The walls are up!

I haven't posted in a couple of days because I really didn't know what to post. It has been a tough week. All these thoughts ramble around in my head, but none seem to be coherent enough to share! I know you find that hard to believe since I did get word from the Embassy that we have an appointment which means she will declare him an orphan.....but we still have to have all the paperwork there before that can happen! I talked to Pastor Wesley on Thursday morning (actually we were having serious conversation about my definition of updates and his) when I find out that Toben's case history that is needed for the file at the Embassy was not picked up on Tuesday like I had assumed since he told me that is what he would be doing. I didn't follow up and found out in that conversation that they wouldn't give it to him. Officials in Liberia can change the rules in the middle for no reason, and we have little recourse.....so Pastor Wesley didn't see it as a big deal. He says, come anyway and we will have it....glad he is so certain! I don't always share that certainty. I would probably tell another family I wanted them to wait until we have it in hand to make plane reservations, but since it is our case, I am going ahead with travel plans trusting God to provide the paper before we get there! So please pray the Ministry of Health will release the case history to Pastor Wesley this coming week so we will know that is taken care of!

That news brought all the walls up that I had started to let down! I have realized how much I have protected myself through this process! I really have not thought about Toben as my son at all. In fact, I feel so detached from the whole thing that I worry I will not have a reaction when I meet him. It will be just like meeting all the children in our children's home there. That is always emotional, but not on a personal level....just on a human with feelings level. I don't want to miss out on the special time because I have too many guards up to protect against hurt. So I am praying that God will help me put down the walls and envision this little boy in my arms so that I am somewhat attached to him before I get there!

John just told me tonight that if we can find someone to watch the children, he will go with me! Woohoo! So big prayer request....that we can find someone! It would be great to have him there, to not be alone in this process..especially with all the work I have to do while I am there. I would love for him to go with me to meet with officials, etc. I will keep you posted on that issue!


Here is a picture of my little guy....I wonder how old he really is? I don't think four, but it is just hard to tell!