It's MRSA and they are cutting it out.....I think she may have a mild form of muscular dystrophy

It's MRSA and they are cutting it out.....I think she may have a mild form of muscular dystrophy

These are the words that I heard/read with in an hour of each other.

John was out of town on business. He had a spot on his leg that was really hurting him that we thought was just an inflamed hair follicle. But with in 24 hours, he was running 101 fever, had chills and couldn't walk from the pain in his leg. So on my way to Ava's 3 year well check he texts me and says, "doc thinks its mersa, cutting it out." His phone was off, so that was all I knew. I am getting out of the car to take the kids in to the pediatrician for Ava's well check trying to figure out how I am going to get to Fredericksburg as my husband is probably being admitted to the hospital!

After the doctor examines Ava and asks many questions, he says, 'I think she may have a mild form of muscular dystrophy." Not really sure what all he said after that. He said a lot, I asked questions, but my brain was still trying to wrap itself around what he had just said while I was hearing the rest of the explanation. I remember bits and pieces as I talk about it with family members, but just not sure.

Go to the car in a slight fog. John calls and he is better. After they removed a boil half the size of his fist full of infection from his leg, he is feeling slightly better (that was before the pain of having a boil half the size of his fist cut out of his leg hit!). I share the news of Ava with him. At this point being brave isn't that hard because I'm not really even understanding what I am telling him.

Ava has been a special blessing in my life. All my children are wonderful, don't get my wrong! But Ava came unexpectedly right after we lost Addy and while we were waiting for the outcome of the visa for Eden. I did a 100 word testimony on her at Stonegate. Basically, little Ava was my promise and hope that life would go on despite all the heartache of the years preceding her birth in the area of children and parenting! She is my laid back child, my joy-filled child, my little girl who can re-energize me with a game of tickles when I have had an exhausting day!

To hear that she may have an illness that could shorten her life (he assured me it wouldn't, but all research on muscular dystrophy says otherwise, and he tends to NOT tell me things before a diagnosis as we have learned in a couple of other instances!) has taken me through every emotion known to woman!

Shock was first. It takes awhile for something like that to soak in. I really can't say that fear even surfaced until the next day. That first day was just shock. Trying to really understand what we might be dealing with considering the very little bit of information we had. But the next day, well, when I finally took a shower after noon, the tears started and just as I figured, once they started, I couldn't get them to stop! What do I KNOW? I KNOW:

• God is in control and this is no surprise to Him;
• Ava is fearfully and wonderfully made NO MATTER what the outcome of the test results are;
• I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength;
• watching my child struggle will be hard;
• knowing my child has an illness that might cause her difficulty and keep her from doing everything she might ever want to do makes my heart hurt;
• there will be days when a diagnosis will not matter and there will be days when a bad diagnosis will seem like the end of the world;
• God will never leave me nor forsake me as I walk this journey;
• Someone else giving me these churchy answers who has never walked this path on a bad day will make me really angry (right or wrong, that is a fact!);
• parents have received much worse news than that their child might have a muscular issue.
• God loves her more than I EVER could and will use whatever the outcome is for His glory
• I have friends like Lacy who deal with special needs children every day and have made me aware of the precious children behind those words, "special needs". Lacy, I have thought a lot about you the last two days! You are my hero! Little Miss Autumn is just too precious!

The blood tests have been ordered and will be drawn tomorrow. They will be sent to Mayo Clinic and we will wait. I have always said in major life issues that the unknown is the hardest thing. I'm not so sure that is true this time. As long as I don't know, there is still hope that all the little indicators that makes the doctor think we might have a problem are just coincidence. So not knowing just might be ok this time!

If you think of it, will you say a prayer for my sweet girl that all is normal....well at least as normal as any Petree can be?! Thanks!

Church Blog

Our church, Mid-Cities is starting a blog to hopefully have lots of discussion on the study of Acts. I was supposed to blog June 28, but we will be in DC that week, so they switched me to today which made me the first blogger! A little nerve racking, but I love to start conversations about scripture, so it was fun! The hardest part was keeping it to 300 words...not just hard, impossible! So I went to 400! :)

If you want to follow and contribute to our study of Acts, go here!

Update

I posted here about two needs in Liberia. The first was Matthew, little boy in desperate need of medical attention. I am happy to report that because of your prayers and generosity, Matthew's medical costs are met for now. He is currently too weak to travel, so please pray that he will be strengthened for the trip in order to have the surgery. Also, pray for wisdom for all of us working and making decisions right now on Matthew's behalf.

The news on the other need is not so good. I have $140 toward the chain saw. That is a great start! However, we received word last week that one of the little boys living in the home with out a roof died. He was 2 and a half years old. His name is Swen. He died from what they called a "cold illness". My heart is broken! No matter how many we help, there will always be some who die! Can you help us cover the other children before more fall to Swen's fate? If you can help us, go to www.addyshope.com for donatioan information.

Thank you for your support and your prayers!

New Blog Look...

Can you tell I am longing for the beach???!!!

John Piper

Pride is more fatal than death. ~John Piper
Read his wonderful thoughts on fame and Christianity here.

They Need YOU!

Please go to our website and read about two desperate needs! One is for this little boy who needs medical treatment not available in Liberia. His name is Matthew!

He has taught me that I could adopt special needs kids when I am not traveling internationally! I love this little boy! He will die with out medical treatment! You can read more about his amazing story and how you can help here.

The other need is for these children! They live in Grand Kru. They are children without parents or a roof! The building you see is the one they live in, but it has no roof! All that is needed to complete the building is a chainsaw! Go here to read more about how you can help!

Please prayerfully consider these two needs. I have talked to countless ministries and all of us are struggling right now! Children are going hungry because people are not giving like they should! I don't want to get preachy here, but please consider giving of even just a little of the surplus God has given those of us here in America and trust God to take care of your tomorrow!

And if money is too tight to give even a dollar, then please pray that God would raise up those with money sitting in a bank to provide for His children! Thank you in advance for hearing this plea and answering the call!

Great Quote

"We are such wimps - really, we are. Living in a sophisticated developed country where life is full of comfort and conveniences has weakened our character and our resolve. We often look for the easy way out of challenging situations and even pride ourselves on doing the minimum required - just enough to get by. Discipline, sacrifice, cost - these are not popular concepts."
Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

Processing....

Well, I am trying to process my new perspective. Yesterday we had a really important meeting that I will blog about later. But the outcome of the topic of this meeting has the potential to be life changing for me and literally millions of other. When faced with situations like this, I am always taken back to my stones of remembrance. Now stones of remembrance are supposed to be those things that remind you of the provision and faithfulness of God.

"Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." ~Joshua 4:5-8

Well, I have always struggled a little with that. I definitely have stone's of remembrance that show God's power and provision...the agency right now is a HUGE one! He has provided what we need financially to keep running during this hard time. I have no idea how! The money is just there. Its not always there right when I think we need it (like right now when salaries and rent need to be payed and we have enough to do neither!), but somehow by the end of the month we are able to feed the kids, pay our salaries and rent. Thank you, God! Then there is my marriage that has been through more battles than the civil war! But we are still together! God has saved my marriage to John. Thank you again, God! Noah's adoption is a huge stone of remembrance! It was really the first real faith step I had ever taken, at least knowingly taken! I knew all the risks, it wasn't what I would have chosen to do, but we did it because God made it cleat it was His will, and every little detail worked out.

