will the mom still even make an adoption plan, how does it work when the mom has the baby in jail, will CPS be involved? Etc, etc! All VERY valid concerns and questions!

But I was so excited! Yes, that is right, excited! You see, I can have biological children, so if my goal is just to add children to my family, then lets get pregnant! But my goal is to love the "least of these!" Even when we adopted Noah, I knew our calling was to the children that were not wanted by every family. At that time, inter-racial adoption was not nearly as common as it is now (at least not in our part of the world), so even that was huge! Add the drugs, unknown birth father, mother's life-style, etc, etc and you have a recipe for faith walking! We did and it was wonderful!!!! I believe these are the situations that I am called to. I got the impression that even the agency wanted to drop her. They just wanted to send me on to the next AA baby girl! But I kept telling them, I want this one! I know they are not sure if she will place, if they can find her, they have already spent a lot of time on her, and I understand that. But that baby is worth it! And now more than ever, she needs a home!!!

So when I found out that she is a drug baby and in mom is in jail, I had a quickening in me! This verse explains why, I think. To pursue such a situation is "foolishness" if you look at it with our the Spirit! You see, the healthy birthmom that answers all the agencies phone calls, is college educated, has no "red flags" is the safe way! Sometimes God lets us take a safe journey, I am not saying it HAS to be risky to be of God, however, I am learning that the only time God can really shine is when it is impossible with out Him! I was thinking that yesterday, then I read the intro to the Bible study this morning and it just confirmed it: "When you obey, God accomplishe through you something only He can do [emphasis mine]. Then you come to know GOd in a more intimate way by experiencing Him at work through your life." That is soooo true!

I believe the quickening was God saying, "Let's do it! Come on, let me shine and show you some more of who I Am!" Now let me explain, that this was all after yesterday. Let me tell you my day yesterday:

I am chairman of the Book Fair at Callie and Noah's school. We seem to have had a shortage of volunteers this time. So yesterday I had to be at the Fair at 7:30 am for the Goodies with Grands event....along with treats to eat! I had all four kids up and ready to go by then. I had to take the little ones with me (they can unshelve books faster than I can get them off the floor!). Then the volunteers were late, so I had to stay until almost 9. Then had to come home, try to squeeze in some work and feed the kids to be back up there at 11:45 (nap time!). Stayed until a little after 1 when I thought we were going to have melt downs, and told the two volunteers that were there that I had to go home and let the kids run around and would be back before the after school rush.

On the way out the school doors, I looked down at my two precious angels and thought, "WHAT AM I THINKING????!!!!! I would be halling THREE kids around right now if I had a baby! I am already a nit wit! How in the world would I be with a baby that kept me up at night, that needs diapers and formula in a budget that is already not enough? (See yesterdays post for that rant!). And God just spoke as if He was staning right next to me! It went something like this, "Aw, good. Now you see it my way! You can't do it, but I can!" That was before I found out about the jail and drug isssue with the birth mom.

I don't know how this story will end. But I know God wants my obedience and faith! He wants to do more "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his pwer that is at work with in us" (Eph 3:20). But that requires me to let go of control, trust Him, and walk by faith in obedience! Oh how I want to do that!

Money...ugh!!!

I HATE money! Absolutely hate it! The Bible says it is the root of all evil. I say it is also the root of all frustration! John and I started our marriage debt free except for a house mortgage and one car loan. We were blessed! We just didn't realize or appreciate that and soon racked up credit card debt. We have been debt free twice since then! The last time was when we committed to the girls. We put their adoption on a credit card. I don't really recommend that...I think God wants to provide other ways for adoption fees, but I wasn't involved in the adoption world like I am now and didn't know all the outlets available. Then when the adoption failed, John and I both were angry and pretty well "spent" our frustrations since it left us in debt and broken.

Now we are even more in debt! It seems no matter how hard we try, the more in debt we get! For the past year or so, we haven't made progress because we were in denial of how much debt we had! But I was convicted several months ago about our debt and have been tracking everything and trying with all my might to come up with ways to pay it off! I was so excited and ready to climb this mountain....then the extra kids came. God blessed us beyond measure with donations of food, and even some monetary donations that have helped with the expenses, but it still wasn't enough to cover the extra cost. I don't regret one penny that we spent, and I would do it all again in a heart beat (they are with their new family now...haven't had time to post about that....and I miss them, but am sooooo excited for them and their new family!). However, it took the wind our of the sail of my resolve to get this thing done!

