I asked my parents to watch the children in the evenings and spend the night with them. The conversation went something like this:
Me: We have decided that John is going to Liberia with me.
Mom: Oh dear (in a tone that would make you think I had just told her that I had a terminal illness!). Why did you decide to do that?
Me: For me. I have way too much to do for the agency to go and just be mom. I could go as a mom or as an agency director, but I just can't do both. It is really emotional to be adopting and it would really help me to have that support.
Mom: I just don't know, HollyAnn. That is a lot and I just don' t know if we can. Let me check our calendar and talk to dad.
Me: We will hire someone to take care of Ava during the day and pick the kids up from school. So you would just be on duty from 5:15 or so in the evening until whenever you tell me you need to be free in the mornings. John's parents will take them on weekends.
Mom:It is just a lot, but we will talk about it.
Me: (trying to stay calm) If you don't think you can handle it, just let me know and I will find someone to help us. I don't want you to be here with the kids if it is going to be too much for you. It will be stressful enough for them having both parents out of the country.
Mom: Let me see what we can do. I hate for you to hire someone during the day for Ava when we are there (ok, let me think about this...it's too much to be with them in the evenings/night, but now you are telling me that you will keep Ava during the day?! huh???)
Me: well, just let me know and I will be looking for someone else in the mean time.
You know, one of my adoptive parents had a significant statement in one of her e-mails a few weeks ago. She said that satan doesn't have to worry about us Christians because we are killing each other off...this after she had been discouraged by another Christians comments about her adopting. I couldn't agree more with that statement in many ways, and in my world, I need to look no further than my own family to be ripped to shreds! ugh! I love them, but just wish they understood me more! Understood my motiviation is the Reknown of God, not my own gain or to drive them nuts!
After my late night last night, I am headed to bed a little early!
PS~If you are wondering what happened to my time line and my links....so am I! I tried to change my blog lay out at 1:30 this morning (that is just a bad idea!) and when I did, I lost all of that and the layout didn't work! So I will have to look up my dates and rebuild it!
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5 comments:
Oh HollyAnn I am so sorry. I know how frustrating it can be when we walk the road less traveled. I agree sometimes Christians seem to be the most critical. Thank you for continuing on in obedience to God and blessing so many growing families. God is a family man and you working out of the center of His Will! I wish i were closer so i could be of some help, but I am committed to praying for you!
I'm so sorry--I know this is very discouraging and I'll continue praying about all of the details of the trip and especially for someone to willingly and with a glad heart to care for your kiddos while yall are gone!
K
Hi HollyAnn, It's Missy, Brandi's friend. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I told Brandi that I used to be a total junk food junkie, so I know that anyone can change. It's all about baby steps.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this attitude from within your own family. I think we all need to "put ourselves out" a little more for each other. I'll be praying that all of the details get worked out for your travel and your children and that your mom's heart softens.
Blessings,
Missy
AHHHH! I am sorry. I can relate on so many levels. It is so hard to understand!
I understand completely the phrase about Christians killing each other off. Back when I was a marginal "Christian" at best, I was very accepted. When I truly began to grow in Christ, and joined the Catholic Church in the process, I became ridiculed by not only my family but also my friends. I never felt so persecuted because of my faith before. As my husband and I have worked to conform our will to His, we have continued to feel judged by those who should be our brothers and sisters in Christ. Somedays it is very hard to understand why it is so difficult for Christians to love each other as Jesus commanded us to. Hang in there and remember to keep loving even when you aren't feeling the love in return.
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