Headed to Liberia!

I am officiallly headed to Liberia. Just got the flights booked this morning! After my last trip, I really thought I would be anxious, but I am not. That is what being in the will of God does....gives you peace! I am very excited to go back, to see the kids in the home again, to work on getting cases further down the pipeline, and maybe to even visit Toben's home county! That is not confirmed yet, but I made a promise last time I was there and intend to keep it if at all possible!

Pray for me and my sweet family as times before I travel are always stressful! Adoptive families need more help and my kids need more reassuring as they know their mommy is about to head halfway across the world. I am anxious about leaving TOben so early, but God has made it clear it is time for me to go. So I trust (most days!) Him to care for TOben and make right any wrongs I am doing by leaving for this period of time so soon after his home coming. God knew when He made Toben and when He placed him in our home what I would be doing in response to His call, so I place my trust in that and try not to be a worrying mother!

With much sorrow....

With much sorrow, I present my nails. Yes, they are fake! There is a post forming in my mind that will hopefully be published in the near future which will help explain, but for now I will leave it at, I thought I deserved them! Ouch! That hurt to write! I have been justifying why I can keep them. I won't go through the list of justifications as it will only increase my sorrow. (I use sorrow because of a teaching my Pastor does on sin that is phenominal..as Chrsitians, we are not guilty, but we have Godly sorrow for things we do that we shouldn't, for sin - don't crucify me here...I am not saying fake nails are a sin! I am saying when we put our desires before God's commands we are sinning....this is my conviction and I am not pushing it on anyone else, just sharing!)

What brought this on? Well, I started reading Red Letters by Tom Davis. I have heard much about it and have even added my blog to the Red Letters Campaign adoption blogs, but I haven't actually read the book, so I picked it up. I am devouring everything I can right now on walking closely with God, and everything I have read says this will change me forever. I am also reading The Shack. That is amazing as well! There is another reason I am reading Red Letters. There is a pretty good chance that I will be meeting the author of this book the first part of August. It would probably be best for me to have read his work before I have a conversation with him! :) There is another cool thing about Tom Davis's rightings that I will share another time. I swear if this world gets any smaller, I will no longer fit in it!

So I read a little tonight (or this morning..whatever you want to call 12:45 am!). He talks about hoarders, people who keep what they have "safe" for fear they will not have enough. John and I have never been hoarders, shoot, we can't even save the "Dave Ramsey Emergency Savings Amount", but we are not what I would consider generous people with our resources either. We have recently met a couple that has really challeneged us by their generosity and we are being convicted. As I read Tom's explanation of the usual "if you give up your Starbucks for one day you could...." analogy, I felt a pain go through my heart! That was the Holy Spirit hitting me right on target with His arrow! I don't buy Starbucks but once every other month or so, so that little analogy usually lets me wipe my brow and say, "whew! I am safe there! No conviction needed for that! We are doing the best we can...." Well, not this time! That little arrow had a note attached to it. It read, "For what you have spent on nails this month, you could have sponsored two children in your very own orphanage!" Yikes! So needles to say, the nails will be coming off! I can grow nails for free! Fake nails are silly for me! Ok, so growing nails requires not biting mine, which is a digusting habbit anyway, right, so what is the problem? Well, we'll leave that challenge for another day! For now I know that the two girls that God has laid on my hear to disciple every time I go to Liberia will be receiving monthly support instead of my fingers getting fake nails! I will live my faith in the hopes of ending poverty in at least two lives that I know I can impact for Christ! What a privelege to walk this life with Christ! Nails are silly, but the closer I get to him, the more all the sacrifices I have made seem silly in comparison to the knowledge of knowing Him more!

She's a ham!

My youngest is defintly comimg into her own! She is getting funnier by the day! I definitly have a class clown on my hands here! She has a new face that she gives me when she doesn't want to do what I say. She puckers her lips, squints her eyes and puts her head in her hands! It is hilarious! Then when we start laughing, the show is on! So here is Miss Ava in all her glory showing off her goofy faces!

And this is all the kids showing their "Ava" face!

Happy Birthday, my Love!

My hubby turned 34 yesterday! He loves to tell people he married an older woman. We graduated the same year, but I turned 34 in December. It is kind of funny because I usually dated men considerably older than myself! Anyway, we celebrated John's b-day with my family with a home made cake and then the kids and I surprised him with another cake(and trick candles - the kids' idea) at a small group swim party we hosted at our house.

