Fulfilled Promise......

I struggle so much with God's promises. I know the Bible says that you can ask anything in His name and you will receive it, and I understand that means it has to be something you have asked because He has initiated it in you for that to hold true. But I know there are things I have asked for when I was walking closer than ever to God and it didn't happen...at least not the way I thought God told me it would. I am really not a name it and claim it type person, but I want to be able to stand firm on God's promises and not waiver. Once again, the word 'balance' comes into play! There is a theme in my life this year!

I got a new Bible because thanks to Ava there was no "in the beginning"....Genesis was gone and the spine was hanging off. I hate getting a new Bible. It is like saying good bye to a best friend. I am a huge note taker, so my Bible is filled with notes of where God has spoken to me and scriptures that have encouraged, convicted or comforted. So I was transferring some of those notes to my new Bible. And I came across so many answered prayers and fulfilled promises. I realized I need to do more laying of stones of remembrance and then revisiting them! I don't do that enough!

So I want to share this with all of you readers. On November 21, 2006, I marked Psalm 37:34 that says, "Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land." I had just underlined it, put Liberia in the margin and dated it. That was right at one year ago. We had two families (our first two for Liberia) in process. We were waiting on paper work. Nearing the end of one and just starting the other which was scary for me because I really wanted to have one totally finished before we involved another family to make sure we knew what we were doing (hows that for comforting for those of you adoptive families reading this! :) ). But I had felt very convicted that God said to walk by faith and find a family for twin baby girls that had been brought to our home (fast forward to April 2007 and both of those families came home with their children! Praise God!). Ok, I digress....back to the scripture. I knew when I read it that with our work in Liberia, I just needed to wait on the Lord and keep His ways (do what He said!) and he would do the rest! We would "inherit" the land of Liberia in that the orphans of that country would be placed in families through our work. Now, exactly one year later, as I read that, we have 22 families adopting 37 children in progress and 12 children already home with their Chrtstian families! I had to just stop and Praise God when I realized that! I don't dwell on our "success" often because frankly it scares the pants off me to think about being responsible for that many lives! And it is not my responsibility anyway! I just have to walk in obedience every day, and God does the rest....so it really has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him! It is His success story...not mine to boast of anyway! But just reading that gave me so much encouragement as I feel He is about to ask us to step out in some new directions to help orphans in different places as well as possibly here in the US through the foster system. I wonder where I will find the time, how will I make it all work....and then I remember these words, "wait for the Lord and keep His way"! I don't have to have it figured out! I just do what he asks today and wait for Him! Wow that is freedom in Christ!

Sick Camera

My sweet husband surprised me earlier this year with a fancy digital Rebel camera from Canon. However, it has never worked right. So I have had to send in my baby to get fixed. Therefore, I have no way to post pictures which makes me sad because my Christmas decorations are up and this is my favorite time of year. Hopefully we will have it back before Chrsitmas or I will be really sad! So I guess I will take this time to post some older pictures that I never got up here. So stay tuned for some favorite memories from the archives! :)

What's her name?

This weekend Callie, Noah and I were watching a new Christmas movie I had bought at the Christian store called The Christmas Child. It turned out to be about a man who had been adopted and goes back to look for his birth family to know his story. I got kind of nervous when I realized that and Noah was sitting next to me, so I said a quick prayer that he wouldn't hear anything to disturb him and if he didn't need to see it that I would know that and turn the tv off. I felt that making a bigger deal about it by turning off the tv would be worse, so we watched. Noah didn't pick up on too much for the most part, but when they told the man his records were sealed, Noah asked what that meant. So I told him and assured him that was not how they do things now and that we have information for him. We watched a few more minutes, and then he said, "What was her name?" By this time, my mind had moved on and I didn' t know what he was talking about! So I said, "Whose name?" To which he replied, "My nother mother" So I told him. He said, "That is pretty" and that is all that was said.

Those conversations leave me with so many questions! What is he thinking?! Did I give him enough information? Did I give him too much information? Noah has been told that he was adopted from the beginning. Obviously adoption is a huge part of our lives, so before Ava came along, sometimes I think Callie felt neglected because she isn't adopted! But Noah is starting to ask more questions about his birth mother. He never asks about his birth father, which is interesting to me. I always try to just answer the questions and not give too much additional information and see what he does with it. But for him to be asking those questions, I know he is thinking about it. His teacher (another adoptive mother) said he told the class the other day that he was adopted when they were talking about a story they read. She got emotional telling me that he was so proud and so secure in the fact that he shared it just like everyone is adopted! That made me feel good and I think of that when I start worrying that his questions mean he is having issues. Sometimes I hate all the information out there that tells you your child WILL have issues with being adopted! That is just not true! He could have issues, but so will Callie and Ava. So I need to quit worrying, answer the questions and be thankful his birth mother gave him life and gave me the chance to live life with him! I can't imagine my life with out my little No-no! I love you, son!

