This post has been a long time coming!

Over the past year, I have made several references to something I would post later. I had started the post in a word document, then my computer crashed. So I am going to just hack away at this until I have it all out there. Maybe I will get it all done tonight, or maybe it will be a multiple post story....

I touched on some of my story here. But that was not the whole of it.

I am really not sure when it all started. It was probably late in 2007. I started having problems thinking. It got the point that I couldn't even finish a sentence with out someone giving me the word. It was driving me nuts! I had suffered pretty severe postpartum depression with Ava, even took medicine for a few months. It felt like that was coming back, but everyone said it was too long after the birth for it to be postpartum. So I just went on, living with the issues and telling myself I had to press on! I am the queen of "press on"!

As you know, we took a trip in January of this year to pick up our sweet Toben. On that trip, many things happened. One of the biggest is that a man saw us having dinner (our 4 families and three families from another agency...there were a bunch of us white people with black children!). The guy was from UNICEF but was working with the government to do something...never really was sure what. Didn't really care either! By the next morning, he had "reported" us to the Ministry of Health. The Deputy Minister (who by the way has live in the US for 20 years and whose family STILL lives here!) had put our children's visas on hold and sent out letters stating that we were to be arrested if we tried to cross the borders with our children. So that started a 5 day battle to get our children out.

Turns out the deputy minister had NO RIGHT to do what he did as we already had our papers (including the report from HIS office that was required for the adoptions!). So we were able to get our children home. However, there was a ton of emotions that I experienced. I was there as an agency director, but also as an adoptive mother. John and I both had to wear many caps that trip. We got to see God move mountains, and it was awesome! But it took its toll on my already worn out faith, strength, mind and emotions. I really had to face the fact that I could once again leave a child in Africa, at an airport. It wasn't until we were on the way (very late!) to the airport about 45 minutes before out plain was to take off that we found out we had clearance from all branches of the government and would be allowed on the plane with our children. We refer to that trip as the time we saw the Red Sea part and we walked through it!

By the time we got home, the story had hit international media. There were articles on msnbc and yahoo that said I had been involved in child trafficking and "sneaked" the children out of the country. It was all false, crazy accusations, but still, they were out there for the whole world to see! I seriously didn't know if the FBI was going to knock on my door and arrest me. I know that sounds crazy and dramatic, but when you know the seriousness with which the state department takes child trafficking, and you have a high ranking government official (the same one mentioned earlier!) in a country being quoted as saying you "sneaked" children out of his country, it makes you wonder! We spent the next few days talking to the State Department and a dear friend of ours who has connections in DC to clear our name and make sure there would be no ramifications from this on our side.

So not only was I dealing with all that, but I was also trying to adjust to being the mother of 4 and having a new little man in the house who didn't know the rules and who really messed up pecking order in the P-tree home! Add on top of that 19 families who had heard bits and pieces of our week, but really didn't know for sure what was going on or what it meant for their children. I understood their need for info, but I was really just in need of a break! But no break would come! So I pressed on! (see, there it is again!)

I pressed on through that crisis, through Toben getting settled and Ava getting used to another "baby" in the house. Toben needed lots of hugs and cuddles as can be expected with what he had just experienced! Ava wasn't so sure about sharing her momma! And as many of you know (and I will try to post more on at some point), I don't bond quickly with my adopted children. So while all this was going on, I was trying not to project everything I felt about this country onto my child who just came from there! That was probably one of the hardest parts in those first few weeks!

I assured all my parents that I would continue to fight for their children as if they were my own, and I did. I fought the government, I fought parents who didn't think I was doing enough, I fought feelings of desperation because there was nothing more I could do, I fought personal attacks from parents on blogs (I have learned to be VERY careful which blogs I read!). Add on to that issues in my home. Marriage issues over expectations as the agency took more and more of my time which meant less and less was spent with family and on keeping the house running smoothly. I truly was a time bomb ticking, just waiting to explode.

to be continued..............................................