John and I got engaged 11 years ago this June. Our marriage has not been an easy one. I know no marriage is, but John and I have had some pretty big obstacles to overcome. Unrealistic expectations and baggage have haunted our relationship from the beginning. But I have NEVER doubted that God told me (before I knew God 'talked') to marry this man. I know God gave me that assurance 11 years ago because He knew it would keep me dedicated during the hard times.

In those hard times, I tended to focus on how lucky John is that I didn't leave him. That I stuck by and stayed dedicated (yes, I know how conceited and self-centered that sounds!). But what I am realizing as the years tick by and I watch marriage after marriage fall apart around me is that I am just as lucky that John has stayed committed to me and our family. That he has not chosen to walk out or take the easy road when things got hard. For that I am truly thankful and blessed!

So on this, his special day, I am so thankful that God made John fearfully and wonderfully. That God chose to bring a little boy into the world 34 years ago that would be my soul mate! Thank you God! And thank you John for a lifetime of memories...and more to come! I love you! Happy Birthday!

How to Scare Your Husband to Death

If you want to scare your husband to death, text him these pictures with the title, "Guess what we are doing today!"

The demolition crew!

To be continued.......

A Fun Summer Day

I am determined to have a summer to remember this year as last year when school started I was so sad that the summer was gone and I had not spent enough time with the kids. Today we went to a pool that has lost of neat fountains and slides! The kids had a ball...and we all have a little pink skin!

Toben loved the slides! He also loves the fountains. He likes to see how many he can stop at once! Lets just say that he has a clean tushy!

Ava wouldn't go down the slide, but she had a ton of fun dumping a whole bottle of sunscreen on her!

Noah loved these "lilly pads" that floated on the water. He was a master at getting across them and to the other side. Callie liked these too, but her favorite was the big slide. The problem with that was, my little digital camera would miss her coming out the slide with the delay on the shutter.

And affter a long day at the pool, this is what I came home with....doesn't get any sweeter than this!

Where are the boys?

John and I were able to get out of town with out the children last week as he had a retreat he was running in Fredericksburg.......one of my favorite towns. It is also where my aunt and uncle live, so we went to their house and out to dinner one night with them. When we were at their house, she was showing me some pics on their refrigerator. I looked at the other side and saw pictures of my the girls (aka: my bio children), but no pictures of my boys. I was perplexed for a minute and then it hit me....they are the "not bio" children. I will give her the benefit of the doubt on Toben as she probably has not received a picture of him from me, but Noah...I am sure in the past six years, she has received a picture of him! It made me sad..was just a shot of reality that not everyone sees our family as we do. We don't see color or how they came to us, they are just our kids. Period. I got angry for a minute, then prayed that God would use my family to teach these a little more about His love for ALL people!

.......Or maybe I am just being too sensitive and seeing something that is really not there at all, but I just couldn't help but notice two of my children missing from the picture place!

She's growing up!

I have been dreading this day for months now. I knew it needed to come, but I just didn't want to admit it....Callie and I went shopping for her first bra today! You might think she would be embarassed that I am blogging about this and I might not should....that might be true of some girls, but this is the girl who took a picture holding up her new undergarment and texted it to her daddy! She is so excited! She wants to grow up so fast...makes me sad. I keep telling her to cherish being a child...never again will she get to be one! But just like all of us, she is too busy trying to get to the next stage of life to enjoy and cherish the one she is in!

Today a bra, tomorrow a car then a cap and gown and then a diamong ring. All too soon my Cindrella will be gone! God help me to be the mother I need to be to this precious little girl to make her into the woman You need her to be!

Meme Tagged

I have no idea what a meme is, but when I find out, I will let you know. In the mean time if anyone knows what it is, please feel free to post a comment and inform me!

Regardless of what a meme is, I think I can do this.....

Courtney tagged me. I told her I was going to have to wait unti tomorrow to do this because it is late, but as I was about to shut down my computer, I thought of one. So here goes.....

This meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith & Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure. It’s a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were, “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

1. Write your own six word memoir.

2. Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.

3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blog sphere. Find Courtney's Memoir Here

4. Tag 5 more blogs with links.

5. Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

My life in six words......those of you who know how long winded I am know how hard this is for me, but here it goes....

Seeking God Because He knows best!