But there are several BIG things that haven't worked out so well. One of the biggies is Eden and Addy's adoption. Did beauty come from the ashes? Definitely! And I can see that. But I still struggle with the fact that when I sat on the side of my bed in month 8 or 9 of the process with a death certificate that had Eden's mom dying before she was born, I wanted to give up. I wanted to throw in the towel. Not because I didn't want Eden, but because I knew that something smelled fishy (there were many more things than just the death certificate!). But right there, on the edge of my bed, God took me to a Psalms (I don't remember which one now) and I clearly heard Him say that Eden is coming home and you can't stop! It wasn't just "don't stop", it was, "she is coming home and don't stop!" Well, she didn't come home. So why didn't He let me stop?

I know that I will never know all the answers because God is the only one that knows all the answers. And the way I dealt and went on with that huge disappointment was, "Well, God is God. He is in control, I am not. And I just have to accept that." While that is true, the attitude that began to build with that was not true. That was the beginning of where I am today that when faith journeys don't turn out well, I see God as a tyrant up on His throne just messing with my life and causing me pain because He is more concerned with the bigger picture than with my personal pain. I took a self-sacrifice view. I have to be willing to sacrifice myself for the common good because God is way more concerned with the common good than with me. It also made me pass up any promise in God's word. I know I can believe the Bible, but it just doesn't seem that all His promises are true. For example, He says that we don't have to worry about what we eat or drink because He takes care of even the birds of the air. Matthew 6:26 (looking this up to make sure I have theology right here!) Well, tell that to the starving people of developing nations. Where is God's promise for them? I don't have that answer!

BUT, what God showed me yesterday, that is going to be life changing when I can fully soak it in is that He wasn't sitting on His throan just saying, "Sorry that is what has to happen for my grander plan! I know you hurt, but it is worth it, trust me." He is right beside me, crying with me, hurting with me, disappointed with me. He reminded me that men have free will. He reminded me that I live in a fallen, broken world! You see the agency that I was working with had choices when they processed Eden's case. They chose to do things the "easy" way instead of the right way, so she didn't get to come home. That broke God's heart! Wow! I NEVER thought of it that way! I know, I'm dense! But truly, that never occurred to me. Could God have changed it? Yes! He can do whatever He wants. Why didn't He? I don't know. The balance between God's plans and free will remains a mystery to me, and probably will until I die! But being the analytical person I am, I needed to realize the truth that when God's design doesn't work out, He is heart broken! When the church hurt John and I, God didn't intend for that to happen...He used it to move us to where we are now, but He could do that another way...when that happened, He hurt too! He was disappointed that His children had hurt each other!

I think of the people in Liberia that God has given me a passion for. Not just the children, but the oppressed people who remain in poverty while leaders send their families and money to America to enjoy all the benefits we have here while there villages don't even have water or restrooms! It makes me angry. I believe it is a righteous anger. I asked God yesterday, "Why do you allow this?" The answer: Free Will! Those leaders are making a choice to rule that way...and it breaks God's heart! That is why He is sending people like Addy's Hope and thousands of others to be the voice for these people! He hasn't forgotten them! He is just having to try and clean up the mess left by human free will! Could He just snap His fingers and fix it? YES! Why doesn't He? You will have to ask Him that! But the new realization about this for me is that He hurts with them! For whatever reason He allows it, He is not void of emotion as He looks at the state of His children. He is deeply grieved and hurting with those of us who call ourselves His children!

Still processing it all, but this is just a huge revelation for me! It takes away some of my anger and frustration with God! It shows me that I can hurt with Him, coming into deeper communion with Him as Kay Warren said instead of seeing Him as a Daddy who would sacrifice me for the rest of the children giving me a feeling that I am really not important to Him.

I am important to Him, and so are you! Whatever you are going through right now, God is hurting with you!

Can't wait to see what else God shows me about this! I truly think this will be life changing for me as I seek to know Him more and walk fully in His promises!

New Perspective

The title of today's chapter in Dangerous Surrender was "An Unexpected Bond." It has given me a new perspective.

Kay Warren talks about going into a depression because of the brokenness and hopelessness she saw day in and day out as she traveled the world learning all she could about HIV/AIDS in order to be an effective advocate.

Funny, but I have found that most Christians who enter into some kind of sold out ministry for Christ eventually deal with deep depression. That has always baffled me a bit...really baffled me before I suffered from it, but even now that I have experienced it myself, it is a source of frustration and mystery how someone laying down her cross daily (well almost!) and walking in faith and obedience does not even come close to experience the abundant life Jesus promises for such devotion. Today's chapter has given me LOTS of food for thought!

Listen to this! "You now get to taste just a portion of the anguish God feels about our broken world. If you let it, this will bring you into a deeper communion with him as you begin to share in the sufferings of Christ. He suffers for our world. Now you have been allowed the privilege of joining in his pain and sorrow. You and Jesus will weep together." That sounds simple, right?! But when you see devastation time and again, when you look into the eyes of hopeless people time and again with no answers for them, when the efforts you make to try and change the world for these people are seemingly blocked from every angle, you begin to lose hope, you enter into despair, and if you are me, you blame God and get very angry at Him for not showing up! But this new perspective is that Jesus is suffering with me! Why has that thought not really occurred to me before? Well, partly because I am a self-centered, flesh filled human! And Kay talks about taking on the "I will save the world" mentality. We don't do it on purpose, but when you are confronted with that kind of despair over and over, you feel like, "I have to do something!" I have e-mails almost weekly, well they have tapered off now, from grown men in Liberia who call me "mother". Why? Because they see me as a provider, a care taker. After four years of having to tell them, I can't do anymore than I already am, and feeling horrible for not being able to change their reality, I get discouraged. I don't want to write them encouraging e-mails anymore...I just want them to leave me alone. That's Christ-like, huh?!

But this new perspective is that God is allowing me to see this so that I can enter into a whole new level of communion with Him! I can be broken over the world like He is. Then I can work with Him to impact their brokenness with the Truth of Him. This is going to take some time to ponder and soak in! If I'm rambling its because you guys are witnessing my thought process here...scary, huh?!! :)

She talks about how looking at it from this perspective means to love God passionately and deeply would automatically lead to my heart being broken, which in my flesh leads to "Take on the world by yourself!" She shares that with that attitude, I am "inadvertently cheating myself our of the consolation and comfort available to me through sharing in the fellowship of the sufferings of Jesus." Then a sentence I need to write on my mirror and the wall of my office: "I had to surrender my desire to save the world."

Wow! That is going to take some time to soak in! I think that sentence is going to be profound for me! I never started out thinking I will save the world! In fact, as I stated in the past posts, I have tried to guard against that. But with the more devastation I have seen, the more I felt a need to "do" something! When how God wanted me to respond was to sink deeper into Him and weep with Him while working to help whomever He allows!