White as snow....

I have always loved the phrase "white as snow", but here in West Texas, we don't get much of that! I am sitting here typing watching the huge flakes fall to the already snow covered ground! I love it! As we drove to church this morning, I was in awe of the white covering all the surfaces. It was gorgeous! Such an awesome reminder that God, because of his huge sacrifice, washed me white as snow...my ugly inside that craves the world more than him most of the time, is beautiful white because Jesus left the comfort of heaven and walked this earth only to die for me....he did this knowing that I would mess up so many times, yet he did it anyway! My mind truly can't grasp a love so deep and full.

Our dear friend Mike Goeke spoke at church this morning. His sermon should be up on the website after Tuesday at www.stonegate.com. Check it out! He reminded us that God has given us a voice. As I contemplate being washed white as snow, I know I don't fully grasp that love because I don't use my voice enough! I don't share the hope of Christ with EVERY person I meet. I don't even share it with intimate people in my life that I know are hurting. I don't share because I am afraid....afraid they will reject my message, afraid they will think I am a freak, afraid I may not truly believe what I am saying so I shouldn't speak....yet Jesus, so afraid he sweat blood, yet he did it anyway. So should I! Mike reminded us that we don't need a government or a society to validate my Christianity. Laws may ban the 10 commandments, but they haven't stopped me from loving the cashier who checks out my groceries and sharing the love and hope of Christ with her. So why don't I? The stores that say "happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" probably need Jesus the most, so why would I ban them when I the opportunity to enter them and spread the love of Jesus to anyone else I meet in that store?

So this week, I am looking for opportunities to share God's love to the people in my life....those I know intimately and those that He places in my path! I want everyone to know the hope of being washed white as snow no matter what lies underneath the layer of white!

I'm dreaming of a white Thanksgiving???

Well, we rarely get snow down here! But it turned cold (after being 85 degrees just a couple of days ago) and dumped huge white snowflakes all day Thursday! It was wonderful! We had John's parents, brother, sister and her boyfriend along with my mom and dad all over. It was so warm and cozy inside with all the cold outside! I LOVED it! We have huge picture windows in front of our house, and we just watched it fall. I had to go outside and get a picture to document this because it will probably be 80 on Christmas!

But we enjoyed it while it was here! You know, I didn't get very many pictures this Thanksgiving! I am usually a real shutter bug, but this year I guess I just enjoyed the moments instead of stressing about capturing them on film! See, John, I am learning! :)

So here is our white Thanksgiving!

List of Thanks.....

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays! This year I was more sentimental than most with one of my children half way around the world! Yet, even with that, today was a day that I know I am blessed beyond measure and I truly felt it! So many times I look around at people who have more, more things, nicer clothes, better family life, but today I truly felt that I was the richest and happiest person around! I like this feeling! :)

So as many bloggers have done over this past week, here is my list of things that make my Thanksgiving list for 2007!

• I have a Lord and Saviour who never gives up and me and is full of grace and mercy!


• I have three healthy children and one more who will be here soon!


• I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage in a month! John and I have had our rough times when I didn't think we would make it and honestly, didn't want to make it! But God always put me in a position where I could not leave, and I am so thankful! To think I would have missed out on life with John and my family in tact makes me ill! John and I still have our issues as all marriages do, but I am so excited about what the future holds and am so thankful we took our marriage vows seriously and we have both toughed out the storms! I love you, John!


• We have seen 12 children come from Liberia to America to be in loving Christian homes.


• I have a beautiful home that has an empty bedroom! :)


• I have wonderful inlaws who are my biggest cheerleaders!


• I was able to host BOTH sides of the family for Thanksgiving! I know we are blessed to be able to do that for many reasons. Our families have not always been able to be in the same room at one time, but they have put their differences aside for the sake of John, me and our children and I am so thankful! What a blessing to sit around a table with all the most important people in my life and share a meal and memories!


• Wonderful friends who understand my calling to adoption and walk this crazy journey with me!