I tag:

Crystal

Emily

Jody

Rachel

Kami

Me, the Freak!

I remember a time when I thought the song "Jesus Freak" was just hard rock. But now, it seems to be my theme song. I have written before about how I feel like an alien in this place we call home. Yet even more today than when I wrote that, I feel like a freak because of my beliefs.

We have been at a family reunion this weekend. It was interesting to say the least. One cousin I had not seen since our wedding almost 11 years ago. She walked up and I instantly saw a beautiful young woman. Now I know that doesn't sound like s strange statement, but she was not what I would normally think of as beautiful. She had long earrings that looked somewhat like chains and hung down to her shoulders. She was in sort of "earthy" clothing and had a tattoo on the top of her foot...along with one on her arm. But as I visited with this cousin, I realized why I found her beautiful, she loves the Lord with her whole heart! She has a countenance about her that makes her beautiful! That tattoo on the top of her foot is the same scripture I named my blog after. So that got me to thinking why someone that the old me would have seen as a little freaky is now so beautiful. And I didn't have to go far to figure it out.

You see, I feel much like her in many ways. I have found myself listening more and more to the "edgy" music. I don't know that it is because I "enjoy" it more, but it seems that not only is the music edgy, but the lyrics reflect lives that are lived on the edge. The lyrics aren't just about a wonderful God that makes our lives warm and cozy (while He can do that, and I love the songs that speak of His wonderful attributes), but they are about a life that is gut wrenching, that takes you to your breaking point just because you follow God in a way that people, even Christians, just don't understand.

So how did "Miss Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" become a punk rocker? Well, I think this is how.....

My faith that calls me to adopt children who don't look like me is my green hair.

My obedience to a God that asks me to go to Africa and meet a daughter I didn't get to bring home, but in the end still know I followed God in pursuing is my Mohawk.

My expectation of myself to live a life above reproach (even if that means offending even family members who choose a different life style) is the ring in my nose.

My four children whom I can't afford but have because God told us to bring home number four is the tattoo on my right arm.

My resolve to move to a small West Texas town because I know God has kingdom work for us is the ring making great big holes in my ear lobes.

My hearing God say to buy a house that has set empty for eight years and looks condemned in a tiny town that has NO real estate value is my black lip stick.

My obedience to put my dream home on the market after living in it for less than a year because God says it is time to move is the bar piercing my tongue.

My walk of faith to open an adoption ministry when I know nothing about how to do that is my combat boots.

My love that requires me to confront a friend walking in open rebellion to God is my chain around my hip.

You see, I may still look like Miss "Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" on the outside, but I am finding that as people get to know me, they look at me with the same horror because of my convictions as they would someone walking down the street with the physical attributes I described. I am just as much a freak to my family and my friends, who profess to be Christians, as someone who dresses in such a way. But the difference between the old me and the new me is that I am no longer apologizing for being the punk rocker! There is a dying world out there! There are too many hurting people who need Who I have to play the churchy games! Radical times mean radical measures! God is calling me more and more to the lost world! I hear the cries of lost people grow louder and louder. I can't ignore them! I must be more like Jesus every day so that these people crying out in agony because they are lost can see Him in me! I must look more like Him tomorrow than I did today and that means looking less like the world...even the world that goes to church! I want to be used radically by God to reach the lost and dying world! I have a feeling that there will be less and less of Miss Prim and Proper! God is calling me more and more to a place where I have to make a choice: His way or the world's way? Will I follow Him no matter the cost, will I follow Him into more isolation, will I follow Him when no ones "gets" it, or will I walk away? I have to choose to follow Him! There are people counting on me to be Jesus to them! God help me if I choose to be prim and proper over getting into the messy lives of people in need of a Savior! My view of beauty is changing! God is piercing my heart for a lost world......and maybe my nose along with it!

Maybe this is why.....

After my last post, God has shown me many things about possibly "why" adoption is so hard.

One of them is that He uses adoption to refine adoptive parents like nothing else can....it sure did me....all three times of my own and with each adoption I facilitate. I can see it in the adoptive families that I work with. Did I mention it is sometimes VERY difficult to be the person in the middle of the work that God is using to refine people? :) I am sure you pastors and pastor's wives out there can relate to that!