Now for a passion of mine that she touched on! As I work in this ministry, the inability of Christians to work together mystifies me! I have attempted so many times to reach out to others to join our efforts. Some have been receptive, but many more have not. It is frustrating and often a source of anger for me that I have to work through. I can just see how much more effective we could be in showing Jesus to the world if we worked together. But I think Kay hit a nail on the head when she said this:

"In community our misguided attempts to save the world by ourselves are challenged. In community, our motivations are held up to loving scrutiny. In community, the weight of the world is carried by other committed Christ-followers. In community, we go into his presence together to share the celebration of his sacrifice of our sins. In community, dangerous surrender on the part of a group member is a cause for rejoicing, not a decision to ridicule and mock."

Oh if the Body could get that! What a difference it would make!

Lots to ponder.......

Heart of Stone

One of the things that God has revealed to me over the past 6 or 7 months is that my heart has become hardened. No one warned me that this was a vocational hazard, and maybe not everyone who deals with poverty and suffering all the time has this problem. But I know many who have shared honestly with me and struggle the same way.

God used the song "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath to reveal this truth about my heart. I had downloaded it on my ipod, but I was always skipping it....almost subconsciously. When I realized what I was doing, I was kind of shocked! The chorus says, "Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see, everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me your heart for the ones forgotten, give me your eyes so I can see."

I didn't want His eyes! I had seen enough! I am trying my dead level best to do what He has called me to in order to reach the hurting and the portion of humanity I believe He has asked me to impact, and yet, my efforts often leave little or no change. I can't stand to see anymore pain if He is not going to allow me to see more of an impact of my efforts and those working with me in these areas!

Then I would get angry at the "church." If we ALL would see the hurt and be willing to suffer with those who suffer, then there would really be an impact! I know you have heard the statistics before, but with the children in the US foster system, if each church took just ONE child in and adopted him/her, the foster system would be empty! Each church taking just one! Now I know not all children are available for adoption, and as many pointed out on my last post about this, the system is a little dysfunctional and inhibits many who are already stepping up to answer the call from parenting one of these children currently. So maybe some of us need to step up and change the system....ok, that is a post for another time! :)

Back to the topic....a hard heart. The chapter this morning in Dangerous Surrender is called "Deliberate Choice." It hit home! Listen to what Kay Warren says about this: "Here, in the irony of chosen pain, we volunteer to accept a pain we want to do without; we volunteer to be hurt with a hurt we would rather not feel; we volunteer to bear a burden we want very badly not to bear." Am I participating in chosen pain? I would have to say, NO! I let myself understand on a cognitive level the suffering of those that I work with, but I don't let my heart feel it. If I did, I wouldn't want to quit when things got hard! If I truly felt the suffering of my staff in Liberia, I wouldn't whine near as much! I have the easy job! They don't even have an option of quitting. This struggle that I want to keep on an intellectual level is their life! I rarely watch the videos I take of the children when I am in Liberia. I can't. I know they are still there, waiting for their mommies and daddies, and I know I am the link (with God of course!!!) to getting them home. That is a huge burden to bear in my mind, much less in my heart! Then there are the adoptive parents. Their grief and spiritual struggles through this journey of adoption are gut wrenching! Their hearts are being torn out and trampled on...and I know the feeling. I've been there, done that, got the scars! What if I did let myself feel it again? What would that kind of passion do to the work I do? How much differently would I interact with the officials I speak to, how would I use the minutes of my day that I will never get back? I intend to find out!

God, my heart is hard. But I know there are cracks! I pray that you would bust open the stone around my heart so that I can suffer with those you have called me to walk with. I am making the choice today to willingly accept the pain of those children in this world who are suffering due to horrific things done by adults or just the circumstances of this fallen world. I choose to accept the hurting hearts of adoptive parents with empty arms longing to hold their sons or daughters that they thought would be home months ago. I choose to not take a victim's mentality about the hurt, but willingly choose to take on the suffering just as Jesus did when He went to the cross and bore all my sins! Thank you for that example. As I open my heart to the suffering, keep me from becoming bitter or cynical to the world around me and especially to those you have called me to serve. And bring those along side me willing to suffer also so that we can work as one Body serving you to bring what relief we can as we are your hands and feet.

A Summer Day

Cabin fever = put it all down and go outside before you lose your mind!

The Anticipation!

On your mark, get set, go!

Is this how I sound to God?

I am sitting on the floor trying to get Ava dressed for some time outside. I have all her clothes laid out ready for the changing session. She prances up. And this is how it goes!

Picks up socks

"I do it myself!"

Picks up shoes

"I do it myself!"

Picks up pull up

"I do it myself!"

Picks up shirt

"I do it myself!"

Picks up shorts

"I do it myself!"

Mommy: "I'll be outside when you are dressed."

A few minutes pass.....

Ava comes running outside, "Help me!" carrying her socks and shoes with her shirt on backwards.

Oh, how many times is this how I sound to God?

The biggest threat to my ministry...

Some might say the biggest threat to my ministry is the bureaucracy of both the US and Liberian governments. Some might say it is money, but truly, the biggest threat to my ministry is pride! I will have to go back and see who said this at the Orphan Summit (if any of you readers remember, post a comment and give credit where credit is due), but a quote that struck me and has stuck with me is, "To solve this orphan crisis we will have to work as a Body. We will have to lay our egos and our logos at the door!" Wow! Think about what that means! How true that is!

I can immediately think of several people/organizations who have missed out on God moments because they were unwilling to work in conjunction with others, or they had to have their name all over it in order to complete it, and I am not sure God will always bless that kind of work.

But before I look "out there", I have to look "in here"! I believe in the Body of Christ! I believe that everything God intends to accomplish here on the earth, He will do to completion through the Body. There might be denominations or individual churches that will accomplish much, but I believe the "BIG" God movements will be seen when organizations, churches, denominations and individuals check their egos and their logos at the door and work together to accomplish much!

This sounds easy. But I will tell you it is way harder than you think! It means daily checking your ego at the door, and then sometimes rechecking it when you realize you reclaimed it before the party was over! I think I am doing so good at checking my ego, then I will read a comment or receive an e-mail and I feel that pit in my stomach because someone else is getting credit for what I have done, or someone is taking credit for something that would not be possible with out the work I have done. But when the pit comes, I know it is time to hit my knees! Who cares if someone takes credit for what I have done? If I did it for God, He knows what I have and have not done (He also knows the heart with which I do it - scary!), so why do I care what people think? As the Word says, the flesh must be crucified! I hope at some point, my response will just be overwhelming joy that a task has been done that has lessened someone's suffering or has brought someone to Christ! No credit needed!

I have seen pride ruin many a people in my type of ministry. I believe almost all adoption professionals who open Christian agencies begin with the right heart. Most of them have the same story we do: failed or difficult or outrageously expensive adoption and God calls them to enter the adoption ministry to do it better. The problem is, somewhere along the way, they start looking at all their ministry has accomplished. They look at all the notches on their belt and they are proud. I am still learning the balance between being proud of myself and given myself credit for what I am doing in order to recognize the impact and becoming prideful to the point that the fall will come (Prov 16:18)!