I am praying about getting a second job on weekends....maybe Starbucks. I think it would be a break from every day life, and maybe give us the extra umph we need to get over this mountain! But it will mean time away from my family and added stress I am sure to an already stressed life.....but we HAVE to get over this hump and get this debt paid off! Having any credit card debt just makes it too easy to add to it! We need to cut up the credit cards, but we have to have one for John's work. It is the only one we use, but it gets used for other things. It has been removed from my wallet! No chargin....period! Not even Christmas, and that may mean some people get IOU's for Christmas.

I have analyzed our spending this month....there is no extravagance! In fact, it stuck to the bare necessities...didn't even use the clothes budget for clothes as every one's closet is full (except Toben who needs more jeans, but for now I will just have to wash a load of jeans mid week to make it last!). And we are broke with the next payday 15 days away!

I know my cyber world is full of friends who are debt free and live much more admirable financial lives than we do! So post away! Tell me your secrets! How did you get out of debt? What sacrifices did you make? How do you stretch your dollars to make it work? I am ready to eat rice and beans and beans and rice if I have to. My family is probably another story, but they may just have to get over it! Tell me your secrets! I need them today!!!

This post has been a long time coming!

Over the past year, I have made several references to something I would post later. I had started the post in a word document, then my computer crashed. So I am going to just hack away at this until I have it all out there. Maybe I will get it all done tonight, or maybe it will be a multiple post story....

I touched on some of my story here. But that was not the whole of it.

I am really not sure when it all started. It was probably late in 2007. I started having problems thinking. It got the point that I couldn't even finish a sentence with out someone giving me the word. It was driving me nuts! I had suffered pretty severe postpartum depression with Ava, even took medicine for a few months. It felt like that was coming back, but everyone said it was too long after the birth for it to be postpartum. So I just went on, living with the issues and telling myself I had to press on! I am the queen of "press on"!

As you know, we took a trip in January of this year to pick up our sweet Toben. On that trip, many things happened. One of the biggest is that a man saw us having dinner (our 4 families and three families from another agency...there were a bunch of us white people with black children!). The guy was from UNICEF but was working with the government to do something...never really was sure what. Didn't really care either! By the next morning, he had "reported" us to the Ministry of Health. The Deputy Minister (who by the way has live in the US for 20 years and whose family STILL lives here!) had put our children's visas on hold and sent out letters stating that we were to be arrested if we tried to cross the borders with our children. So that started a 5 day battle to get our children out.

Turns out the deputy minister had NO RIGHT to do what he did as we already had our papers (including the report from HIS office that was required for the adoptions!). So we were able to get our children home. However, there was a ton of emotions that I experienced. I was there as an agency director, but also as an adoptive mother. John and I both had to wear many caps that trip. We got to see God move mountains, and it was awesome! But it took its toll on my already worn out faith, strength, mind and emotions. I really had to face the fact that I could once again leave a child in Africa, at an airport. It wasn't until we were on the way (very late!) to the airport about 45 minutes before out plain was to take off that we found out we had clearance from all branches of the government and would be allowed on the plane with our children. We refer to that trip as the time we saw the Red Sea part and we walked through it!

By the time we got home, the story had hit international media. There were articles on msnbc and yahoo that said I had been involved in child trafficking and "sneaked" the children out of the country. It was all false, crazy accusations, but still, they were out there for the whole world to see! I seriously didn't know if the FBI was going to knock on my door and arrest me. I know that sounds crazy and dramatic, but when you know the seriousness with which the state department takes child trafficking, and you have a high ranking government official (the same one mentioned earlier!) in a country being quoted as saying you "sneaked" children out of his country, it makes you wonder! We spent the next few days talking to the State Department and a dear friend of ours who has connections in DC to clear our name and make sure there would be no ramifications from this on our side.

So not only was I dealing with all that, but I was also trying to adjust to being the mother of 4 and having a new little man in the house who didn't know the rules and who really messed up pecking order in the P-tree home! Add on top of that 19 families who had heard bits and pieces of our week, but really didn't know for sure what was going on or what it meant for their children. I understood their need for info, but I was really just in need of a break! But no break would come! So I pressed on! (see, there it is again!)

