Submission

That is a dirty word in today's culture! But I have always sought to be a submissive wife. After 10, almost 11, years, I still struggle with what exactly that means. But this morning, God was reminding me of one part of it. As I long for my baby, I tend to take matters into my own hands. Do I trust God to bring her/him to me? Yes! Do I like His timing? NO!

So today as I prayed specifically for baby P, I heard God say, "Let John lead." What?! You have to be kidding! If I let John lead, we will never have a baby! He wants to be done having kids! He doesn't have the heart for adding kids to the family that I do (I mean no disrespect to my husband..over the years, I totally recognize his not being as willing as me as a safety valve to keep ALL the world's orphans from coming into our home by my hand!)! So God's response to my argument: "That is between John and Me, if you step outside him then you are not in My will." That was not what I wanted to hear!

So since my sweet husband had already left for work, I sent him an e-mail asking permission to send our profile and home study to a couple of referral places. I was planning to do that today, but I will walk in submission to God and my husband! Trusting BOTH of them to handle this in the best way! As I told John, sometimes being a strong woman isn't all it is cracked up to be.....which he will find hilarious since just before he left he made the comment "Oh hell, she's awake"---see quotes on side bar for explanation!

I can't send it without his permission, but I can sure pray that he says YES!!! So that is what I will do.....while still preparing myself to be respectful(not just act it, but truly trust, rest and respect)if the answer is No!