When I was going through scriptures this morning to put on my daily prayer list, God used a couple to REALLY speak to me about adding another child. And I really think He was speaking to me not about just a general child number 6, but Little Guy in particular. I was ok with a newborn because they stay in one place, don't throw fits, and for the most part, while time consuming, are emotionally easy to care for. A two year old, well that is a whole other story....my own two year olds drive me nuts, but to bring one in that I don't know anything about...what comforts him when he's sad, what makes him mad, what sets off his buttons, what does he like to eat? Well, that scares me!
As John and I talked last night, I felt like God kept bringing us back to the point of "are you going to choose me or the world?" In fact, when I woke up yesterday morning, Joshua 24 was in my mind. The only part that kept playing was, "choose you this day whom you will serve." So I looked up the rest of it. When I looked it up, this was what I found:But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. OUCH! You see, bringing a two year old little boy into my home, well that seems undesirable to me. Bringing a 6th child in at all seems undesirable to John. You see this is what a 6th child means for us: we will have to take two cars everywhere we go until God provides for a new car or a bench seat for our suburban (and with the budget we have right now, that ain't happenin' short of a miracle!), that means no family vacations unless we can rent a van or bigger car or have lots of gas money, we will go nowhere together as a family in one car, more laundry to add to the piles that already stack up before I get to them, one more person demanding my time as I try to juggle the schedules and needs of all the others, potential for less sleep if he is not a good sleeper, more stress on a marriage that has cracks in it already, more strain on an already stretched budget (which will mean denying ourselves even more of the things the world says is important!). By the time John and I got done talking last night about the reality of another child (John often thinks I have my head stuck in the sand about adding a child, so he wanted to make sure I was in reality!), I was ready to call Buckner and tell them we didn't need to visit Little Guy...we were quite sure this was not for us...and maybe you can just take us off the call list for another one all together! I hadn't had my head in the sand, I had thought of all these things, but in my mind, when they come up, I just tell God, "Your problem! If you are calling me to 6, then you have to give me the strength, patience, money, etc, etc to parent 6!" But when you speak those things out loud and your partner starts expressing the same fears, it gets more real, and frankly, scary!
But as I was reading the Word this morning, I was reminded of God's view of children. Here it is:
Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message)
3-5 Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;
you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.
Children are God's best gift! They are not burdens, stressors or zappers of cash! They are gifts! Oh how easily we pick up on the world's views even in Godly callings! Not only are they gifts, but they are like a warrior's fistful of arrows! They even make your enemies vulnerable to you. How cool is that?! Now I have a confession. I don't usually see my children as gifts like that. I certainly don't see them as a way that my enemies are defeated and "swept right off my doorstep". In fact, as we enter tween years, I often feel like my children are the enemy and need to be swept off the doorstep! Seriously, though, I don't see my children, or the children God is calling me to as the gifts they are. I had to stop and confess that and confess that last night as I contemplated walking in obedience with Little Guy, that I was using the world's view of children and all that we would have to sacrifice to bring him into our family as a way to rationalize walking in disobedience. God was surely not calling us into something that would do all John and I talked about he might do to our family and our home! Well, that is worldly thinking and doesn't have any place in Kingdom living!
As I continued with the scriptures, that rebuke over being scared and fearful hit me between the eyes!
Isaiah 12:2 ~ Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation (emphasis added).That was it! Every time I said I was scared or fearful it was because I was looking at things by site and NOT by faith! My job is to walk in obedience! If God is saying take in Little Guy, then my only response needs to be "yes!" No, I don't put my head in the sand. Yes, I make plans for an added child. But just because I don't have answer to all the "what ifs" doesn't' mean I say no! That would be walking in fear! I. Must. Trust. God.
Little later in the morning, this quote came through on Facebook through Proverbs 31 ministries:
Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step. ~Joni Erickson Tada WOW! Did that speak to me! And who better to know about that than a woman sentenced to a wheelchair since a diving accident in her teens! Faith isn't the ability for me to see how this will work! It isn't the ability to answer everyone's questions of why we will do this. Faith isn't being able to go everywhere in one car! Faith is simply hearing God say, "you will get a call for a placement today" and continuing to believe that after the call is for a child that I wouldn't have "picked" for my placement...it's undesirable as Isaiah says. Don't get me wrong...I haven't met Little Guy or even seen him, although we do have a name now! I'm not saying "he" is undesirable! I am saying this situation, and the timing of it, is not what I would have picked. But that doesn't change the things leading up to the call that God had already spoken to me about the call! Yet because it doesn't fit into my view of what God would do...which really means it doesn't' fit the world's view of what my life should look like, I'm ready to dismiss what I know in my heart is God's instruction!
How will this all end up? I don't know! When dealing with foster children there are many things that factor in! We can't even go see him until his CPS worker gives permission to his current care taker for us to go see him. All the powers that be have to agree that this is a good placement for him. So we could very possibly say yes only to be told no. But even that is not mine to be concerned about! My job is simply this. I must decide did God call me to this or not? Has he told me to take Little Guy as my son - for today, for a week, for a year or for a lifetime- however long I have him? If he did, then my job is to say "Yes, Lord!" For if I say no, I can't say Lord!
And that boils down to this: will I see this little boy as the world does ~probably with issues that will make life hard for me and my children for a time, something to be pitied because of his start but not loved to a winning finish, a burden, a stressor~ or as God does,
His.
Best.
Gift.