I pressed on through that crisis, through Toben getting settled and Ava getting used to another "baby" in the house. Toben needed lots of hugs and cuddles as can be expected with what he had just experienced! Ava wasn't so sure about sharing her momma! And as many of you know (and I will try to post more on at some point), I don't bond quickly with my adopted children. So while all this was going on, I was trying not to project everything I felt about this country onto my child who just came from there! That was probably one of the hardest parts in those first few weeks!

I assured all my parents that I would continue to fight for their children as if they were my own, and I did. I fought the government, I fought parents who didn't think I was doing enough, I fought feelings of desperation because there was nothing more I could do, I fought personal attacks from parents on blogs (I have learned to be VERY careful which blogs I read!). Add on to that issues in my home. Marriage issues over expectations as the agency took more and more of my time which meant less and less was spent with family and on keeping the house running smoothly. I truly was a time bomb ticking, just waiting to explode.

to be continued..............................................

Excitment

I don't have time to post it all right now, but I am just so excited that I had to post to my cyber friends! I woke up this morning with an excitement that I could not explain! Maybe it was the 12 hours of sleep I got because I had to take Benedrayl because I had another food allergy attack last night...but I know it was more than that! :)

I have been on cloud nine all day! The sermon this morning was given by a guest speaker, and it was AMAZING!!!! When it is on podcast, I will post it here because ALL of you struggling need to hear it! The title was "Staying on the Road". When things get tough, we have to stay on the road! That has been the theme of my life in 2008.

Another reason for my excitment is that John and I are talking at the college ministery's service tonight at Mid-Cities where we are going to church. I NEVER get to talk about this part of our ministry. It will not be focused on adoption, but on what God has done in two ordinary people's lives because one day when they were folding laundry, they decided to walk in obedience and look into opening an adoption agency! I can't wait to tell these young people that God has a plan for their lives that is so big, they can't even imagine it! That no matter what their past or present is, God wants to use them in unimaginable ways!!!! I just can't wait to talk about my favorite subject....JESUS!!!!

Our Profile

Just in case I ever get to send a profile to a birth mom, I made up a profile album on Smilebox.com! It is a reall cool site! So here we are! Seems funny trying to "sell" yourself!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Still hurts

You know, when you are wounded by your Christian family, the hurt lingers. I think I am ok, then something happens to spark the hurt again. Not anything big. This morning, I was cleaning out some old e-mails and came across some from my mentor. I had a 3 year relationship with this person. I considered her among my spiritual heroes...still do. She was my "spiritual mother". There was a breech of confidence in that relationship that was very painful. Obviously, that breech meant I could no longer share the intimate details that I once did, but it didn't change the fact that I know she is a Godly woman who follows hard after God. She is still human, and made a mistake. I took it for what it was. I still wanted to maintain contact. But evidently the feelings were not mutual.

That has been the hardest part about leaving our church. After five years of dedicating our life to that body and investing in the lives of people there, I can count on one hand the number of people who have not dropped us like a hot potato! And really, those are people who have kind of stepped up from the background, not our close friends. Why is that? I really don't understand that. We have made it clear to everyone we speak to that we are disappointed in the leadership, wish they could give Biblical, spiritual reasons for the way they treated us, but that we still wanted to maintain relationships with all our family there. My saying is, we are leaving the church, we are not dead! But I guess to many, those are one in the same. That hurts!

On a positive note, we are having lunch with the pastor and his wife of the church we have been attending. So far we are VERY impressed with their philosophy on ministry and their willingness to meet people right where they are and provide what their body needs to take the next step in their spiritual growth. Seems that there are some who talk about pacing, and there are some who do pacing! So we are really excited to see what comes of that. John met with the music/missions minister last week for lunch and was very impressed with his philosophies and passion for involving others in missions. Both of these lunch meetings were initiated by the pastors, not us! There is a new concept, at least for us common, not in the "in crowd" people.

We know this church will not be perfect either! It is made of humans like us! But it seems to be much more humble and open to new people than our last one. That is exciting! So maybe we have found a church home! I pray so!

$1100 closer

We don't have a baby yet, but two dear friends who have walked through this amazing roller coaster with me have donated $1,100 in faith that we WILL have a baby! My soul is soaring! Now I just need a phone call that says, you are chosen! It all kind feels like an out of body experience! Not sure how to feel....haven't been in these shoes in over seven years when we found out about Noah!

I just keep telling myeslf, "God is in control and whatever the outcome is HIS will and is for my good!" I will keep repeating that so no matter the outcome, whether He gives or takes away, still I will say Blessed be the name of my LORD!

