The Journey: Peace After the Storm

Sorry to not have updated last night or earlier today. I just needed a break from the emotions and thoughts of the past couple of days. I was worn out! Totally exhausted! But as I write this, I am at total peace. God is so faithful!

We said no to the referral. I know many will be shocked by that, but after much prayer, much talking to many people and each other, we said no. I left the final decision to John, but I have total peace with what he decided and why he decided it. John even got an e-mail from a friend who knows us just about as well as anyone that very humbly said he thought he might have a Word for us. He even pulled over on the side of the road to type it out and send it to John.

Basically, John's feelings were confirmed by the e-mail. John felt that we needed to make the trip to the children's home so that he (and I, I'm sure) could be exposed to the horrific truth of an emergency shelter for children under 5. It made us realize even more the need and the direction God wants to take Addy's Hope. We will be working with some foster agencies and CPS to hopefully make a difference in fostering in our area. The Body of Christ just has to do more! We hope to be a part of the catalyst to do just that in the months to come.

We talked to Buckner several times yesterday and they talked to the case worker for Little Guy and sister. More than likely sister will go to a relative (that is not a relative for Little Guy). The "System" will almost always place with a family member over a foster home even when it means separating a sibling group. I don't believe that is best....unless the child already has a bond with that family member, but that's just one of many things I don't agree with the system! So ultimately, we were just looking at accepting a referral for Little Guy alone.

I really didn't feel like we should do that. One thing about processing a decision on a blog is that you have it all out there...makes it hard to rationalize away disobedience! I have looked back at some of the things God showed me and spoke concerning this situation to make sure I am not rationalizing anything away. In particular, the scripture in James that says if you know the good you ought to do but do not do it, you sin. I prayed much over that scripture after we decided to not take Little Guy. God brought peace for me over that! He assured me that we did the good we were supposed to do....we were open! We didn't let anything about the situation or circumstances scare us away. We walked in obedience every step...even to asking for a van to be donated. That was what He was asking of us. I don't pretend to understand the way God works, but this isn't the first time that God did heart surgery on me to make me open to a road I wouldn't have taken before the heart surgery only for God to stop me and place me back on the road I was on before the heart surgery! Clear as mud?! Basically, God worked in my heart to make me totally open to obedience....no stipulations, just ready and set to obey whatever the price, whatever the sacrifice, whatever the command! John and I also were strengthened through this, I believe. I had to trust his decision, and he had to trust I would be ok with his decision. I can truly say that I give thanks for the process God just brought us through even though we didn't end up with Little Guy and sister. But you can guarantee one thing, I will be praying for them both! I will pray that they are placed in loving homes that will teach them about Jesus!

What now? Well, we're not sure, but I still believe we will have another child, and we told Buckner that we are still open to another placement. I did ask that it be a full African American child. Toben has really expressed through this process his desire/need for a child that looks like him. Callie has Ava, Ava has Callie. Noah has Baby Girl, Baby Girl has Noah. And Toben, well, he is our only dark chocolate sweety! Some kids could be ok with that, I'm sure. But he has expressed several times that he wants a child that looks like him in the family. There is no guarantee that the next child will be in our home permanently, we are still fostering , but we always want to be ready to keep whomever comes into our home. We never want to have a child removed from our home because of our decisions! We want to make sure a placement in our home can stay until he/she has to leave for other reason.

I don't have a sense of a boy or girl, and we are good with either. So we only asked that it be full African American. We are only approved for up to age 3, but you all know if I have my preference, the next baby P-tree will be straight from the hospital! That will be my prayer, but as always, I will keep my heart open to whomever God has for us!

So we are still looking at what we can do for a car. Since we are doing Dave Ramsey, and since I am no longer on salary with Addy's Hope, there is no room for a car payment. But if we get even just one more child, we will not have room for the whole family. Since we feel pretty certain there will be at least one more child, we need to start thinking about that. But it is not the crisis it was Friday when we thought the placement of a couple of kids rested on us finding a 12 passenger van!

To all who have prayed and sent words of encouragement, THANK YOU! Thank you for walking this journey with us. I know your prayers are what made the decision so peaceful! So many were praying for wisdom and it seemed to come easier and quicker in this decision that just about any I can remember...well, other than the decision to marry John! :) But truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for praying, for e-mailing, for messaging, for commenting! It has meant the world to me through the past four days! Stay tuned....I will need your prayers again in this journey, I am sure!

And if you are in the West Texas area and you are thinking about being a foster family, can I encourage you to quit thinking and take the training?! Don't use praying about it as an excuse or delay! Take the training...that doesn't commit you to anything and will give you a better sense of what you will be getting into. Take the step of obedience, will you? I will walk with you if you have no one else to walk with you! It is my passion! It is my life call! Let's get these kids in homes!!

Walking this journey one step at a time!
HollyAnn