What brought this thought process on? Well, I had a conversation about birth moms this past weekend. That was the start of it...then today's chapter of Dangerous Surrender was "Mirrors Don't Lie." In it Kay Warren says, "We must see ourselves, not as separate from others - better, more educated, more cultured, more sophisticated, more civilized, less sinful, less evil, less prone to violence, less likely to cause harm - but as identical to them in our capacity to do evil. Otherwise, we end up serving others from a position of pride, congratulating ourselves for our noble sacrifices rather than coming alongside a fellow stumbler and offering not our wholeness but our brokenness." I see in non-profits, and even adoptive parents occasionally, this idea that we in America have so much to offer those in places like Liberia! If they could just soak up all we have to offer, their problems would be solved. These people who have this attitude have a great heart! They see a hurting people and they want them to not hurt. But the problem with seeing it this way is that it is a prideful out look! I have so much to offer them!

I would have to admit and confess that when we started Addy's Hope, I felt the same way. If only we could get Americans over there to run our home, if they just understood all we do...some of that is true. We have some knowledge that would improve the running of orphanages, etc. But to look at their entire lifestyle and say we have more to offer is prideful and frankly wrong! There are many aspects of Liberian life that I want to imitate in my own family! Their faith and trust in God is amazing! Even the most baby Christian there has more faith and trust in God than I do in all my maturity (don't know how else to word that..sounds very prideful...hopefully you understand that I mean!).

The point I am making...I have to guard against pride! If you know me at all you know the last few years have been very difficult! Every area of my life is a battle. There is truly not a single area right now that is easy, and it has been that way for the past at least five years. But as I am pealing back the layers of this truth, I wonder if pride is not the reason why!

Everyone says praying for humility is dangerous! I would agree! But even knowing that, I have prayed that prayer many times, and most certainly prayed it during the times of greatest success of Addy's Hope. I pray it because I see those who have gone before that let pride take over...I want to learn from that.

God has told me for the past few weeks to go to Job and read. I have been rebellious and told Him no. I didn't want to hear about a man who suffered like that..for a lot of reasons! One of the biggest is that I don't want to see how much worse it could get! And as I read this morning, the verses in the Bible that haunt me the most were in the text, "Have you considered my servant Job?" Why? Why would God call out a particular one of his saints for Satan to sift like wheat? That completely undoes me! What kind of loving and protecting God would do that? Well, as I have wrestled with that, I think this post might just be the answer for my sifting...PRIDE! Even if I am not prideful now, God could very well be keeping me from that point by keeping me in the "sifting" mode in order to remind me that I don't take a breath with out the permission of God Almighty! And any success I might be honored to achieve whether in my family, my ministry or my personal goals is because God has allowed it and the glory is all HIS!

Words of others

So today is one of those days when I am not sure if we have won the battle or just beaten ourselves up going in circles. I really don't even have any words for today, and if I did, they would probably get me in trouble as my words seem to do so often these days, so instead of trying to say something that comes out all wrong, I will just use the words of others that have spoken to me over the past few weeks.

"When you sit down to dine with a ruler, consider carefully what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are a man of great appetite. Do not desire the delicacies, for it is deceptive food." Proverbs 23:1

"We want our lives to make a difference, but we don't want anyone to really know us. We only want to share the sanaitized story of our lives - just the high points" Rick Warren in the foreward to Dangerous Surrender

"Someone once asked me to define Christianity in one word, and after some reflection, I responded, "It all boils down to surrender." Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"Do not eat the bread of a selfish man, or desire his delicacies; for as he thinks within himself, so he is." Proverbs 23:6

"Much is required from those to whom much is given." Luke 12:48

"I felt powerless to do anything about the new reality thrust in front of me. I cried out to God, "Why are you bothering me with this? There's nothing I can do about it. I'm just an ordinary person. What could one person do about such a gigantic problem?" Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"But if we are not disturbed by the world in which we live, we will be consumed with the trivial, the insignificant, and the temporary. We will spend our days pursuing all the wrong goals, living by the wrong measurement of success, evaluating our legacy by the wrong standard." Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." Proverbs 24:3-4

"When we sense God leading us on a journey, we want all of the information up front. We want God to fill out the travel form in triplicate, give us a detailed road map before we start the journey, and guarantee our safe arrival at the destination.....you will have to be willing got say yes in advace - to give God your answer before you've heard the question." Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"Friend, I don't know where you are and I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy, if there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on, cause

I believe always, always
Our savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always, He will be with you always" ~Building 429

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

"What does God want us to do about evil? Is there really anything one person can do? I can tell you what he doesn't want us to do - to ignore it, deny it, pretend it doesn't exist, closer our hearts and minds to it, or hope it goes away by itself. He doesn't want us to appease it, placate it, comrpomise with it, coexist with it, justify it, excuse it, or call it by another name." Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"it [evil] must be acknowledged and dealt with...we will stop exposing it and opposing it, which allows it to settle even deeper into the dark corners of our cities, our institutions, our culture, our very lives." Kay Warren in Dangerous Surrender

"When life ceases to be about you, you become like glass and other people see through you to Christ." Kevin York

My Family!

The only family picture we have had since Toben came home was the one my dad took of us all in the Orphanage Project T-shirts! I am ashamed to say as the picture freak that I am we had not had pictures made since he came home!

But that is no longer true! My dear friend Rachel Austin at rachelaustinphotography.com took some amazing pictures of my family!

Enjoy!

A New Motherly Feeling this Mother's Day

I have spent seven Mother's Days as an adoptive mom. I always thought of Noah's birthmom on those days, well those among others! She had her tubes tied right after Noah was born, so unless she has step children or the tubal didn't take, she does not have children to celebrate with on Mother's Day. I am always thankful for the gift she gave me in Noah. I am always thankful she chose life for him as she had already aborted three babies. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the woman who bore Noah. She had a hard life. She didn't know how to have what it took to raise a baby. I understand that. But since she is in America, I always knew that if she had decided to parent any of her children, she would have been given WIC and HUD housing. She had options.



This is not the same for Toben's mom. Probably the most common question in Toben's story is where are his parents. I have commented before that I find it ironic no one really asks that about Noah, but it is usually the first question when talking about Toben.



When I went back to Liberian in February and visited Toben's village, I was changed....forever! When Toben's mom threw down the container she was carrying on my head and ran into my arms, almost tackling me despite the fact that she is almost half my size, I was humbled in a way I had never known! She hadn't even seen pictures of Toben yet. She just responded that way to seeing me. She cried and danced, praising God! Then when she saw Toben's pictures, she started all over again! I was speachless! I just stood there smiling not even knowing what to say.