Looking for a miracle!

There is a baby in need of a home. There is a home in need of a baby. What keeps them apart? $20K

Well, I posted a few days ago that I am looking for miracles...well, that was pretty vague. So here is a specific one!

You can look back over my posts and see that God has laid a baby girl on my heart....my first prayer for her was in April...I didn't know why I was needing to pray at that time, but I was overwhelmed with the need to pray...I believed it was something important, like mom was deciding not to abort, to place for aodption...something major! But John has really not been very open to the idea of more children...until the last few days. There was a situation that came up that brought the subject right to our front door, and we had to get the elephant out of the middle of the room so to speak!

Well, that situation, so far, has not materialized, but I did get an e-mail today about a baby girl born Oct 28. She is in Agency cradle care waiting for a family. We have the home study. We have the desire, we just don't have the $20K. I have no idea how we would get $20K in 24 hours, but that is the miracle I have asked God for this evening! We coudl probably get that in cash advance on our credit cards, but then we couldn't pay the minimums!

So I am leaving no stone unturned. If we don't have it and this baby finds a family before we get it, then there is my answer. Am I chasing something because it is just my desire and not God's will....I am willing to admit that is a possibility right now. But really, John coming to the conclusion that we could add a baby to our home is really a much bigger miracle than the $20K! Don't get my wrong, my husband is wonderful! But having more children was really not on his radar! This is him walking in obedience and faith! What we are all called to do!

So, here is how it goes! I am putting my donate button on the side. Let's see what God can do. I've never done anything like this before, but hey, if anyone can land $20K in my paypal account by in the morning, God can! So I have asked him for the money to bring this baby girl, all 5lbs 13 oz and 19 inches of her, into our home!

I will report back! I have heard so many stories over the years in my work of how families have literally been handed checks out of the blue for the amount needed for their adoption....I never dreamed that would happen to me, but with God all things are possible! So I am asking and waiting with anticipation!

My least favorite day of the year!

I am always so thankful for November 1! It means that I have one whole year before I have to deal with Halloween again.

I know that Halloween had "religious" beginnings, but it is my firm belief that those have been altered by the world. I had some misgivings about Halloween early on in my life. But it wasn't until I was in college that my convictions became solidified to the point that I stand firm in my belief that for us, this is not a holiday to be acknowledged.

I was working with a youth group at my home church when I was attending college. One Halloween for the youth meeting, the your minister invited the local Police Chief to our meeting to share about what he sees at Halloween. What he shared made an impact on me that even 15 years later stands firm in my mind. I didn't live in the best part of my college town, but I had a wonderful little house and even better neighbors that watched out for me. But just three blocks from me, by a park was an abandoned office building. What the Police Chief shared was that on Halloween every year, there were blood sacrifices performed by the Satan worshipers. The place where the sacrifice was performed was marked with the blood to show what had occured there. That building had a sacrifice in it the year before....it was marked with human blood! This means that a person was killed there as a sacrifice to the enemy.

God used that testimony to show me that I don't understand all that happens in the spiritual realm, but that there is a battle that is not of flesh and blood but between the spiritual forces of evil in this dark world and the Angels sent to fight on our behalf from the Heavenly places. For someone who grew up in a very traditional home where spiritual warfare wasn't ever a topic of conversation, this was a pretty amazing realization.

I went home after that meeting and threw away all my Halloween decorations. I had never had anything scary anyway...just cute little ghosts and witches that I thought were harmless. They probably were, but for something so real, I didn't want to even leave a crack in the door for the enemy to enter my home.

This conviction carried over to my children. I have never allowed them to participate in Halloween. When John was a principal, they would dress up and go to the fall festivals, but even now I regret that. My kids don't understand. They think I am a horrible mom for denying them this "right" to dress up and trick or treat. But this is just the beginning of me having to takea stand with my kids that might not be popular. And frankly, being popular is not what God has called me to as a parent. As they get older, they have a little more understanding of my belief and conviction, but it is still a battle every year of why I don't let them dress up and get candy. It seems so innocent to them.