But as Noah was baptized last Sunday, I got a glimpse of something wonderful. I have to confess a little favoritism here over my biological children. I rejoiced when Callie accepted Christ and was baptized also...in fact we had a "Re-Birthday Party" to celebrate. We will have the same for Noah when life slows down enough to do it! But I have always wondered how I would react on the day that Noah made his statement public. Not just the reaction of a mother, but the reaction of a mother who didn't give birth to this child but knows that the whole purpose of him being in my family is to raise him up as a warrior in God's army? How would the deepest, innermost part of me react? Just like I thought I would! I rejoiced from my imost being; I wept like a baby! Then I gave my son a "high-five"!

Seriously, as John and I took communion with Noah for the first time, John leaned over and whispered to me "this is what it is all about". And I responded with, "this is why I push us so hard!". We both laughed! Later we talked about how humbling it was to watch Noah go under the water and then sit with him and take his first communion...both of us could not help but think of where he would be had God not picked him up out of the circumstances he was in and placed him in the middle of a family who wasn't even looking for a baby! Even now as I think about that, tears flow down my cheeks. What if I had not followed through when everyone around me thought I was nuts? What if I had let fear of the uknown or more importantly of the known things of his circumstance stop me from walking by faith? But because we persevered through fear and doubt, I have the awesome priveledge of leading this young boy to His Savior. I will fail him, I will not tell him the right things at times or be the example I should be, but even in my failures, God has allowed Noah to come to Him at the age of six. This is what it is all about! It is about raising up a young boy who would have been taken from drug house to drug house, but instead is sitting with his family reflecting on the sacrifice of a Man over 2000 years ago that allows him to have an intimate relationship with God and the promise of eternal life! It is about knowing that I have a young man in my house that will one day do great things for the kingdom because he will know nothing else to do because it is what he has lived his whole life.

Would the enemy let that happen with out a fight? I think not! He knows the impact these kids that are being adopted into Christian homes will have on this earth....this WHOLE earth! I have no doubt that many of the children coming home to families in our ministry will either return to impact their homeland or at the very least use the resources they have to impact the country of their birth. Recently even an official in this country expressed the same fear as his tribe is not the tribe of these children. To that I say, Praise God! Bring the children home so that they can be trained as warriors and fulfill all that God has called and gifted them to be!

So whether you are adopting domestically or internationally...whether you are just starting, are in the middle or just had one fall through. I can't answer all the why's. I don't understand all the struggles, but as I sat there that Sunday night and watched my husband baptize my oldest son, I wanted to get on the roof tops and scream, "All you people thinking about adoption, IT IS WORTH IT! This is living proof!" Adoption is worth every heart ache, every delay, every dollar spent, every sacrifice made, every sleepless night, every mile you have to travel, every tear you cry! It is worth it! Hang on! As a mother of two adopted children in my home, one in Sierra Leone West Africa, and one in the arms of Jesus, I can stand before you and honestly say, it is worth it! Hang on my dear friends, hang on! For a life is now sealed for ETERNITY and the enemy can do NOTHING about it! I can't help but think the miracle of adoption had at least a little bit to do with that! Praise God!

Why?

Why is adoption soooo hard? Why is something so close to God's heart so difficult. I knew when we adopted Noah we were blessed, but I didn't know the full extent of it until I really got involved with adoptions. His was a dream. Weren't looking for a baby, had one fall in our laps, didn't even have a home study, brought him home, was finalized in 4 months! We only even knew he existed three weeks before he was in my arms in my home. But that was the last easy adoption story I had! But it is not just us. I have a dear friend who was our first family with AH. They waited THREE years....only to end up adopting a five year old little boy right here in our home town. But the wait was heart wrenching! And this was after they lost a little boy who lived with them three weeks before his parents came back to get him, and lost a baby intenationally because the birth mom wouldn't go to the Embassy appointment at the end of the process without being paid a bribe!

My friend Jody just got home yesterday with her twins, but the trip took her and her husband to the end of themselves and that was after they thought they were at the end of themselves for the wait.

You have thousands of families trying to rasie the money needed because they have the hear but not the dollars.

I have another friend who lost her girls in Haiti after traveling to meet them and waiting for months on end only to be told her family was already too big.

Another friend went to Ethiopia to pick up her twins on deaths door after losing one to death in Liberia, one to a family returning for him, and one in the foster system.

One of our AH families lost a baby in Guatemala to death.