That encounter has totally changed me! It changes the way I look at Toben! I have never felt the need to "share" Noah...he is mine! But I feel differently with Toben. His mother didn't have ANY resources except to let him go. No government was going to help her raise her children. She saw an opportunity for her two boys (Toben has a bio brother adopted by a family in Dallas) to have a future she never had! When I came home, I hugged Toben for me AND for her! Now when I look at Toben, I see her face! He looks quite a bit like her! I feel a responsibility to her to make sure I love him all that I can and teach him the best I can and make sure he knows the Word. I never felt that, and honestly, still don't towards Noah's mom.

This Mother's Day, I went to a tea they had at Toben's school. They had all made gifts and they were wrapped by our placemats. As Toben unwrapped his, so excited for me to see it, I almost lost it! I had this overwhelming sorrow! This gift should be hers! She should be receiving this from Toben! It totally took me off guard! Like I said, I have never had these feelings toward Noah's mom - right or wrong, that is just how it is.

So this Mother's Day, I took time to pray for a young mother half way around the world who spends her days in a field trying to care for the two children who still live with her. Praying that she has peace and knows in her heart that her boys are loved and cared for! Praying that I will do good by her...that I will honor her decision by being the best mommy Toben could ever hope for!

There are days I fail miserably at that, I sure she would understand, but most days, I look in his face....her face....and know that I have a tremendous responsibility! And I can't wait to see her again and tell her all about all the things he has done! And I will forever be grateful that she allowed me the joy of being Toben's mom!

Looking for reading buddies!

Friends and strangers,

I need reading buddies! I am coming out of a fierce dark and dry time of doubting, hurting, bleeding and wanting to just die. But since I have breath this morning, God is not done with me so I must carry on and frankly I would like to be much more effective than I have been the last few weeks in my stupor!

Soooooo..I am asking for you to join me. I know many are wrapping up Bible Studies, etc for the summer. Satan has used isolation to just about kill me many times in my life. This is one of those times!

As I prayed this morning about how to fill any empty spaces in me with Jesus, God reminded me of a book I had bought but never read, Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. I know several who have read it and highly recmmond it if you are ready to be undone! I have been undone lately, but I was undone for the wrong team! So I am picking this book up to get back in the game on the right team and be undone for Jesus Christ!

If you would like to join me, I would LOVE IT! We will have a "book club" so to speak. What I will do is put discussion questions on my blog to get us started. Then everyone can post comment about their thoughts and reactions from the chapter. If you have questions you want to discuss, post them to the comments, or e-mail them to me and I will include them in the discussion questions! Invite anyone you want! The more the merrier! I am ready to be undone and want to take as many people as possible with me! :>)

We will officially start on Wednesday which will give people a couple of days to get the book. We will just do three chapters a week which means it will take us 4 weeks to complete and maybe will help people not get too far behind if they are on vacation or something for one of the weeks.

We will just do two chapters this week to give people a chance to get the book and not get backed up....I wish I had this brain storm earlier as I want to just read the book in one sitting! :) But I will wait for you guys!

Transparency

I have promised transparency on here, so here it goes!

Here is where I am at with God...these were the last words in my journal tonight:

Are you really good, and if the answer is yes, how do I know that?

Where were you in ________(a situation I have dealt with for many years that is too private to share)?

Do you really care about me as an individual? Or am I just a part of a grand scheme and you can and will easily dispose of me and could care less about my feelings as long as your plan is accomplished.

That's it...where I am! Not too Christian sounding and very selfish sounding, but where I am at none-the-less. Please spare me all the churchy answers in your comments...I know them all! I have shared them with many people over the years....I am just at a point of wrestling with God...and this is where I am!

Battles

Sometimes it is easier just to give into the battles to stop the fighting. Its not the right thing to do, but somedays, the battle just seems too strong. Today is one of those days..actually this week seems to be one of those weeks!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day full of hope! Please, Lord!

Forget it all....

So what do you do when you just came home from four days away at a conference about the hurting children in the world, the bags need to be unpacked, the house needs to be put back in order after your fabolous in-laws did their best to keep it all in order while they loved your kids....well, you forget it all and have a swim and hot dog party in the backyard! And that is exactly what we did Sunday night and here are the pictures to prove it!

so true!

My Mom sent me this! :)

JUST A MUM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the Licence Centre, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. 'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?' 'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mum.' 'We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' Said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Licence Centre. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.' 'What is your occupation?' she probed. What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.' The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in m midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. 'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,'just what you do in your field?' Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the kids and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.' There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.In the bedroom I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum.' Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' And great grandmothers 'Executive Senior Research Associates?' I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts Associate Research Assistants.

Facts that should make you sick...then make you act!

Based on data provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services submitted as of January 16, 2008, there are more than 500,000 children in the foster care systems throughout the United States.

143 million orphans exist worldwide!

Among the children who are currently placed, there are approximately 20,000 children who will emancipate or age out of the system this year.

Nearly half of foster kids in the U.S. become homeless when they turn 18.

Nationwide, there are more than one hundred thousand of children in the U.S. foster care system waiting for permanent families.

"...for in you the fatherless find compassion." Hosea 14:3

Pics from the Summitt

Still processing it all....will probably still be processing it all for a few weeks/ months to come. I am encouraged beyond anything I have ever experienced before in this orphan care/adoption ministry. However, the thought of returning to the mess had me on my face and in tears when it was all said and done!

One of the amazing things about the Summitt was meeting people I call friend for the first time in flesh and blood! Here is a dear friend who has been a huge encouragement to me....got to see her for the first time in 3-D! :) Me and Jodi!

This is an amazing young man from Liberia! I have one of his quotes in yesterdays blog. We had the priviledge of getting to know Lightning and his parents as well as Bishop Jones (also from Liberia) over the past two days. There was an immediate connection and now it is as if we have known them forever. The best thing Lightning taught me.....how to do Toben's hair like his! I can't wait to experiment! Toben buddy, we are going to have some fun with your hair!

I tell you the world gets smaller by the day! I had met most of the Red Letters Campaign bunch at the Orphan Project fund raising dinner. I got to meet Holly here, and John and Holly reconnected as they grew up in Crane together! Now that is crazy! Two people from Crane ending up at an Orphan Summitt together! What are the odds?!

And this is Callie's heroine! This is Steven Curtis Chapman's oldest daughter, Emily! She is an amazing young woman...as authentic and real as they come! I told her that Callie adores her because she prayed her parents into adoption and Callie is trying to pray her daddy into another baby! Got to have some fun ribbing John with her! She is going to Ireland with her husband for a year to go to Bible College, but when she gets back, we are going to try to get her to come do a fund raiser for us! She said she would love to! Her message is really amazing!

John and I also reconnected with the Scott Hasenbalg, Ex. Director of Shoahannah's Hope.

I am not a freak!

I am not a freak! Well, at least if I am a freak, then I have found hundreds of people like me who are freaks too! :) It was amazing to hear things that I have told people for years coming out of so many people's mouths today! God has really encouraged me today in the work that I do. He has also made amazing contacts that I am still in awe!

Seven years ago when we adopted Noah, I said that the church is the answer to the Orphan crisis and that GOd is stirring His people! Well today, I know that is so true! I was in a room with hundreds of people who say the same thing and are seeking God for what role they have to motivate the Body of Christ to be the answer and answer the cry of the Orphans here in the US and around the world!