So just one more ways that I am a Jesus Freak! I think responses from people on this are very interesting...I do not sit in judgement of people who participate in Halloween...I just wish I could get the same from them. This is a personal conviction that God laid on my heart. I don't pass that long to anyone else, but for me to not abstain would be in direct disobedience to God. I don't make a big deal of it, and in fact don't say anything unless someone asks what we are doing for Halloween or what my kids are going to be. Then I just say, we don't participate in Halloween. That is when the attacks usually come! Sometimes, I do wonder, are they attacking me because there is some truth that rings in their Spirit that brings conviction that they don't want to hear??? But regardless, once again, this year, there are no costumes or candy at the Petree house! We will be going ot our church for a petting zoo, chili cookoff and hot dog party! I am excited about that! Every other year, we have gone to Toys R Us and made our Christmas lists for family! (great idea if you need something to do tonight! There is NO ONE at Toys R Us on Halloween night!).

Less than 24 hours now until this will be behind me for one more year! Then there will just be something else for people to judge me on because of my radical convictions! :)

We have to do more!

Ok, I know I have said that a thousand times, but really, WE HAVE TO DO MORE!!! I don't care how much you think you are doing right now (yes, I am telling myself the same thing) you and I have to do more! Did you know that the home country of my Addy and Eden is NUMBER ONE in the WORLD for infant and under 5 mortality? And Liberia, the home country of my son is number 3 in the WORLD!!! In Sierra Leone, 160.3 babies of every 1,000 live births die, and 278.1 children out of every 1,000 die before they reach their 5th birthday! My Addy is part of that statistic people! These are not just numbers! I have a picture of my sweet girl looking at me right now on my shelf and I have shed tears on the fresh dirt that covered her tiny body.

In Liberia, 132.5 babies out of every 1,000 live births die and 205.2 children out of every 1,000 die before they read their 5th birthday! My son came home at 3...what if he hadn't? He might have been one of these statistics!

We have a baby who was! Sweet Marion died at nine months. We don't know why? The doctors couldn't tell us. She was in the hospital, receiving fluids, antibiotics and blood, but she still died.

Watch this!


We HAVE TO DO MORE!!!

If you agree, go to our website: http://www.addyshope.com/, click on the "more than adoption" button and donate towards David's Peanut Butter Shack that we will be building next to our orphanage to give life saving vitamin enriched peanut butter paste to the malnourished children of Liberia! We are going to drop those numbers! We can make a difference! Liberia will be off the top 50 by the time we get done! I am not a name it and claim it type of person, but I know God has put this passion in me for a reason, and I refuse to stop until we have no more childrne dieing because of malnutrion or God takes me home, whichever comes first! Will you join me?

Some words to carry on.....

Just another nugget of Truth from a Heavenly Father who wants to meet us right where we are! This morning, I needed to be reminded of this!
Psalm 27:13-14
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage, yes, wait for the Lord."

I am so glad we get to see His goodness in the land of the living! I am do thankful that we don't have to wait for heaven to taste and see that He is good! But I do have to wait until He decides to move the mountains or turn the hearts...and that part is the hardest part for me! But hope of seeing His goodness, the anticipation of seeing the miracles allows me to be strong and take courage and I will wait for the Lord!

I knew I loved Abraham!

I love it when I find a new treasure in the Bible..something I know I have read a thousand times, but it is fresh and new because of where I am in my life right now.



I was reading in Exodus and came across chapter 18: 20-32. God reveals his plans for Sodom and Gomorrah to Abraham. So Abraham "bargains" with God! He asks God, "will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the unrighteous?" The men in the Bible who question God's motives or direct statements always intrigue me! Probably because I find myself doing that too! Some would say, God is God and that is just the way it is! You don't question Him. I agree that GOd is God and that is just the way it is, but I think He loves our questions when brought with the right heart! He wants us to know Him intimatly, and how will we do that without asking the hard questions?! But the next part is what is the best!



God doesn't say, "Away with you mear man! I am God and I will do as I wish whether righteous or unrighteous!" No, not my God! He responds (vs 26), "So if I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, ehtn I will spare the whole place on their account." Wow! He listened to Abraham! He agreed to spare the whole city because of just 50 (there are a month of Sundays of lessons in that one little thought!). But it gets better!



Abraham had the guts to go even farther! Verse 27-28 tells us that Abraham apologizes for talking to the Lord because his is but "dust and ashes", but he goes ahead and asks if five were missing from the city? Would God destroy a whole city because of five? And once again, God concedes! He agrees to spare the entire city if he finds only 45 righteous people. It goes on and on like this until Abraham gets down to 10! God agrees to spare the whole city if He can find just 10 righteous people!