We have a family who have had visas for a long time now and just need a clearance letter, but still their children sit waiting. All of our families are waiting on their court decrees. Their hearts ache for these children. Yet they have to wait. If only all of them understood how much I want those children in their arms! I looked at pictures last night of my trip to Liberia, and I had to put them away because it just made my heart hurt too much to know that there are children there wanting love and wonderful families here waiting to give it, but I can't do anything to get them together but pray and beg God to move the mountains!

My dear friend had a disruption after the agency lied about the magnitude of issues in the child they placed in their home. Just showed up on their door step and took the children, literally. Then they lost two to parents deciding to parent. Lost three to parents returning and taking them from an orphanage before getting to bring home the three they have now.

Another friend has been on this adoption journey for nearly four years and still waits for her children in Haiti. She has lost one to being lied to by the agency that she was working with domestically. She has lost more than I can count to women saying they were going to place their children but then changed their minds.

I have yet another friend on her way home from a trip to pick up babies that they were suppposed to take home at birth, but bmom changed her mind. Then 11 months later, she calls and says she can't parent and wants them to have them. Yet after a week in another state in the bmom's city, bmom has quit talking to them and the lawyer, so they are headed back home, empty arms and broken hearts!

These are just the stories of families who have crossed my path...families who are answering God's call to adopt. Many of them truly answering a call...they can have bio children, they just desire to follow God and have His heart for orphans and children! Yet it is soooo hard!

Every one says when you get to heaven you will forget about all the questions you wanted to ask. But if there is on that I could ask, it would be, why God, did you make adoption so hard?

.....Maybe it is because He is giving us a glimpse of how hard He fought for our adoption as His sons and daughters! To show us the value He places on us, that He would allow His son to suffer the ultimate suffering so that we could be in His family. Just maybe......

This will keep you awake all night!

A couple of days ago, out of the blue, we got another e-mail from Sierra Leone with pictures of our beautiful Eden! The man who I met when I was in SL (whom I will refer to as "S") graciously checks on her for me. I had asked about her schooling as we have always known the least we could so is make sure she gets an education.

Well, we got new pictures, but the e-mail said some things that have haunted me. As much as I try to tell myself there is nothing I can do and it is not my issue anymore, I didn't sleep at all last night. "S" said that when he took Eden the picture of our familiy I had sent her that she "bost to her grand mother and father that she has a family in America so she will be there soon even her father was suprise to hear that". But that is not all! For thos who walked that journey with us, you remember that Eden bonded immediatly! When she would see me, she would break free of whoever had her and run to me! She wanted me over anyone from SL! The other two children being adopted never really bonded that way. But Eden was fully bonded....having to be ripped off my neck for me to board the helicopter to leave, a scene that will never leave my mind or my ears! But she was only 4, so I tell myself that she doesn't remember that. She was too young to understand, and doesn't remember any of it. WRONG! "S" said "[she]can remember almost everything that went [on] during the [time] when [we all] were in 'M' she explain[ed] [it] and even when she saw your picture she could remember you and ask me about the others [my current children] i could not explain to her. she also recall when you went to see the grave of her twin partner [Addy] she could explain to me [what happened]" I cried like a baby! She was standing there watching me as was her whole family! It was like losing Addy all over again!

Now I feel like I am losing Eden all over again. My dear friend is headed home from SL this evening with her two precious children! I am so excited for her, yet it rips open old wounds on my heart. Why God, why couldn't Eden have come home then?

I really dismissed all this and told myslef that it was a closed door and even if it opens again, doesn't mean that we need to walk through it. I mean, we have four children already! If we were to have more, I want to get pregnant, or if we are to adopt, I want to adopt a baby domestically! Do you hear all those "I's"? I do! :) Well last night as I lay in bed begging God to take it all away and let me sleep, Noah's sweet prayer to accept Jesus into his life came into my head. Then a voice that said, is Eden's eternal life worth whatever it would take to bring her home? Is an earthly education really what you know she needs? If she remains where she is, will she know God? Will she know Jesus died for her? And isn't that THE most improtant part of adoption among Chrsitian families? When I get to heaven, am I going to see her there, or will she be on the other side looking at me with those beautiful black eyes asking me why I didn't come back and tell her the Truth? Oh my goodness! Do you ever wish you could just turn your brain off?? What do I say all the time about people who just want to "throw money" at the problem? I say they are not laying down their lives for the children. So is God calling me to once again lay down my life for Eden? And now that would mean laying down the lives of 5 other people in one way or the other. I was talking to Callie about Eden, and she asked if we were going to go get her. I told her I didn't know. I asked her what if we do this all again and she still doesn't come home? This was her answer, "Then it would all be worth it wouldn't it?" It's never fun to be put in your place by an 8 year old!