I am sure there will be many blog posts to come about these two days, but for right now, here are some quotes from the speakers I heard:

Dennis Rainey

"Proclaim the needs of the orphans"
"Be a person who can see circumetances through the eyes of God & believe for a lot with just a little bit."
Leveredge one another's strengths. It is about all of us working together. Check your egos and your logos at the door! (I LOVE that one!)
"The church is the key!"
"We are never closer to the heart of God than when we care for those who can do nothing for us!"
As you start a church ministry for adoption, expect opposition, petiness, people to be people, BUT expect God to rase up a huge army to fight!

President of Christian Orphan Alliance
"We are cutting against everything the world says is valuable - but it creates an awe and wonder that thew orld will take notice."

Rob - who spent 14 years of his life in a US orphanage before aging out
"He [Jesus] got betrayed by people he should've been able to trust. That one I understand."
Eternal life doesn't matter to some one who doesn't know if they will live to be 21. But the idea of spiritual water that woudl sooth the soul got his attention.

Emily Chapman Richards
"The world woudl be in shock and awe as an undivided church rise to the ocasion."
"It's a priviledge to care for orphans."

Lightning - my newest friend! He is 17 and came home from Liberia 3 years ago...an amazing young man..and he spoke tonight
"Adoption became a word of hope and a prayer of all our hearts."

Dr. Moore
"What is at stake is not simply human life....what is at stake is the gospel of Jesus Christ."
"Joseph of Nazarus adopts a baby and changes the world."
We must communicate that this is not just about building families; it is about standing before the demonic powers asking to sift the children like wheat and say, "I don't think so!"
To develop an adoption culture, you must have people who will seek the wisdom of God to order their lives, have people who will allow God to direct their steps - they have to be wiling to let go of the American dream.
Adoption means adjusting to a new home - such it is always with orphans like us - there is always a part of us wanting to return to the squaller from which we came because it is more comfortable than being in a home with a Father.
"adoption teaches us about spiritual warfare"

sorry for any typos...my eyes are just about crossed, so I am going to be now to try to shut down my brain!

AA Girl Update

The birth mom was going to be presented two families last night, but I don't know if she chose. Agency asked me if I had a letter and photo to send. I said yes, but would have to ask hubby before I sent it.

Do you know how hard it is to be at an Orphan Summit with EVERY talk being about how the church is the answer, and we must step up to the plate knowing God has put adopting another baby on my heart and there is a little girl possibly needing a home?! Sometimes I think God just likes to play cruel jokes, but then I remember that the Word says that God is good all the time! It also says His ways are NOT my ways! AMEN!!

Will find out tomorrow if she picked a family and will know if that door is closed or not. Oh, and the agency doesn't take credit cards...there goes my answer for the money I guess that is good, since we wouldn't have the money to make the payments probably anyway. I wonder if I walk up to the table for Lifesong or Abba Fund, they would just give me the money?! ha! If it is God's plan, He will make it work. So I am trying to cease striving and just know that He is God!

"AA Girl"

"AA Girl" that was the title of an e-mail in my inbox today. I had a similar e-mail the week before Easter. I ended up responding to the previous e-mail with "we can't do that right now." But ever since then, I have been really contemplating all God has been telling me about adopting again. The feeling, the voice, the urgency just gets stronger and stronger. I have walked this road twice before; I know this pattern. But ALL circumstances say this would be the worst time to adopt again...probably why God is saying, NOW, right?!

Well, the e-mail today is for a precious baby girl who is already born...5 days old. The family wants a family that already has AA members somewhere. The fees are reasonably low for domestic...but they might as well be a million $'s! But I am still praying for a miracle. John hasn't said no, and he is graciously praying about her. I thought of her all the way to Dallas (we are in Dallas for the Orphan Summit). I thought of what it would be like to see her for the first time. I wondered what they have named her already. I wondered why they have decided to place her for adoption. I wondered what she looks like....I pictured Callie holding her (Callie has had many dreams about us getting a baby and has asked me repeatedly when we are adopting a baby girl!), I pictured myself getting up to feed her at night...I LOVE night time feedings when it is just me and the baby!

But then I try to shut it all off as I doubt she is mine. She is already born, I have no paper work with me to give to the agency, and I will not be back home until Sunday afternoon. I am sure she will find a home by then, which means she is not meant to be in our family....but I can't dismiss that "What if?!" I wonder sometimes why I have this ache to adopt again when I have four precious children, but I do have this ache...a very specific "ache"! AA baby girl! I know boys are not mine, I know cauc situations are not mine, but an AA baby girl comes up and my heart leaps. John swears I am trying to fill some unknown void, but I can honestly say that I would be perfectly content...and was with my four until God stirred my heart with the need to pray for our next child's mother and then again in my kitchen shortly after when I heard "Letting Go" by Barlow Girl. This has gone on for right at a year now. When it first started, I kind of felt the same way John did...why Lord? We have plenty! :) But now, I desire the baby! Its not just an act of obedience, it would be fulfilling the desire of my heart!

So for now I guess I will go to sleep and dream about my little girl...then I will wake up in the morning ready to go hear about how other people are workingt to care for the world's orphans and get motivated to keep up the work we are doing in Liberia and our efforts to expand!

My Song

So this is my song right now:

Building 429 - Alway
I was standing in the pouring rain one dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled, and to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
She said, "He would've been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face"
What was I supposed to say, but

CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world, dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside
He's barely holding onto faith
But deliverance is on its way, cause

CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend, I don't know where you are and I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy, if there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on, cause I believe always, always
Our savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always,
He will be with you always

Then I would have to add a verse:

They send me notes and call my phone
Parents weary of the news and feeling all alone
Their hearts are broken and they just want their children home
But all I have to offer is my feeble attempt to explain that

I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails.
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always
He will be with you always.

Wow!

Just like God to kick me in the tail right after I post a piti-party post like my last one. Received this in my e-mail today....don't know who the original author is, but it leaves no room for excuses!

Our family experienced a year of extreme trauma and loss in 2008. In the midst of it all we stood firm on the promise that God would never leave us or forsake us. We praised Him in the midst of sorrow. We praised Him in the midst of confusion. We praised Him no matter what was going on because for years we had declared that our God was a good God. When the hard times come you have opportunity to take your experience with the Lord to a higher level of trust. He is not only good when we understand it all....He is good when we don't understand any of it. Loving God with everything you have is more than theory or philosophy...it is a way of living. I have learned so much more of God's love and provision through difficulty than I would have ever learned otherwise. It is easy to give the enemy place and justify our sin. Bitterness, anger, and other destructive behavior can enter in and take us down quickly. I thank God for His faithfulness and the presence of the Holy Spirit on my life.

blahhhh

Just a blah day. Don't want to do anything. Want to pretend Liberia doesn't exist. Want all the problems associated with adoption and Liberia to go away. Just want to go to a deserted island with my children and live out our days there playing in the sun and collecting shells.

Siiiiiiiigh......