There are so many more things, but I guess I will stop there so that I can get to bed.....have to be at my first store at 4:00 am! :) I have my list made and my strategy in place! Now I need to get some rest so I will be conscious when I am shopping....stat tuned to later posts for pictures of our rare white Thanksgiving!

My little pilgrim!

Noah had a Thanksgiving feast at school today. I took squash casserole. I had never made a squash casserole, but I can't say that now! :) He was so excited to see me at his school and doing something for his class. He threw his arms around me and said, "Mommy!" My heart of course melted and I thought to myself that I am going to savor these times when he wants me there and is excited that I am involved because way too soon, he will want me to be dropping him off a block from school and pretending I don't know him if our paths happen to cross in the building!

Ty Pennington has nothing on MY carpenter!

We moved to our new home in July. One of the deals of us moving just 18 months after we bought our last house was that we were getting out of debt. So the projects on this new house are being paid for in cash! That means they are taking FOREVER!

There were two things I believed that God gave me to look for in a new house. One was a swimming pool and the other was 5 bedrooms. I didn't know why I needed either of those (we love to swim, but with young children a pool is kind of scary), but I felt strongly those two things would be in the house we moved to. When we found this house, it had a pool, but only 4 bedrooms....huge rooms, but still only 4. Yet I knew this was the house God had for us. So when I was laying in bed one night during the FOREVER time it took to sale our other house, it hit me where the 5th bedroom was. This house had 3 living rooms and a small formal dining. The way it was set up, we could easily turn that formal dining in to the fifth bedroom and take the front living area as a formal dining. But that would require building a wall and knocking a whole in another wall. Since we can't afford to hire it out, that meant doing it ourselves. Now you have to understand that when we got married, John couldn't even paint a door because he refused to let the paint dry inbetween coats and didn't understand why his paint kept peeling off! But that was almost 10 years, 8 houses (1 being a 100 year old farm house that we redid) and many projects ago!

So this is the work in progress. This is the hole he cut. He made me take the first whack during demo which I thought was so sweet until I realized that he did that so that when I griped about us starting this big project right before we have BOTH families at our house for Thanksgiving, he could say, "But you are the one who put the whole in the wall!"

He has now trimmed out the cut out and WE (yes, I layed laminate floor!) layed the floor today. Tomorrow we have to finish painting and load in the room. Then we will be done! Well except for the crown molding, but that will come in a week or two. So after we get it done, I will post the "after" picture. But here are the pictures of the hole in the wall! It was a little scary! No turning back at this point!

Cool layout!

Evidently there are people talented enough to make really cool blog layouts! I am not one of them! This is courtesy of *Matie Kay*. Isn't it cool?! Makes blogging much more fun! Thanks Lila for introducing me to her site! If anyone else wants to check it out here it is: http://matiekay.blogspot.com/ I am sure there is a way to make her name the link, but I don't even know how to do that!

Why I do it......

I lifted this quote off a new friends website. Jody and her husband are leaving tomorrow for Sierra Leone to go to court for the adoption of beautiful twins. Here is the link: ttp://landersadoption.blogspot.com/ We have e-mailed back and forth several times. Has opened some old wounds, but that is good. It is time to deal with what I have stuffed and truly move on! But this quote says so much about why I do what I do!

“As far as I am concerned, the greatest suffering is to feel alone, unwanted, unloved. The greatest suffering is also having no one, forgetting what an intimate, truly human relationship is, not knowing what it means to be loved, not having a family or friends.” (Mother Teresa)

This is why I spend hours on the computer asnwering e-mails to families, this is why I answer the phone at 4:00 am to hear about the latest update in Liberia, this is why when a news story says they are having a hard time finding foster families, I immediatly want to sign up, this is why I am bringing home a precious little boy when many think my plate is already too full! What I am most loooking forward to in heaven is that there will be no forgotten children! All children will be loved, running and playing with full bellies and full hearts! I can't wait!

Faith....

This Bible study I am doing by Jennifer Kennedy Dean called Living a Praying Life is pretty well undoing me! I think in a good way, but some days I wonder! Those of you who know me know that I have really struggled with God since the failed adoption of Eden. About the time I think I have it together, God peals back another layer...this morning was one of those times.