So there it is. The reason I couldn't sleep last night. I haven't even shared all this with John yet. He has no desire to jump on that roller coaster again. Frankly, neither do I! But I wonder if God hasn't already bought our ticket to the ride and is just waiting for us to get on board! Pray for us! We need it!

The Greatest Day in a mother's life....

....is when one of her children make Jesus Lord of their life! I had the awesome privelege this evening of listening to Noah ask Jesus to be his savior. He prayed the sweetest pray asking God to make him love Him and not the devil. He asked God to take him to His house and not the devils. Then he said, "I love you and I will never let you go!" Wow! I was speachless, but the angels are rejoicing and when I told Noah that, he got up and started dancing saying, "I'm having an angel party, I'm having an angel party!" What an awesome day!

John was with Callie when she asked Jesus into her life. But I knew about it right after, and it was a sweet time. However, I can't help but linger a little with Noah to wonder what would life had been had God not allowed us the pleasure of being Noah's family. Callie said it perfectly tonight, "Noah, you are adopted twice! Once by us and once by God!" As I think of a single 26 year old girl who loved a little boy enough to let him go, I thank God that as she let him go, we got to hold him tight! I don't know that Noah would have even known God at the age of six had he not left her arms to come to ours. As I view adoption, I have to think that this day was the reason all along that Noah got to be one of us! God needed him in His kingdom so we have the awesome priveledge of calling him son as we teach him how to be the son of our Heavenly Father!

My baby boy lost his first tooth!

Noah FINALLY lost his first tooth! Callie lost hers when she was 4, so Noah was quite convinced that his teeth were not supposed to fall out! But on Sunday, he finally got one out. This could also be because Noah waits for them to literally fall out. Callie on the other hand wiggles the dog out of them until she can get one side lose and then yanks....the other side usually still has some root on it! Can you say "OUCH!!!!"?

I just love it when they have a gap...he is so cute....but reminds me he is growing up and that makes me a bit sad!

Family Fun!

Here are some pictures of our favorite family activity....swimming in our pool! Toben was scared to death to do anything but sit on the step and splash when we first put him in the pool. Now, he jumps off the diving board all by himself and kicks, flails himself to the ladder to get out and do it all again! So much fun! He tells everyone, "I swim in water!" He is doing so good! We are truly blessed!

What do you want from me, God?

I know scripture says that I have the mind of Christ, but many times I think my brain is short circuting if that is the case! This morning is one of those times that I want to get on my roof and shout at the heavans, "What do you want from me, God?!"

I got an e-mail last week from Sheku, the contact that informs us about Eden and has sent pictures from time to time. I just kind of read it and pretended like I hadn't. I tend to deal with stuff right now by ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist! But with my friend waiting on her investigation outcome in SL and all our adoptive families waiting to hear about court decrees, my mind goes frequently to my little girl in SL. My heart almost can't handle thinking of her. I wonder if God is preparing a way for her to come home to us after all these years....but then I wonder if I can really handle child number 5 being a 6 year old from another culture who doesn't speak my language! Can my current children handle that disruption also? I know if God says "do it", those other questions don't matter, He will supply all our needs! But is he saying "do it" or is this one of those doors that just because it is open doesn't mean we need to go through it?

It has always been very important to us that she attend school as we know that is the key to a better life for her and her future family! So we asked him to send us her tuition bill so that we can send money for he tuition to make sure she remains in school. Past that, I don't know what our role is in her life except to cover her and prayer and be open at any time for God to say, "I promised you she would come home, and NOW is the time!" But if I am honest, I have to say that I didn't sign up for a SIX year old little girl! I would have to say I don't "want" that for my life right now, but I have to be open! And I know if that is what God wants, he will change my heart, and it will be my desire too. Until that time, we wait, pray and seek wisdom to know what to do, and look at pictures of my holding a little girl that still holds a special place in my heart whether she ever has a bed under my roof or not!

Satan can take a break.....