More puke! Now John has it! I am sick of stomach viruses! Go away!

Let me just say that I know how selfish this sounds/is, but I say this is a transparent look at my life...so you get the good, the bad and the very ugly! I am so bummed that he is sick tonight! See I got an e-mail in my inbox today. Ever since I started pricing fences to get the pool fence, I have stopped looking at domestic situations and concentrated on the foster care issue.

Well, the e-mail I got was for an African American baby girl due in July here in Texas. It is a little higher than what I had wanted to do even in a domestic adoption, but I just keep thinking that no matter the cost, a child is worth it! I don't hesitate to pay that much for a car that will run out and eventually break down. The car will be ashes when the fire hits it, but the life of this child will be eternal! Read post below for simple explanation of that analogy!

John hates these e-mails! It really stretches him to think about having another child. There are days it does me too, but I love babies and children! John doesn't have that burning desire like me, so I appreciate that he is willing to pray and consider that perhaps God is calling us to this even thought he, John, would not choose this for us. However, talking about it is hard. For one thing, finding time when we can both sit down and talk with out interruption when we still have brain cells left (which we usually neither one do by bed time!) is so difficult. Well, tonight, the big kids are with John's parents. The little ones go to bed at 8, so we were planning to sit and talk about it tonight to see if we feel called in anyway to pursue this situation.

There is one part about this situation that keeps going through my mind....the mother went to abort her, but she was too far along! Ouch! I hear my government teacher from high school saying, "These pro-life people better be ready to put their money where their mouth is and raise these babies that aren't aborted." I'm ready! I will put my money where my mouth is! Bring her to me! I would take in an unlimited number of children to save them from being murdered before they are born! But that doesn't mean this baby is mine, either.

So I sit...wondering....dreaming...trying not to think of the possibilities....trying not to fall in love with her already....trying to be truly open to God's will...and at the same time wondering where in the world we would get that kind of money to pursue the adoption! But then I know story after story of how God provided, so I would pursue her in a heart beat in faith that God will take care of the rest...I just have to know this is His will! I want it to be His will so badly that I don't know that I can be fully objective....that is why I really do rely on John to say yes or no! I just need him to not be puking so we can talk about it!

What a quote!

I have been looking for blogs on foster care, so I checked out my friend Amy's from an adoptive mom yahoo group I belong to. They have just been through a trying foster ordeal! But since John and I are praying about it, I wanted to read more about it. I process things so differently than John, and it makes times like this very stressful at our house!

When Amy's blog came up, I looked at her title bar and saw this quote. It has haunted me ever since:

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question." -Anonymous

wow! That says it all!

Go check out Building the Blocks, you will be blessed!

my new obsession..

I have always loved material....but stink at sewing! I have made one outfit for Callie, and John forbid me from ever sewing clothes again! So I moved to scrap booking because now they have amazing paper! I love all the colors, designs, etc. But now they have ribbon that is gorgeous! Hobby Lobby just came out with a line that is the same as scrapbook paper! So I am back to making bows for Ava to match her outfits and having a blast! I didn't dress her all up with matching stuff when she was a baby like I did Callie. It was during that time that I had my worst bouts with depression and barely had enough umph in me to get her dressed, much less all dolled up!

Then we went to a craft show and saw these flip-flops...so I have started making them! It lets me do something with all the fun ribbon! I made Callie and I some too, but I didn't take a picture of them. I have missed crafting! But I am still struggling from the lack of sleep as I had to stay up until 1 am to have time to do these!

Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month

April 2009 is Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month

State Of TexasOffice of the Governor
Children are the embodiment of innocence and hope for the future, and every child deserves to grow up in a nurturing environment, free from harm and fear. Sadly, however, child abuse is a reality, a problem we must relentlessly combat through awareness and action.
Every responsible person will agree that even one abused child is too many. Yet our state's child protection caseloads are evidence of the shameful fact that child abuse is a widespread issue in Texas. All responsible Texans must do what they can to resolve this pervasive issue.
There are ways we can make a difference. Children's advocacy groups and social workers across the state work to create safe, happy and healthy environments for Texas' children, and, through education and awareness, to discourage child abuse. When abuse or neglect does occur, individual citizens have a duty to report it to the appropriate authorities.
Once again, the month of April has been designated for an educational campaign. At this time, I encourage all Texans to join me in renewing our commitment to preventing child abuse and learning what we each can do to promote the safety and well-being of children. Their success is Texas' success.
Therefore, I, Rick Perry, Governor of Texas, do hereby proclaim April 2009,
Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month
in Texas, and urge the appropriate recognition whereof.
In official recognition whereof, I hereby affix my signature this the 18"' day of February, 2009


That's great, Mr. Perry! Now can we change some laws to keep kids in the system from being abused in their foster homes?? Or make a system where this is less likely to occur than if we leave them in their abusive home?

The Pictures of Aba and Toben

Several of you have asked....so here ya go! The pictures in this post of Toben and Ava were taken at our local Sears. I learned a long time ago to take my own props...sometimes I have to help pose them, but this photographer was pretty good with that part. I love their coupons, and I can get them less expensive than if I printed them off at Wal-Mart...and I usually buy enough that I can get the disk fairly reasonable so then everyone can have what ever pictures they want!

My goal over Easter weekend is to get all the children in their white shirts and shorts over to a park that has amazing trees and take pictures...I have none of all four except Easter pitures last year! I am so behind!

Officially registered!

And here is what I will get to attend:
Breakout Session 1: 4/30/2009 11AM - 12PM - Practical Ideas for Church Adoption/Foster Care Ministries (Michael & Amy Monroe, Irving Bible Church) -
Breakout Session 2: 4/30/2009 2PM - 3PM - Starting In the Right Direction: Helping Pre-Adoptive Couples Make Sound Decisions (Joe Gerber, Loving Shepherd Ministries) -
Breakout Session 3: 4/30/2009 3:15PM - 4:15PM - Loving the Orphan – A Journey of Hope and Faith (Emily Chapman Richards, Shaohannah's Hope) -
Breakout Session 4: 5/1/2009 10:45AM - 11:45AM - Getting in the Way of Trouble: What Every Church Should Know When Intervening in the lives of Foster Children & Families (Chris Padbury, Project 1:27) -
Breakout Session 5: 5/1/2009 1:45PM - 2:45PM - NEW: Christian Adoption Agencies' Rights of Conscience in Placement Decisions (Brian Raum, Alliance Defense Fund Legal Counselor & Kelly Rosati, Sr. Director, Sanctity of Human Life, Focus on the Family) -
Breakout Session 6: 5/1/2009 3PM - 4PM - The Challenges and Changing Landscape of International Adoption (Brian Luwis, America World Adoption & Bill Blacquiere, Bethany Christian Services) -

And what I am sending John to:
Breakout Session 1: 4/30/2009 11AM - 12PM - Unleashing the Home: God’s Answer for Vulnerable Children (Dave Anderson, Safe Families) -
Breakout Session 2: 4/30/2009 2PM - 3PM - Accountability, ECFA and Christian Alliance for Orphans (Dan Busby, ECFA) -
Breakout Session 3: 4/30/2009 3:15PM - 4:15PM - Loving the Orphan – A Journey of Hope and Faith (Emily Richards, Shaohannah's Hope) -
Breakout Session 4: 5/1/2009 10:45AM - 11:45AM - Mobilizing the Local Church to Serve Children in Foster Care (Tom Lukasik, 4KIDS of South FL) -
Breakout Session 5: 5/1/2009 1:45PM - 2:45PM - The Financial Challenge of Adoption & How the Church Can Respond (Wendy Cosby, Shaohannah’s Hope; Jason Kovacs, ABBA Fund; Andy Lehman, Lifesong) -
Breakout Session 6: 5/1/2009 3PM - 4PM - Effective Strategies for Partnering with the Local Church (Jeff Walshauser, Christ Chapel Bible Church) -

5/2/2009 - Visit old friends in the Dallas area and process all we have just learned before returning home to chaos once again! :)

5/3/2009 - Return home to implement all we learned and impact the orphan crisis with the Kingdom of God!