This week in the study has been on faith. She talks about how we have physical senses that tell us what is around us in this world and "prove" our beliefs here. We have all heard the analogy of the chair and faith. When you sit in a chair you have faith that it will hold you. She took it a step further. She said your belief that the chair can hold you can be challenged by an adversary until you sit in the chair and know for yourself it will hold you! So true! If I am just "believing" something then someone can change my mind....if I have experienced it for myself, they are not going to convince me otherwise. So back to faith. She says that we have spiritual senses that we must exercise to put belief and action to our faith. I see her point and got excited at first...then it hit me that the time I most exercised my faith and walked the closest with God....going against all worldly wisdom and looking far past earthly circumstances.......the unseen thing I was certain on because of faith and belief, didn't happen. In fact, it caused great heartache, financial difficulty and marriage issues. Knowing that, I am supposed to want to go back to that place? I know the godly and spiritual answer is yes! But I have a lot of flesh in me that is screaming, NO! Why isolate yourself in that way again and feel the criticizm of those around you (even some of my closest Christian friends) to walk by faith in that way? I know the answer is because God is asking me to and that should be enough! Oh how I wish I were mature enough to accept that and just go on! God increase my faith! Help my unbelief! Open my spiritual eyes so I can see and my spiritual ears so I can hear and will believe so that no one can change my mind!

Love the Lord with everything.....

So three times now in the past 48 hours I have had Deuteronomy 6 come up. The first time was at a luncheon I went to with my mom and Callie. The speaker challenged us to make Deut 6:5 our family scripture for the seasons. Here is Deut 6:5-9

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

I know when scripture repeats itself like that in my life, I need to take notice. So I have been pondering these verses. What does it really mean to "love my Lord God with all my heart, soul and strength"? Its easy in the quiet of the morning when I am alone with my coffee and God. I can pour out my heart, my soul, my strength and love Him! But then the world, the world I am to live in but not be of, starts to awake. The demands of my family, my home, the adoption ministry begin. What does it look like in flesh and blood form to love God with all my heart, soul and strength through out the day? I don't have the answer to that yet!

The rest of the scripture goes on to say, "these commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts, impress them on your children." I fail so many times at doing that! As my children left this morning, did I ask, "Did you talk to God this morning?" Nope! I said, "Did you make your bed?" Not that making their bed and doing their chores are not important, but what am I really impressing on them? Is it more important to the kingdom that they had their beds made this morning or that I stopped and had a Bible study time with them? That thier hearts were "made" with the will of God for their day?

Tonight before they go to bed, we are going to have a family meeting and talk about this scripture! I will have to confess to my children that I get distracted by this world, but that I want them to know that I long to love the Lord with all that I am and I want them to do the same! I am so thankful that the grace of God covers my shortcomings! Bless my children for being raised with a scattered mother! :)

Moments that make me love motherhood!

So I am pouring Noah some cereal and the conversation goes like this:

Noah: "Can I pour the milk first?"
Me: "No, we need to pour the cereal first."
Noah: "Zack and Cody says it doesn't matter as long as you don't forget the bowl!"
Me: (Dying laughing) "Well, then I guess it doesn't matter!"
Noah: "Then next time I will pour the milk first!"

Lesson here: Noah watches way too much Disney Channel and no need to sweat the small stuff because it doesn't matter as long as you don't forget the bowl!

Do we have a name???

Ok, I think I posted my name a few weeks back. But I had the wrong name. Sometimes I really do wonder about me! :) I had found a name that meant "believing God is good". I found it the night after I had made the commitment to believe that God is good no matter how I "feel". I thought that was so cool. I remembered liking the name, then I went to sleep. I didn't mark the name and when I got up the next morning, I found Tobias, and thought, "You really liked that name???!!!" Well, later John reminded me that it was Toben that I had liked and it has the same meaning.

So we have been discussing this name. Then last Thursday, I felt like God really spoke to me and told me to begin preparing for him to come just like I would for a baby being born, so I got really serious about the name thing. I love the fact that Toben has such great significance...just like when people were named in the Old Testament, he would carry the name of God's journey in my life during our wait for him! So John asked Noah today and Noah thinks we should name him Toben, but call him Ben. So it looks like we MIGHT have a name of Toben "Ben" Obadiah Petree. I'll call him anything if I can just get him home and kiss those cheeks!