Now the sad ending is that not 10 could be found....God allowed Lot and his wife to escape (she is the one who looked back and became a pillar of salt). Out of a whole city not 10 righteous could be found! Sadly, I wonder what God would find in our town in the US today!

That is not the part I love about this story though...the part I love is a man who would stand before God, be real, and ask the tough questions! I am off to ask some tough questions myself!

Some decisions

Pray for the P-tree house! Important decisions to make...spiritual warfare...not always on the same page...makes things hard!

I want to see the miracles!

I have felt since June that God has me on the top of a snowy hill sitting in a sled toppling back and forth, but not yet racing full speed ahead down the hill with all the thrill and anticipation and even a little fear that it would bring. You know, like the Grinch when he is on the hill about to race down to Whoville?

I have no idea what the "thing" is that will push me over the edge! But I think it is close! We have had friends in the past say that we are addrenaline junkies and go from one crisis to the next to avoid our issues. At first, I embraced that and tried to make sure we stopped. But lately, I am realizing that we are not adrenaline junikes, we are God junkies! And for that, I will not be ashamed!

I had the most intimate time with God I have ever had this past summer! I have seen more miracles in the past 6 months and seen the visible hand of God more than I have in my entire life....and I love it! I have tasted and seen that He is good, and I can't get enough! You see, those crisis as our friends saw them were the risks God called us to take in order to walk by faith. Can you walk by faith and not be on the edge? Isn't that what faith is? Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see?! Yes we adopted a baby boy when our marriage was on the rocks....that was 7 years ago and we are still married! What if we had let our marriage issues keep us from adopting him because things weren't "just right" for us to do it? We would have missed out on more than I can even imagine! What if we had not bought a house that hadn't been lived in for over 8 years in a town with NO resale value? We wouldn't have started the adoption of the girls had we not moved because our current house was too small..we wouldn't have had the money to move here when we needed if we hadn't had the huge blessing of an unbelievable profit in that town with NO resale value, what if I had quit the agency when things were so tuff they took the very life out of me and my family instead of pesevering and "shoring up the stakes"? I would have missed a trip to Liberia that saw God move in mighty ways across a government that had been allowed to stop adoptions! No it is not adrenaline I seek, but a life fully sold out, no reservations for God!

I realized that this week as I heard God call us to the next faith walk! It is big! I am not ready to share it here yet, but stay tuned! As I got up from my quiet times this weekend, I was energized in a way I haven't been before...and through maturity of the last few years, I was energized not just for the "big thing", but for the daily tasks that need to happen to make sure my family is cared for, my home is running smoothly, etc while I wait for the "thing" that pushes us over the edge of that hill to run full speed ahead after God.

See, I firmly believe that the end time is drawing near. I am no Biblical scholar, and I have no real "proof" to base that on. It is just something I feel in my Spirit. We have to do more....people are dieing to know the hope that we have! I believe God is seeking people who will worship in Spirit and in truth...not just on Sunday when the music is playing, but Monday through Saturday too when life is rolling. I believe He wants to show His glory! I believe He is looking for people willing to walk outside the box, take the risks, let the faith walk take them over the hill so that He can show miracle after miracle! I believe that the dead can still be raised! Have I seen it, no! But God says in His Word that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! Yesterday He did it, so that means He can to it today and tomorrow also!

As I sit with people and talk, really listen more than talk, I am realzing that I am more and more of a Jesus Freak with each passing day! My mind has truly been transformed. Ifind that people around me don't understand me, and I really don't understand them. I see the things that people around me are chasing after, and I have no interest in them. I am not saying that I am above them, please do not hear me say that! I am just different. I find the most difference to be among "Christians". I really don't 'get' most of them. God has done a work in me that has taken me to a place that I never dreamed or imagined. I still have my worldly battles..food, wanting a bigger/nicer house (even though the one He has blessed me with is more than I ever truly believed I would have), wanting to be able to buy the latest fashions for me and the kids, wanted sculptured nails to look like everyone else, etc, etc... But for the most part, I am finding I want to seek God more than I want to chase after these things and I am just trying to find the balance. But for me to not share with the people who are seeking in some way the knowledge I have and the hope that I have would be the biggest mistake and the biggest waste of my experiences I can think of!