Don't want to...

I so need to be lysoling my whole house, but I so don't want to! I am so tired of sickness! That is really the only thing I can say I do not like about having a larger (ok, kind of large for those of you with truly large families)...when the stomach bug hits, it takes about two weeks to go through everyone...ok that and all the laundry on a regular basis! That means two weeks of puke and other bodily fluids! Ugh! Two more people to go, however, I am claiming this round over in Jesus Name! No more puke!!!!

Hope you were not eating lunch when you read this....sorry, should have had a warning with that post, huh?!

drum roll please......

I am going to the Orphan Summit at Irving Bible Church! I am so stoked! Nothing could have made my day more! I thought I had already missed it, but my friend Jody set me straight! I have tried all day to register but between calls from the Ambassador and getting ready for my meeting with my Congressman tomorrow, I haven't had a chance. So right now, at 11:30 pm, when I should be in bed, I am going to pick my break out sessions! John is going with me. We need a weekend away... and I need him to go to the sessions I can't attend!

There are TONS of sessions on forming an adoption/foster ministry at your church. This is something that we were not allowed to do at our old church, but leadership of our new church seems to be open to...if you are reading this..Hint..Hint! :)

Seriously, though, I know this will be much needed encouragement and contacts to keep trekking on this journey that literally wears me out on a daily basis! Meeting with other Christians who have a passion for hurting children...here and over seas...will be a dream come true!

Off to register so that maybe I can get some sleep tonight! :)

I wonder if any reps from Save the Children will be there....hmmmmmmm........

I love my new church!

I cannot say enough good about my new church, Mid-Cities. It is not perfect - it is made up of people just like me. At some point, I will be offended or hurt while being there. It is a family, don't we always get hurt or offended by family? But when that happens, I will pray through it, and do as God directs! We work it out!

What do I love about it? Well, they love people! That is my heart, and I believe that is the heart of God! People! They are constantly seeking ways to take the the people in this family from where they are to the next step in their faith journey. Isn't that what it is all about? Aren't we all supposed to be growing from glory to glory? But the cool thing about Mid-Cities is that they don't just talk about it, they do it! Wow! What a concept! They don't have it all figured out. They don't have the road map or the 10 year plan...well, not as far as I know anyway. They just ask what the people need then try to get the tools in their hands as quickly as possible. We just joined a few weeks ago. Do you know one of the questions that was on the member information sheet? What is your dream for the Kingdom of God? Really???? They want to know what my dream is? They want to know what God is calling me to?? I went from a place that specifically told me, "We will walk with you as a person, but we will not walk with your ministry." That would be great if I knew how to separate the two, but as far as I know, I am one in the same. And now I have found a place that cares about what God is doing in the lives of the believers that He sends to them! Wow! What a marvelous concept.

Funny thing is, we visited Mid-Cities when we first moved to this area almost 5 years ago. I couldn't hack it. It was too much for me! I just wasn't ready spiritually. I still had God in a box! My box wasn't big enough for the God this church serves. That is a post for another time.

The leadership and the people of Mid-Cities believe in the power of God! I LOVE THAT! They pray expecting things to happen. They encourage us to pray expecting things to happen. They believe the sky is the limit as long as God is at the wheel. Praise God!

Daniel, our senior pastor, is younger than me. I love that too! But there are seasoned saints on staff as well. There is a balance! We need the ones who have been there and done that! Daniel is a wonderful teacher. If you want to hear some really practical sermons for walking with God, check out the website: www.midcities.org.

God has a way...

...of keeping things in the forefront of our minds! I have posted several times about my desire for a baby. It comes and goes from time to time. Well, lately it has come and stayed! Nothing about life says now would be a good time...John says nothing about life says EVER would be a good time! :) He was done at one! But I have really had foster care on my mind! As I was looking at all these adoption situations that I wanted to be presented to, I looked at the price tags, and this little voice said, "Now what was it that stopped you from fostering? Wasn't it like $2,000 to put up that four foot fence and you stopped. Yet, you are still looking at adoptions that will cost you well over $20K?" He had me! I couldn't rationalize my way out of that one!

So I started really praying! I even made some inquiries on-line about pool fences..you know nothing personal, just filling in some forms so there is no commitment. Well, out of the blue one day at the office, one of the companies called with their Texas installer! So there it was again....the idea of fosterting. He quoted me a price that would be about $3,000. Out of the question! John will never go for that! He doesn't even want a fence around the pool anyway. I didn't either because we had a lab that already didn't have enough room, and that would have blocked her running space for sure. Well, three weeks ago, we sent her to a new home with a ton of space! So one more dilema solved.

I have become a new fan of Karen Kingsbury. My friend Anita introduced me to her books, and I am hooked! I only had 5 minutes at the library the other day before I had to pick up the kids, so I just grabbed two and ran. When I started reading one of them, When Joy Comes to Stay, guess what it is about? You guessed it...foster care! A mom who gave up a baby and is now fostering, and the baby she gave up that is now 8 and gets nearly beat to death by her foster mom! I am not finished with the book, but have just cried through most of it! Once again, fostering jumps out of nowhere!

CPS is not the way I would go. There will be a much greater risk of heartbreak (like adoption doesn't have enough in and of itself!)as odds are we will lose a few before we get to keep our child. We will have to take children who have been abused...love children who have not been loved. That can be very difficult. But if we don't, who will? That is what God keeps asking me. I look on the TARE websight almost daily. Did you know that in 2006 in Texas along, 1,700 children aged out?! That means 1,700 children left the foster system with no where to return to on Christmas or no home to go to if they fall on hard times. No where but the street or jail where over 75% of foster children end up! Body of Christ, what are we thining?! Who will be Jesus' hands and feet to these "Least of these" if we will not?

I don't know that in the end we will be able to foster to adopt. I don't know yet what John will hear from the Lord. But I know that even if we don't foster to adopt, God has this in the forefront of my mind for some reason! If it is not for us, then I will have to keep praying because it is just not acceptable to know that many children are hurting...right here in good 'ol America!