Mommy insecurities

I was picking Callie up from school today when one of the other mom's in her class said that she had made her little girl a sweater to look like Gabriella from High School Musical and I would have to tell her if she did a good job making it look like Gabriella's sweater. So my mind starts thinking back....I don't remember Gabriella's sweater, but she must mean something like she put the letter on the sweater to look like the high school letter sweater or something...no one makes a sweater! WRONG! Her daughter comes out in a precious orange sweater....she had crocheted (I can't even spell it!) her daughter a sweater for her Halloween costume! I immediately started beating up on myself for the fact that my poor kids don't ever even get home made cookies much less a crocheted sweater! But I am the mom God gave them, and He made them so I am assuming He will make up for the holes I leave in my children's lives! Because no matter how much balance I have and how hard I try to be Susy homemaker, I don't think...no I KNOW I will never crotchet my girls a sweater!

On top of that, I got some pictures back that I had printed and this was in them! I just laughed and thought, yep, this is the kind of mother my kids have! Look at that hair! We may not have sweaters, but we have a lot of laughs! :)

Random Thoughts from Petree life this week

I am home from church with Ava today as she was puking all day yesterday and we don't want to pass this along to the other children at Stonegate! ;) So I am having cabin fever and since everyone I know is at church, I decided to blog to keep from going nuts!

Ava is feeling much better today as was evident by the completely emptied box of snack baggies that I just picked up off the kitchen floor! Yesterday she didn't leave her daddy's or my lap all day. She was pretty pitiful! Now I pray no one else gets it!

Birds and the bees at 8.........
One of Callie's best friends at school is a boy. This has brought up many interesting conversations at our house. I really kind of like it because boys are not near as dramatic or back-stabbing as girls so we never have issues with this little boy like we do with the girls she is friends with. He is very sweet to Callie and they just have fun! She has been asking if he could come over to play, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I almost felt like eventhough they are friends, he needed to invite her over first. Then I realized that is pretty strange logic for friends! But as much as I hate to admit it, this relationship has me at a loss for what is acceptable and what I should allow! So this week, he asked her to come to his house to play. His mother is a teacher at Callie's school, so I was perfectly comfortable with their family (did I mention his dad assisted on my c-section with Ava before we knew our childrne were in the same class??!!! That is a bit weird! One week he is seeing ALL of me, and a few weeks later, he is sitting in my living room!) Anyway, she went to his house and had a blast. When his mother dropped them off, she said they were talking about spending the night. She told them boys and girls don't usually do that to which her son replied, "It's ok, mom, Callie will shower at her house and I will shower here before she comes over!" We laughed and told them that showers wasn't the only issue! So I guess the boundaries have now been set by both sets of parents...play at each other's house, but no spending the night! I can live with that!

the house.......
We are slowly making progress on the house. Last weekend I finished painting the base coat on Callie's room. I hope to paint palm trees later today. We can FINALLY walk through the front two rooms! That was a huge break through for me! I had a totaly mental block to those two rooms! Now I can work in there and not get totally depressed when I just walk past them. Yesterday , John and I painted the fire place. It really warmed up the living room. There are still so many projects to do that I feel like we will never get done, but I try to remind myself that every completed project is one step closer!

from three to four......
I am so excited that we have progress in Obie's case! But that made me think a lot about life when he comes home. Life is so crazy right now, I can't imagine adding another life to our mix! I want to make sure he has the attention he needs to bond and feel comfortable here in his new home. I can't wait to watch him experience all the new things he will be seeing.....running water, toilets, a closet full of clothes and toys, our church service with loud music and HUGE screnes for him to watch, but I know some of these things will be scary for him also. Will I have the energy to parent four children? Will we be able to afford it? How will I get it all done? But then I remember that the joy of raising children is worth every obstacle and hardship that they bring! Hearing them say, "I love you mommy!" makes it all worth it!

I am sure there are more ramblings I could post from this week, but I better get little bit down for a nap before she destroys the whole house! Along with the snack baggies, she has now emptied a book shelf and her sisters markers and crayons! Yes, she is definitly on the mend! :)

He is a PETREE!!!

I just got the phone call from Pastor Wesley that Obadiah is ours! We have a court decree and he will be sending it to us later today when they have electricity! Wow! I can't wait to lay my eyes on it! Then maybe this will all be more real. Thank you, God for getting us this far so quickly!

Now we really have to settle this name issue! :) John still says no to Obadiah...thank you for the FIFTEEN votes of confidence! But as I predicted 15 to 1 is still not good enough for John! ha! (I love you, Dear!) So we are on the hunt. I found the name Tobias last night. It means "God is good". That is a huge struggle for me right now (believing God is good), but yesterday in a sweet time with God, I made the resolve to believe He is good even though I don't "feel"
like He is good. Then I saw that name. I would love for him to carry that name. But it is definitely not Bob or Jim or Jack! It is a little less common! So we will see what John says. He didn't shoot it down.....not yet anyway! :)

Going to do a happy dance that my little boy is one major step closer to coming home! Praise God!!!