You know, I often think that in America (probably other places too), Satan can just take a break...he can go have a Frappaciono because we Christians will just kill each other while he watches in awe. No matter how hard I work or how much of my life I give (even to the point of physical illness), it will not be enough for some people. They will attack as if I were the enemy.

I am sure God is teaching me in this that my only point of approval is HIM! Nothing else matters. I just wish my heart believed that...it must still just be head knowledge.....

Explanation....

Since I have gove public, I am trying to keep our last name off the blog. So if you see P-tree, you know this is not a typo, but my way of keeping the actual spelling of our last name from a search to find my blog in case some sicko out there is watching me! :) You just never think you are going to have to worry about that....and then your name is in international headlines......its really not all that great to be famous! ha! (Maybe I would think differently if my stint in the news came with $$$$$........or probably not!)

Prayers for my friend....

Hello all you blog buddies! I have a dear friend who found my blog several months ago right before she went to Sierra Leone to meet her twins! They are expecting to hear something this week on their orphan determination after an extensive field investigation by the US Embassy. All of you adoptive moms know how hard this last wait is when you know the news that could mean you get to bring them home or not is expected! You want with all your might to "know", yet as long as you don't "know" there is hope for a postitive outcome! They went into this adoption fully aware of the situation in SL, but like many of us have jsut walked by faith into a scary zone of unknowns taking their hearts with them! Of course this is so close to my heart because this is the step in the process where we lost our Eden. And in the back of my mind, I know if children start coming from SL again, there is a chance Eden might actually come home! So if you have a second, check out Jody's blog and say a prayer that Zeke and Kora are approved as orphans and they can go pick them up and bring them home! You can find her here. She is actually having a cool give away today, so you can also put your name in for a cool little stuffed animal! :)

Introducing.........

Princess Bella "P"....Bella for short! We will register her as Princess Bella so that she will have a "fancy" sounding name and the traditional "P" of the Petree pet names. She has been so much fun! All the kids love her and she loves them. I am a little tired of poopy messes....between her and Ava....but other than that, she has been a perfect puppy! She has been very theraputic. Since John will not let me have another baby, I had to settle for a puppy!

Going public again

Well, I am going public with my blog again! I hated not being able to read comments from new blog world friends that found me through other blog world friends. Now that the smoke has blown over with the issues in the African country we were in earlier this year, I am hoping it is safe to go public again. I have taken our last name out of the blog and I don't have my address on it.....I will try for a while and if I see issues, I will switch back...so if you want to link me to your blog, feel free and I will be linking more of you to mine now!

Happy Birthday, Ava!!

My baby turned two yesterday. I didn't have the energy and we really didn't have the money to throw a party, so we just took a family trip to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. Then we had cake and ice cream today with Nana and Granddad and Uncle Jason after church.



I can't believe my baby is two years old! Ava is the little surprise package that we learned about just two months after my trip to Sierra Leone to adopt Eden. I told John I was pregnant with Ava by turning on the light in the middle of the night and saying, "Well I guess you will be the one to go back to Africa to get Eden." We ahd been fighting about who would go get her! He was totally asleep and took a minute to even realize I was talking to him...then I said it again and showed him the test! We had no idea at that moment just what a precious gift and ray of hope Miss Ava would be for us. When we learned that Eden's adoption had failed, it was the life I carried inside of me that kept me from going crazy. I knew I had to hold it together because someone inside was relying on me!

Then when she came, she was more than a mom could ask for in such a little bundle! Now two years later, she is still such a joy! She makes me laugh when I need it, and reminds me regularly not to take life too seriously! She is the calm in the storm of my other strong-willed children! She can tear up a room faster than any of the other children, but at the same time she is the most laid back and easy-going child I have met. She just rolls with the punches!

So Happy Birthday my baby girl! I love you!

Mother's Day gift....for my kids! (Cross posted)

Well, today was a wonderful mother's day. But as I sat in church this morning, those familiar thoughts went through my mind. Why can I not conquer the weight? How much better mom would I be if there were 100 pounds less of me? Yes, I was able to crawl in the Chuck E. Cheese tubes last night, I haven't lost that, but I can't imagine how much more energy at the end of the day I would have it I carried around 100 pounds less through out the day.

