How much?

How much does it take to break a person's spirit? I have had some really low times this past year, and about the time I think I have climbed out of the pit, I find myself sliding back in. I read blogs like my friend in Bonkland who has also had an unbelievably rough year. I have followed an amazing couple through a battle with brain cancer that ended in a woman much younger than me meeting her maker and leaving behind an amazing husband and precious little girl who will only know her mother through the stories of others.

All of us are truly just trying to follow hard after God and live a life that leaves Him saying, "Well Done!" I know He is a loving, faithful God. I don't always "feel" that way, but I know His Word to be true, and that is what it says. But at times like this in my life and in the lives of my fellow warriors, I just look up to heaven and ask "Why?" Why do we have to struggle so much? Why does following such a loving God bring so much pain and heart ache. Why do so many stories that start with a Christ Follower walking in obedience end in heart ache and pain? I know God doesn't owe me an explanation. I know He is God, and that is just the way it is! As much as I think I will ask Him when I get there, I doubt it will matter anymore when I am before Him in all His Glory.

But here, while I am still on this earth, struggling through a world of sin and hurt, I just wonder how much it takes to truly break a persons spirit. As if fighting the daily stuff isn't enough, so many times my dreams are even against me! Last night was one of those nights....so real! So heart breaking, so devastating! Today is just a hard day....this has just been a hard year. I don't understand, but I know I must fight on! Today is just one of those days that fighting on will mean clinging with all my might to the leg of my Heavenly Father and asking Him to carry me through this day.