A Lonely Teddy Bear

In just one week from now, the bear will no longer be lonely, but be in the arms of my baby boy! I bought this teddy bear to have in hand when I meet Toben the first time...something to offer him that is soft and reassuring, well to me anyway. Not sure that a little boy from a village in Africa has the same notions about a cuddly teddy bear!

I have stared at this little bear many times trying to imagine the moment I hand it over to Toben. I have already missed so much of this journey because of my fears from Eden's adoption. I checked out, and I'm not totally sure how to re-engage. I have been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Miracle of the Moment" a lot lately.
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

....I don't want to miss the miracle of the moment I see him for the first time, the moment I get to hold him for the first time. Yes, I have fears! Will he warm up to us right away? Will he be happy to see the Mamma and Pappa he has heard about was coming? Or will he just be scared? When I hug him for the first time, will he fall in my arms, or stiffen at my touch? So the song goes on....

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given us
a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat....


So that is my prayer! That I can let it go, if the first moments of meeting him don't go like the perfect reunnion story all adoptive parents hope for, then I want to taste the tears and let them soften my heart...after all, in just a few days from that moment, this little boy will be ripped from everything he knows and taken to a whole new world! So maybe if tears fall, it is to give me a glimps in my own heart of what he will experience on a much grander scale in the transition of the adoption. And if it all goes wonderful and he hugs me back, then I want to soak it in! Throw my head back and laugh! Whatever happens, I don't want to miss a moment!