So I got to thinking. In one year from now, where could I be in my weight? I have always heard that 2 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. That would mean I could lose 104 pounds in a year. So that means I could be at my goal weight by this time next year! I could lose Noah, Toben and Ava...I know how badly my back hurts when I have to carry Toben or Ava around for a little while and how tired that makes me. When I think that my excess body weight is the same as carrying all three of them on my back, that just sounds in sane! Oh how much better I would feel with out them on my back all day! :)

So next year for Mother's Day, I want to give my children a gift. I want to give them less of me! I want give them a mom that has the energy to get through the day with out being grumpy by dinner because I am so exhausted I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I want to give them a mom who can run around the park with them and not be winded after a couple of laps. I want to give them a mom who is all the God has called her to be which is not "skinny" but healthy and walking in obedience in the area of food.

I also have a little alterior motive for wanting to lose weight. John, if you are reading this, just skip this paragraph! I don't want you having a panick attack on me! :) On this mother's day, I really reflected on ALL my children...the four who live with me, the one I lost to a miscarriage before Callie and of course Eden and Addy. I also pondered future children. Everyone says you know when you are "done", and I can't imagine being done! As we celebrated Ava's second birthday, my heart just about burst with the desire for another biological child. I would love to adopt again too, but I love being pregnant and experiencing all that means. But the next time I am pregnant, I want to be one of those cute pregnant women! I don't want to have to buy larger size women's clothes because no maternity clothes fit. I want to have the cute little bump of pregnancy instead of barely showing because the baby can't be seen through the layers of fat. I know if God (and John) allow me to have the experience of another pregnancy, it will most probably be my last one. I want to be skinny when I start! Since Ava is two and I am 34, another pregnancy needs to occur in the next year or two if we are going to do that. So I need to get this weight off!

So Mother's Day 2009, I will give my kids a mother who is at her goal weight and more of a mom because there is less of me there!

You don't have to fit in....

This is for all my friends out there who have had the conversation with me about not fitting in here in this world! Seems like that is a theme running through my circle of friends right now. I bought a book that had been recommended to me called His Princess: Love Letters from Your King by Sheri Rose Shepherd. I would HIGHLY recommend it! I can't put it down! So here is one of the letters....to you, God's Princess (or Prince for any men who might be reading this!)

My Princess, you don't have to fit in!

I know you want to be accepted by others, but you were not made to fit in. You, My Princess, were created to stand out. Not to draw attention to yourself, but to live the kind of life that leads others to Me. Remember, it's your choices that will pave your path to life. I will not force you to do anything. I have given you a free will to walk with Me or to walk away from Me. I want you to know that you can put on your crown at any time and let people know that you belong to Me. You have a royal call on your life. I want you to remember you wear the crown of everlasting life, and through you I will do abundantly more than you would ever dare to dream.
Love,
Your King and Crown Giver

Rest in that my dear sister (or brother)! Its ok to not fit in! Our King and Daddy says so! I love all you rebels out there! You inspire me!

First Family Picture....and for a good cause!

Well, here it is! The first picture of all SIX P-trees! It took us three months to get it, but it is here! And we are in the t-shirts that my friends Kami and Jeremy are selling to open another orphanage in Liberia with Addy's Hope. So if you would like a cool shirt like us (she has them in many colors!) then click on the link on the sidebar of my blog and order away! She gets them out very quickly!

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

My sweet husband surprised me with a puppy for mother's day! We have been talking about getting a small indoor puppy. We found this little gal last weekend when we were in Lubbock for a conference, but we didn't know anything about her breed. After coming home and researching, I have fallen in love with the Cairn Terrier breed (like Toto on Wizard of Oz). I was looking at breeders all over the place as I couldn't find one closer than Dallas. John arranged for a co-workers daughter who live in Lubbock to go pick up the puppy and bring her home yesterday. The kids and I are all thrilled! She is a sweet heart! But we need a name! I have a poll on my sidebar, please vote and give your opinion!

A song for mother's day!

My friend Karen Fisher wrote a song that has blessed me over and over! It is a truthful testimony of a mom that is ready to run away, but knows her home is where she belongs. She has it on a site and needs votes to get her to the top. Please go here. Then where it says view our other charts view the "Songwriter" genre. The name is "Anywhere but Here" and the artists if Karen Fisher. Give it a listen then give it all the stars if you like it! It will bless you and would make a great mother's day gift! Her whole CD is wonderful! She is a gifted "real" songwriter!

Thanks for voting for her! This one needs to be on the radio for all mothers to hear!