So I have stopped worrying about being different and gladly wear the title Jesus Freak! Yes, it causes much frustration at times...many times...because people do not understand me! But that is ok! One day, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess...and I want to be on the front row!

So stay tuned....I believe in miracles, and I expect big ones in my life over the next months! I believe there is a movement in the body for just this thing! I have many friends across the cyber world who understand what I am saying exactly...so if you are in the same place, leave a comment with your blog address! Tell us about your miracles or the journey God has you on that you know will end in a miracle! Let's encourage one another in this walk we are on! I can't wait to see what God has in store, can you?

Is this a sign...

....that we have lost control??!!!

I promise he has not seen this around here! :)
And here is the fact that hit the tree!

Another P-tree first!

Well, we have our first broken bone! Guess which one it is......























Drum roll please.........

Yes, my sweet, laid back Ava fell off the couch Thursday night and landed just right. She broke one of the bones in her forearm. She has been a real trooper! They thought they would have to give us pain medicine with codeine and she is not even taking tylenol! She is like her momma! Hee!Hee!

Right now it is just in a splint with ace bandage. Our pediatrician is making an appointment for with a orthopedic doctor to set it and get a cast. It did not break all the way through, so they said that would be ok.

Oh, and Noah ran into a tree today. Yes, that is right. He ran smack dab full speed into a tree! So he has a swollen lip, black gums and black face. We don't take them anywhere together for fear of beign arrested for child abuse! Just kidding!

How many?

So how many people can you fit in the P-tree house? We currently have three adults, 9 children from 9 years to 7 months, and one teenager! And I LOVE it! When we bought this house, I prayed that God would use it to glorify Him. So I thought we would host a small group or something like that...but I never dreamed we would have it full of kids and their family! What a blessing!

The adoptive mom for the children we have been taking care of has come to spend time with them until the lawyer has all the paper work needed to let them go to their home. Pray for her...pray for them....she is going from 2-5 children and this will be their 3rd "mommy" to adjust to in just 4 weeks.

They are doing great and as I type, I hear giggles galore coming from the bedroom where they are staying! What a sweet sound!

E-mail from God

Just got an e-mail that I know is from God...ok, not literally, but with what I am feeling/struggling with today, I have to say that God meant me to read this as I usually just delet these!

I get the daily life coaching e-mails from Juli Alvarado. Today, this was her quote:
"Focus not on the tragedy in our world but on the hope in our world. You are hope for our future."

How much?

How much does it take to break a person's spirit? I have had some really low times this past year, and about the time I think I have climbed out of the pit, I find myself sliding back in. I read blogs like my friend in Bonkland who has also had an unbelievably rough year. I have followed an amazing couple through a battle with brain cancer that ended in a woman much younger than me meeting her maker and leaving behind an amazing husband and precious little girl who will only know her mother through the stories of others.

All of us are truly just trying to follow hard after God and live a life that leaves Him saying, "Well Done!" I know He is a loving, faithful God. I don't always "feel" that way, but I know His Word to be true, and that is what it says. But at times like this in my life and in the lives of my fellow warriors, I just look up to heaven and ask "Why?" Why do we have to struggle so much? Why does following such a loving God bring so much pain and heart ache. Why do so many stories that start with a Christ Follower walking in obedience end in heart ache and pain? I know God doesn't owe me an explanation. I know He is God, and that is just the way it is! As much as I think I will ask Him when I get there, I doubt it will matter anymore when I am before Him in all His Glory.

But here, while I am still on this earth, struggling through a world of sin and hurt, I just wonder how much it takes to truly break a persons spirit. As if fighting the daily stuff isn't enough, so many times my dreams are even against me! Last night was one of those nights....so real! So heart breaking, so devastating! Today is just a hard day....this has just been a hard year. I don't understand, but I know I must fight on! Today is just one of those days that fighting on will mean clinging with all my might to the leg of my Heavenly Father and asking Him to carry me through this day.

Impact

You never know the impact of what you are doing! Toben is the only child of color in the entire Parent's Day Out program that he attends. When I went to his open house last week, I noticed that there was a black baby doll in the living center. It caught my eye (and I noticed that the rest of the dolls had the "well loved" look while this one was definitly newer). I kind of smiled on the inside that they would make sure there was a baby doll who was Toben's color in his class.



Well, today I was in another classroom and looked down and saw a black Cabbage Patch Kid (obviously new also). Evidently babies of color have been added to all the rooms! I love it!