God's Love is Color-blind

Every since I can remember, I have told people that I wanted to have a child of every color! I LOVED the song "Jesus Loves the Little Children" when I was young. I know God put this passion in my heart at a young age. Well, I was at a friend's birthday party tonight and we were talking with her sister who said they used to tell my friend she was adopted because she has olive skin and they all had fair skin. I light heartedly said my kids don't joke about that because we are a half and half split! Two adopted, two not. Then my friend said to her sister, "they have children of every color." I hadn't stopped to think about it until she said that! I finally have my rainbow family! As soon as Obadiah gets here, we will have light, medium and dark! :)

When we started the adoption process for Eden and Addy, Callie and I talked a lot about all the different "issues". Those of you who know Callie know that she is VERY insightful for a young child! So one day she asked me how come God made her sisters black? I thought that was an interesting way to ask that question and just told her that God doesn't look at our family and see a white sister, a brown brother and two black sisters. He looks down and sees a family, period! She thought a minute and then said, "I guess God's love is color-blind then, huh, Mommy?" At that moment God birthed in me a dream to write a children's book titled God's Love is Color-Blind about a multi-racial family. My one draw back was who would illustrate it? Well, a wonderful artist with a heart for orphans has offered to illustrate it! So I am so excited! Now I just have to write it! :)

Hearing voices....

I called Pastor Wesley today to talk about a couple of things. He had some of the kids in his car with him. I asked him who he had with him (selfishly wondering if it is Obadiah, but it wasn't) and he told them to call out their names. I heard their little voices and nearly cried! Sometimes I disconnect so much from my ministry in that I get caught up in the e-mails and phone calls and "tasks" that I lose touch with the fact that all these tasks are bringing those voices home to be with their mommies who can tuck them in at night and sing over them when they are sick. So tonight I am thinking God for little voices!

Surrender and Release

I am doing a Bible study on prayer with some wonderful much more spiritually mature than me ladies at church! I am loving hearing the wisdom of these ladies who have walked more of life than I have. But honestly, this study has been a real challenge for me. I didn't realize how difficult it has become for me to ask God for anything. I can pray prayers that deepen my relationship with Him, but to ask for anything tangible just seems pointless. There are two major areas of my life where I have suffered great pain because of God not answering my prayers (at least not the way I had it planned out!). I believe His Word, and I know those answers have not been what I wanted because it was for my best and for His glory. But that doesn't mean the pain of the process is any less real or painful!

In my study this morning she talked about prayer lists. This whole study is a shift in paradigm for me in my thoughts of prayer. I was taught that prayer is giving your requests to God and then just seeing if he makes it happen. Kind of a lottery system. But as I study prayer, I see that it is a tool, a conduit as the author says, to bring about God's will on earth as it is in heaven- to make occur in the earthly realm what has already been ordained and spoken in the spiritual realm. Now I know most of you probably got this years ago, but this is a new concept for me, I think! It is really challenging my way of thinking about prayer! Today she said, "Prayer cannot be summed up in a simple two-part equation: my request + God's answer = prayer. Prayer is a process." Then about lists she says, "The date [the day you right down the request] is the day you surrender it to God for His purposes, His ways and His timing." See my dates have always been the day I commanded God and "claimed" his Word over MY timing and my purposes! What a different way to think!

So that brings me to surrender! Sounds so simple! Yet, I am finding it VERY difficult to surrender my prayers to God and release MY will for the situations I am praying. I know that God's ways are best and He can do more than I can imagine (Eden didn't come home, but 12 children have and 29 are in process!), but the pain that comes from being transformed and giving up my desires and my plans for God's will and the outcome that will do the most for his kingdom and His glory just flat out scares me! I don't want to suffer pain. I don't want to feel disappointed or have to walk through the valley to get to the mountain! But that is what I have to do! Surrender even if it means pain.....being content to be in God's will and being in relationship with Him! Trusting God! Oh how I wish that was easy for me! It used to be, but now when I try to surrender, I hear the voice of the enemy reminding me of the pain that could bring and how God 'disappointed' me before.

God, teach me who you are more every day so that trusting you is easy! Rid me of the flesh that desires my will over yours, that wants comfort over your glory! Transform me and draw me close! Thank you that you never change and that you never leave me nor forsake me! Show me how to release my will and surrender to Yours!